


Love Calls You By Your Name

by Hekwos



Series: By Your Side [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Action/Adventure, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gay Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-09-14 16:26:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 171,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16916301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekwos/pseuds/Hekwos
Summary: What was meant to be a tragic, short love story became an epic rewrite of Bleach.Ichigo, captured and broken, branded as Cero Espada, plots escape and revenge while daily struggling against madness and despair. Toshiro, defeated and enslaved by his former ally, fights to survive the cruelty and unpredictability of his captor. But that is just the beginning of this tale. With the support of the genius captain, everything about Ichigo's fate is changed. With the love of the most powerful Shinigami in existence, Toshiro gains the strength to face his past and his destiny.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ff.net, the only changes will be editing grammar and condensing chapters, so I'll be posting 2-3 chapters a week. Will be bringing all my stories to AO3.
> 
> This was my first story, anywhere, ever. It is a very long story in two parts starting in early canon Bleach and changing everything as it goes.
> 
> WARNINGS – M/M, noncon (not graphic), torture (not graphic), character death (villains), quite a lot of sex. 
> 
> If these things matter - I don't own Bleach. I don't get any $$. And my thanks to the late, great Leonard Cohen for the song that gave me the title.

 

 

* * *

**Prologue - Ichigo**

* * *

"Who the hell is that?"

"Man, don't stare. That's Hitsugaya-taicho. You do not want him noticing you."

It was hard to look away from the small Shinigami walking across the courtyard. But I turned to check Renji's face for a smirk or other sign that he was just fucking with me. Not only did he look serious, he looked nervous, almost scared.

"Captain? You're kidding."

"Shut the hell up, dipshit. If he hears you say something like that, you're done for."

I looked back across the courtyard and was afraid I'd missed his exit. No, there he was, on the shaded walkway just opposite us. He had stopped to talk to a tall woman, well, anyone would seem tall next to him. A brief glance at the woman and I registered the fact that she was beautiful, stunning really, with long hair close to mine in color, a classic face, and a figure out of a lingerie magazine. Any other day and I'd be drooling. But thanks to him, that glance was all I gave her.

He was breathtaking, even in the unflattering uniform which, sure enough, included a captain's haori. It was more than the eye-catching snow white hair which stood in spikes that would look ridiculous on most people but on him looked natural. It wasn't just the flawless golden skin, the small, upturned nose, the soft-looking pink lips over a sharp chin. And it wasn't even the awe-inspiring large eyes, an indescribable shade of blue-green framed by thick black lashes. God, one could stare into those eyes for a lifetime.

All of that together drew the eye, but what kept my attention was the air of command, confidence, power . . . of course he was a captain. I'd been a fool to doubt it. I had met a few captains and a few lieutenants. All of them had an aura of authority, but there was something more, something almost ethereal about the white-haired captain. I couldn't say what made me think of it, but it was as if only part of him was here, though that part was vital and in control of everything around him. Still, part of him was absent, unreachable, and oh how that tempted me.

"Owww. What the hell was that for?" I shouted at the tattooed lieutenant lounging beside me on the walkway.

"I told you not to stare. What the fuck is wrong with you?" His voice was a growling whisper. Man, the short captain really had Renji intimidated. I grinned at him and looked back.

My grin dropped and so did my heart as my eyes locked with his across the open space. I was wrong, one lifetime was not enough. It was there, in his eyes, the mystery of who and what he was. I needed to know him. I needed him in my life somehow. It was beyond a simple desire, more like a command. This had happened to me a couple of times before, I met someone and just knew they belonged near me with no idea why. The feeling had never been this strong, and I fought back the desire, the pressing _need_ to simply jump up and go to him.

His look was intense, like he was stripping through layers of my mind and soul, pulling out and examining every thought and emotion. In an instant, I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself, and in return I learned nothing. There was a wall behind his eyes, not letting a single clue through about who he was.

It had been seconds only, far too short and far too long to try to meet that piercing gaze. I gave him my best smile, honestly feeling nothing but joy at this first contact, the thrill of witnessing the glorious enigma before me. For the briefest moment I thought I saw his eyes widen, his scowl soften, his head tilt ever so slightly upward. It was gone before I could be sure, and the scowl returned with a little huff as he turned away, walking briskly out of my sight.

I watched the space where he had vanished for a few seconds more, then noticed the lovely redhead staring at me. She had a speculative, serious look on her face, like she was sizing me up. Before I could respond, her expression melted into a childish grin and she waved cheerfully, then disappeared, following the gorgeous captain.

"Hitsugaya . . . what's his given name?"

Renji was staring at me, mouth hanging open.

"No. Just no, Ichigo. Anyone but him."

"What are you talking about? I just asked his name."

"You flirted with him! It's a miracle you are still alive. Just drop it. That guy is beyond cold. He's sent people to the infirmary for less than what you just did."

"I only smiled; I didn't flirt. Why would I? I don't even know him. Surely you can smile at someone without getting killed, or is that not allowed around here?"

"You got a lot to learn. You don't draw your sword around Zaraki-taicho. You don't insult Kuchiki-taicho. You don't even talk to Kurotsuchi-taicho. And you do all of those things before you make a move on Hitsugaya-taicho."

I snorted. This place was like a high school, but everyone was on steroids or uppers or both.

"So what if I don't want to make a move, what if I just want to get to know him?"

"You aren't listening. There's no getting to know Hitsugaya-taicho. He doesn't have friends. The guy's a machine – work, fight, work. I don't think he even sleeps, and he sure as shit doesn't do anything social."

"What else? What do you know about him?"

"Fine, your funeral. He's a prodigy, one year in the Academy and straight into the highest ranks. He made captain while his zanpakuto was still taller than he was. And in the 20 some years he's been captain he has never had a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a casual date, nothing. Lots have tried. He's got a sister, she's actually very friendly. Doesn't seem like they talk much."

"What about the woman who was with him just now, they seemed rather friendly."

"That's his lieutenant, Matsumoto Rangiku. She probably knows him better than anyone, but she can make anyone warm up to her. Still, she'll show up crying about how mean he is, how he yells at her all the time, how he loses his temper over nothing. And she loves talking about it when some poor sap tries to ask him out. Doesn't matter if it's a man or woman, he has no mercy. Man, I could tell you some stories."

"Yeah, tell me some stories. But first, what's his name?"

Renji gave a resigned sigh.

"Hitsugaya Toshiro."

I leaned back on my palms with a wide smile and looked at the clear sky. Close, but the heavens weren't quite as beautiful, as deep, or as bright as those eyes.

"Toshiro . . ."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

There was really no way to deny it anymore. I was intrigued, tantalized, flat out obsessed with him. And he hated me. No two ways about it, Hitsugaya Toshiro couldn't stand the sight of me. I had been doomed from the beginning. The promising start of a smile and a moment of eye contact was ruined the first time I opened my damned fool mouth.

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

Renji had told me how touchy he was about his title. What's the first thing I do? Blurt out 'Toshiro!' We've never even been introduced, and that's how I greet him. If we hadn't been in public, surrounded by humans, he would have happily snapped my neck.

But I couldn't help it. I didn't want him to be Hitsugaya-taicho to me. I didn't want our relationship to be substitute Shinigami and captain. No, I wanted to know Toshiro. Damage done, I would just have to make it clear that he is Toshiro to me. It wasn't like he can hate me any more than he already did.

Lost in self-pity, I staggered forward with a yelp when Renji smacked me on the back of the head.

"What the fuck, strawberry? Did you have to go and piss off the ice prince? This was supposed to be a relaxing, fun trip to kill some Hollows. Now we're all trying to avoid getting our balls frozen off."

I punched him in the gut as I turned and in a matter of seconds we were rolling on the ground kicking and yelling. It wasn't my fault, he started it, and so on. But I was the one that froze after he managed to slam a fist into my cheek. My head snapped to the side and I saw two small shoes and gulped. My eyes drifted up to gray trousers, a white button down, short sleeves revealing thin but toned arms crossed in irritation.

Renji scrambled off me and bowed low as he clumsily apologized, attracting gawks and pointed fingers from the students filtering out of the school gates. But I just lay there staring hopelessly at his disapproving scowl, the look of disgust and condemnation in his narrowed eyes as he turned his glare from Renji to me. He actually gave a low growl, which sent a delightful shiver down my spine, and god I hoped that he didn't see my reaction.

With a toss of his head, he turned and stalked away, muttering something about being a captain, not a fucking babysitter. I dropped my head hard against the ground and winced. Maybe I was wrong, he could hate me more.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

They were no threat at all, but there were so many of them. Every one that I cut down seemed to spawn three more, it was just damned annoying. And with so many, it was inevitable that one would eventually succeed it hitting me. It was just a small scratch along my right leg, but it stung and pissed me off. I worked on keeping my temper under control, knowing that the Hollow inside of me would take any advantage it could find.

Suddenly I was not alone in this fight. I'd never been any good at sensing reiatsu, but a slight turn of my head and I saw just who had come to my rescue, in more ways than one as his presence vanquished my anger.

"Pay attention, Kurosaki!"

Shit! Bad impression yet again. I turned in time, cutting right through both Hollows that had lunged while I was distracted. What I could only describe as a wave of ice cut through 10 or more Hollow and then a surprisingly warm presence was close behind me, a steady thrum of power supporting and enhancing my own.

Back to back, our feet were moving in unison like two partners in a familiar dance. My grin grew into a joyful smile as the enemies were cut down by waves of blue ice and waves of black reiatsu as we turned smoothly, moving together as if we had been comrades for decades. Beautiful. Perfect synchronicity.

I was chuckling as the last of the Hollow died. The first time I ever felt the power of a Shinigami, the first time I unleashed Bankai, that is how it felt to dance in battle with Toshiro. It was natural, like something I had always known and somehow placed right beyond the edges of remembrance. It was like coming home. We turned to face each other and his usual scowl sobered me a bit.

"I'm glad you think this is amusing, Kurosaki, but others need assistance."

Pissed him off again. There was just no winning. Then I barely stopped a gasp as he stepped in so very close to me, and a fine-boned hand gently touched my thigh. His scowl disappeared, a calm and almost kind look softening his features as his hand glowed and the cut on my leg mended.

"Ah, thanks, Toshiro."

Just like that the scowl was back, his top lip twitching almost in a snarl. I flinched as his sword flashed up, barely missing my arm as he pointed it.

"That's Hitsugaya-taicho to you. And since you are incompetent at sensing reiatsu, go that way and help Abarai if you can manage it."

He vanished and I headed for Renji, trying to ignore the tingling of my skin where his hand had rested.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Where's Toshiro?"

"You mean Hitsugaya-taicho?"

"Not you, too, Rukia."

"Issues with authority much?"

"That's not it at all. So where is he?"

"Patrol with Matsumoto-fukutaicho. Why do you want to know?"

"Huh? No reason. Where's Renji?"

"What am I, your personal secretary?"

I flopped down on the bed, three nights with barely any sleep catching up with me.

"Aren't you going to do your homework?"

"It's all easy stuff, won't take 30 minutes. I need a nap."

"Fine. I've got night patrol so don't expect me to wake you."

I closed my eyes. With the sighing of pencil on paper and the occasional rustle of turning pages I did not feel alone. Kon had been justifiably banished to Yuzu's room, and everything was blessedly peaceful. Finally I was able to snatch a few hours of sleep.

I woke in a cold sweat, the echo of screeching laughter and the scent of blood, so much blood. Savagely I rubbed at my eyes, forcing myself fully awake. The clock read 3:42 AM and I knew that would be the end of rest tonight. A trip to the bathroom and some cold water splashed on my face, I settled at the desk and did the homework I had avoided. I was right, it took no time at all and I sprawled on the bed, staring at the ceiling knowing I would not be able to sleep again.

Pointless. Homework, school, sleep, all of it pointless. I would be dead before graduation. If I survived, what kind of future was I preparing for? Based on my experiences so far, there would always be another enemy, another war. And that was only if the Hollow didn't take over or drive me mad.

I hung my head. That line of thinking did me no good. I would come through these challenges. I would do my part to protect my family and my town. I would lend my power to the fight against Aizen and we would win. And at the end of it all I would simply do what needed to be done to keep those I loved safe, and make whatever life I could around that.

If I did well, if I fought well perhaps I would even earn Toshiro's respect, possibly even his friendship. Winning his heart might be a bit too ambitious, but what better goal did I have? I laughed a little at myself. Toshiro was beautiful, brilliant and powerful. He had his pick of any partner in Soul Society, surely. I was going to have to bring a lot more to the table than I had to offer. But I had time, and I couldn't imagine even looking at anyone else. Hell, I'd never really been attracted to anyone beyond physical appreciation, male, female, or anywhere in between. Just him.

Renji was right, I should have picked anyone but Toshiro. Why couldn't I fall in love with a living human, for starters? I already knew the answer to that. My life was too dangerous now. Unless I somehow lost all of my power, a human partner would be in constant danger thanks to me. That meant no normal life. No wife, no kids, no PTA meetings and soccer practice, no divorce lawyers and second mortgages.

My love life would be a series of one-night stands, or short relationships at best. Only a few months ago I had lost my virginity. A girl two years ahead of me in school who thought I was cute, a few drinks at a party I never should have gone to, and an awkward night I barely remembered. If that's what I had to look forward to for human relationships, I'd rather stay home with porn and a tissue box.

But what if? If by some miracle and a lot of effort I could win Toshiro's affection, what kind of life would that be? Did it matter that he was dead? That he would 'live' forever and I would not? What would happen when I died?

And none of those questions mattered at all when I pictured his face as it had been when he reached out to heal my wound. If possible, he grew even more beautiful every time I saw him. And the very thought of what he might look like when his body caught up with his age was almost an unbearable torment. To have the privilege of touching that exquisite face, being touched by those delicate hands, what could I possibly do to earn that right?

For one chance, one kiss, I would give anything I had, everything I had, not that it was enough. The way he read me like an open book, the reaction of my skin to that one brief touch, the ecstasy of fighting with his power sealed tight to mine, what would I not give for that?

Dammit. I glared down, my hormonal teenage body reacting to the pleasant turn in my thoughts. Several hours until dawn. I could go out and pretend to patrol, lie here and avoid thoughts of you-know-who, or keep thinking of stunning eyes half-lidded in pleasure, pink lips sucking on my skin, narrow hips cradled to mine. I groaned and reached down, slipping my hand into my boxers. Perhaps some relief would bring a couple hours of sleep.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Not being able to trust yourself is exhausting. I was so tired and once again I couldn't sleep. Every time I started to drift off I heard the voice, taunting, threatening. So I'd left my body behind again, giving myself the excuse that patrols were necessary. But after hours of wandering I found myself back on the riverbank watching the cool dark ripples which reminded me of elusive slumber.

Likely he had politely announced his approach with a subtle increase in reiatsu. At least, I'd been told that was what you were supposed to do. But I didn't sense him until I heard the whisper of light steps through the grass. A thrill ran through me. God, he was only two steps away.

"Trouble sleeping, Kurosaki?" His voice was quiet and calm, not friendly but not angry or hostile like I was used to.

"Yeah. You, too?"

"Usually."

He sat, not close but my heart still sped up in excitement. I was as nervous as . . . well, as a teenager sitting next to his crush. Sit in quiet? Try to have a conversation? Every time I spoke to him I just fucked things up.

"This is a very relaxing place. I hope you don't mind the intrusion."

"Of course not, I like your company." What an understatement.

He hummed quietly and I sneaked a glance. He was looking toward the water with a faraway expression, his face more peaceful than I had ever seen.

"Kurosaki, I may not be the easiest person to talk to. But something has been bothering you a great deal, and it seems to be getting worse. If there is anything I can do to help, even if it's just to listen, I am willing."

My breath caught in my throat and I had to concentrate to keep from sobbing or blurting out every secret in my soul. He might actually be the perfect person to talk to. He already hated me, so it wasn't like I was going to ruin a friendship by confessing that I'm either going insane or turning into a monster.

Then again, he was a captain of the Gotei 13, and a loyal, dutiful one as far as I could tell. If he didn't kill me, surely he'd report that the substitute Shinigami was unstable and needed to be executed. That seemed to be the fallback solution for every problem in Seireitei.

No, as much as my heart was screaming at me to trust him, I had no reason to.

"Thanks, Toshiro, I really appreciate that. It's just your usual teenage human shit, nothing that can be fixed."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his head turn toward me and he was silent for a minute. I didn't dare look. If I met his eyes now there was no one I'd be able to keep even one secret from him.

"Okay. Well, the offer stands. And I have a title. Use it."

I couldn't help a little grin. We sat in silence for a while. I heard him sigh and looked over to see that he had laid back, hands laced under his head and knees drawn up. His eyes sparkled reflections of the stars and I imagined what it would be like to lean over and kiss that ghost of a smile. Not quite desperate enough to commit suicide for one smooch, I relaxed back onto the grass.

"I never really looked, are the constellations the same in Soul Society?"

"They are, only reversed, like you're looking at this sky in a mirror."

"I'll have to pay more attention next time. Not that I'm an astronomy buff or anything, but how many people get to see Orion from both sides?"

"What you really need to see is a meteor shower. Without the particle and light pollution, it can be absolutely breathtaking."

_No need to travel that far to have my breath stolen, Toshiro._

We talked a little about stars and constellations, he knew all of their names and stories. He stayed to watch the dawn with me, while I tried not to stare at the way the changing light lit his eyes. Perhaps he was just doing his duty, sensing a member of the ranks with failing morale. But I would treasure the night and the dawn. We parted ways with no harsh words, for the first time.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Where's Toshiro?"

I peered around the room yet again, like it was possible to miss his presence.

"For the hundredth time, I don't know," Rukia growled through clenched teeth.

"Jeez, midget, it was just a question."

She spun, knees on her chair, and pulled me down by the collar. I winced in anticipation of a punch, a kick, or worse.

"Call me that one more time and I'll make you a permanent Shinigami, understand? And stop asking me about Hitsugaya!"

"Who's asking about my captain?" Rangiku's sing-song voice interrupted us and Rukia immediately let go. The bombshell redhead walked up and leaned on Keigo's desk as he had a heart attack.

"Ah, well, I was just wondering if he was okay. He's usually so punctual." Punctual? Lame.

"He was called back to the, um . . . office. Don't worry, Ichigo, he'll be back soon. I know how you miss him."

Snickering all around from the peanut gallery. Had I been so obvious? Damn, if these idiots had figured it out, Toshiro had to know how I felt about him. Maybe I should just get it over with, throw myself at his feet and get my head chopped off. At least I wouldn't have to worry about the Hollow anymore.

"Ichigo, did you finish the math homework? Can I see it?" I gave Renji a look of gratitude for the rescue, and went back to my desk.

Throughout class my eyes kept drifting to the empty seat. Before I knew it the war would be over. If I survived, Toshiro would go back to Soul Society and I would be left with that vacant chair. What could I do? Just one day not being able to see the back of his head was too painful.

I avoided Renji and the others, trudging home alone lost in a cloud of increasingly absurd ideas for how to get Toshiro to notice me as more than just the stupid human he had to look after. One would think I had better things to worry about.

So lost in my own little world, I jumped when the air in front of me tore itself open with a screech. It took only a heartbeat for me to take in the horrific sight of my sisters in the arms of a monster. With the second heartbeat I reached for my badge. It was already far, far too late.

* * *

**Prologue - Toshiro**

* * *

It was not their fault, I reminded myself for the hundredth time. They were just doing their jobs to the best of their ability. Not one of them was capable of restraining me or forcing compliance, whether they were under orders to keep me here or not. A mousy little brunette kid stepped timidly into the room as I reached for my haori. He jumped a little as I glared at him, but at least I had calmed myself down enough not to throw something at his head.

"Hi – Hitsugaya-taicho, please get back in bed. Unohana-taicho left orders for you to rest at least three more days."

I turned to face him as I straightened the haori, looking him up and down while he shook like a leaf. This? This is who they sent in to keep me in line?

"Name and rank," I snapped at him and he jumped. I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. The 4th was a support division, but was still part of a military organization. What the hell did they teach this kid?

"Se-seventh se-seat, Yamada Ha-hanataro."

"Well, seventh seat Yamada, you are welcome to report to your captain that I overpowered you despite your best efforts. And that should be enough to prove that I do not have to waste one more second in the infirmary." I softened my tone considerably. "That doesn't sound too difficult, does it?"

"No, Hitsugaya-taicho. B-but Unohana . . . "

"Good, glad we could come to an agreement." I brushed past him, snatching Hyorinmaru from the stand by the door and securing the sword as the timid seventh seat continued to stutter. Poor kid. And yes, I was aware of the irony of judging him by his size and apparent youth, but seriously, a seventh and he feared his own shadow. I couldn't wait to get back to my division.

Apparently that boy was the bravest the 4th had to offer. The other Shinigami I passed in the halls didn't even make an effort to stop me, most quickly found something very interesting on the floor or ceiling as they backed away. I was feeling better by the minute.

I had sent a message to Matsumoto the second I woke up, and she was caught up with me at the infirmary doors. I set a brisk pace toward the division gates.

"Taicho, are you sure you . . . "

"Don't, Matsumoto. Just tell me what I have missed."

The news was not good. Betrayed. Not just one but three captains had turned their back on their duty to chase power, allying themselves with corrupt souls. I had been so close to the discovering their plot, and yet so far from the truth. My fists clenched as I listened and walked.

It was unbelievable already, and I knew that once I started examining the facts it would become more surreal still. That slick bastard had the entire Gotei 13 fooled long before I came along, and he managed to overcome my own suspicion with barely any effort. How could I have been so blind?

"What of the ryoka, captured, killed? Were they with Aizen?"

"No, taicho. Turns out the ryoka really were only here to save Kuchiki Rukia. And they did, and they stood up against Aizen. A couple of them are here in the 4th, looks like they've been pardoned. Oh, and the one who fought Kenpachi also fought Kuchiki-taicho and beat him. I've only gotten the details second hand, though."

I shook my head in amazement. The reports would be interesting reading. A handful of humans invading Soul Society, rescuing a princess, and slaying dragons. What was this world coming to?

Still, from what little I had gathered I had to admit I was intrigued. Before I was nearly killed by the traitor, the leader of the ryoka had faced Zaraki in single combat and fought him to a draw. Then went on to defeat Kuchiki. A human, and reportedly a very young one. That kind of strength and nerve had to be admired. And if he took that risk only to save a friend, he might be a man worth knowing. I would have to take the time to learn more about these humans.

We were crossing a wide courtyard when she asked the question I had been dreading.

"What about Hinamori, taicho? Is she alright?"

I was silent a few more steps and then paused when I reached the covered walkway on the side of the courtyard. I turned to face her. There was more than worry for me and my sister in her eyes. Ichimaru had much to answer for.

"She is not alright, Matsumoto. She woke up only long enough to tell Unohana that she did not want to see me."

"It will get better, taicho. It has to."

"It is what it is, Matsumoto. We have much more important things to worry about."

As I turned away my eyes caught some commotion nearby. Sitting on the opposite walkway was the 6th Division lieutenant and a stranger. The man looked young, dressed as a Shinigami with a ridiculously large sword lying near him. That and the bright orange hair gave him away, the very ryoka I had been thinking of moments before. Sometimes, the world was too small for comfort.

The human's attention was on Abarai for a moment longer, and then he turned and looked straight at me, as if it had been his intention all along. Though he had been smiling and joking, the look in his eyes was anything but frivolous. They were sharp eyes, surprisingly intense and honest. They were an open book for the entire world to read.

Determination, strength, loyalty, those were the values that he advertised to all. But there was more, a paralyzing fear of something . . . a fear of himself? And a melancholy so deep that it was barely visible. It ran like a thin vein of gold through his more obvious qualities, easy to miss at first and impossible to miss once recognized. What tragedies could have brought such a young and seemingly jovial boy such misery?

As I contemplated this small mystery, his face was slowly transformed by a wide smile. I lost sight of the sadness, distracted by how honestly joyful that smile was. An interesting soul indeed, especially considering what he had accomplished despite his internal struggles. Almost, almost I responded to that brightness before I caught myself.

The moment passed, and I realized that I was standing still, locking gazes with a human boy for no reason whatsoever when war and vengeance should be occupying my attention. I broke eye contact, scoffing at myself for indulging in a flight of fancy, and picked up the pace.

Two fucking days wasted in a bed, it would take at least a week to get back up to speed with everything else that was likely to be thrown at me. No doubt there would be inquiries, meetings and strategy sessions galore, and that's only if the traitors gave us time for such. Three divisions without captains, under clouds of suspicion. A weapon of unknown power in the hands of the enemy. Renegade humans capable of Bankai running around unsupervised.

For more than twenty years I had led and trained a division of warriors in a time of unbroken peace, nothing more interesting to do than chase Hollows. And now out of nowhere war was coming, waves of chaos announcing her approach. I hid the grin that wanted to spread across my face. What a perfect time to be alive!

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Hitsugaya-taicho."

I blinked. He could not be serious. But as I looked toward the front of the room my stomach clenched in dread. My mind raced for a valid protest. But if a captain had to be included, who else could he select? Ukitake was too sickly, Kyoraku couldn't be trusted to keep his hands off underage human girls, Kuchiki was running two divisions, Unohana was too vital here. No one in their right mind would send Zaraki, Kurotsuchi, or Komamura. That left me and Soi-fon.

I quietly sighed in resignation and stepped forward. Behind me there were barely suppressed squeals. Matsumoto loved nothing more than trips to the living world.

"Yes, sotaicho."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Dammit, already behind in my work, needing to prepare the division for the coming war, and what am I doing? Playing dress up with my lieutenant so that we can blend in with a bunch of high school students. In any other division the second officer would stay behind to run things, but no, not in the 10th. Leave Matsumoto in charge and I'd be lucky if there was one soldier sober on my return. So seats 3, 4, and 5 would have to handle the day to day and I would be pushing double duty to check on things here while working full time with a team of misfits.

"You cannot expect me to wear this."

"I know it's rather bland and boring, taicho, but that's the school uniform. You have to wear it."

"This is absurd. Why should I have to attend classes?"

"Well, I could tell you again that it will be fun and a good learning experience, but it really all comes down to orders."

I glared at her. She was right, and I knew it. The complaints were my way of dealing with frustration, and she knew it.

This entire farce was almost a waste of time. But a captain, two lieutenants, and two officers capable of Bankai who thought they hid their power level quite well do not get deployed for a waste of time.

And, oh god, the gigai! What a horrid feeling. Bad enough to have a power limiter, but then stuffing my soul in a fake body, bound by gravity that weighed down and . . . squished. That was it, I felt squished. Not a feeling I ever thought to have and I hated it with a passion.

Outfitted with human clothes and what would have to pass for human bodies, my so-called team trudged heavily along to the school where most of the ryoka spent a good portion of their days.

Why? Why me? Just a few changes of circumstance and I would be as happy as Matsumoto in a jewelry store. There was some serious firepower stacked around me. This team could do a credible amount of damage if we were set loose in Hueco Mundo, and I would be proud to lead them. But no, instead I will lead them from math class to the gym. Why me?

My foul mood did not improve as I ignored the squabbling of my subordinates and the stares of the humans. I kept on target, and found the correct room to report to in spite of Matsumoto's frequent attempts to get us lost. I could sense the younger Kuchiki nearby, meeting us as scheduled, and the out of control reiatsu of the ryoka.

At least I would have the chance to get acquainted with the ryoka, now a Shinigami substitute. I had sought out information on him as I could, and his potential could not be overlooked. The boy had power, and powerful friends throughout the Gotei and among the exiles in the living world. He was a potential ally, or a potential enemy. With a little luck, my time here would make sure I could count on him as the former.

There he was, bandaged and bruised, looking rather pathetically back at us like he was seeing ghosts. What the hell? Where was the determination, the fire I had seen in him? This boy looked like a beaten dog, like he had given up. He was not worth my time, or anyone's. Not in this condition.

"Yo, how you doing, Ichigo?" Renji was closest to the boy, along with Rukia. I was fine with letting him do the talking. And then the idiot opened his mouth.

"Renji? Ikkaku, Yumichka, Rangiku . . . Toshiro?"

Goddammit.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

As much as I hated it, I still had a job to do. The only silver lining to this mission was gone. How Kurosaki Ichigo had managed to blunder his way through an ill-advised invasion and rescue was beyond my considerable ability to comprehend. I had held out hope that a smart, strong, brave ally could be gained, but all I could find was a human teenager, with all of the faults and intolerable rudeness that one would expect.

Now his human allies might be worth a second look if they gained more power and experience. And the Quincy, I would keep an eye on him. One Quincy couldn't do much damage, but if his skills grew he might have to be eliminated.

In an attempt to make the best out of a less than ideal situation, I kept the team on track. Karakura was one of the most spiritually charged areas of the living world. It was packed with renegades, adding to the lure drawing Hollows. And it seemed Aizen was using this city as a testing ground for his modified Hollows. There was plenty to keep strong fighters busy, and a lot of information to be gathered on the enemy.

At least Kurosaki had bounced back from the defeat that him so dispirited. I had thoroughly enjoyed watching Kuchiki kick him back into shape. The woman had a future as an officer and perhaps higher, no doubt about it.

I had noticed the human boy didn't often sleep the night through. He was on edge, and I remembered the sorrow I had seen in him, and the fear. Kurosaki was trying to run from something, I could feel it in the ragged edges of his overwhelming reiatsu. I guessed it had to do with the Hollow mask that had been witnessed when he fought Kuchiki Byakuya, and that was a terrifying thought.

"Lost in thought about something, taicho? Or should I say someone?"

"What are you on about, Matsumoto?"

"Oh, nothing, taicho. Should we go on patrol or did you want to stare at Ichigo-kun's house some more?"

I glared at her and was about to correct her when all hell broke loose. Hollows, hundreds of them. And not just here, but in pockets all over town. I did not sense any Arrancar, but with this many smaller Hollow they could easily be hidden in the masses. The surges in reiatsu told me that Abarai, Kuchiki, Madarame, and Ayesegawa were already on the move to clean up this mess. Kurosaki, too, was out there but with no one watching his back. I had to hope he could hold out until Matsumoto and I could thin out the numbers here.

My lieutenant was underestimated nearly as often as I was. Her happy, carefree attitude and her beauty made some write her off as a pretty face without a brain. It always made me chuckle when she proved them wrong. Not that the Hollow around us were susceptible to that mistake, but I had these thoughts every time she showed her metal. We cut down Hollow by the dozens in the matter of a few minutes, and I sent Matsumoto to make sure Kurosaki's friends were safe, they had proven capable of handling a fight, but they were still humans. I went after the idiot himself.

I stepped out of shunpo to find Kurosaki in the middle of a pack of Hollows three times bigger than the group I had just taken out. And more were pouring in. He looked over his shoulder at me, and I wanted to kick him.

"Pay attention, Kurosaki!"

Luckily he had fast reflexes, and the pair of Hollows that had taken advantage of his distraction were cut down by that huge blade he swung around like it weighed nothing. I stepped in close, moving on instinct to put my back to his and unleashing Hyorinmaru to start the extermination.

Kurosaki stepped back against my right and I stepped back against his. We fell into a rhythm of steps and attacks as if we had trained together for decades, a smooth turning with sweeping attacks of my ice and his waves of raw power. Great swathes were cut through the enemy, they fell in tens and twenties.

For a moment his wild reiatsu was tamed, meeting the edges of mine seamlessly. Such symmetry was rare, especially between fighters who had never worked to achieve such a unity. It was exhilarating. I caught my breath at the beauty of it, and Hyorinmaru hummed in joy as our power was enhanced and supported.

Too soon the skies were clear and I froze in shock for just a second, trying to analyze and understand what had just happened. Even fighting with Matsumoto, I had never felt such an easy and powerful merging. How had this untrained, undisciplined boy managed such a feat?

I was shaken out of my thoughts by Kurosaki's laughter. He had completely let his guard down and was grinning at me like a fool. I scowled at him.

"I'm glad you think this is amusing, Kurosaki, but others need assistance."

Okay, maybe that was a little harsh. He had fought well, it wasn't his fault I had been thrown off balance. Then I saw the blood, a long cut on his thigh. He had no training in kido, so I stepped closer to heal the wound. Close to him I felt his reiatsu again, not wild as I had thought of it, more like a warmth that radiated and tried to embrace all around him. Perhaps I had been too critical.

"Ah, thanks, Toshiro."

Just what did I do to the universe that it had to plague me with rash, rude punks like this one? Fuck it, it was not my job to teach this kid manners. I pointed Hyorinmaru toward the thickest patch of Hollows remaining.

"That's Hitsugaya-taicho to you. And since you are incompetent at sensing reiatsu, go that way and help Abarai if you can manage it."

The pair from the 11th Division had their end of the fight under control, but I headed to help them finish up.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"What do you think of that woman's dress, taicho? For me, I mean. Too bright?"

"I could not possibly care less, Matsumoto."

"Eh? Still working, taicho? How can you resist, just look at all of these shops! Such cute things! Come on, we'll find you a sexy outfit or two, I know it."

I looked up from the tiny electronic screen. Reading and writing reports on this little device was terribly inconvenient, but at least I could get some work done without running back and forth to the office.

"Why would I want any outfits, Matsumoto, much less sexy ones?"

"Oh, I don't know, taicho. You turn down every single date. Maybe we should just get you something plain and old fashioned. No point in dressing you up if you won't let anyone take it all off."

I scoffed. A familiar argument neither of us ever won, so I went back to my report.

"Go on and shop, Matsumoto. I have work to do."

"No, it's no fun alone. I'll take Orihime out later."

She hummed a tune I didn't recognize. Staying still and quiet at the same time was just a little too much for her to manage. I was perfectly content with a commanding view from the top of this building. It was an ideal place to keep an eye on the town without random interruptions, or it would have been if it weren't for my second.

"Taicho, what do you think of Ichigo?"

"What?"

"I mean, you helped him out last night. Was he any good?"

How did she manage to make every little thing sound slightly . . . inappropriate?

"He's a competent fighter, if very rough around the edges. Why?"

"Did you get to see his Bankai?"

"No."

Hmm, interesting point. He had been completely surrounded when I arrived. He didn't have any kind of power limiter. Why didn't he just use Bankai and wipe them all out before I showed up?

"This is so boring, taicho."

"Don't let me keep you, Matsumoto."

"Fine then. Maybe Orihime and I will find something that will look hot on you."

I felt my brow twitch, but she was gone, finally. I finished the report in blessed solitude and then thought about Kurosaki. Something was not right. I had thought he was running from something, but I was beginning to think he wasn't just running. He was being chased.

With a few flash steps I found him. He had lingered after school to watch his sister's soccer game. He was leaning against a lamppost a short distance from the set of bleachers, away from the other spectators. Of course, he didn't sense my presence at all as I stood in the shadow of the trees a little further from the game.

He did not seem upset or haunted at the moment. He seemed perfectly normal, just another human going about his day, spending time with family, enjoying the free time of an autumn day. There was a break in the action and Kurosaki leaned his head back. One leg was drawn up, the foot resting on the post. His hands were tucked in his pockets.

Gazing up at the afternoon sky, an easy, relaxed smile broke across his face. The sunlight made him shine like a bronze statue, a statue of a hero perhaps, with clean, clear lines of strength and youth. The sun loved him. Loved his tanned, smooth skin. Loved his hair the bright color of the horizon when kissed goodnight by the sun as it went to rest. Expressing its love, the sun lit his chocolate eyes with a sheen of gold and accented the fine features, the clear brow, the high cheekbones, the strong jaw and long neck.

Good lord, he was beautiful.

I sucked in a breath as I confronted my thoughts. What was I doing, standing there drooling over a teenage human? No, I was not even thinking in that direction. I shook myself, and decided to find a more productive way to spend my time rather than think too deeply about how very attractive I, a nearly 50 year old dead man, found this human who was too young and too alive.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Stepping through into the living world once more, I immediately felt Kurosaki nearby and heaved a deep sigh. I had gone back to Soul Society and worked until exhausted, hoping I could find a few hours sleep on my return. But I could feel the turmoil and anxiety in the boy from here.

It bothered me in more ways than one. I had regained just a little respect for him, and therefor cared about his well-being. Moreover, he was a strong fighter and he just might be able to tip the scales in this war. Thus whatever it was causing him to falter was quickly becoming my problem. He was not fighting at full strength, deliberately. His own power was frightening him, and the last thing I needed was for him to hold back at a critical moment in battle.

Only there wasn't much I could do about it. He was not technically under my command. We were not friends and barely comrades. I could not just waltz up and ask him what the fuck was wrong with him. Could I?

A short distance from where he sat, I stepped out of shunpo and walked toward him. He turned in surprise, still apparently incompetent when it came to sensing reiatsu.

"Trouble sleeping, Kurosaki?"

"Yeah. You, too?"

"Usually."

I made myself comfortable on the grassy slope. The murmur of the slow river, the symphony of crickets, and the night air cooled by the water made this perhaps the most pleasant place in this town. I could see why he would come here to think.

"This is a very relaxing place. I hope you don't mind the intrusion."

"Of course not, I like your company."

I hummed, not sure how to respond. No one liked my company, that was a fact I was comfortable with. Most found me abrasive at best, intolerably stuffy and arrogant at worst. I had a short temper and a prickly pride. I was okay with these realities.

Yet he sounded sincere. As far as I could tell, Kurosaki was one of the most genuinely friendly people I had met. He reminded me of Matsumoto in that regard. He would be a man with many friendly acquaintances, and a select group of true friends. And being his friend would earn you the kind of loyalty he had shown Kuchiki Rukia. I would be fortunate if I could someday be counted among this man's friends.

"Kurosaki, I may not be the easiest person to talk to. But something has been bothering you a great deal, and it seems to be getting worse. If there is anything I can do to help, even if it's just to listen, I am willing."

It was too small, but it was the best I could manage. This was not my forte, and I did not know what people said to each other to comfort or to encourage confidences. Interrogation and intimidation I could do. But sympathy and support were a bit foreign.

For just a moment I thought perhaps he would share his thoughts with me. He almost leaned toward me, and I focused all of my attention on him with an earnest desire to help if I could. But just as quickly I saw him reconsider.

"Thanks, Toshiro, I really appreciate that. It's just your usual teenage human shit, nothing that can be fixed."

That was a lie, a deliberate and barely concealed lie. I turned my head toward him fully, hoping for eye contact to see what he was thinking. Well, I had earned no trust. I had been cold and judgmental. Perhaps I could encourage one of his friends, Kuchiki or Abarai, to try to get him to open up.

"Okay. Well, the offer stands. And I have a title. Use it."

I saw him grin, his sense of humor always coming through. We sat in silence for a while. I lay back on the grass, hands behind my head, and gazed at the stars. Stargazing had always been a favorite way to kill time when sleep eluded me. I found contemplating the patterns and movements of the stars soothing. After a few minutes, Kurosaki decided to join me.

"I never really looked, are the constellations the same in Soul Society?"

"They are, only reversed, like you're looking at this sky in a mirror."

"I'll have to pay more attention next time. Not that I'm an astronomy buff or anything, but how many people get to see Orion from both sides?"

"What you really need to see is a meteor shower. Without the particle and light pollution, it can be absolutely breathtaking."

It was a pleasant thought, that one day we might meet again in Soul Society and enjoy the darker, clearer skies side by side. I answered his questions about stars, and told him stories about some of the constellations. Before I knew it, the stars were fading and the soft light of dawn seeped across the sky. We stayed and watched the sunrise in almost companionable silence. I couldn't help myself, the way the fire lit his bronze skin was too captivating to resist a few hidden glances.

We parted ways amicably. He did not trust me enough to help him, but perhaps this night could be a first step to that trust.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The next time I stepped through the gate, I did not sense Kurosaki at all. That was odd, even when the man was asleep he leaked enough reiatsu to give me a headache.

Something was very wrong, there was tension in the air. I set my senses on Matsumoto and raced to her. Sliding out of shunpo, I quickly took in the scene. Matsumoto, Kuchiki, and Kurosaki's human friends were gathered in a small park, huddled around two young girls. I recognized one as Kurosaki's sister, the one who played soccer. The other was wounded, Inoue already working on healing serious cuts in her arm.

My lieutenant looked up with a hint of panic and much sorrow in her eyes, then went back to her work of comforting the crying children. I waited, gathering as much information as I could from the circumstances. The Quincy approached me. He had a rather distant attitude towards people in general, and Shinigami in particular yet he was looking sympathetically at me. My heart sank, the logical conclusion being that Kurosaki had been killed.

"Can you explain what is happening here?"

"Kurosaki was taken . . . "

The Quincy kept talking but for a moment I heard nothing. It was like I had been dealt a savage blow, and could think of nothing but the pain and the consequences. I did not need to ask who had captured Kurosaki, and the horrid thoughts flowed one after another. He would likely face torture too dreadful to contemplate unless he gave the traitors whatever they wanted. An agonizing, terrifying death if he was fortunate.

Fuck, what a weapon he would make! I could barely breathe just thinking of it.

We had to act quickly. Kurosaki had to be saved. Not just because of the potential threat, but because the man was an ally, a comrade. We could not in honor leave him to such a fate. I made eye contact with Matsumoto again, and she gave a small nod. Wasting no time at all, I opened a gate right there and rushed back to inform Soul Society, not trusting such a vital and frightful report to a messenger.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

No one stopped me on my way back to my office. I was radiating rage, and the killing frost in my wake warned the bravest away. Not Matsumoto. She flinched when I slammed the office door, but she didn't flee. Just sitting at my desk helped calm me, the familiar and dependable serving as an anchor. I closed my eyes and focused on deep breaths, reining in my anger that served no purpose.

"Taicho, what will they do?"

I clenched my teeth. "Nothing, Matsumoto. A team of onmitsukido, not nearly enough for a rescue."

"Onmitsukido? They plan to . . . oh, no."

"Not officially, but what else could it be? They'll kill him. Probably a mercy."

"Taicho, how could you say that? Can't you do anything?"

Why did she have to twist the goddamn knife?

"No, Matsumoto! I can't do a damned thing. That stupid, brave kid will be torn apart by their side or ours, and I am powerless to stop it. What would you like to see? Shall I leave my haori here and run off to save the boy from three captains, one of which already defeated me in one hit? Do you want to follow me into a dimension full of Hollows just to die trying to bring that idiot home? What? _What the fuck_ do you want from me?"

Her eyes were wide and full of tears as she backed up. I was shaking in cold, futile fury, risen and leaning on the desk with fists clenched as I tore into her. I regretted it immediately, but I could not choke out an apology.

I fell back into my chair, hands over my face to hide my shame, fighting once more for control. "Go, Matsumoto. Leave me alone for the day, I don't want to take it out on you."

I heard her moving, and a whispered "I'm so sorry, Toshiro." Then she was gone.

Left alone with all of the guilt and disgrace. Always. Alone.

Abandoning an honorable comrade to such a horrific fate was beyond betrayal. And I would do it because I was ordered to.

Leaving such a powerful ally to be twisted and turned into an enemy unimaginable was beyond stupidity, a tactical error that could be a fatal mistake. And I would do it because I was ordered to.

Allowing a loyal and brave man to fall into darkness, sitting idle while a kind and beautiful boy was destroyed was beyond infamy, a stain on my honor that would never, never be washed away.

"I'm so sorry, Ichigo."

Enough time had been given to grief and recrimination. The loss of one soldier, no matter how remarkable he was, would not stop the coming war. I had to let this go and move on, quickly. I pulled the first paper off of the stack and viciously shoved thoughts of what could have been into the ice as I read.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was getting more difficult to breathe by the second. Three, maybe four attacks and I'd be completely drained. But hopefully I had gained enough time for my team to escape. There was still a chance of an honorable death over capture, and at least one more Espada would be going down with me.

The tall Espada with the silly outfit and oversize weapon had been so cocky, but both stupid and unlucky. He wasn't as smug now that he was using his hands to hold in his guts as his blood poured steaming onto the ice. Unlike the enemy, I didn't waste time on gloating and took only a moment to gather my strength. My blade swiped toward the Espada's throat, white streaks of reiatsu and frost highlighting the deadly edge.

There was a sound like a thunderclap as my sword was halted, the shock wave tearing the muscles of my right arm. Blocking the pain, I shifted my grip on the hilt to give my left hand control before my right hand failed. My eyes traveled up the narrow, black blade that had suddenly appeared between my sword and my enemy. I recognized the zanpakuto before me, and my heart sank. I had not even felt him coming.

Long fingers held the hilt lightly, belying the strength it must have taken to stop my killing blow. A wide silver bracelet gleamed on his wrist. He was dressed in white instead of black, and I was horrified to see that a white and red Hollow mask covered his face. But the shock of orange hair above the mask left no doubt. Neither one of us spared a glance for the Espada collapsing unconscious at the boots of the man who had just saved him.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The newcomer's black and gold eyes narrowed. I wanted to laugh, seems I had struck a nerve with only one sentence. It probably offended him that I didn't call out his name, didn't even flinch or drop my guard. But it was an honest question, for this could not be the same man I had only begun to know.

As our blades separated and I stepped back to take a stance my eyes caught the ornate black tattoo dead center on his throat.

Zero.

Well, shit.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I had lived through a lot of pain in my days. The gnawing pain of hunger, the daily hurt from training until exhausted, the sharp pain of nearly fatal wounds, the aching discomfort of those wounds as they healed. I could manage the pain, as bad as it was. But pain meant life, and that was not good news.

Against my will, my eyes opened. I saw white and gray in a blur, though the view didn't tell me anything of where I was and what was happening. I couldn't think clearly. Was I moving? Yes, though certainly not by my own power. Being carried then?

"Yo, Ichigo, I think it's awake."

My head was jerked upward. Ah, I was slung over a shoulder, my head hanging down against someone's back. The one who had yanked my hair was a mostly human looking Arrancar, possibly another Espada. Though my vision was still blurred, I could easily make out blue hair and eyes. The one hauling my sorry carcass over his shoulder didn't pause, just kept walking and the hand in my hair was pulled free. My head just dropped like dead weight.

"What of it?"

I could feel that voice, and a few pieces of information clicked together. I had been beaten when the Cero Espada showed up, beaten quickly and thoroughly. Kurosaki Ichigo was no easy opponent even for Kenpachi at full strength. And I had to face him after fighting two Espada and gods know how many lesser Hollow. I hadn't stood a chance. He had hit me with that black wave of reiatsu, which I had seen disintegrate a dozen Hollow in a single swing. I had managed to partially dodge, partially block the first wave, but he was fast and I was already slowing to a standstill. It was an extremely unpleasant surprise that I had survived; I could only recall being caught in an explosion of heat and pressure that seemed never-ending until darkness overtook me.

Through the haze of pain and disorientation came a building sense of horror. Captured alive. Beyond humiliation was the knowledge of what would follow. Torture, rape, Hollowfication, experimentation, being kept alive for the amusement of the enemy or worse – forced to fight on his behalf.

Adrenaline surged through me, giving me enough strength to only weakly struggle. I couldn't move my right arm at all, and my left arm and legs were barely responding enough to try to free myself. I felt my captor shrug his shoulder harshly, the bone pushing up sharply into my abdomen. My vision went red as broken ribs were ground together. I tried to curse and yell, to demand that he release me though I knew how ridiculous my protests would sound. But nothing came from my throat except shallow rasps.

The Arrancar following me was laughing, but my captor was silent. I ceased my feeble struggling, it wasn't doing any good and wasting what little energy I had. My eyes closed, and I forced myself to focus on pushing the pain away so that I could think. I needed to start mentally preparing myself for the worst.

Whether from the confusion of my thoughts or my lack of reiatsu, I couldn't contact Hyorinmaru or even conjure the vast plains of snow and ice that make up my inner world. Controlling my breathing and pushing conscious thought further away, I let me heartbeat be my guide, sinking further into meditation as my heart steadied and slowed.

A sudden rush of movement and my body was consumed by fresh agony, ripping me out of my attempts to connect to Hyorinmaru. Gasping for breath, I realized I had been tossed down on gray and white marble tiles. Kurosaki's eyes, brown and human now, stared impassively down at me for a moment as I lay at his feet, just like the gutted Espada had bled at his feet when we fought. Then he just walked away without a word.

It was a large room, with many Arrancar standing about, mostly staring in my direction. Turning my head feebly, I saw a high dais in front of me with two men flanking another man, sitting on what must be meant as a throne. My vision still wasn't clear, but I knew exactly who these three bastards were.

The smooth voice of the traitor carried easily through the large room, "Hitsugaya-kun, what a delightful surprise."

For the hundredth time, I prayed for death.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I left the defeated captain in the middle of the room, Grimmjow leering down at his small, battered body. Whether it was lust to dominate or destroy, his expression was mirrored in the faces of the Espada and fraccion all around the room. Even Starrk was eyeing the battered figure with more interest than I'd seen him show in anything before. Szayelaporro was practically drooling with a different kind of hunger. He wasn't above fucking or eating the Shinigami, but I knew his mind was racing through a thousand options that were more appealing to his twisted mind. He'd been wanting a captain to experiment on since the moment he was awakened.

It was all I could do not to tear out the throats of my 'comrades.' I carefully maintained an air of disinterest and irritation as I stalked to the edge of the room, leaning against the wall with my head tilted down and arms crossed. I was acutely aware of the blood soaked through to the skin of my left shoulder where I had carried him and the blood pooling under the small body on the floor.

If I showed any sign of concern for Toshiro or his fate I would ruin any chance I had of escaping, let alone taking down Aizen. But every cell in my body was primed for action. If it came to it, would I try to save Toshiro even though worlds may fall because of my choice?

The bastard finally spoke, "Hitsugaya-kun. What a delightful surprise."

I didn't lift my head or bother to hide my sneer. The bastard was so predictable.

"Traitors. I have nothing to say to you." His voice was quiet and raw. It obviously took a great deal of effort for him to speak at all.

"Now, now, Hitsugaya-kun, save your strength. I don't require you to speak. In fact, there is nothing you have that I want. But you do have something my Espada seem to want quite a bit."

On cue, Grimmjow hauled Toshiro upright by his badly damaged right arm. Sharp nails forcefully ripped through the layers of cloth from the neck down to the waist. Blood that Grimmjow was licking off his claws told me that the skin of Toshiro's back wasn't spared. Tearing the fabric away, Grimmjow exposed the captive's chest and back for the greedy eyes all around. His torso was lean but with the muscle expected of a swordsman. Blood and wounds covered most of his front. A large, dark purple bruise stood out on his right side, hinting at broken ribs underneath.

All my instincts were to attack, but I forced myself to remain still. Could I do this? Could I watch Toshiro torn apart? Or would I further endanger my family and the safety of millions of souls in a suicide mission to save only one? I should have killed him out on the open sands, surrounded by blue ice. I should have, yet it was impossible.

Toshiro was unable to stand, hanging pathetically from Grimmjow's grip on his right arm. But he was fully aware of what was happening. His usual mask of cold indifference was shattered. Too many strong emotions showed on his blood streaked face, despair being the most evident though still plenty of anger and defiance remained. He knew public shaming was his fate. He would be beaten and raped repeatedly in front of three men who he used to call allies. Four men he used to call allies, I reminded myself, as I was meant to stand witness to his disgrace as well. If he survived, he would either be held for further torture or handed over to Szayel. No light was left in his world. What pride he still had was about to be torn from him and the worst of it was that he could see his end coming.

Grimmjow paused, and from the corner of my eye I saw that Aizen had lifted a couple of fingers. To my shock, the bastard turned his face my way.

"My dear Cero. It occurs to me that Hitsugaya-kun may be worth something to you."

Fuck! I'd done something to give myself away. The bastard wouldn't come after me. If he thought I had any compassion at all for Toshiro, he'd make the captain suffer for eternity just to watch my reaction.

"Aizen-sama?" My voice was calm and impassive.

The bastard smiled at me with that sickeningly superior upward tilt to his head that made it clear he was enjoying looking down on me.

"The Espada will no doubt enjoy themselves with the boy. But after their attentions there won't be much left of use. However, you have made it clear that you do not welcome Hollow to your bed." There was a little laughter and even a few growls at this. "Perhaps you would enjoy breaking the boy for me. If you do it well, he might even become a valuable weapon. It would be amusing to see the pain of his friends when he slaughters them all."

I didn't dare look to see Toshiro's reaction to this. I didn't dare think too much for fear of showing my own reaction. I tilted my head a bit as if intrigued. Casually pushing myself off the wall, I walked back to the center of the room slowly. Grimmjow was snarling, not at all appreciating that his sport might be taken away. That was part of the bastard's goal. The Hollows hated me already, but I had earned the respect of a few of the Espada. Giving me the prize would make sure they still resented my presence and position. I was not one of them, and Aizen would make sure they did not forget it.

My eyes drifted down to the captain as if I was just now noticing him dangling there. He was exhausted, barely staying conscious enough to offer me a glare of hatred. I gripped his chin, turning his head each way as if examining an object for purchase. While I kept my composure on the outside, inside I could barely control my own lust. I was just like the rest of them, only I wanted Toshiro, not just the pleasure of dominating an enemy. And he was being handed to me to do with as I willed. It was almost too much to bear.

Leaning down, I spoke close to his ear, but loud enough to be sure Aizen would hear, "What do you say, taicho? Would you like to be my pet? Or should I leave you here to entertain my colleagues? They do seem eager to get to know you better."

His eyes widened with a hint of panic, darting toward the waiting Arrancar still focusing their hungry gazes on his small form. Then they narrowed again and he shivered, not with fear but with fury. Breaking him would be a war . . . and an absolute pleasure.

"I'll go with you," he said, seeming confident once more.

I straightened. "Not good enough, Shinigami." I put as much disdain as I could in my voice. "Tell me _'I am yours, Kurosaki-sama'_ and I'll consider being your master."

Quickly I made a request to Shiro, the Hollow part of my soul. Three seconds later turquoise eyes snapped back to me.

"Fuck you, Hollow!"

_Oh, Hitsugaya-taicho. Wrong answer._

Turning on my heel, I walked away with no further comment. Internally I was shouting at Shiro frantically while he shouted back at me that he was relaying my message to Toshiro.

"Wait!" I paused but did not look back. "I am yours, Kurosaki-sama," he growled through clenched teeth. My heart sang. I knew he would be alive at least one more day.

"Pardon? Speak up, Shinigami."

As loud as his torn vocal chords would allow, he spat it out again. "I am yours, Kurosaki-sama."

I turned and locked my eyes not with Toshiro's, but with Grimmjow's. His hand was on my property now, and he had one second to get his hands off before I'd take him apart. Message received, he let go and spun away with a snarl. Toshiro couldn't hold back a grunt as he hit the floor again.

Behind me the bastard chuckled. "You see, Gin. That's how you train a dragon."

My eyes narrowed, and I saw red for a moment. The day was coming when I would relish the taste of that bastard's blood.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I was kidding myself. No amount of resolve could hold up against this. No amount of training and self-discipline could prepare me for this ultimate humiliation. Everything that I had was gone, and everything that I am was about to be destroyed. Pride and anger gained nothing. Shame and fear would change nothing. What did it matter if I left this life cursing my killers or begging for mercy?

The traitor who defeated me was being offered the honor of destroying me more thoroughly, and it didn't matter. I could end here in this room after hours of intense suffering, or on a lab table when my body finally gave out, or struggle on for years while this one man turned me into someone I can't even imagine.

Long, callused fingers gripped my chin, turning my head right, then left and I couldn't even bring my free hand up to push him away. His voice was smooth, almost kind as he leaned in. "What do you say, taicho? Would you like to be my pet? Or should I leave you here to entertain my colleagues? They do seem eager to get to know you better."

Fear was eclipsed by rage as the horrible truth of his words sunk in. On both sides the Arrancar had started to move closer, straining like beasts toward the vulnerable, bloody prey that was once the powerful prodigy captain of the Gotei 13.

I had to survive this. No matter what was done to me, no matter if I had no pride left. I would do everything I could to exact a terrible price for every hurt and humiliation I suffered. But I could only keep this promise of revenge if I stayed alive. I had seconds to decide the best option. With Kurosaki, I would have only one tormentor to endure. Without Kurosaki, I would be passed hand to hand and be the toy of Hollows.

"I'll go with you."

"Not good enough, Shinigami. Tell me _'I am yours, Kurosaki-sama'_ and I'll consider being your master."

_Say it, little captain. It's the only way we can save your sorry ass._

My mind stopped in shock as the voice rang through my head. _Hyorinmaru?_ No answer. It wasn't the voice of the ice dragon, as if he would speak so crudely. Was it Kurosaki's zanpakuto? Trying to trick me into agreeing must be the first step in breaking my will.

"Fuck you, Hollow!"

As the Cero Espada turned and walked away I could feel the grip on my arm tighten and the blue haired Arrancar behind me leaning in closer. Hot breath on the back of my neck, I could see the sadistic smile painted on Aizen's face in the distance, and something within me started screaming in panic before I could stop it.

_Say it, you twit. They're only words. Say it now, or you'll die here and I'll have to listen to him crying about it for the next century._

I was stunned. Was there a chance that this wasn't a trick? Any sliver of a chance that Kurosaki wasn't lost?

"Wait!" He stopped. I could breathe. "I am yours, Kurosaki-sama."

"Pardon? Speak up, Shinigami."

I was so tired, so hurt and ashamed. Part of me did not care what happened next, wanting nothing more than rest from trying to think, trying to resist. If this was the first step in breaking me, he had won completely. But then there was that voice in my head. If there was a way out of this, I had to take the chance. And so, I drew in another shaky breath and forced the vile words out again.

"I am yours, Kurosaki-sama."

I could barely lift my eyes to see him turn back toward me. A moment later my arm was released, and I collapsed in a pitiful heap on the floor. I wanted to succumb to the exhaustion and fall into unconsciousness, but my mind knew better and held on.

"You see, Gin. That's how you train a dragon."

Of course, Aizen would have to gloat. His slave had brought me down in battle and now made me submit willingly. The Cero Espada, once a powerful ally of the Gotei 13, looked as furious as I would have been if I had any fire left. Why was he angry? He had won. Perhaps he had looked forward to more fight from me, but I just couldn't give a shit anymore.

Looming over me, he snapped, "Can you walk?"

Be damned if I was going to be carried out of here. I drew on reserves I didn't know I had to force my body up until I was standing unsteady but reasonably straight. There was a hint of approval in his eyes, which pissed me off enough to steady my legs.

He addressed the creepy pink haired Arrancar on my right, the one who had been quite literally drooling at the thought of getting at me.

"Szayel, do you have cuffs small enough for him?"

"Surely a simple collar will be enough for this scrawny child."

"That's no child; he's been a captain longer than I've been alive. You can underestimate him all you like, but I will not. He killed Zommari and would have had Nnoitra's head if I'd only had the sense to move less quickly."

Is it so strange that I felt grateful for that little speech? It gave me just enough of my dignity back for me to lift my head. I may even have looked like a captain again. A defeated captain, weaponless, half naked with enough wounds to kill a lesser man, but a captain nonetheless.

"Fine, fine, I'll have to make adjustments for such . . . delicate bones," he licked his lips and I repressed a shudder of disgust. "I'll bring them to you when they're done."

"Aizen-sama, may I be dismissed?"

"Anxious to spend time with your new pet, my Cero?" Again with that sickening, sly chuckle that made visions of Hyorinmaru slicing his throat open dance through my mind. "Very well. Enjoy yourself and I'll try to find some other entertainment for your brethren."

_Sick son of a bitch._

To think I had once enjoyed his company. Something had always seemed off about Aizen, but I reasoned it was my own jealousy clouding my judgment. I had admired his control over his division and pushed aside my misgivings about my sister's feelings for him. And now look at him. Traitor. Vile, delusional, cruel and twisted. I should have listened to my instincts.

"Come, Shinigami."

I kept my head up as I followed my jailer out of the throne room, enduring the agony of movement and the jeers of the Arrancar. I made it through the ornate doors and about 50 feet down the hall before my legs simply gave out and the floor, my old friend, came rushing up to meet me. I was caught in strong arms before hitting the ground, and once again draped like a sack of grain over Kurosaki's shoulder. I did not protest, immediately going limp.

Though he walked quickly, it seemed like he made an effort to move smoothly and not jostle me too much. Or maybe it was just that I was moving beyond pain and becoming quite numb. Everything was out of my control now, so I allowed consciousness to slip away and fell into the comfort of the darkness.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

More white walls, a white ceiling, white and gray floors. I only opened my eyes a crack and shut them quickly, fleeing from the glare of what was quickly becoming my least favorite color. A few more blinks and I was able to look around.

It was a fair-sized room with no windows and two doors. I was on a huge bed with white sheets, of course, the headboard centered against one wall. White wood nightstands flanked the bed, no lamps or candles. It was bright with even light throughout the room, but I couldn't see a light source. There was a gray lounge chair and a white table with gray cushions, an alcove with shelves stacked with clothing or blankets of some kind, and lots of empty space.

A fierce headache partly distracted me from the aching throughout my body, even lying still. Tentatively wiggling my toes and working my way up, I tested my legs lightly and they didn't seem too damaged. Trying my arms was worse. My right hand and arm were still very painful, but they moved and flexed like they should. An attempt to sit up caused stabbing pain along my right side, where I'd been savagely kicked by the tall scarecrow Espada – Nnoitra, I'd heard him named.

Reiryoku? Barely enough to even sense. I was still powerless.

I stayed down for another minute, stretching and flexing sore muscles before rolling onto my left side, using my stronger arm to push myself up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Looking down I could see that I'd been partially cleaned, wiped down with a cloth perhaps. Unless I had been asleep for days, I'd had some healing as well but not much. I was still in my hakama, bare chested and barefoot. The sheets where I had been lying were ruined, stained with my blood.

One of the doors opened just as I was able to stand. So much for trying the doors or having time to think. My captor walked in, sweeping his eyes over me and the rest of the empty room quickly before stepping aside for another Arrancar. This one was pale, thin, and reminded me strongly of Kira Izuru, if Kira had a skeletal mask covering half his face that is. The blond Arrancar carried a tray in and set it on the table, keeping his eyes downcast. Then he turned, bowed to Kurosaki and left, closing the door behind him.

Kurosaki was just standing there staring at me with his usual mildly pissed-off expression. I looked behind him, toward the exit. It wouldn't do any good to run within arm's reach of him to try to reach the door, but I couldn't help thinking about it.

"This room is sealed, of course."

He gestured toward the table, and the tray with a covered plate, a large glass of clear water, and a steaming mug releasing the aroma of green tea. My mouth would have watered if I had any saliva left. I was starving and very thirsty. Maybe I had indeed slept for days. I walked toward the table but froze when he spoke again.

"Did you come here to rescue me, or to execute me? Or did you write me off and this is just another mission?"

I searched his piercing eyes, trying to decide what answer would ring true, or if I should answer at all. Something in his voice made me hesitate to speak. It was the kind of barely restrained fury that I was very well acquainted with. I was rather well known for it myself. Others said I contained my own anger too much, letting it build until I lashed out without thinking my actions through. I had fought this tendency all my life and I knew how much damage it could do when unleashed. He was more dangerous now than when our blades were crossed.

I heard his teeth snap shut and he actually growled as he glared at me. His face tensed, and I had to stop myself from scrambling backward. Before I could even steady myself, he'd lunged forward and I felt my body being yanked up by my hair, his hand clenching tightly at the back of my skull. A new pain flared in my scalp as I was pulled up, my toes barely touching the floor to relieve some of the pressure. I tried to pry his arm away, but he easily caught both of my wrists and forced them down. My head was wrenched back, and I could barely breathe as his head came down toward mine.

This was it. I had escaped being assaulted by a dozen Arrancar, but that didn't mean that my body wasn't going to be abused for the pleasure of my captors. Once Kurosaki was done with me, I would likely be tossed back to the others, anyway.

My twisted sense of humor spared a moment to laugh bitterly. I had avoided relationships and sex as unnecessary complications, distractions from the life I had chosen. There had been plenty of offers from women and men. Not at first, but after I had been a captain for over a decade people started to catch on that I was not a child. I could have had my pick of partners any night, but I turned them all away.

At one time I had even caught myself appraising Kurosaki as a potential lover. While he was rude, loud and stubborn he was also strong, attractive, selfless, and showed flashes of intuition that gave away his well-hidden intellect. I had admired his motives when he had risked his life so many times against staggering odds to save a friend.

As serious and prideful as I was, I couldn't spare the time for what anyone else would consider a pleasant diversion. It would have been nice to have some positive experiences in this area before I died, perhaps even with this man when he was still a man I could accept.

But no, it was all going to be blood and suffering.

Damn fate and damn every decision that had led me to this moment. I had always chosen honor and duty over self-interest. I had knowingly sacrificed my childhood to protect my family, then sacrificed my family to gain a sense of purpose, and now sacrificed my honor and my very life for my subordinates. This was my reward while that fucking traitor sat on a throne indulging every sick whim.

When I stopped ranting at myself, I realized that he had long ago stopped with his lips an inch away from my bared teeth and just stayed there. My breath hissed through my teeth, and his breath brushed hot against my lips. His eyes had grown a bit unfocused, lids half closed as he just stayed there.

What was going on?

The moment stretched on and I stayed as still as I could. I didn't want to antagonize him more than necessary, unsure of what was running through his mind.

Suddenly he was moving back, his hands opening, letting me go. As soon as my feet hit the floor I sprang back. I was glad to feel the wall at my back, as it provided support for my shaking legs. My eyes darted to the door he had come in through, to the shelves and the tray looking for something I could use as a weapon.

_Yeah, Toshiro, the man crushed you with two sword strokes, but you should really find a vase or something to throw at his head._ Hysterical laughter in my head threatened to break through.

He simply stared at me a minute longer as I crouched and glared.

His voice was cold. "Remember. You belong to me, taicho."

_I will die first, Kurosaki, and take as much of you with me into the dark if I can._

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Did you come here to rescue me, or to execute me? Or did you write me off and this is just another mission?"

He stayed silent. I searched his face, lovey in spite of the scowling, cold expression, trying to find the truth behind the prideful mask.

I tried to get a grasp on my ever-present anger and calm down. We were both under an enormous amount of stress, and I'd been living in this hell-hole far too long. All of my senses were frayed and I wasn't sure I could trust my own judgment of him or the situation. Part of me desperately wanted to embrace this man, to find an ally in this viper's nest of murder and deceit.

How did it even happen? There were only a handful of people that I would put my faith in, and only one that managed to evoke feelings of reliability and trust from almost the first time I met him. And here he was, against all odds, in a place he should never be. It could not be coincidence. It could not be.

Eyes narrowing and teeth grinding, I only heard the low growl in my throat after I saw him flinch and barely stop himself from backing away. Then he did try to escape as I quickly lunged toward him and took the hair at the back of his head in a firm grip, pulling up until he was stretched onto his toes and twisting my hand so his head tilted back painfully. Oh, he was so angry. His teeth were bared as his hands both grabbed my right forearm, nails trying to tear my flesh as he struggled to free himself. My left hand grasped both of his small wrists, pushing his hands down between our bodies, now just a few inches apart.

Chills ran through my body. Just touching him had my heart thundering. My mouth watered as I anticipated the taste of him, the feel of his bare skin on mine. I had wanted him before this hell took me, and my fantasies of being with him were my only comfort to stave off despair.

Those glorious eyes widened as my head came down, the fear returning as he anticipated what was to come. And that was my undoing. I could revel in his rage, his hatred, even his pain. But why did I want to see him afraid of my touch? That wasn't what I had desired from him. He was terrified of me now, and grief seared through me as I realized it but my hands just would not open.

My lips stopped a whisper away from his, his teeth still showing in a snarl of defiance. Seconds ticked by. I was breathing nearly as quickly as he was, becoming intoxicated by the very thought that we were so close when I had been certain I would never see him again. Yet he was here, in my arms, completely under my power. I could take him any and every way I had ever wished. I could keep him for the rest of his life, my own perfect toy, his only purpose to please me.

But hadn't I once wanted even more? Was it impossible, or could I make him more to me than a slave?

He stilled as the expected assault failed to come, eyes confused again but still flashing with both anger and fright. But I did nothing more, just breathed in his breath, my eyes half closed in lust and an effort to control myself.

Was it a minute later, an hour, a day? My heart stopped racing and my mind started to clear. I pulled my head back before letting go of his soft hair and releasing his wrists. He jerked back until he hit the wall, as far away from me as he could get, arms up to his chest and weight balancing low, ready to lunge in either direction. He still hadn't said a word. Not a single shout of defiance, not a plea for mercy. So strong, he would take every torture that he expected, and make it as painful for his captors as he could before he would break.

God, I still wanted him. Not by force, if I could help it. I wanted to know him, to stand by his side and have him guard my back, to share our sorrows and create our joys together. I thought I had put it behind me. I thought I'd made my peace with losing my life after coming here, with losing all of the possibilities that life could bring.

And that was the worst of it, the agony of feeling hope once again. There could be no doubt, this was all a trap to bring me down. They would fail. If I couldn't win him to my side, then I would crush him under my feet and keep what remained as a souvenir. My smile must have been positively feral as he flinched again.

"Remember. You belong to me, taicho."

The door closed behind me and I made certain the seal was in place. I leaned against the wall opposite the door, staring toward where I'd left him, catching my breath. What the fuck was I going to do? All of my plans were derailed. I was sure I could get myself out of here alive, leaving the rotting corpse of the bastard in my wake. But now I had Toshiro to protect.

Even if I was certain he was an innocent victim in this, which I was definitely not convinced was the case, I could not tell him exactly what was happening here. He could be taken away from me at any moment, and he was far too weak to protect any secrets. I didn't like playing this game of dominance with him, but at the moment it was the only option I could find.

_Who is playing a game? Dominate him. Break him. Put your collar around that lovely little neck._

_No. I can't do that to Toshiro. Of all people, not him._

_Think of him on his knees, begging for you to touch him. Imagine those big eyes full of tears. He's yours for the taking._

_I want him unbroken, strong, and fierce._

_Then break him as you were broken, you pussy. You're still allowed to fight. Put that little dragon on a chain and he'll fight by your side._

Fuck, the Hollow knew exactly how to manipulate me.

_Stay out of it, Shiro._

_'Stay out of it, Shiro?' That's all you can say? You make me sick._

My head slammed back against the wall. This was dangerous. The bastard and his pet fox spent a good deal of time watching my activities. I had to control my reactions even when I was alone. I suspected Ichimaru wasn't mindlessly loyal like Tosen, but he was no friend to me and had no reason to overlook my own treacherous intentions.

Well, no one would think it unusual for me to pick a fight with an Espada. Sparring was one of the few pastimes that brought us all together. Starrk and Halibel were my favorite partners, powerful enough to provide some challenge. If I couldn't find one of them, Grimmjow never turned down a fight and was an entertaining opponent.

So off I went to find an outlet for the tension. Hopefully I could approach Toshiro more calmly after shedding some blood.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

What the hell? I watched the door warily for several minutes before I let myself slide down the wall. Sitting still on the floor for a moment, I tried to unravel the knots in my mind. I should be dead. Failing that, I should be in a cell, or on a lab table, or being tortured.

True, my captor was most likely behaving this way to throw me off balance and make me more susceptible to some kind of brain washing. But what just happened didn't fit that pattern. He should either have treated me kindly to gain some level of trust and make me more vulnerable, or he should have pushed further and fucked me until I couldn't move, at least hurt or molested me to establish dominance.

Perhaps he was playing a more elaborate game because of my reputation. Standard techniques would not be enough to bring a prodigy in line, so he was going to toss the rule book so that I can't keep up. Unable to predict his next move, I would be unable to prepare for it. Not a bad solution to the problem of dealing with an intelligent prisoner.

I had not had enough contact with Kurosaki and his band of powerful humans to truly understand them. I had fought beside Kurosaki a couple of times after his invasion of Soul Society ended, just standard Hollow exterminations in his hometown. I had spoken with him, but never really gotten close to him. But I had read all the reports, and sought out testimony from Kuchiki Rukia and all who had fought with or against the ryoka. His battles with Kenpachi and Kuchiki were particularly enlightening. He had used raw power and force, but you don't survive a duel with Kuchiki Byakuya without some ability to strategize, even with Hollow powers.

Yet nothing led me to conclude that Kurosaki was intelligent enough to keep up with me in this kind of mind game. But I couldn't be sure, and the circumstances definitely gave him the advantage. He looked older. He looked and spoke like he'd aged years. Likely he had been tortured, as well. To get such a stubborn man to accept a brand of ownership . . . what kind of torture would that take? I was about to find out, and I could only set my resolve to not give in as he had.

_Hyorinmaru, I could really use your advice right about now._

I knew there would be no answer. Wherever my zanpakuto was, I was sure it was sealed. And with just a trickle of reiatsu I might as well have my power sealed as well. The Espada had spoken of cuffs and collars. I sighed and decided to quickly change my line of thought.

Unable to solve these riddles, I chose to deal with problems I could actually resolve. An attempt to get back to my feet was more trouble than it was worth. No one was here to see it, so I simply crawled on all fours to the table. I started gulping the water first, so that I could savor the tea after. Cool liquid soothed my dry throat, but hit my empty stomach hard and I slowed down. Lifting the cover revealed a light meal of rice, plain tempura and several types of fruit, less substantial than I wanted but probably a wise move considering how I was aching from just water. I spared a moment to wonder where actual food was found in Hueco Mundo. The traitors probably had to import it for themselves. I knew what Hollows ate, and it wasn't tempura.

Swallowing was difficult, and I took the meal very slowly. The tea helped, warm enough to loosen the muscles in my throat though it had cooled considerably. I grimaced as I thought about how loudly and how long I must have screamed to leave my throat so shredded. I was glad not to remember it.

Stomach full and thirst quenched, I felt ready for the task of standing. As I walked over to the exit to try the door, sealed as he had said, I stretched my muscles delicately with each step. The second door led to a washroom, with a modern shower and a huge in-ground tub. Jackpot. I started the water so the tub would be warm and full by the time I was clean and ready to soak. Just the thought of being clean made me a little dizzy.

I went back to investigate the shelves. Pulling out a set of sheets and a robe that looked the right size (white and white, yuck), I was pleasantly surprised to find a variety of boxers, socks and slippers. I left the last two items. The cold tiles felt like ice under my bare feet and that was a small comfort. I set the sheets on the bed for later and headed for the shower. The soap stung and I had to move slowly and deliberately. Along with the dozens of bruises I had various cuts everywhere. Below knees bruised from impacting the floor, my lower legs and feet were the only part of me that looked normal.

The worst wounds I could recall – a puncture in my left thigh, a deep cut from just below my left nipple to my navel, and the broken ribs on the right side had been mostly healed but were still tender. I remembered my back being sliced in at least three places by the blue haired Arrancar, but I didn't feel those cuts at all. I assumed my captor had done the healing, and he had been oddly specific about it.

The shower took longer than expected, but the tub was so large it hadn't overflowed. Where did all the water come from in the barren desert? And where had it been when I needed it? I had struggled with the arid atmosphere when fighting. Though Hyorinmaru was more than powerful enough to generate ice attacks in the desert, moisture would have been a great help. Yet here was a virtual lake of scalding water. It was decadent, this huge tub of hot water for nothing more than my relaxation. That didn't stop me from stepping in and sinking all the way to the bottom for as long as I could hold by breath before settling on the underwater ledge for a long soak.

Breathing the steam in deep, I deliberately did not think about my predicament or what to do when Kurosaki came back. It was ridiculously easy to do at the moment. I could be in the 10th Division bathhouse, stealing time after a difficult mission to get cleaned up before heading to the 4th for healing. Matsumoto would be fretting about my injuries and ready to pounce on me and drag me to Unohana. I would protest that I was fine but let her talk me into going against my will, even though I had planned on going anyway. She would go there with me while she whined and lectured me about taking better care of myself. What a mother hen she had turned out to be.

_Did she make it? Did any of them?_

I let my body slide to the bottom of the tub once more before tears could escape. They would not help, and would bring back the headache that had relented in the warmth of the bath.

The water was barely warm when I left the tub. Toweling myself off carefully, I cleaned up the room before dressing, leaving my soiled clothes and used towel in a corner when I couldn't find any kind of hamper. These routine actions were soothing, helping me keep my mind as blank as possible.

Kurosaki had not returned, so I stripped the bloody sheets and added them to the clothes pile. After placing the fresh sheets, I crawled into the big bed. Sleep came for me almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"So. Is he a good fuck?"

". . . "

"C'mon! If I don't get a taste, at least give me something to fantasize about."

"The topic is off limits, Grimm."

"You haven't fucked him, have you? That's why you had to come kick my ass."

"Tell you what. You want to go another round? Beat me and I'll tell you everything."

He winced. "One beat down per day, that's my limit."

"Wuss."

I eyed him. Despite being an evil son of a bitch with sick desires, Grimmjow and I got along fairly well. I was always there when he needed a fight, which was often, and he was surprisingly clever company. There were several Espada whose company I could tolerate while consciously restraining myself from murdering them. I had a feeling that they all felt the same murderous intent in each others' company.

"You're getting a lot stronger lately, you know. I felt a couple of those hits."

"Really? I think so, too. When Nnoitra is back on his feet, I think I'll kill him."

And he meant that literally.

Social hour was over. I left Grimmjow sitting there bleeding without so much as offering a hand up, but I had taken it easy and the wounds weren't serious. That was the kind of treatment we expected of one another. Not killing him was a gesture of something akin to friendship. And taking me up on my invitation to fight even though he knew my strength, that was his way of saying he trusted me not to kill him. Poor fool.

Stopping at my quarters, I washed and changed, then took some time to start tea and arrange regular food delivery and room cleaning for Toshiro to start in the morning. For basic tasks like this I used the only fraccion I had chosen, a fairly weak Arrancar called Thiago something-or-other. I didn't really care. I'd picked him because he almost never spoke. He was lazy, and serving me suited him since I didn't require him to fight or do just about anything except the most basic chores. He showed up when I called him, and in return no one fucked with him.

Las Noches had a pretty decent system of services. The food wasn't bad, and just about anything I wanted could be on the menu in a day. My clothes were custom and always clean, the room kept spotless. There would even be clothing made to my specifications for Toshiro within a day. Aizen and company did enjoy living in comfort, and as one of their elite soldiers I could live luxuriously if I chose.

The fight had cleared my head, just as I'd hoped. I'd made some decisions, though how he responded to me would determine whether I would tell him everything, or break him, not to follow Aizen but to obey me.

_Riiight, like you would have the balls to do that. Pussy._

_Ah, thanks Shiro. Nice to have your support._

_Fuck off. That boy has you ready to throw my life away. You realize this is Aizen's work, right, dumbass? You're going to ruin everything, and when you die screaming I'll have to kiss that Shinigami's ass just to get a little killing action_ _._

Sighing, I grabbed a few books from my shelf and tucked them under my arm. Gathering the tray with tea, I headed to his room. Whatever I had expected, it wasn't Toshiro stretched out on the bed, snoring softly. My breath caught at the sight. He was exquisite in battle, moving with grace and precision that reflected his genius. A different beauty was present here, a soft beauty that melted the heart. And he'd just fallen asleep in the jaws of the beast.

He had slept through the remainder of the day of his capture, slept through that night and most of today. I knew what drained reiatsu did to the system, so that wasn't surprising. Glancing around the room and through the open door to the bath, I shook my head in disbelief. He had cleaned the bathroom. The food tray is neatly straightened, and I'm sure he even rinsed the plate off in the bathroom sink. The sheets were changed.

Turquoise eyes blinked open and he stretched slowly from toe to fingertip, calm as if he'd awoken in his own home without a care in the world. I stood silent watching his body bend and contort. Surely he had no idea how erotic those movements were. For just one precious instant I allowed myself to live in this moment. Waking up with Toshiro in my bed, bringing him tea before he wakes and then sharing the morning with him, hearts tranquil and light.

While I had been standing lost in a fantasy, Toshiro had gotten out of bed and was standing beside it, just gazing at me with a scowl on his face. How I had missed that expression. Even those who worked closely with him saw that frown and attributed it to Hitsugaya's cold personality, his serious demeanor and his famous temper. They didn't try to see further.

It was a mask, a defense, but if you looked closely it told you much about his mood and likely actions. I knew from the way he was slightly biting the inside of his cheek that he was more uncertain and nervous about what to do than anyone else may have guessed. The way his eyes looked right at my chest instead of watching my face told me he was expecting an attack or at least an aggressive move like our last encounter. His body looked relaxed, but there was a tension and a balance in his stance that made me picture him with sword in hand.

Chuckling at myself for these repeated flights of fancy, I walked over and settled at the far side of the table. I kept my eyes focused on the task of setting out the tea and pouring each of us a cup. The books I had placed at the edge of the table where he would sit. Sipping silently from my cup, I waited.

He approached slowly, and stood for a moment near the table before carefully lowering himself to sit seiza style on the cushion. He reached first for the books, which made me smile. His free hand reached for the tea automatically, bringing it to his lips while his attention was still diverted. He sipped the tea and let out a small sigh, then blinked and peered at me suspiciously. It seemed I was not the only one indulging in moments of reverie. How amazing that he could even pretend to be so at ease, let alone drift off in his own private thoughts. Perhaps convincing him that I was still an ally would not be so difficult after all. He was showing a frightening amount of confidence just from the lack of expected behavior on my part.

"I'm drinking from the same teapot. I don't need to poison or drug you if that is what is causing your concern." It wasn't, I knew, but it was a logical thing for me to say.

He took a long drink to show me how little he thought of my statement, looking me over blatantly. For the first time since the throne room, he spoke. His voice was quiet and hoarse.

"Why are you being civil, Kurosaki?"

Now who was making shallow comments? I considered for a moment how to respond. I considered also who else may be privy to this conversation.

"There will be enough violence during our time together. There is no need for it at this moment."

His face didn't change, but the teacup shook just a bit as he abruptly set it down.

I continued, "How you chose to spend your energy is your business. You're lucky that you were given to me. I don't seek ways to cause suffering, and I don't thrive on torture and bloodshed. But make no mistake, I now know how to use those tools and I do not shy from them."

"Are you saying you do intend to . . ." he searched for the right words.

"Break you? Yes, of course. That is the task I've been given, to destroy your will to oppose Aizen-sama. More importantly, I will destroy your will to oppose _me_. I am saying that it will be up to you to decide how painful this process needs to be. I'm prepared for resistance from you, and I'll tear you apart as many times as it takes until you submit to me completely. So start thinking about how much effort you want to put into this when the outcome is inevitable."

That put us back on proper footing. He stared at me in shock and horror, but there was something else in his eyes, cold and calculating. His reputation wasn't unearned, and I could practically feel his mind turning over my words again and again, seeking out the flaws and possible weaknesses.

"This . . . is not normal."

"What isn't?" I was genuinely curious, and wasn't that just delightful.

"Having tea and calmly discussing long-term torture options with a prisoner. What are you thinking?"

It had been so long since I had genuinely laughed, I didn't even realize it at first. Zangetsu was humming with approval, something I rarely heard from him these days. But it wasn't me that old man Zangetsu was admiring. Toshiro was everything I had thought he was. The man had nerves of steel, to chastise his would-be master for not being brutal enough. I would be brutal if he kept this up. But I didn't want to indulge that part of myself if I could help it.

With a wide smile, I leaned over the table and gave him a conspiratorial wink.

"But you aren't a common prisoner, are you tensai? You and I are going to be partners on this endeavor, and that sharp mind of yours is part of my arsenal. Every time you over-analyze your situation you will play right into my hands. Every time you make a decision based on what is logically the right thing to do, you will become more and more _mine_. We'll walk hand in hand down this road, with you leading the way as often as I."

With each sentence he had flinched and his hands had come up as if to ward my words away. If my intention were actually to break him, I was on exactly the right track and he knew it. It helped that I didn't know my own intentions. He couldn't possibly predict what was coming when I didn't know my own mind. At this moment I wanted to save him, to rescue him from all of this including myself. But lurking right behind that wish was the desire to make him scream. I'm sure if I put a little effort into it that I could get him to voice both ecstasy and agony at the same time. What would that sound like?

The expression on my face was causing him to believe my words. Sadistic lust had to be in my eyes as I imagined his throat sore from wailing my name.

He would understand the need for genuine fear at this moment. He would forgive me once we were able to get through this. If I had to break him, then it wouldn't matter. But if I could save him, he would have to forgive me. I held on to that belief desperately as I sat sipping tea with amused interest, watching him collapse.

The approach of reiatsu gained my attention and I stood. Living in a place where every shadow hid a Hollow who would risk everything to eat your soul was very motivating. I could easily sense others and hide my own presence, skills which I probably wouldn't have bothered to master otherwise.

Toshiro was slouched, arms and head hanging down without reacting. I went to the door to greet Szayelaporro. The mad scientist stepped in, eyes that were dangerously perceptive settling on Toshiro. He laughed and had the audacity to smack my shoulder with his left hand, an offense I endured. I found it a good policy to stay on friendly terms with the criminally insane whenever possible.

"I see you're already making progress with our sweet Chibi."

"He's not _our_ anything, Szayel," I growled back at him.

"Yes, of course," a bit of nervousness crept into his voice. He was no doubt reminding himself to stay on friendly terms with the criminally insane. "Well, I brought what you asked for. Wouldn't want _your_ pet growing any claws, eh my friend?"

I took the cuffs from him with a frown of distaste. It wasn't so long ago when I wore a pair myself, which made the idea of subjecting Toshiro to them even more unpleasant. Now I wore only one, as a gesture of "trust." One was bad enough.

Szayel had slipped by me and approached the Shinigami captain while I was distracted. A thin, gloved hand reached down. As I tensed, fully intending to rip off the offending arm, his hand was harshly smacked away by Toshiro's clenched fist. Bright eyes glared and his whole body shouted cold fury.

He hadn't been slumped in defeat. He hadn't been sulking or breaking at all, he had been struggling to contain his rage. Was every sign of weakness he'd shown a lie? His eyes slipped over Szayel's shoulder and widened ever so slightly. I knew I had a ridiculous grin plastered across my face, and wouldn't that give him a lot to think about.

Szayel meanwhile was giggling and rubbing his wrist as if he'd actually felt the blow. He straightened and turned, to smirk at me, my face now schooled into a look of mild annoyance.

"I have a wide variety of serums that you may find useful with this little one, if you like. Or I could take him to the lab tonight, soften him up for you a bit?"

My hand fell on his shoulder, lightly in a gesture that might seem friendly. It was enough to make him freeze.

"Thanks, Szayel. I'll keep that offer in mind. But I have other plans tonight if you don't mind."

He covered up a faint shiver by adjusting his glasses and smiling.

"Sure thing, Ichigo. Always happy to help."

And he was bolting out the door like the devil was at his heels. He wasn't wrong.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Watching the pink-haired Arrancar flee, I couldn't hold back a small sigh of relief. The creep was definitely Hueco Mundo's answer to Kurotsuchi, and I wanted him nowhere near me. But the display of Kurosaki's influence over an Espada, and the flight or fight response it elicited was beyond disturbing. Just how fearsome had he become?

And the expression on his face when I'd smacked the Espada . . . what could that have been? He'd seemed happy to see me fight back right after he'd tried to crush my will. The best answer I could come up with was that his personality – Shinigami/human and Hollow – had finally and completely split. His moods and responses were changing so fast I couldn't follow his thoughts.

Kurosaki was not sane, that much was clear. No one could fake those complete reversals of emotion and action. I doubted that he even realized it. And that made survival that much more unlikely. How could I stay ahead of him when neither one of us knew what he would do next?

Hmm. The few times we had spoken in the living world or Soul Society he had made a point of not using my title. He had gone straight to treating me like an old friend, calling me be my name despite my protests. Now it was "taicho" or "Shinigami." He had not said my name once. His speech patterns were odd as well. Sometimes he sounded like the Kurosaki I remembered, but other times his words were more stiff and controlled, almost like he was reading a prepared speech.

Brown eyes looked at me thoughtfully. I was still sitting with my knees on the cushion, no longer slumped but straight and tense. He closed the distance between us and knelt down in front of me, reaching forward to take my right hand in his left. After a moment's resistance, I controlled my reaction and let him pull my arm up between us. His fingers explored my hand and wrist gently as I held perfectly still. For an odd moment I envisioned a tiger licking my hand, preparing to devour me, and I could not repress a shiver of my own. He smiled again. What a handsome expression, if only the smile would reach his eyes. All I could see there was anger, madness, and a deep, haunting sorrow.

Leaving one of the cuffs on the floor by his knee, he dropped my hand and I let it fall to my thigh. He raised the other cuff and I noticed that it was a smaller but perfect copy of the plain bracelet on his own right wrist. Gleaming silver and about 2 inches wide, it looked like it would fit snug around my wrist as his own cuff did. But it wasn't a simple oval band. A slightly narrower piece connected the two long sides.

"This is a reiatsu control cuff, a more advanced tool than the ones used in Soul Society." His voice was gentle once more. "They were developed specifically for use on captain level and higher Shinigami. It will allow fine control of the amount of reiatsu you can use, from all to none to any level in between. It will vent the excess without letting you use it in any way.

I will be the one with primary control, but the cuffs are keyed to Aizen-sama's reiatsu as well, meaning he can adjust them or remove them if he decides to. I probably do not need to tell you that intense pain can be delivered into your nervous system through reiatsu control."

There was a quiet snap as he opened the cuff wide. The piece in the center split, one end shaped like a sword point, the other a sharp-edged V. I swallowed hard, eyes locked on that thin strip of metal.

"This," his finger tapped the center piece," will go through your wrist, between the two bones. It makes the cuff very difficult to remove, and increases my ability to precisely control your reiatsu flow. Once the cuff is locked in place, the only way to remove it yourself will be to cut off your hand. That's why we'll be using two cuffs for you, since I wouldn't put it past you to sacrifice your dominant hand."

All of this was explained casually and with no hint of the cruelty the words conveyed. I could feel my stomach clenching and swallowed again to keep from vomiting as I felt the blood drain from my face.

"No . . . ." My whisper was involuntary.  _No, no, no, please no. I'll do anything, just don't!_

"This is going to hurt."

My eyes shot up. There was probably a plea in them, I didn't know and couldn't control it. His face stiffened, the gentle smile disappearing. A flash of gold washed over his eyes.

"One at a time, or both at once?"

I would not beg. I was Hitsugaya Toshiro, wielder of Hyorinmaru and captain of the Gotei 13. He could steal all of my power, but I would not give him my pride.

Breathe in. Slowly. Breathe out. Deliberately.

Not dropping eye contact, I lifted both of my hands.

OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

This would take every drop of willpower I had. Inside I was a wreck. Every action had been necessary, every hostile word was required. That didn't stop my heart and soul from rebelling against what my mind dictated. I did not want to do this, any of this. Toshiro deserved respect, freedom, worship. He deserved the world. Not this.

It was a very good thing that Shiro was working with me, even if he tormented me and argued at every turn. If we were still at war with one another, this kind of internal conflict would have been the perfect opportunity for him to seize control. Luckily, he didn't want to be here any more than I did. As it was I had to draw on his ruthlessness to get through this. I couldn't allow myself to believe the cold fact that Shiro's lack of mercy was my own. That would mean acknowledging that part of me was just fine torturing Toshiro this way, crippling Toshiro this way, and then I'd be huddled sobbing in a corner.

"This is going to hurt," I told him quietly.

It would more than hurt, I knew. Aside from the pain of having both wrists pierced through, something about the forceful disruption of the flow of energy, even when it was running low, was agonizing beyond belief. I suspected that it would be much, much worse for Toshiro than it had been for me. He was a captain. He'd been using high levels of reiatsu every day for decades. It was probably like air to him, and I was about to steal it.

He looked in my eyes, and I could see that he was on the verge of begging me not to do this. I figuratively hid behind Shiro for a moment to keep from breaking down. A second later I was back in control. When all of this was over, I had to face Toshiro knowing that I was the one who hurting him each time, no excuses.

"One at a time, or both at once?"

Yes, Toshiro had to make the choice to allow the cuffs, just as he'd made the choice to give himself to me. Even if there really was no choice at all, the symbolic act of acceptance would make a huge psychological impact. I knew Aizen would recognize the same techniques he had used on me. It would make all of this believable.

Slowly, he lifted both hands, palms up and steady.

It had taken me around 30 minutes of fighting to make the same gesture when it had been my turn. I had even drawn my blade, hoping Aizen would finally kill me rather than face this ultimate surrender of control. My hands had been shaking and I had cursed and spat, averting my eyes when the moment came. Toshiro was so much stronger.

He sucked in his breath as I settled an open cuff over each wrist, focusing my reiatsu so that I could guide the metal safely between the bones without damaging tendons and veins more than necessary. His wrists were so small that it was easy to hold both cuffs in place at once. Not wanting to give him time to lose his resolve and his dignity, I closed my hands forcefully and held on to both flesh and cuff as he threw his entire body backward, jaw locked to try to prevent himself from screaming.

The sound that escaped his throat was a high pitched howl, full of anguish and grief. The first tears I'd seen from him slid from closed eyes. The part of me that loved him ran and hid, leaving the part of me that was laughing at his pain, wallowing in it, dreaming of taking him and causing him twice the misery he endured now. I couldn't look at his face any longer.

Only a thin rivulet of blood leaked out from under each cuff, leaving red lines down his forearms until staining the sleeves of his robe. It was a clean piercing, and I let his hands go. Pulling his arms in toward his body, he slowly rocked backward and rolled onto his left side, ending in a near fetal position with his wrists tucked against his chest. His eyes remained squeezed tightly shut, slow tears trickling across his nose and cheek.

"Try not to clench your fists," I told him quietly, knowing from my own experience that pressure made the pain greater. He didn't answer or open his eyes, but his hands slowly uncurled, fingertips pushing rigidly into his collarbone on each side.

After at least a minute with no sound but his harsh, shallow breathing I moved forward, kneeling beside him. I reached to scoop him up, one arm under his knees, one behind his back. That eerie, stifled howl came from him again, quieter this time. If he could, I was sure he'd be shouting at me not to touch him. This was a distorted nightmare of my desire to hold Toshiro in my arms. He had no idea how highly I thought of him, before all of this.

We'd spent less than a week near each other back in Karakura, each encounter far too brief. But he was always, always in my thoughts. Such a flawed concept, love at first sight. What did I really know about him except that he was beautiful, brilliant, powerful and fiercely loyal? Really, what else was there to know?

When I was a boy, I had no real friends before I met Tatsuki. I spent a lot of my time alone. There was a vacant lot, overgrown into the nearby forest a block from my house. The wildlife loved that place, a false meadow of long grass, weeds and wildflowers. Many birds visited the lot, none more beautiful than a proud sparrow with a dozen shades of russet, bronze and brown highlighted by pure white down underneath. He was beautiful and had the most charming song, so much more interesting than the brighter yellow and blue birds flitting around. I visited that lot at least twice a week, and always took the time to admire my little sparrow.

One day I arrived to find a group of boys my age and a little older, some I knew from school. They were playing around with slingshots, aiming at cans and branches mostly, but any bird in sight was not safe. No one wants to be alone, the odd one out, the last kid chosen. So when they included me in their games I felt pleased and excited, and gladly I took aim, missing the inanimate targets but laughing along. Of course, my turn came again just as my proud friend flitted to the top of an old fence post to fluff his gorgeous feathers and start his enchanting song. The goading of the other boys, the stupid pride I felt to be included, the fear of their mockery, what did any of that matter when the little sparrow dropped to the ground?

We all rushed to the spot where the bird lay gasping and broken. The laughter and congratulations finally started to make me cringe as the boys passed the suffering creature hand to hand, making its last, painful moments as horrific as possible. I had always secretly wished to touch the sparrow, to feel those iridescent feathers and magical wings that let it fly so fast and far. As it lay in my trembling hands, its tiny beak jerked open and closed one last time. I sobbed and wailed that my touch, my love had destroyed so fine a thing when its only sin had been to shine more brightly in my eyes than its fellows.

I placed Toshiro gently on the bed, and dared to brush my hand through the dazzling white hair. Such a very fine thing he was, cursed with beauty to draw my eye. And now that I had crippled him, I could touch the perfection that should have remained safely out of my reach. The shrill laughter of the Hollow in my head was a fine tribute to the derisive taunts of the boys as they turned all of their cruelty on the crying child holding the dead sparrow.

It seemed like he'd passed out. I hoped so. I brought a cool, wet rag from the bathroom and wiped his tear streaked face gently, then washed away the blood on his arms. Then, once again, I left him in pain and completely alone.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I was in darkness, endless darkness. It was neither cold, nor warm. No breeze blew, nothing broke the silence. This was a place I had been before, always after a horrific nightmare that stole away from me as I woke in this deep pit of nothingness. Usually, this place frightened me. But given what I had to face, I found it a great comfort and I lingered in the solitude.

Should I stay this time? My death would steal my power from my captors. But revenge, I had lived for it before and it beckoned to me now like a long lost lover. If I stayed here then revenge, too, would leave me. The climb out of the pit of despair was so much harder this time. No light at the top, only darkness below and above. Dragging myself back with no hope that life would be any better than death was an act more of habit than of will.

For the first time no memories followed me out of the nightmare. I had gone through the suffering with no reward. But also I did not feel as drained as before. Instead of cold and a crushing migraine that would keep me down for days, it was the pain of the cuffs that I felt as I returned to the waking world. In a way, that was a relief. I could only guess that it was the lack of reiatsu, or the lack of Hyorinmaru that changed things.

Fire was running through my veins, starting at the wrists and cycling through my entire body with each heartbeat. Instinctively I kept reaching for my elemental power, imagining the comfort of coating my body in ice. I had to fight to stop, as each time I reached there was a fresh flash of agony.

I don't know how long it was before the fire subsided to a sharp, full body ache that I was becoming all too familiar with. Willing myself to turn and lay flat on my back was uncomfortable at first, but gradually started to relieve the tension of cramped muscles. It took more willpower to try moving my hands down to my sides, but my arms and wrists didn't hurt any more than the rest of me.

Controlling my breath, I started relaxation cycles from toe to head to fingertip again and again until my breath was slow and my heartbeat regular, if still a bit too fast. I could deal with this. Kurosaki had a cuff on his right wrist, so obviously he had survived. But I didn't want to think about what he had to do to get his power released. I would not. There was nothing they could take from me now to force me, other than my body and my life. Momo had discarded me. Matsumoto was most likely dead. Hyorinmaru was out of my reach.

There was a reason a warrior should have few ties at all, and fewer deep connections that could be exploited. At least I had succeeded in something, for what bonds I had were weak or broken entirely.

Cold wind whipped around me, first stinging then pleasantly numbing my aching skin and bones. A storm was raging, obscuring the expanse of snow covered plains. White upon white, upon white. I used to love that. But the whites here were not the same as my prison. When there wasn't a blizzard, that is. Normally clear light brought out hundreds of hues. The snow sparkled silver and gold, icicles cast rainbows of color, and the varied blues of frozen water reflected the endless sky where Hyorinmaru and I would take wing.

_Hyorinmaru!_

I called to my other half again and again, trying to believe he might answer. Everything else that was happening to me was almost too terrible to contemplate. If I could only have the dragon's support I could make it through, even fight back. I heard nothing but the roar of the wind.

I stood staring into the swirling snow until my body warned me that enough was enough. The white of the storm blended into the white of the ceiling and I gave a deep sigh. With as little effort as I could manage, I reached down to pull the blanket up from the foot of the bed and shivered until I fell into another exhausted sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Note: In case you're wondering what the hell was going on with Toshiro, with the odd nightmare/memory kinda thing, you can either ignore it or stick with the story for quite a long time. I'll tell much more of the Toshiro story in the sequel To Be By Your Side.
> 
> WARNING: Next chapter is basically one huge lemon. So quit now if you aren't into that. And if you are into that . . . yay! Finally, right!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING – Yaoi, M/M lemons starting in this chapter and continuing throughout story.
> 
> A/N – Sorry, nope. I'm not even going to try to type Gin's accent. I'm not that talented.

 

Leaving Toshiro for the night, I went for a hunt, tried exercise, meditation, and a cold shower. But my thoughts returned again and again to white hair, stunning eyes, and beauty impossible to endure. If my own pornographic imagination wasn't bad enough, the damn Hollow inside me wasn't shy about sharing his own fantasies. Only they were laced with blood, chains, and screams. The truth was I would have to take Toshiro soon. I had allowed him two nights to recover from capture and the severing of his power. That was already far too kind.

A second sparring match had been required to vent my frustration. Halibel was much stronger than Grimm, even if she didn't flaunt it. She was faster, more calculating, and had the ability to actually hurt me if I took her too lightly. We both avoided potentially fatal blows, for that was the rule in Espada duels. She never went into resurreccion form, and I never let Shiro have much control. That made a draw the only outcome, but we fought for the fight itself, to test our strength, learn new tricks, and hone our deadly attacks.

We both walked away satisfied, and I finally felt that I had drained away most of the dangerous darkness that had been swirling around me since I'd first heard that several Espada would be dispatched to take down the Shinigami squadrons that had invaded Hueco Mundo. Lost in my thoughts, I barely sensed the fox's presence before I heard his voice beside me.

"My, my. Two Espada duels in two days. You have the lower Arrancar positively shaking in their boots."

I stopped walking and turned to him with a nod of my head, ignoring the suddenly renewed calls for blood ringing through my mind.

"So polite, Strawberry-kun. Where ever did you learn such sweet manners?" He ran two fingers along my left cheek and licked his perpetually grinning lips. I refused to flinch. "Are you practicing your charm for the snowy captain?"

"Anything I can do for you, Ichimaru-sama?"

He giggled like a child. "There are so many things you could do for me. But a different game is being played right now, so I'll just have to wait my turn, I suppose. Mmm, strawberries scattered like blood drops defiling a bed of pure, white snow, how positively . . . decadent."

I couldn't repress a violent shudder. A reaction was what he wanted; he widened his smile and leaned forward to whisper in my ear, "Have a lovely night, sweetheart. I'll be thinking of you both."

He slithered past, brushing his arm against mine. By the time I turned he'd vanished.

Seriously, wasn't dealing with the bastard Aizen and his god complex enough? That slimy fox already had his squinty eyes on Toshiro. He enjoyed humiliating strong opponents, and he had a fetish for destroying beautiful men and women. It must have irritated him that I was going to "get" Toshiro first. And annoyed him more that I hadn't taken Toshiro yet. Ichimaru had already had his fun with me once Aizen was tired of my compliance in bed. Now he wanted Toshiro, and Ichimaru was a violent sadist when he had his way. I had to get Toshiro out of here soon.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

After a meal and a shower, I lounged on the balcony with a book in hand. Staring out at white sands and red towers under an artificial daytime sky I thought only of Toshiro and what I could possibly say to him. Ichimaru had rattled me, as he always did, and terrifying memories returned to ruin the small and fragile peace I had gained. With a wordless shout, I stood and threw the unopened book at the wall. No more procrastinating, Toshiro didn't have time for me to sit around wallowing in self-pity.

Entering his room silently, my dark thoughts immediately fled in surprise. He was sleeping again! Did they teach Shinigami some kind of anti-terror techniques? I'm pretty sure I managed only a few hours of sleep a week when I first arrived, jumping at every whisper and shaken by nightmares. Then again, he hadn't had it as bad as I had. Not yet.

Slipping quietly to the bedside, I pulled the blanket down slowly. By the time he started to blink himself awake, I already had a wrist in each of my hands. He pulled against me and ordered me to release him, but I easily lifted his arms above his head, one hand on each side of one of the wide rails of the headboard. The cuffs clicked together, and they would not part without my command.

He yanked his arms until he realized that was only going to hurt his already damaged wrists, then twisted his body until he was sitting against the headboard, arms pulled to his right. Meanwhile, I waited for him to calm down. I cast a barrier, making sure it covered the entire bed with room to spare, enclosing us in a sphere. Learning kido had been a pain, but I'd made damn sure to perfect a barrier against sight, sound and reiatsu, for many reasons. The cuffs allowed just enough reiryoku for Toshiro to see the barrier shimmer into existence, and he looked back at me before flinching and looking away again.

I settled onto the edge of the bed near him. I gathered my courage. This had to happen. I had to continue to hurt him until I could find a way to protect him. And so I would try to get him to submit, try at least to get him to allow me to make this less painful, less horrific. I didn't even know if he liked men. Statistically, the answer was no, and this would be twice as unpleasant.

But if I had to, I was prepared to take him kicking and screaming. It was expected, and I was watched. The Espada seemed to know, like some kind of primal mating instinct, and if I didn't take him tonight then he would be taken from me tomorrow. There was just enough honesty left in me to admit that I wanted this, wanted to win him over or brutally dominate him. Which option was more appealing seemed to vary by the minute.

Clenching my teeth, I reminded myself that once I had a will of iron. Once I had achieved the impossible, tested my determination and even my mortality to the very limits to prove to myself and the world that I could accomplish any goal I set. I would hold back my instincts, my Hollow side. I would do that for Toshiro, hold back as long as possible and do everything I could to spare him pain.

Pain was not required to further his breaking, anyway. Pleasure was a much more effective tool, especially when it was unexpected. I had already set the stage, and as long as I could keep myself under control I had a good chance of making him beg for me to take him. And wouldn't that just be the delicious icing on this cake?

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Movement woke me. I had forgotten how much I relied on my reiatsu to keep me alerted to danger. Without it, I didn't even notice him enter the room and stand right above me. Kurosaki had my sore hands in his and lifted my arms above my head so quickly that I barely had a chance to struggle. Startled from sleep, my body reacted while my mind was still catching up. I yelled at him to release me, which was a complete waste of breath and demeaning. It was nice to know that I still had a little pride to wound.

Suddenly I could not bring my hands down and I looked to see that the two silver bands around and through my wrists were stuck together on the other side of the metal railing of the bed. Pulling my arms only hurt my wrists, but I managed to twist my body around easily until I was sitting with my right hip on the pillow, left arm stretched across my chest.

Kurosaki stood impassive, then with just a few words, a barrier flickered into existence around the entire bed. Every experience I had with him, every report I had read all mentioned his lack of training and aptitude with kido. My senses were very dull, so I couldn't tell how strong the barrier was, but he had cast it with a title alone.

I watched warily as he settled onto the edge of the bed, one knee drawn up and body turned to face mine. He stared at me, and I looked away. I knew what was finally coming, and I knew that there was nothing I could do to stop it. His right hand reached toward me. I put everything I had into a solid kick to his wrist. In my weakened state the kick was no threat, really, an empty gesture of protest just like demanding to be let go. His arm moved out of the way so quickly it was a blur.

Lips thinning and eyes narrowing, he was still for only long enough for me to feel fear rising once more. In a flash he had gripped both of my ankles and pulled until I was stretched full length, stretched so tight that I could not even try to lift my body. I clenched my jaw against the pain in my wrists and arms. He crouched above me, not quite sitting on my upper legs with his head right above mine. A new invisible binding was holding my ankles in place.

Kurosaki's eyes held all my attention for a moment. The sclera were white, not black, yet the unsettling gold of the irises were definitely the eyes of the Hollow I had so briefly faced in battle. They were hard to read, those eyes, so intense that the only clear emotion was simmering anger. They seemed to glow, with lighter yellow swirling through darker bronze. I found those eyes captivating, and unconsciously raised my head closer to his face to try to examine them more closely. Gold eyes widened, and then faded back to brown. How amazing – was that the human taking control or the Hollow retreating? I watched the change intently, completely distracted by this mystery inches in front of me.

He looked confused, the first time since coming here that I really recognized the human boy I barely knew. How fitting that I associated him with an expression of utter cluelessness. I couldn't help but chuckle a little. There was that twisted sense of humor again. Being a child prodigy who was already staggeringly disgusted and bored with the world at age 30, then 'growing' into a powerful captain while only physically aging a few years, humor was a vital survival mechanism.

He bent his head down, hiding his eyes. Wait . . . was he blushing? My movement toward him might have seemed like an advance or an invitation. My amusement at his expressions would also have been hard to interpret. Could it be I had more power here than I had thought?

Left hand braced near my head, his right hand moved to settle on my chest and I managed to only flinch a little. Well, that may not have been a credit to my bravery because it was difficult even to breathe let alone flinch with my body stretched so taut. His hands were large, and my body was not. Barely spreading his fingers, his hand covered my entire chest. Whatever I expected next, it wasn't the pale light of healing kido and the relief I immediately started to feel in my wrists, my ribs, my throat, and my right arm.

"Kurosaki," I began, intending to ask him outright about his intentions, though I was sure of the answer.

"Shut up. I'm not very good at this unless I concentrate."

Silent I remained, allowing myself a little mental sigh each time an injury faded, each time a torn muscle or cracked bone stitched itself back together. He was almost as good at healing kido as I was, though I was not nearly as skilled in healing as in kido for combat. Which led me back to the question of when and how did he learn any of this?

I was struggling not to think about the warmth of his hand on my chest. His hand was so broad, long fingers and smooth, young skin enhanced by the calluses of a swordsman. But not looking at his hand made me look at his body bent over me, and the way the close-fitting uniform showed off the center of his chest and his lean build. Looking away just led my eyes to his, focused on my chest in concentration. They were expressive eyes. I had seen tenderness there before, as well as anger, sorrow, and immense determination. What would they look like in ecstasy?

_What the fuck are you thinking?_

I dragged every bit of the pain I had endured back into my mind. This man would hurt and damage me beyond recognition if I allowed it. While I could not prevent the physical damage he would do, I could and must resist his attempts to bend and scar me mentally. I could not falter for a moment, or he would have me at his mercy for eternity.

Perhaps 15 minutes had gone, and I knew my body was as close to sound as it could be with metal through my wrists and bindings pinning me like some kind of sacrificial offering. The light faded, and his hand moved up, brushing against my neck and then resting with his palm cradling my left cheek. I was considering turning my head to bite him when he broke the silence.

"She's alive, Toshiro . . .." He looked directly into my widening eyes. "Matsumoto is alive."

I could feel his thumb start to caress my cheek as his fingers slid over my ear, but I didn't even think of reacting. All my attention was focused on his words.

"She waited by the portal until an Espada almost reached her. She stayed even after your reiatsu completely disappeared. Then she escaped."

_What an effective technique._

That thought pushed itself to the forefront of my mind as his hand ghosted back down to my neck with light touches designed to awaken the sensitive skin. Mind overtaxed, bracing itself for pain only to find first physical and then immense emotional relief, I was left vulnerable and trembling. My body would automatically connect these pleasant shocks with the gentle touch of his hand and the whisper of my name which he had been careful not to use until now, like a weapon.

It was insidious, and it was working despite my being aware that it was all a trick.

I briefly debated. Struggle or try to get more information? But even what he had already told me was likely a lie. He had no incentive to tell me the truth when I would be unable to verify. Then again, struggling wasn't really an option at the moment. Maybe I could keep him talking and learn something by the way he answered even if all he did was deceive.

"The rest of my men?"

His eyes moved down to watch his hand caress my neck, thumb brushing along my jawline. I felt every detail, every ridge of his fingers as they moved with the lightest pressure against my skin.

"Most escaped. Three dead I think. They went after the onmitsukido hardest."

I winced. Was Soi-fon somewhere here, too, enduring her own hell?

Kurosaki had lowered his head and I could feel his breath on my ear just above his hand.

"Their captain escaped, but she was the only survivor. You, Toshiro, are the only one captured alive."

The mix of hope that Matsumoto and Soi-fon really were safe, the shame as he reminded me of my failure, and the pride that I may have bought the time needed for them to get out alive served his purpose once again. A shiver ran through me, and my skin burned as his tongue traced the shell of my ear.

_Dammit, dammit, dammit! He had told me, had fucking told me!_

I remembered it word for word, 'Every time you over-analyze your situation you will play right into my hands. Every time you make a decision based on what is logically the right thing to do, you will become more and more  _mine_. We'll walk hand in hand down this road, with you leading the way as often as I.' It was not possible for me to be outwitted by this human boy. But I had a pretty good idea where he had learned to do what he was doing to me. As Kurosaki had been broken by Aizen, the same methods would be used on me.

"Damn you, Kurosaki, stop this!" He laughed softly in my ear. "You don't hurt people. You protect your friends to the point of foolishness. This is not you!"

His mouth moved down, nibbling my earlobe before he replied. The binding on my ankles loosened just enough to provide relief from the tension of being pulled taut.

"And is that what you are, Toshiro? My friend?"

His right hand moved from my shoulder up my right arm and then down my left. Where his hand touched the fabric, the robe separated as if cut by a keen edged knife, leaving my arms bare. His hand glided up and down my arms as he licked down my neck. I couldn't think of anything anymore except the heat of his tongue, the tingling of my scalp as his left hand joined the assault, fingers sliding through my hair.

The slight electricity in the wake of his touch grew, shocks traveling down through my entire body and I could feel my stiffening arousal from just those simple pets. No one had ever dared touch me that way. It was devastating and oh, so tempting. I closed my eyes and tried to stop shaking.

My own body was betraying me.

"I could be your friend, Toshiro," he whispered against into the crook of my neck.

My own mind was failing to find a way out.

"I could protect you, my friend."

He lightly bit my collarbone, which I was startled to find was actually quite a nice feeling, then started nipping and licking his way back up my neck while I stayed as still as possible trying not to make a sound. If the end was the same, would this not be better than a violent rape? But even if he continued to be gentle, I was not being given a choice. It would still be rape, just less painful. His goal had to be to get me to agree to sex. To beg him to fuck me, even. And the way things were going, he was going to succeed.

I was doing it again. Thinking myself into a corner just as he said I would. But what else could I do? Reason had always been the window through which I saw the world, and I kept the world safely on the other side.

Both of his hands were framing my face, and I opened my eyes as he stopped mauling my neck. His lips were so very close to mine, lips which were making me tremble. I stared at those lips for a moment which made them curve into a small smile. He pressed his mouth to mine, gently. He licked my bottom lip, then treated it to those little nips and suckles that my neck had so enjoyed. My teeth were locked tightly as he pushed his tongue between my lips and started little licks along them, and my eyes remained open until I heard him moan against my mouth.

That sound was unlike anything I had ever heard, causing a flush of heat through my entire body. It was the sound of want, of longing, and of the end of loneliness. It was the sound I had been pushing down in the back of my throat.

_I want to hear that again_ _._

He more than wanted me. My mind took all the small things he had said, the reverence in his touch, the desolation in his eyes,  _that sound_ , and presented me with one astounding fact. Kurosaki Ichigo had feelings for me. Perhaps quite strong feelings. Perhaps love. This, finally, was something I could use.

It was decided. If Kurosaki was not yet in love with me, I would make him fall. And when his heart was mine I could steal his power from Aizen to use as I saw fit. My eyes closed and suddenly I was no longer shaking, my mind no longer racing. I had something to go on now, a path forward. If this man had a vulnerability, I would exploit it to survive. Yielding to him now was necessary. If I was to have no choice about giving him my body, then I would stick a high price tag on it and use it to bind him to me.

He felt the change. Not removing his lips from mine, he whispered in a voice low and raw, "What do you say, Toshiro? Can we be friends?"

I opened my mouth against his.

Kurosaki wasted no time pushing his tongue into my mouth. It was an odd sensation, initially making me wish to pull back, to remove the intrusion. But as that smooth muscle began to move, I quickly found myself enjoying the kiss. The roof of my mouth turned out to be even more sensitive than my neck, tingling pleasantly when the tip of his tongue explored. I wondered in irritation what else I did not know about the body that had been mine for half a century.

He pulled slightly away, giving us both a moment to suck in some much-needed oxygen. Then he was back in my mouth, his hands tilting my head slightly to the side as his fingers brushed and twisted through my hair. His tongue stroked mine and for the first time I responded, tentatively brushing my tongue along his. My reward was that delectable sound, that sweet moan of desire delivered directly into my eager mouth.

Another wave of heat engulfed me, emboldening me to try to win more of those divine moans. I swirled my tongue around his, closing my lips to suck on him lightly. He let me play until we both needed air again. This time when he paused, I cracked my eyes open to see a look of sheer wonder on his face.

_I'm on to you, Kurosaki. If I must be yours, then I'm going to make you mine._

Of course, he hadn't expected me to be such a willing participant in this, even if that was the goal he ultimately had in mind. What he thought my motives were, I really could not have cared less at that moment. Having chosen a course of action, I saw no reason not to take everything that I could from him, including physical pleasure.

I was briefly disappointed when he did not return to kissing me. Disappointment faded as he began giving attention to the other side of my neck, and I felt his lips stretch into a grin as I turned my head as much as I was able, exposing more of my skin to his ministrations. Now that I was not fighting the sensations, I could feel my skin heat under his touch, then cool as his breath glided over the damp skin left behind. Delightful shivers followed his lips lower.

Confident hands slid down my sides, those first touches below my shoulders setting alight nerves that had been straining in anticipation. A long sigh slipped through my lips and Kurosaki froze for a moment in reaction. Then hands settled on my waist. He slightly lifted and slid me up the bed, allowing my arms to bend. I had not noticed that my ankles were free, though Kurosaki still knelt with his weight lightly pushing down, now on my lower legs.

His body was much closer to mine as his head moved down toward my chest. The warmth of him and the heat his touch had raised within me were making me beyond uncomfortable. If I could move, I would have been squirming to get out from under him and out of my clothing. The hands at my waist had already untied and started to slowly push open the fabric.

There was no way I was going to let him have total control over this, over me. Lifting my head to watch his reaction, I shifted my right leg, bending the knee so that my shin dragged slowly across his crotch. He was rock hard, and I pushed against that length fully aware of how provocative the action was.

He sucked in a breath sharply, head dropping heavily onto my chest, orange hair tickling my sensitized neck. The air hissed between his teeth as I moved my leg out while lifting my foot, providing even greater friction. A few more rubs like that and I was betting I could get him to cum right there above me, still fully clothed. I wanted to try, and I was not terribly shocked to realize that I was thoroughly enjoying myself so far.

Kurosaki shifted his weight, pushing my leg down, effectively stopping my teasing to my dismay. He sat up, moving his hands to my hips, thumbs hooked under the waistband of my underwear. A smirk that would suit the devil graced his handsome face. I was pretty sure my own expression matched his.

_If I were free, if only I were free we would be tearing at each other by now._

"Aren't you full of surprises?"

"Release my hands and I will teach you what surprise really is, Kurosaki."

He looked tempted for a moment as his fingers caressed my hips and he glanced down at my obvious state of arousal as if to confirm I was not acting willing to try to escape or fight. I thought it was obvious by that point, but for whatever reason he did not free me. My little _tsk_ of disappointment was not lost on him, and I hoped he understood the message. While I may not be in a position to have much control now, he would not keep my interest long if he planned to simply dominate without allowing me to participate.

With another quick shift of his weight, he slid the boxers down and off in one smooth motion, and I gasped at the feeling of cool air against unbearably hot skin. His breath caught as his eyes roamed. I had been told often enough that I was attractive, sincere or lecherous compliments which caused bitter amusement since my appearance had been a curse most of my life. But not one of my admirers had ever seen me completely naked. The look of adoration and desire in Kurosaki's eyes was enough to make me want him, if I hadn't already.

Easily overcoming my involuntary resistance, he pushed my knees apart and settled his clothed body between my legs, weight heavy atop me, strangely arousing. My cock was pinned against his stomach as he suddenly brought his teeth together gently, teasingly on my right nipple, his hands caressing my ribs at the same time.

There it was, that sound that I had been fighting not to release. It rose all the way from the tightening knot in my core, echoing through the empty spaces of my heart, gathering all my dreams, my long nights of solitude, my yearning for something more than the fragile bonds I saw around me. All of this spilled out in a deep answering moan, my surrender and my commitment to this glorious effort to find, if for only a moment, some connection to another soul.

My thoughts scattered for a moment and I realized I had drawn up both knees to push my erection up against his body. How shameless! And oh, how wonderful.

_Touché, Kurosaki_ , was the first thought to return to my dizzy head.  _Control is safely back in your skilled hands._

"Oh god, Toshiro," he sighed as he switched his attention to the other side of my chest. "You're so fucking beautiful."

That cut through the haze. It was spoken with sincerity and longing, not only lust. Had Kurosaki been attracted to me before this nightmare began? Was I right that there was much more than dominating and breaking me? I was almost certain of it. My mind went back over the first time I had made eye contact with him, that flirting, cocky smile he had the nerve to flash at me like a challenge. That quiet night on the riverside watching the stars, when he had seemed so vulnerable and so nervous being near me. This poor boy had already offered his heart to me, and I had never realized it.

Thankfully my brain shut down again as Kurosaki moved. His warm body slid up, clothing scrapping along the underside of my erection. The rough friction was maddening, and I pushed against him again.

"Nnnng … AHHH!"

_Was that me?_

Then we were kissing again, and I was attacking with all the newfound hunger swimming through my body. Teeth clashed, tongues pushed back and forth, as far into each others' mouths as we could reach.

I hadn't even noticed what his hands had been doing, too lost in the taste of him which had abruptly become a delicious treat that I could not get enough of. His right hand lifted my leg, and I willingly hooked my ankle around his thigh. I felt a slick trail of liquid as fingers moved to places that had never been touched. Without breaking from Kurosaki's mouth, my eyes slid over to spot a vial on the bed. He must have had it tucked in a pocket. _Sneaky bastard_.

Knowing what was coming didn't stop my body from jerking in surprise when he pushed a long finger into me, which resulted in more amazing friction as my hips ground up against his body. My attention elsewhere, Kurosaki lightened the kiss. His tongue stroked mine slowly, comfortingly, and his other hand ran from my forehead back into my hair, the elbow resting near my head to help support his weight.

It was by far the strangest feeling I had ever experienced, but it was more unusual than uncomfortable. For a moment I was acutely focused, feeling that intrusion in fine detail, making me aware of muscles, tissue and nerves I had never paid any thought to as that finger moved and pushed.

But then I was distracted by a light sting, teeth nipping my lips. Kurosaki used his talented tongue to lull me until I was relaxed and responding to his kiss once more, despite the digit sliding in and out. When he added another finger it did cause a little discomfort, though not enough to complain about. But as he moved them in, apart and around little flashes of pain made me wince and whimper slightly. Was there no end to the humiliating sounds my voice could make?

He left my mouth to kiss each of my eyes, which had tightly shut. Then he nuzzled my ear and worked his way slowly down to my shoulder. My breath came in short pants as he pushed deeper and curled the tips of his fingers. A few movements later an intense new pleasure surged through me, searing every nerve, and a loud shout that faded into a moan tore itself from my throat.

"Toshiro, my Toshiro." How irritating that familiarity was, and how it made me tremble.

_The man has his fingers up your ass, and you're annoyed by him calling you by name._

I felt him tense at my low laughter, but I could not seem to open my eyes to see what I was sure would be an amusing expression. Kurosaki slid back down my body, scattering kisses and licks as he went. The cloth dragging down my erection, pushing and scratching the head was almost too much, more painful than pleasurable. I was sure it would have felt delightful if it were his skin.

His fingers continued to push and flex, and I couldn't tell when he'd added in a third. But he didn't target my prostate again. Yes, I did know exactly what was going on. I had avoided intimacy, but that didn't mean I never thought of it. Finding both the male and the female forms appealing, I had researched the basics and beyond of both heterosexual and homosexual intercourse. Thus I understood clearly what Kurosaki was doing, and why. I did not object to his methods at all. Other than my hands still being locked to the headboard and the fact that he was still, annoyingly, fully clothed, the physicality so far had been enjoyable.

And the word enjoyable took on a new meaning as he gave my aching cock one long, slow lick from base to head. The tip of his tongue flicked as he teased with little kisses around the head of my erection, then that sinful tongue pushed into the slit and lapped up drops that had leaked down my length. My body moved on its own, trying to thrust upward but prevented by a large hand across my stomach.

My head slammed back, eyes wide but seeing only light and sparks. Wet heat closed around my cock. I lost all sense of reason, unable to tell what sounds I might be making or how my body was moving. The world became nothing but sensation as the dual pleasure of his mouth and his fingers overwhelmed me. The stimulation pushed me much too quickly right to the peak of my tolerance.

"Kuro . . . ahhh . . . Kurosaki!" I tried to warn him, but he didn't seem to notice. His fingers suddenly pushed hard on that sensitive gland inside as he scraped his teeth along my shaft, and I shouted as my whole body tightened and the tension that had been building seemed to grow and then suddenly snap as the most intense orgasm I had ever experienced crashed over me. He swallowed and continued lightly sucking until my body slowly collapsed.

Too good, too fine this feeling, this purely tactile bliss that slowed my mind and dragged it down into hazy darkness. The danger I was in, the risks posed by the man above me as I lay powerless and vulnerable, none of it mattered. While I lay gulping air and trying not to die of a heart attack, Kurosaki was finally removing his clothes. I watched with barely open eyes, amazed that I could still feel a bit like a pervert after what had just happened.

His body was incredible. Men who trained for a particular discipline or to achieve muscle mass were different than us. Fighting with your entire body, training with sword and hand to hand combat and then putting that training into daily use created a balanced strength that was very appealing. A few deep scars only added to my appreciation, reminding me that though he was young, he was a warrior more than capable of earning my respect.

I let my eyes roam all over his bronzed muscles and golden scars, touching everywhere my hands could not. But I did notice that my gaze skittered away from his neck, where the zero stood out more boldly without his clothing. As his lower body was revealed, I hummed in approval and smiled at the bright orange hair highlighting the base of his impressive erection. He had been hard long before I gave in. How had he been able to hold out so long?

He was longer and thicker than I was, but that could only be expected given the size difference of our bodies. I had seen enough naked men in the barracks to know that I was fairly well endowed for my size. And Kurosaki had bragging rights, though he wasn't freakishly large, thank god. I tried not to consider how much longer he was than his fingers. This wasn't going to be very easy on me, at least at first. Still, I found myself licking my lips at the very thought of having him inside of me.

Before that exact moment I had no idea that I could ever think such a thing. But there it was, a clear desire presented by my body and enthusiastically approved by my brain. I finally knew what lust was, and it was a very fine feeling when the source of relief was so close.

Kurosaki watched me watching him, once again looking completely amazed at my actions. Then a crooked smile lit his face, the first smile that reflected in his dark eyes. He swooped down for a kiss, and I could taste myself on his tongue. I shuddered, not in disgust like my mind expected, but in full appreciation of how intimate the act was, even in the midst of what we were doing.

He did not hold the kiss long, which was a relief as I was still catching my breath from my first orgasm that didn't involve my own hand. Had I any idea how much better the interactive version was . . . well, let's just say there would have been many fewer disappointed Shinigami.

Somehow, he was able to spend more time revisiting my neck, my chest, petting and licking each muscle along my abdomen. How he was able to restrain himself I would never understand. I resolved to try something similar if and when I had the opportunity, to see how far I could take him without giving in myself. I knew that his patience was for my benefit and I had already started to harden again, heat and tension pooling in my groin once more.

While I enjoyed the attention, my fevered mind had already leaped forward to even more intimate activities. If he asked me now, I would indeed beg him to fuck me.

"I'm waiting, Kurosaki," I breathed in a husky voice.

He ignored me as he swirled his tongue around my navel, hands dancing lightly up and down my sides. With a little huff of frustration, I lifted my knees and spread my legs wide. I laughed at his expression, thoroughly enjoying keeping him off balance.

He growled and his eyes flashed gold as he drew back and took in the image of me exposed and inviting. I suppressed my alarm. Had I just propositioned a Hollow? At least I wasn't bored.

Invitation accepted, Kurosaki straightened on his knees between my legs, eager erection in full view as he applied more lubrication to his hand and slowly stroked. My breath hitched in sudden trepidation but I was not about to back down. I did check to make sure that his eyes were back to warm chocolate.

He wiped his hand on the sheets, then lifted both of my knees, guiding me to wrap my legs around his waist. Without my arms to help, this wasn't a comfortable position as all my weight was pushing up against my shoulders and neck. But one strong arm came down to support my lower back as he bent over me.

Showing that unbelievable restraint again, Kurosaki moved slowly. Despite what I knew to be true, at first this didn't seem physically possible. Just the tip of his cock against me made it clear, this could not possibly work. _That_ could not possibly fit in  _there_. But he had no such doubts, and I groaned as he firmly forced his way past my resistance. I had no way of knowing if this was better or worse than just taking me swiftly. It wasn't like I had any experience to compare this to. It certainly wasn't pleasant, but somehow I definitely did not want him to stop.

I groaned again as he pushed forward, focusing on preventing my muscles from clenching too much around him as stretched skin and muscle complained and resisted. I could see on his face that there was some pain for him, too, though the lust and bliss in his expression hid it well. Oh, I liked that look, I liked that look quite a lot and it distracted me completely. Lust took center stage once more, the thought of how he must feel to make such an erotic expression amplified the pleasure and expectation of pleasure, breaking through the pain.

He withdrew a little and pushed again, a little farther, just a hint of pain and then warmth each time. This was just ridiculous, like slowly dragging a knife across your skin instead of just making a clean cut. I considered how much leverage I could get in my current position, and when his eyes met mine I just couldn't stop myself. I pushed against my shoulders and pulled with my legs, yelping as the last several inches slammed into me.

"FUUUCK, Toshiro!" He held onto me and remained still while we both panted.

_Okay, that might have been a mistake._

My entire body was trembling, overloaded with too many conflicting sensations, every breath again sounding like a pathetic whimper. I had chased the pleasure away, and sharp pain clawed its way up my spine. The hand holding me up gently flexed against my back, fingers massaging.

"Shhh, relax Toshiro, it's okay." I barely heard him, but it did help. I drew a few deeper, shaky breaths.

The pain subsided and my muscles started to relax, allowing me to really feel the hot length of him filling me in a way that pushed all thoughts of discomfort aside. The pressure and ache inside oddly complimented the pleasant tingling of my nerves all over my body. Even the hurt seemed a desirable sensation, and my mind failed to identify what I desired, what I needed to meet this need, to make this indescribable satisfaction last and grow. How could something so . . . strange and painful feel so good?

Kurosaki was having a harder time catching his breath, and I caught his eye with a slight smile to let him know that he did not have to continue to endure. With a deep groan he pulled back, only a little. A few slight movements like that and I understood why. As I had observed, he was deeper than his fingers had been able to stretch, and he wanted to help me adjust so that he wouldn't hurt me.

Some domineering rapist Kurosaki had turned out to be. He had no reason to be gentle, no reason to push aside his own pleasure for the sake of mine. Yet from the beginning he had gone to great lengths to ensure that I was satisfied. And here we were, fully joined and both thoroughly pleased with ourselves and each other.

When he finally pulled almost all the way out, I gasped. The feeling of his length dragging inside of me was not painful or even uncomfortable. It was wonderful, blissful and unexpected as my body adjusted to the continued pressure and the lack, demanding to be filled again while simultaneously shivering in relief as he withdrew. The pleasure finally outweighed the pain, and I sucked in a breath as a new world of sensation was revealed. And it was only matched when he shoved back in, faster than before but still careful.

"YES! Again . . . oh, please again! Oh, _god yessss_ . . . " I hissed as he pulled back again, and I heard another moan as he reacted to my voice.

He kept to long, steady thrusts. Instinct took over as I caught the rhythm and started flexing up against him as much as my position would allow. I wanted more of that confusing, overwhelming feeling, the movement itself seeming to tighten my nerves each time. The anticipation for the moment when they were so tight that they broke drove me to push against him harder.

In response he let himself get a little more aggressive, a little faster as he pushed into me again and again. I gritted my teeth each time he thrust into me. It was a bit too much at first, bringing back the pain that had retreated, but not for long. Within moments the increased force started to feel good, then unbearably wonderful.

There was another surprise turn-on for me. I didn't consider myself a submissive person. Just the opposite, in fact. But being pinned beneath him and watching his face as he took me was a potent aphrodisiac. Something inside of me responded strongly to this near helplessness, some well-hidden part of my psyche that I had never indulged once in my life.

Thoughts cut off as he changed his hold on my back, lifting me farther. That tiny shift in angle and the next push brushed the head of his cock roughly right over my prostate. I cried out and heard an answering shout from Kurosaki as my body tightened around him. After that every thrust caused fireworks to explode behind my clenched eyelids, and every breath was drawn only to provide voice to my next cry of pleasure.

I was lost, delirious. I couldn't understand how my body could feel this way. My body was just a servant, a tool to obtain the goals set by my mind. It should not be allowed to subjugate my will so thoroughly, and I should not be so completely undone as I lost control to something as base as fleeting physical pleasure.

And yet that was exactly what was happening, and I could not bring myself to fight it. I couldn't believe what I had been missing. I was not ashamed of the high pitch of my voice as my shouts became whimpers of need and I started to beg for my release. All my pride, my intellect, my power was discarded, thrown down as an offering to this ecstasy and this ravenous hunger.

"Haa! Kurosaki . . . please . . . oh, god! Hands . . . please, let . . . AHH! Let me . . ."

The pace was fast now, as we pushed toward each other in a fevered effort to have more, more, _please_ , more . . .

Suddenly my hands were free and he was lifting my body as he straightened. Without hesitation I reached for his shoulders and pulled myself close for a fast, messy kiss. We were sitting upright, my legs now straddling his lap and his legs underneath me.

Clasping my hands behind his neck I let my weight drop, leaned back, and pushed down, flexing my hips to get as close as possible, to force him in as deep as possible.

"AHH! Holy . . . fuck!"

His hands lifted me up. I pushed back down again, reveling in the new friction as my erection was rubbing against his abdomen with each movement. I was right, it felt delightful when it was his satin skin I was pushing against.

Three more times he lifted me, then every muscle contracted as I fell, mind completely blank, my hands slipping as I came harder than before, with one last wordless cry of searing rapture. He caught me, both hands pulling me back up as he thrust again, the push against my tightened muscles making me convulse again, dragging out the pleasure.

Even greater heat spread inside me as he found his release, another sensation so odd and yet I found it so appallingly delightful. At the same time he sank his teeth deep into the muscle connecting my left shoulder to my neck, panting harshly against the skin as he rocked into me a few more delicious times. Surely that bite must have caused pain, but I was too intoxicated, too far lost in bliss to even feel it.

I snaked my arms around his torso, finally able to touch his bare skin and too shocked and tired to do more than hold him. As he licked the blood on my neck, I allowed my body to sag against his chest, every muscle going limp, every nerve singing. He held me close as he fell back, so that I was lying on top of him, a layer of sweat and my own cum in between us. My shaking legs straightened on either side of his as his cock slipped out of me.

Just as I had always suspected sex was disgusting, and humiliating, and dirty. And I planned to make up for lost time by having much, much more of it in my life.


	5. Chapter 5

I was certain I would never feel this way, and I sure as shit didn't want this moment to ever end. The man of my dreams was sprawled full length on top of me. Scratch that, I don't think I could even dream of anyone as ideally suited for me as Hitsugaya Toshiro.

Many things drew me to him. His appearance, obviously. When I first met him, I thought that I would prefer him to look a little older, a little taller. That would come in time anyway, and the more I watched him the more I allowed myself to enjoy his delicate beauty. Knowing he was much, much older than me helped me overcome being attracted to a man that could pass for a grade school student.

His intelligence was both sexy and intimidating. Sometimes I could see him digging out all my secrets, staying two steps ahead in every conversation. In our current situation that scared me, as I knew if he figured too much out too soon we'd both be in greater danger. But away from this place, I couldn't imagine a greater thrill than trying to keep up with him.

The youngest captain in history, wielder of a famous and powerful zanpakuto, his prowess was a huge plus for me. I spent so much of my energy worrying about how to keep others safe. I never even considered having a relationship with any of my friends once I became a Shinigami. It would put them in harm's way too often. It made me giddy to think of having a partner who was capable of guarding my back, and capable of standing on his own if I failed.

I had never had reason to question his courage, but now I had absolute confidence in it. He faced insurmountable odds to protect his subordinates, and then faced the gruesome consequences with a resolve that humbled me. Toshiro might be feeling like he'd sacrificed his dignity, but as I saw it he was holding his head high with bravery unmatched.

His sense of humor was a pleasant surprise. Back in Soul Society and later in Karakura, I had never once heard a genuine laugh, not so much as a chuckle, only a sardonic and disgusted snort. His reputation said sarcastic and witty. That was the kind version. More often he was described as a stuck-up prick incapable of emotion other than anger. But here in the worst situation imaginable I had seen him laugh at me and himself. That added a touch of vibrant color to the icy arrogance the rest of the world saw.

And now I could add sex-fiend to the list of his irresistible qualities. I'd been prepared for tears, to fight him, to force him if necessary. And so I'd set out to hurt and traumatize him under the thin pretense that it was for his own protection. But he shocked me again and again, not simply complying but becoming a challenging and rewarding partner in bed. True, I had one unsatisfying sexual experience my own choice followed by abuses I did not even consider sex. Still, it was fair to say that sex with Toshiro was . . . what? Amazing, fantastic, euphoric, heavenly? What useless, inadequate words.

But best of all, he wasn't perfect. He wasn't on an unreachable pedestal. He had a temper, better controlled but just as fierce as mine. His tendency to rely on his high IQ left him vulnerable to manipulation, as did his loyalty. If I was reading him right, he had a massive self-esteem issue which made his legendary arrogance the biggest lie in Soul Society.

I mulled over these thoughts as we both basked in the afterglow, bodies tired and sated. If I couldn't find a way to get us both out of here, and then convince him to let me spend the rest of my life and death making it up to him, I knew I'd be ruined. There couldn't be another man or woman out there to equal him.

_Are you forgetting something? That little tart is bait and you know it._

_I do not know it. This could all be coincidence._

Shiro laughed sharply, making me wince.

_There are no such things as coincidences. Sweetness was tossed at your feet so you'd bend over to pick him up. And you are falling for it. Even if you can fool the bastard, little sweetness came here for a reason. The second you turn your back on him you'll find he has teeth._

_Fucking Hollow, you're wrong about him._

_So what if I am? You going to marry chibi and live happily ever after in Las Noches? How fucking stupid are you?_

_No, I'll help him escape, and go with him if he allows it._

_Fuck if you will! You will break him and use him to get our revenge. Then you can do whatever the fuck you want with him . . . after I get that bastard Aizen._

"You will shut the fuck up and you will not harm Toshiro. _"_

"Kurosaki?"

"SHIT!"

I felt my body move, rolling to pin him down, and I couldn't stop it. Toshiro was coughing and sputtering as my hand closed and squeezed around his neck, his hands trying in vain to loosen mine. He slammed a knee into my gut and I watched in horror as my free hand backhanded him. One hand tightened, crushing strength completely cutting off his ability to breathe. One hand stroked the abused cheek tenderly. He stopped struggling, eyes dilating and wide.

"NO! Get out of my head, you sick fuck!"

My fear turned to rage, an unmitigated fury to rival and overwhelm the petty anger of the Hollow. How dare he harm what was mine, seek to take away what was rightfully mine alone? Gritting my teeth, I brought all my will and anger to the battle and my hand slowly opened. The Hollow suddenly gave in, and I brought both hands to Toshiro's reddened face.

"No, no, I didn't want to do that, Toshiro."

His eyes closed as he sucked in a ragged breath, and my heart started beating again. I focused on healing, watching his eyes as the red imprint of my hand on his neck and the swelling on his face started to disappear. Finally, his eyelids moved, and the sight of those incredible irises made me sob in relief. My head dropped, and I kissed his neck again and again as I continued to heal the damage I had done.

Toshiro should be pushing me off, screaming at me, punching and kicking, fighting against the beast crouched over him, fangs so close to his pulse. Instead one cool hand rubbed my back while the other stroked my hair. How? How could he stand to touch me? It wasn't possible for anyone to be this forgiving, to comfort me seconds after a nearly successful murder attempt.

What was he trying to do? He had some motivation for this. He did not love me, so what would move him to act this way? I lifted my head and glared into his eyes, looking for the answer. His eyes narrowed as his brows pinched together. Was that expression confusion or anger? An attempt to hide the truth?

"Kurosaki?" His voice was still raw, but I cut off the healing as my anger grew again. What exactly was he trying to do to me?

"Are you okay?" His hand slid to my cheek and his eyes looked genuinely concerned.

"You make a devil's bargain, sweetness." If the captain wanted to court a monster, who was I to deny him? This was my game, not his. He would be the one to break.

"Wha . . . mhmm" I swallowed his questions as I pressed his tongue down with mine. He froze, letting me move to cover him more fully with no resistance.

When I lifted my head he just watched me, his expression completely blank. I moved down and shoved his legs apart, kissing one knee and then running my tongue slowly up the inside of his thigh. Toshiro stared at the ceiling, a small frown the only change in his mask. His lips twitched further down when I bit harshly at the tender flesh of his inner thigh, but he did not move away from me. His eyes fluttered shut when my hands gripped his legs with bruising strength and shoved them wider, but he did not push back.

I nuzzled along the side of his cock as I worked my way up to nibble his flat stomach, savoring the flavor of sex coating his skin. He was so thin. Despite the defined musculature of a fighter, he looked frail and weak in my large hands, so easy to break. I groaned as my fingers slid between his ribs, easily wrapping all the way around the front of his torso. With a fraction of my strength I could squeeze just there, and that delicate cage of bone would collapse so effortlessly, so softly.

As my teeth grabbed at his hipbone, visions of red cuts on this white skin flashed behind my eyes and I could feel my control slipping, the Hollow or my own personal brand of madness creeping slowly, sneaking in this time since brute force had failed. I glanced up when I felt small hands on my own, and I heard him moan as he lifted those vulnerable ribs against my hands. Snapping out of the violent thoughts that I hoped were not my own, I remembered exactly who it was underneath me.

"Toshiro."

A hint of teal as he looked at me through heavy lashes. His hands caressed mine, and then slid up my arms and into my hair, tugging lightly. I took my time complying, my lips and teeth nipping every raised surface they could find, muscle, bone and of course those pert little nipples that were made for teasing.

My Toshiro had lifted his knees, and was grinding slowly, sensually against my torso as I made my way to his neck, still marked by my hand. I was not gentle as I pressed my lips into that tender flesh. He grunted and pushed harder against me as his head went back to give me his entire neck, inviting me to rip into it with my teeth.

Did he not understand how he was tempting me? I had to pause, panting against his vulnerable throat as my hands returned to that seductively fragile ribcage. I shuddered as I felt him move, scooting down a few inches to press his lips to mine. My broken mind tried to latch onto the beauty of the moment, that Toshiro wanted me in any way at all no matter what it was he wanted from me in the end.

Tasting blood as I bit his lower lip, I gasped and drew back. His eyes looked just as they had when the light was fading out of them after his lungs gave up the fight for air, glazed and dark. He pulled me back down to his bloodied lips as his hips bucked into me, and as his tongue pushed coppery warmth into me I stopped fighting my desires.

Reaching down, I blindly moved my hard length as he held his hips high for me. I could not hold back when he was advertising his willingness, and as soon as I had pressed in I surged forward. The loud shout beneath me made me pause for only a second, and the trembling of his delicate frame had me gritting my teeth with the effort to not pound mercilessly into that tight body.

He moaned as I pulled back, and immediately I pushed hard back into him. My mind was torn between wanting to punish him and wanting to cherish him. If only I knew his mind, or my own, this internal war was ripping me further apart.

"HAAA! Kuro . . . saki! Ah, god!'

The slight sting of nails dragging along my back and that voice nearly snapped the last of my control. I had just enough awareness left to keep from being completely brutal as I thrust into him, letting my need set a fast pace.

Lifting his knees high and pushing them toward his chest, I ignored everything but my own pleasure and his cries that spurred me on and on. As the pressure built and I knew that ecstasy was only moments away my mind suddenly cleared for just a few precious seconds.

Toshiro, my lovely Toshiro. An instant of terror was washed away when I saw his face. Though tears had spilled, he was not hurt, he was not afraid. He was seconds away, just as I was. My thoughts spun away again but not before I slid one hand down to that gorgeous, swollen erection and his cries vanished as he lost his breath.

We both hit that height of earth-shattering pleasure a heartbeat apart, and I strove to get closer, deeper though it wasn't possible.

Slowly lowering the leg I still held, sliding my hand along that quivering thigh covered with small bites, I fought to hold myself above him, pressing my other arm into the mattress. His hands fell from my shoulders and my eyes devoured the disheveled white locks, the red and wet cheeks, the open, swollen lips, the small, soiled chest working so hard to gain air, and the shivering black lashes hiding eyes that haunted both my dreams and my waking thoughts. Would it be so bad to fall into whatever trap he might set? If he used me to secure his life and possibly his escape and then destroyed me, would that not be more good fortune than I deserved?

My harsh breath invaded his ear as I whispered to him. "Whatever it is you are planning for me, my sweet Toshiro, it will fail. I have nothing left to give."

His eyes met mine for a moment and he gasped as I quickly pulled out of him. I dropped the barrier as I stalked across the room, grabbed a robe, and pulled it on as I walked out of the door. I had to put some distance between us. Unable to think straight at the best of times, this situation and his presence shook what little sanity I had left.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Concentrating on the simple task of moving air into and out of my lungs, I lay immobile. Only after my heart and breath slowed did I allow myself to think. This was so dangerous. Bad enough knowing that Aizen and the other traitors were just one step away, with all their powerful Hollows straining at their reins to reach me.

I was in the hands of a madman.

When he had turned on me so suddenly after such sweet closeness, I had no time to react. Certain that he would kill me, I could barely put up a fight. There was not a damn thing I could do to defend myself as the light started to fade. Like a flipped switch his personality reversed again and life returned.

The torment in his eyes was physically painful to see. Apart from my tiny plan to seduce him, I had felt sympathy growing for what Kurosaki had endured, for what he still faced every second he lived. As I tried to comfort him, striving to bring him back to himself and to me, he lashed out again, with threats and harsh handling my reward for my kindness.

It would be a mercy to kill him, if only I had the power. Weak and crippled, my only choices were to endure passively, or take the risky path I had chosen, to try to win him for myself. It was really no choice at all. I would die or be broken if I did not succeed with Kurosaki.

The happy exhaustion following sex had been shattered by lethal violence, followed by brief tenderness and then back to fear, all so quickly that my emotions had shut down, leaving me numb. I had fallen out of these thoughts as his lips moved away from my thigh, and soon I was no longer thinking at all. It was almost a relief to give myself over to a more aggressive, more frightening lover. I did not want something like that to happen again, but I could handle it, and I would.

As I lay alone, abandoned so abruptly, I reconsidered everything and drew the same conclusion. I would survive this, and I would do all I could to put the pieces of his soul back together. If I failed, one or both of us would be lost forever.

_No pressure, Toshiro._

Sighing, I tested my ability to move. Everything hurt again, dull and sharp pains fought for space on my battered body. As much as I wanted to get up and go clean myself, the best I could do was to stretch out and be still until I regained some energy.

Closing my eyes, I cleared my mind of trivial thoughts and retreated into the cold. It was lonely here without Hyorinmaru, as lonely as the waking world. Storms still raged and would continue endless unless the other half of my soul returned to me. Nevertheless, I found comfort here and I let the snows cover me in a cocoon of darkening blue. It was not safe to fall asleep in this place, but I could simply rest.

Before my weakened body could become too cold for safety, I brought my awareness reluctantly back. A little refreshed, I cautiously attempted to sit up, then quickly fell back with a groan. Along with the pain in my head, and my throat, and my ass, my spine itself felt bruised.

Okay, plan B. I rolled to the side, and half scooted, half dragged myself to the edge of the bed. Not very dignified, but it got the job done. Stretching my legs down over the side, I pushed myself upright until I was sitting successfully but uncomfortably. I wanted water, I needed it like I needed air. And it was only 20 feet away. With a grunt I shoved myself off the bed and staggered to a shaky upright pose.

_Fuck, being weak sucks. I'll kill them all for this._

Just moving helped push the soreness back, and I was able to manage a shower and to simply stand under the water for several minutes. Feeling a little more able, I didn't bother toweling off or cleaning the bathroom. I stood dripping in the doorway looking at my white and gray world with absolute loathing.

I struggled to block out the sudden, unwelcome longing for my former life, my former status. This was what I had now, next to nothing at all.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Sleep was impossible. Every time I closed my eyes visions would flood my mind. Toshiro moaning in ecstasy, Toshiro with his sword to my throat, Toshiro begging with swollen lips. Groaning and tossing, I tried again and again to find something else to think about. Toshiro with ice wings spread wide and death in his eyes, Toshiro kneeling in front of me with my cock in his mouth.

_Dammit!_

Meditation wouldn't do any good. The Hollow lurking in my subconscious was always there waiting, and obviously he was just as obsessed as I was. It was the middle of what passed for night in Las Noches. There would be no one to fight, and I could not go back to him in this state. Changing quickly, I grabbed Zangetsu and went to do the only thing that I could do without eliciting suspicion. A hunt.

The bastard was always in the market for strong Hollows. Those deemed worthy would be transformed and may join the army of Arrancar hanging around waiting for a war with Soul Society. Others would be experimented on or used for training and sport. When the bastard trained me, I must have killed hundreds of them. There were always more. If there was one thing you could count on, it was that humans would multiply and as they died their frustrations, sorrows, loves, and evils would create more and more Hollows to repopulate Hueco Mundo. I grabbed Zangetsu and headed out to take the population down by a few dozen.

Starting early, I could go far afield to areas not yet ravaged by the Espada. Hollows always had to hide from their own kind, and the small 'communities' where loose truces allowed a gathering of Hollows were getting harder and harder to find. As far as I could tell, there was no limit to Hueco Mundo. I had only been allowed a three-day absence once, and then it was to hunt with Starrk and Ulquiorra to keep an eye on me. We had traveled fast, following reports of a Vasto Lorde that captured Hollows had whispered of in dread. Three days of fast sonido travel, and no end in sight to the vast, monotonous desert.

We had found no Vasto Lorde then, or ever since. If the common Hollow were sensible enough to hide from the growing power of Las Noches, then I highly doubted any Vasto Lorde would be seen again until the bastard's time ended. But Adjuchas were more numerous and less clever. These were what I hunted, my only real assignment for the great Aizen-sama was to bring in a steady supply. Most days I would hunt early, possibly all day. It was better than sitting around.

Wiping out two villages and some stray groups yielded only four Adjuchas worth a second look. None of them were very strong, they would likely all end up in the disposable pile to be used as foot soldiers or as target practice. I had not a shred of pity for them, nor did Shiro. Such was the brotherhood of Hollows.

It was only mid-morning. If I started back now, I could see Toshiro by lunch. The run and the killing had given me time to calm my nerves, and I felt as stable as I had in a long time. Forcing my four prisoners to follow, I went as fast as they could manage back to my prison, and to my prisoner.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Normally I would wake well before dawn. Time was unreadable here, so I couldn't tell what time it might be. All I knew was that I was very hungry, and I was surprisingly rested. Some stretching and calisthenics loosened sore muscles. I tidied the room and bathroom, made the bed, gathered stray clothing and sheets, and set Kurosaki's boots by the door. Nothing else to do, I looked through the books he had left and selected a novel, curling up in the armchair to read so that I wouldn't be tempted to think.

Thirty pages in I looked up as the door opened and the blond Arrancar walked in, once again carrying a laden tray. Feigning nonchalance, I opened the book again but kept my head turned in a way that let me see him from the corner of my eye. My heart was thudding as battle-hardened instincts demanded action, fight or flight, and I turned a page blindly as I forced my body to stay still.

Without Kurosaki's presence as a deterrent, the Arrancar eyed me boldly. He placed the tray on the table in front of me and leaned forward, reaching in my direction. I tensed further as my eyes shot up, meeting pale blue eyes with a calm and certain threat. It did not matter that I could not enforce it, this was a Hollow and I was a Shinigami. There was an eternity of war in my eyes. Not hatred, Hollows did not earn that, but certainly the promise of death.

He could not help but flinch, and snarled at me as he recovered. His hand closed around the glass on the stand beside me, and he retreated. Almost . . . almost I laughed outright as I turned my gaze back to the book. It felt wonderful to exert a little of my authority, even if it was a bluff.

The Arrancar gathered the pile of dirty clothes and his master's boots and left. I managed to wait 10 seconds in case the door opened again before I lunged for the table. There was more food than I would normally eat, but I barely tasted anything as I devoured every crumb.

With a contented sigh, I poured a cup of tea and sat back on my heels. Even here there were small pleasures to be found. I could feel my face flushing as I remembered that there were also great pleasures to be found. Admittedly, the second time he had taken me had been frightening, and perhaps too rough though I had found myself enjoying that more than expected. I would not trade what I had found for anything short of my freedom.

Along with the inconveniences of taking a lover, my pride and inexperience played a large role in my decision to be alone. Even if I had chosen a timid woman or taken a more submissive man as a lover, there would still be recurring blows to my dignity. Because a relationship meant compromise, giving in and giving up. Dates, gifts, putting aside dignity to provide comfort, and acknowledging the lover in public just to make them feel wanted.

And then I would risk exposing my lack of skill as a lover, both emotionally and physically. Opening myself to criticism was hard enough for me, ridicule from a lover would be intolerable. No, best to avoid all that shit. My policy had served me well until now.

But what about now? If I returned to my life, could I fall back into my routine? Perhaps I could find a 'friend with benefits' that would never interfere with my life, if such a thing truly existed.

I poured a second cup of tea and returned to my chair. A silver lining was making itself known. I was not Hitsugaya-taicho here. Not one of my subordinates or colleagues was here to witness anything that I might do or say.

Here in this foreign prison there was no icy reputation, no captain's responsibility, no one to impress. Any inhibitions I had shut away could be deemed unnecessary and forgotten. In an odd way, this tragedy presented me with a unique opportunity, and I intended to take advantage of it and of the fine specimen of masculinity I had been trapped with.

With just a little happiness to help me endure, I relaxed and let the written word soothe me.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I had made good time returning and was able to shower and change before Thiago brought lunch. I had him bring Toshiro's meal to my room as well, I would take it to him myself.

Opening the door, I nearly dropped the tray as I started chuckling. Turquoise eyes swiveled in my direction and I couldn't stop a full-blown laugh. Toshiro was in the armchair, or I should say on the armchair. His pretty feet were on one arm of the chair, the small of his back on the other arm, and his head upside down as his back and shoulders drooped over the side of the chair. He held a book out in front of him, elbows resting on his ribs. I supposed he was stretching his back, but lord did it look ridiculous.

He collapsed into the chair with a vexed expression as I calmed down. I took the tray to the table, removed the old one and set it out in the hall before resealing the door. In the meantime, Toshiro had tucked his legs up in the chair and straightened out his expression to the careful, disinterested mask he used so often. I smiled at him, glad to be in a good mood for once, and a small crack appeared in the mask as his lips twitched for a brief instant.

"Come," I settled at my side of the table, "I brought lunch."

"Honestly, I have been sedentary since breakfast. I am not hungry."

But he took the few steps to the table anyway and sat on the cushion as I lifted the cover from the tray.

"I know we have not had much time to talk, but you really should remember your manners, pet." I looked up, meeting his eyes. "I brought you lunch. I do not expect back-talk of any kind. Do you understand?"

I spoke calmly, almost cheerfully, but he heard the threat implied. I saw him debate how to respond, his eyes narrowing slightly and then the mask returned.

"Yes, Kurosaki-sama. My apologies, I did not mean to sound ungrateful."

I smiled again and poured tea for him as he slowly started eating with his eyes downcast. He certainly pretended obedience well.

"You have been through a lot in a short time. I will forgive a few mistakes for the sake of courtesy. Ideally, I do not want to take away all your spirit. It would make you a less effective weapon."

No response, not even a twitch. I hummed a little tune as I sat and watched him eat, stubbornly cleaning the plate just to prove he could follow orders. Finally, he looked up.

I reached across the table. He stayed perfectly still, watching my hand come toward him with his mask firmly in place but his posture betraying his wariness. I cupped my hand against his soft cheek, fingers brushing into his hair. Eyeing the darkening bruise encircling his throat, I decided against finishing the healing. Such marks would be expected, and the grim sight would also remind me of what could so easily happen if I let my control slip.

"Care to go for a walk, pet? This room must be boring you by now."

He blinked, and I held back a smirk of victory, finally getting some reaction.

"I would like that very much, Kurosaki-sama."

"There. So polite. Fetch your shoes then, pet."

I put my hand on his shoulder and guided him out the door, giving a reassuring squeeze before I let him go. He followed just behind me, looking in every direction and no doubt mapping the halls in detail. Pointing out the door to my own quarters, just up the hall from his, I warned him not to go too far in that direction or he would be in Aizen-sama's own palace. I took him through a few corridors, occasionally talking about quarters, common areas, and showing him the small library.

The Arrancar we passed along the way either turned in another direction when they sensed me coming or backed into the wall with their eyes down. But all sneaked curious or covetous glances at Toshiro. Aside from other motives, souls were food and power. Four powerful Shinigami souls walked the halls of Las Noches but were untouchable. Toshiro was vulnerable, an enemy, and the ultimate meal for a power-hungry Hollow. Showing him in public, cuffed and weaponless, was like dangling a steak in front of starved beasts.

I stalked along the corridors, my reiatsu becoming increasingly dark and sharp as a blade, wrapping around him protectively. The strongest went down on their knees as we passed. The weakest collapsed. I heard a snort of amusement behind me the first time one of the Hollow hit the floor.

There was a purpose to all of this, beyond the entertainment value for me. Toshiro might be taken from me. I might not be here when he needed me. Or worse, he may spend the rest of his days here. If knowing his way around could help him in any way, to escape or survive, then I would make sure he saw as much of Las Noches as possible. We could not see a fraction of the entire place today, it was too large with many hidden levels and secrets. But at least the areas close to his prison would be familiar.

When we came to one of the many exits his eyes widened. I explained the artificial sunlight and dome above us. I did not know if the bastard created this for his own comfort, or to accustom the Espada to the worlds outside of the perpetual twilight of Hueco Mundo. Either way, I was glad of it. Though it was obviously fake once you took a close look, it was still daylight in the darkness and I had chosen my quarters specifically because of the balcony into this open area. I paused for a moment, turning my face up with a smile to indulge in the illusion of sunlight.

When I looked down from the dome above, I found bright eyes staring intently at me, pink lips slightly parted between flushed cheeks. My god, from that cold mask to such a hot expression of desire, and for me of all people! Sudden heat washed over me, and I swept his small body up in my arms. Toshiro wrapped himself around me, arms around my neck, legs around my waist, an almost imperceptible moan muffled against my neck.

I don't think I've ever moved so quickly in my life, ignoring the fact that shunpo and sonido were frowned upon within Las Noches. My quarters were one step closer, but it was not appropriate as tempted as I was. When I stopped to throw a barrier around the bed, I felt a hot tongue run up my neck and I staggered, falling on top of him. I couldn't think what brought on this lust in Toshiro, but I blessed whatever moment of luck had graced me.

Toshiro was nibbling at my ear, his hands fumbling almost desperately at the front of my jacket and his legs still tight on my waist. Getting my hand in between us, I pushed him down, delighted with the little whimper of disappointment. His hands reached for me, trying to pull us back together as I tore off my jacket and then his robe, only relaxing when I pulled him back up to me so he could shrug out of the sleeves.

Bare skin pressed together, lips locking and tongues entwining, we were both frantic. I broke away from him again to rid myself of boots and clothes, forcing him to unlock his legs from around me and yanking off his sandals and underwear for good measure.

Then he was wrapped around me once more, and I reached blindly, knocking over a glass and pulling the drawer right out of the nightstand to get to the lube as he thrust his hips against me. Moving quickly, I rubbed my fingers around his tight entrance and he broke our kiss with a groan as I slipped a finger into him.

Needing him ready soon, I pushed him down and kissed quickly down his chest, trailing my tongue across his navel before swallowing his already swollen length whole. His cry of surprised pleasure was as good an excuse as any to slip in a second finger and seek out that sweet spot to drive him on.

I moved my head up, teasing just the beautiful tip with my lips and tongue until my fingers found their goal and he moaned loudly, pushing up against me as I opened my mouth for him once more. It was fast and it was hot. A few more pets inside, a bit of suction as I moved, and I was swallowing as his hands clutched at my hair.

"God damn . . . Kurosaki . . . damn." I chuckled and got him to yelp with a sudden push at his prostate before I settled into kissing and licking his golden chest as I worked to stretch that tight tunnel so that I could once more plunder that treasure until we were both undone.

He was stroking my shoulders and back as I sucked at his nipples one after the other. When he had breath he pulled at me, asking for kisses. I pushed in a third finger and as he gasped I answered his request, running my tongue along the roof of his mouth and teasing his tongue into my mouth in return. As the kisses grew more demanding, he pushed down against my hand. A long moan as he broke the kiss and Toshiro panted against my lips, flexing again and then whimpering as I pushed my fingers apart.

"So hot, those noises you make. Do you hear yourself, Toshiro? Such sexy, lustful sounds."

His eyes snapped open in a fierce glare, but before he could retort I pressed our lips together again. Didn’t care for teasing, huh? He growled and tried to pull back until I curled my fingers just so and he cried out into my waiting mouth. A few more strokes of my fingertips and his complaints were forgotten as he started to push against my hand again.

"Nooo . . ." he moaned as I removed my fingers, and I grinned as I spread more lube around my length. His legs tightened around me eagerly as I positioned myself and waves of bliss stole my breath as I pushed into him.

I watched his reactions, his jaw clenched and harsh pants hissing through his teeth as his hands clutched at my shoulders. Despite the proper preparations, he was so small and tight that sex might always cause some pain at first. I held back, moving gently with short thrusts a little deeper each time.

"Relax for me, Toshiro, it won't hurt for long."

He did relax a little, his muscles not clenching so harshly around me. His eyes opened and he glared at me again.

"Kurosaki . . . just move."

_Fine, you arrogant little prick._

Grabbing his hips, I thrust hard into him and grunted as his muscles locked around me. His trembling body was unbelievably arousing, and the whine that escaped him when he recovered his breath was stored away in my memory with all the delectable sounds he had gifted me. I loved it, how vocal he was and how he held back nothing, letting his voice and breath tell me just what he liked, just what he needed.

Still wanting a little payback for his bossy attitude, I rolled my hips against him while he was still trying to recover, and more sounds of indescribable beauty spilled out of him. Smirking, I repeated the movement and he actually squirmed and pushed against my arms to try to get me to back off as he whined again. I would have continued to torture him, but he was driving me mad and I had to find relief. As I pulled back his legs tightened as if to keep me there.

"Make up your mind, Toshiro."

"You . . . just fuck me, you idiot, stop teasing."

_Good lord, who would have thought Hitsugaya Toshiro was capable of saying such a thing._

I granted his request for several strokes, and he was thrusting up against me just as aggressively. Pushing his hips, I stilled him as soon as I had regained some control, and flexed again, pushing as I was fully inside of him and making him gasp and squirm some more. It was far too much fun figuring out just what to do to drive him wild, I wished I could tease him all day.

"Kurosaki," he growled at me, then yelped as I pushed him again. "I swear . . .NNNGH . . . I will . . . AHHHH! . . . will kill you!"

Leaning down as I pushed at him again, I bit his shoulder and drew all the way back for a harsh thrust. My eyes shut in rapture as I heard the first scream from that golden throat.

No ability left to tease, I lifted his hips and pushed perfectly against his prostate as I moved more quickly and faster still, chasing ecstasy as I shoved him toward his own climax. I felt him tighten as he cried out once and then again as he clenched around me, triggering my own explosive release as I thrust into that narrow heat. I clutched him to me as I rocked into him, reveling in every tremor and whimper.

Before he could fall away from me, I pulled him closer and rolled to the side. I wanted him to lay on top of me again, loving the comforting warmth and weight.

_Fuck, that was good._

That first time was a hard one to beat, though I now wished that I had freed his hands sooner. The second time I wished to forget. Though he had an orgasm, and made it clear that he was willing, the memory was tainted by my violence and cruelty.

This time he had instigated it and was free and eager the entire time. My mind had stayed clear. I was the one with him from beginning to end and I believe I had pleased him more than before. Useless thoughts, all that mattered was that he was here again in my arms, my hands gently stroking his back as he lay limp and sated. By some miracle, I had not yet ruined everything.

My angel stirred, lifted his head, and blessed me with the sight of those incredible jeweled eyes. He drew up his arms, propping his chin on his interlaced hands atop my chest. If I lifted my head he would be close enough to kiss. So I did, just a peck on the tip of that dainty nose that made it crinkle adorably.

The cat was out of the bag, so to speak. He had always been able to see through me. I had tried to hide, but I could not help the love I felt, and that must shine like a beacon to his perceptive eyes. Toshiro had to know by now about my affections, and with that information the rest of the puzzle wouldn't take him long to piece together. But at least it took away the rest of my choices. Truly breaking him or even pretending to without his knowledge was no longer an option. I had to come clean and hope that together we could find a way to survive.

How cooperative would he be? That was the big question. That and once he had some power to tell me no was there any chance in hell he would have sex with me again? And again, and again. And if he was planning to use me, I would let him. Anything for Toshiro, anything to allow me to pretend for just a little while longer that he could ever love me.

I tucked my right hand under my head so I could look at that alluring face more fully. My left hand continued slowly rubbing the soft skin of his back. He watched me without any expression at all other than weariness, giving away nothing. The cool metal of his cuffs against my skin was a sobering reminder of what I had done to him so far, and what I may yet do that would cause him suffering.

I reached, cupping my palm to his cheek. After a moment, he pushed into my hand lightly and I smiled. It was my first confession, that smile. He settled his chin on his hands again, just waiting.

_Yep, he's already figured it all out. He knows I'm a fraud, he knows I'm in love with him._

I sighed. "Alright. I have some serious apologizing to do, and we have a lot to talk about. But it will have to wait a little while longer."

He blinked slowly, still keeping his thoughts locked completely behind his mask.

"It's simply not possible that the great Hitsugaya-taicho has nothing he's dying to say to me right now."

Blink. Stare.

"Sticky," he said, surprising me for the hundredth time in the last hour.

"Bath," I replied instantly.

He hummed and I knew I'd better get moving or I would be ready for another round, which he wasn't going to be able to handle.

"Toshiro, do not talk about anything important once I drop the barrier. Do not ask me any questions and try to keep your argumentative nature under control."

Another slow blink was all I got in return. I had to be sure he was following me.

"Everything here may be monitored at any time, and it's undetectable. You and I are the most entertaining thing to see in Las Noches. You understand?"

Stare. Blink. I resisted the urge to shake him.

"TOSHIRO!"

He nodded and gave me a small smile. Fucking genius could have just told me he already knew the game that we'd be playing. He read my thoughts in my sudden annoyance and snickered.

"Stay here," I growled at him, but my hands were gentle as I rolled him off me.

I didn't bother with covering myself, modesty was not in the vocabulary of Las Noches. I left the barrier up a little longer so he could relax as long as possible. Hunting down a water glass, I stalked into the bathroom to fill it. I downed two cups and then took cold water back to the bed.

Toshiro lay curled on his side, hands tucked under a pillow, watching me move with an almost predatory glint in his eye. Or maybe that was just my wishful thinking. I held out the glass and glared until he sat up with a little _tsk_ of exasperation. He took a long drink and I left to start the water for the bath. In the short time it took me to return he'd curled up on the bed again. I reached down to pick him up, one arm behind his back and the other under his legs.

"What the hell, Kurosaki?" He started to squirm.

"And you're back. Next time I'll have to wear you out a little more."

"Dream on, you ass." But his blush said otherwise, and I chuckled.

"What did I say about your argumentative nature? I AM carrying you, and I AM washing you. And you are supposed to have been beaten into submission by now. Well, at least all of those hickeys make you look a little beaten."

"What?" I almost laughed at him as he tried to somehow twist so he could see his own neck. He definitely spotted the marks all over his shoulders and chest, even his thighs and waist were bruised, and the blush intensified. Or was that a flush of fury? Either way, the red set off his white hair and turquoise eyes to great effect.

"Get it together. It's show time."

He stilled after one last glare. He now completely looked the part of an outraged, ashamed and wounded captain. Anyone watching would be convinced. Hell, I was convinced. Toshiro turned his head away from me with a fierce scowl, pushing both hands against my chest. Just like he would if he were trying to keep as much distance as he could while being carried around like a princess. Perfect.

I dismissed our safe little bubble and took him to the shower while the tub continued to fill. I set him down and held his shoulder to keep him from backing away or outright bolting. He talked big, but I could see that he swayed and had to adjust his stance to keep himself from toppling over. In keeping with my role of callous captor, I turned the water on and he gasped as the freezing cold rain hit his skin. But he turned his face up toward the water in appreciation, stepped further into the spray, and I remembered who I was dealing with.

I lathered up his hair, loving the way the spikes disappeared into a wet silvery mop. The water was warm by the time I'd finished his hair and started washing his back. He protested, especially when I took care to wash his ass thoroughly. I wanted to tease him, but instead just yanked him around roughly and got him cleaned to my standards. Then I pushed him over in a corner to shiver while I cleansed myself.

Peeking guiltily at him, I saw that his arms were crossed over his chest, hugging himself while he hung his head. He was the picture of an intimidated captive trying not to antagonize his tormentor.

_Yeah, right. More like he trying not to watch you lathering up your dick. Who would have guessed? Hey, can I fuck the little minx next time?_

_How about never. And gross. Get lost, Shiro._

The cackling of a Hollow in your head is about 200 times worse than nails on a chalkboard.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick thank you to those leaving kudos! Even though this is a complete story moving over from ff.net, feedback/critique still welcome to improve ongoing writing. This is a short (for me) chapter, necessary to set up for Ichigo's story. Hope you like it!

My second long soak in the hot bath was both miserable and exhausting. Keeping up appearances was not difficult. I didn't want to be close to Kurosaki, so looking reluctant and angry when he pulled me right beside him was not an act. I didn't want to look at him, and my nerves were making me jump at every movement as if I was terrified. If Aizen or his cronies were watching, though I did have reason to doubt Kurosaki on this, then they would indeed see what they expected. They would hopefully not see the truth behind it – that I was having trouble controlling sexual urges I had suppressed for so long.

The sight of him in sunlight had overwhelmed me, just long enough for him to notice. I didn't regret it; the sex had been . . . mind-blowing. I understood that expression for the first time. It perfectly encapsulated he way corporeal pleasure took over, driving out every other thought, every pain, every fear, leaving only an empty space and the drive to fill the void with purely carnal action. And that sinful movement! What the hell was that he had been doing?

_Stop! Think about something else, anything else! Yama-jii naked. Matsumoto making out with Ichimaru. That little what's-her-name that wrote me a love letter last week and sent me flowers . . . flowers for fuck's sake!_

But now I just wanted him again. Having discarded my inhibitions, my thoughts kept returning to the only good thing I had in this hell. To make it worse, the orange haired idiot had been prancing around naked, then molested me in the shower. Now his arm was around my waist in the bath. Somehow, I had to not only resist the desire to jump in his lap, I also had to specifically NOT get a hard-on. It pissed me off that he didn't appear to have the same problems, and that anger helped a little.

It did occur to me that everything that had happened in bed and since was part of his plan to break my will. If so, it was going to be an epic failure. He was not consistent in his role of master, and I was no easy target. But I was almost certain I had him figured out, that I had seen him clearly through layers of deception and madness.

His occasional glances at me confirmed it. He was worried that my act of being afraid of and repulsed by him was a bit too good. The idiot was probably convincing himself that I regretted giving in. That must be why he'd bothered to wrap an arm around me, though none of his actions were likely to give him away to an observer. My hand was far under the water, braced on the ledge between my knee and his thigh. I allowed just my small finger to brush a few times against his leg. He immediately relaxed.

Later I would have to give some serious thought as to where Aizen fell in all of this. He surely hadn't believed that Kurosaki could or would turn me into some kind of slave or get me to follow him without question. I could see a few possible motives in giving me to Kurosaki, and none of them boded well for either of us.

I was startled out of my thoughts by Kurosaki picking me up again, right out of the water. Reflexes took over and my fist hit his jaw before I even knew it. He dropped me unceremoniously. My back hit the ledge in the bath and I sucked in a little water with a gasp as fresh, sharp agony replaced the general ache of recovery. He grabbed an arm tightly enough to bruise and lifted me out of the water while I sputtered and coughed. He kept lifting until I was hanging in front of him, my other hand grabbing his arm to relieve the stress.

"What makes you think you can ever raise your hand to me, pet?"

I wheezed for breath as he shook me like a dog would shake a rat.

"I . . . I'm . . ." I broke down coughing again, my free hand going to my throat.

A loud crack echoed around the bathroom and my head slammed into my suspended arm. As the pain blossomed on my left cheek, I choked out, "I'm s- sorry, Kurosaki-sama."

He set me on my feet, still holding my arm high which kept me from falling again as my legs threatened to collapse. He caressed the cheekbone he may have just broken while I stared at him wide eyed in shock, my mouth gaping as I struggled to breathe. Just for show? Just because he thought we may be observed? Or had the caring lover again been lost behind the vicious Espada?

"Don't fight me, pet. You've been such a good boy today. I'm only trying to take care of you," he said silkily.

He bent down and roughly ran a towel over me. This time I offered to resistance at all as he lifted me up and carried me out of the bathroom. He sat me in the lone chair and I drew up my knees, hugging them to my chest. Everything had happened so quickly, I hadn't even begun to process it. This time the faint tremors that wracked my body were real.

I stared straight ahead, only vaguely aware of him moving around the room. Had I been thoroughly deceived? There had not been a hint of compassion or guilt in his eyes or his voice. Shit, if that was true then I was much worse off than before, and he had me right where he wanted me. A few more days of this confusion and I would be leashed to him, ready to do anything to keep him happy, to gain pleasure and avoid pain.

Mentally, I shook myself. That was wrong, we had understood each other and he was only doing what he thought he had to do to keep Aizen at arm's length. If I started doubting myself, I wouldn't be much use to Kurosaki. Without power, my mind was the only weapon I could use to help us.

Us. We. How quickly those words had laced into my thoughts of Kurosaki.

_If_ **_**we** _ ** **** _ever make it home,_ **_**I** _ ** _am going to beat_ **_**him** _ ** _within an inch of his pathetic life._

I looked for him. He was standing near the bed, watching me. He smirked as he caught the heat of my glare. His right hand lifted and he curled his fingers in a clear summons. My eyes narrowed and my jaw started to clench, increasing the pain in my swelling cheek. His smirk turned into a frown. I moved quickly, knowing what he would do if I hesitated any longer. So I approached with my eyes on the ground, once more becoming acutely aware that we were both completely naked. These extreme shifts in my emotions made it almost impossible to think clearly.

_Damn hormones, turning me into a moron. This is exactly why I was celibate for a so long, and I had to go ruin it just when I need my wits the most._

He pushed me toward the bed, his hand right against the tender muscles below my shoulders, bruised when he let me fall in the bath. I climbed onto the bed and he pushed my chest so that I was once more laying on my back.

"Hands." He commanded, gesturing toward the headboard.

_Not again_ , I groaned in my head. But I complied anyway and the cuffs stuck to each other, trapping me. I hated this. But only seconds later he had restored the barrier and the cuffs came apart. I sighed in relief and pushed myself up to sit against the headboard.

To my alarm he sank to his knees beside the bed, hands covering his face as he let out an explosive breath that sounded suspiciously like a sob. His shoulders shook as I looked on in amazement. When I recovered my composure, I quickly crawled over to the edge. My hands reached out to hold the sides of his head, warm skin, hair cool and damp.

He was not out to harm me, I had been right. But he wasn't entirely sane. He was broken. Aizen had Kurosaki in his clutches, not completely submissive but incapable of truly resisting. One wrong move on my part and I could send him running right back to his master, possibly getting myself killed in the process.

"Kurosaki, enough now." I could see the tears seeping through his fingers.

"Hey, look at me, Kurosaki. I am okay. We are okay. Come on, this is not doing us any good." I kept my voice low and calm, running my hands through his damp hair again and again.

"I'm so sorry, Toshiro," he managed between convulsive breaths. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"This is the start of our big talk then?" I chuckled.

"I can't . . . I can't ever make this right. . ."

"Ichigo!" He looked up, tear-filled eyes wide.

I smiled. "So not attractive. Come here, idiot."

I tugged on his hair and backed up until he followed me onto the bed, still sniveling. I leaned back and pulled his head against my chest, wiping away tears and cradling his head close while I kissed his orange locks repeatedly.

_Even when he breaks down crying he makes a big production out of it._

It was very difficult to remember how young he really was. He may be insanely powerful. He may have shown bravery and determination worthy of gods. But he was still a kid who had faced far too much, and far too early. When I thought about it, it was not hard to push aside my own anger and my need to fight back.

His breathing quieted, his arm draped heavily across my stomach. It would be comfortable, romantic even to hold him like this if the circumstances were different.

"This is ridiculous," he said shakily, making me laugh a little.

He gave me a halfhearted glare, "Not funny, Toshiro. After all I've done I make you comfort me?"

"You're exhausted. We'll try the talk again once you have rested. Now pull the blanket up for me. Unless you have anything else in mind?"

He snorted, and I was satisfied that I had managed to stop the self-recrimination for now. I needed to keep his mindset positive. When he snapped he was truly terrifying. Keeping him from losing his temper would keep me alive, and keeping him happy would seal his fate as my property.

_Trying to earn the love of a madman. What has my life come to?_

He reached for the blanket and resettled as he covered us, propped on his elbow looking down at me. There was still a lot of guilt and sadness in his expression, but he was calm now. He reached for my cheek, his hand already glowing with healing kido.

"I'm only going to partly heal this," he said with a wince. "That bruise should last for days."

I nodded against his hand, my own hand going up to stroke his hair again. It was very pleasant, as comforting for me as I hoped it was for him. This could easily become one of my favorite activities, just petting him with no expectations.

_Listen to you, like a love-struck little kid. What happened to using his feelings against him?_

How was I caring about the well-being of this man in no time at all, in a situation that should have made it impossible? Would these feelings vanish if I was free?

He laid back, and pulled me toward him. I snuggled down in the blanket, my head resting on his shoulder. Our arms wrapped around each other, and my left leg used him as a pillow. I had never shared a bed with another person like this, not even as a child. Even with all the fear, the hurt, the stress of trying to stay sane, I had to admit to myself that I enjoyed the warmth and closeness. Entwined with Kurosaki, I was more comfortable than I had ever been.

"Toshiro, we really do have to talk." His voice vibrated pleasantly against my ear.

"Shhhhh. I'll wake you soon."

His soft sigh told me that he would surrender, and I was content to lie awake listening to his strong heartbeat as it slowed.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Toshiro really did wake me, by whispering "Kurosaki" right in my ear in a husky voice, then sucking my earlobe in between his lips and nibbling. Unfortunately, after what I'd been through I didn't respond well. Ichimaru had frequently woken me with caresses that quickly became slices and burns. I had thrown him to the side and jumped off the bed before either of us knew what happened.

He, however, managed to keep his cool. "Okay," he said as he straightened, cocking one eyebrow. "No morning sex, then."

Sighing heavily, I fell back beside him. I rubbed my hand over my eyes harshly, trying to halt the memories so that they couldn't spoil these moments with Toshiro.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Mmmm."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"There you go comforting me again." I looked over, noticed his hair and couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up.

"What?" He cocked his head sharply to the side, making his hair bounce which made me laugh harder.

"It really does that on its own?"

"What the hell are you on about, Kurosaki?" Irritation was seeping into his voice.

I touched the white spikes above his eyes. The hair was thick, but each strand was soft and fine. There was no earthly reason for it to defy gravity so dramatically. I'd always figured he spent a fortune on hair gel. But I'd washed his hair myself and no beauty products in sight.

His expression as his eyes strained upward to see what I was doing while his brow furrowed and pinched his nose was the last straw. I doubled over, laughing as I hadn't since I was a small child, laughing until my sides hurt. Toshiro watched with exasperation and amusement until I settled down, a small, crooked smile on his face.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. Sit tight a minute."

I got up, stilling the last traces of amusement as I double checked the barrier before going to get us water and clothes. If we were going to get anywhere, I needed his body covered. Especially after the way he had woken me.

After slipping on boxers and a robe from the supply of various clothes, I selected a set for Toshiro and filled a couple of glasses with water. It was late. Thiago must have come by with dinner, but he would have left. My presence meant he would not enter without permission, and I had been dead to the world for hours. I debated going back to my quarters for some food, but I'd been distracted too often and time was becoming more precious.

Toshiro stood to get dressed, then took his time stretching. Studiously avoiding staring and drooling, I straightened up the bed. Then we settled back on the bed close, facing each other, me with legs crossed, he with legs tucked under, sitting on his feet. I handed him the glass of water. All of this was done in silence, each of us preparing for perhaps the most important discussion of our lives.

I spoke first. "Story style – I tell you mine, you tell me yours? Or question and answer?"

"Both, in that order. Only my story first as I think it will be much shorter."

"Fair enough. Please start with any news of my family."

He took a long drink, and then leaned back to set the glass on the nightstand. Then he looked me in the eye.

"As of . . . five, six days ago? . . . when I left Soul Society your sisters and your father were perfectly safe."

I released the breath I'd been holding as relief washed over me.

"There are no less than 40 Shinigami in Karakura at all times, under Kuchiki. Protecting your friends and family is second in priority only to capturing or killing any of the traitor captains if they show their faces."

"Byakuya? Bet he loves being stuck on guard duty."

"He volunteered for it, Kurosaki," Toshiro snapped at me. "I don't think you realize what an impact you made on the man. I believe protecting your family is his way of reciprocating. What you did for his family, even if he opposed you at the time, won't be forgotten.

"Now, do you plan on interrupting often?"

I was taken aback. I'd been ready to give a flippant response, but I was moved that Byakuya could and would take such actions. Honestly, I would never have expected it given his vile behavior when Rukia was facing execution.

"You're right, I was out of line."

Toshiro – no, at that moment he was completely Hitsugaya-taicho – gave a curt nod of acknowledgment and continued.

"Your family did have to be told some details. It was either that or wipe all their memories. So, they know you are working as a Shinigami. They know the most basic information about Soul Society and Hueco Mundo. And they know the soul keeping your body alive isn't yours."

That was going to make for some awkward conversations.

"There was a rescue team sent, even though some suspected you'd joined Aizen voluntarily. Honestly, it was called a rescue, but I suspect it was a poorly veiled assassination attempt." That pissed me off but didn't surprise me. "It was poorly managed with too few fighters and no tactical leadership. It failed miserably and was not attempted again. It was an empty gesture to satisfy responsibility without serious risk.

"This was a recognizance operation, not a rescue or an attack. We were to observe and scout to determine if an invasion of Las Noches would be viable. Orders were to avoid contact, and retreat from any Hollow, Espada or otherwise, only engaging if there were no other options."

He paused for a second and I bit my tongue to hold back questions.

"As for you specifically, we were not ordered to seek you out, but observe you if the opportunity arose. If it seemed you were a prisoner we were not to attempt rescue, but report. If you were a traitor you fell under the same guidelines as the rest of the enemy – avoid if possible, kill if necessary."

He looked away from my eyes, not in guilt but in embarrassment.

"I suspect that Soi-fon may have been given additional directives."

"As in she was ordered to try to kill me," I said flatly.

"I don't know that for a fact, but it is the logical conclusion. You would be a great threat to face, we all know that. Eliminating you would save many lives, and possibly change the outcome of the entire war."

"Fair enough." And it was. Soul Society barely knew me, and that only as a party to a crime and as an invader. The few who knew me a little better would not be heeded.

"Things went too well at first. We had been in Hueco Mundo an entire day. My team had located several useful landmarks for navigation, two good sites for moving large forces under cover, and some defensible fallback points. We had only seen minor Hollows. Not long after breaking camp on the second day we sensed the Arrancar coming, fast. Following orders, we moved to retreat. An Espada cut us off. I took him on while Matsumoto led the rest of the men, cutting through the lower Arrancar and retreating full speed to the gate.

"It was a quick fight. The Espada wanted to lecture me about his power and how weak and stupid Shinigami are. He just kept talking, though it had to be obvious that I was not simply listening in rapt attention. I have never understood how seasoned fighters make that mistake again and again. He never got a chance to show me the power he bragged about."

Toshiro was shaking his head in bewilderment. Zommari wasn't a weakling, he was the seventh Espada. But I could see him doing exactly what Toshiro said. He was arrogant and preachy, and he would never have expected a small child to have enough power to fight him.

"I drastically overestimated him. He was the first Espada I had faced, and I expected to need everything I had, so I had used the time he was ranting to prepare a technique that is capable of killing a captain class opponent. But I didn't end up needing it to kill the first one. The next one, Nnoitra, walked right into it. He was too strong for it to kill him, but it gave me an overwhelming advantage and time to line up other strong attacks. Even so, he nearly killed me. But in the end, it seemed I was going to be the first captain to kill an Espada, and the first to kill two. I would catch up with the squad and make it home."

He grimaced. "Overall, I was lucky. If they had arrived together, I would have been dead. If the first one had been smarter. If he hadn't given me time to draw on water in the desert, which is no easy task. If I hadn't already had Sennen Hyoro prepared when the second Espada showed up, so many little events favored me. But my luck ran out. Some colossal prick showed up and interrupted my fight. I would have killed him, too, but he was kind of cute so . . ."

I couldn't help a little chuckle. "Well, it was awfully nice of you to let him off the hook. You know, I've regretted that moment. I was in such a hurry to get to you, I didn't think. A few steps slower and I'd never have to see Nnoitra again."

"Just don't interrupt me when I am working again and you won't have any more regrets. Anyway, you know the rest."

I chewed over possible questions. There was something very wrong with how brief it had been.

"In the time Byakuya has been guarding them, has either of my sisters been harmed or abducted again?"

"The two girls vanished when you did. The team noticed your absence, but they were waiting on my return from Soul Society. Just before I got back, they were returned through a garganta, left in a park near your school. The one with lighter hair . . ."

"Yuzu"

"Yuzu," he nodded, "She had fresh injuries on her arm. They both had a few bruises. Nothing serious except they must have been in shock. They absolutely refused to answer any questions about what happened to them or to you. It was suggested that they be interrogated, but most captains including myself objected. They have been safe ever since, Kuchiki has Abarai assigned to monitor them personally."

I was seething with fury. I didn't know how he had accomplished it. I knew for a fact that Karin and Yuzu had been held here for months. I had seen them, spoken with them. And yet I did not disbelieve Toshiro. The two truths were not compatible. If I believed Toshiro, that meant the leverage Aizen had on me, the threat to my little sisters, it was all a lie.

The things I had done! The things I had allowed them to do to me!

_Fucking rat bastard!_

_My sentiment exactly, Shiro._

_Let's kill him now. No reason to hold back anymore._

_Soon. We do still have a reason._

_What, the kid? The cuff? Who gives a flying fuck as long as we can tear off his head and piss down his neck!_

_No. We're going to finish this conversation and then come up with a plan that doesn't involve me, Toshiro, or you being sacrificed._

That shut him up. The Hollow was never comfortable with it when I respected his right to exist.

Toshiro had sat silently while I rubbed my temples and chatted with the psychopath in my head. I missed Zangetsu; he rarely spoke now even when I tried to seek him out. The Hollow was too strong here.

"What exactly about this information is making you angry?"

I looked into his eyes, and knew that somehow the one person clever enough to help me sort this out had fallen right into my hands. Maybe the universe didn't hate me quite as much as I had thought. I had been dreading telling Toshiro the truth. Now I was eager to have him examine my shame and humiliation, to have him bring that staggering intellect into the war for my own sanity.

"You'll figure that out soon enough. I don't want to skip ahead and miss anything that you might need to know."

"Okay," he said slowly. "Before you begin, I have one question. I suspect your story won't make much sense to me until I know the answer."

"Hit me."

A quirked eyebrow reminded me that Toshiro probably wasn't well versed in slang. That didn't stop him from asking anyway.

"I know that time is hard to measure here, at least it is for me. How long do you think you have been in Hueco Mundo?"

"You get used to the time. I may have lost days or weeks at the beginning. Hell, I was unconscious a lot. But as near as I can figure, it's been between ten months and a year."

He didn't answer or make any expression, but he went very, very still and his eyes were slightly unfocused. Rather, it was like his eyes were focusing on something I couldn't see. I was starting to recognize this look as Hitsugaya in particularly deep and convoluted thinking, that genius brain processing and refining information in a way I would never be able to follow. Both the question and his reaction were deeply disturbing. He had finished telling me his tale in five minutes. Was that really all he had to tell – a year's worth of news?

_I really don't like where this is going._

_See? We're agreeing on all kinds of issues today. Let's agree to go kill Aizen now._

"Toshiro?"

"Hmm."

"Toshiro, how long have I been here?"

He focused on me, and he started to look very worried. I swallowed hard.

"Kurosaki, I want you to tell me everything you want to, anything that isn't too painful for you. But I am not answering that until you are done. I do not want to influence what you tell me."

Fuck. I was no tensai, but I could recognize what he was implying. He already knew more of the truth than I did somehow. He knew I'd endured things I may never be able to speak aloud. He knew something was horribly wrong with my perceptions. Somehow, Toshiro had the answers I needed, even though I had not even begun my story.

He was terrifying.

"Kurosaki." He moved closer and took my hands in his. "This is going to hurt."

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"It was less than three weeks after I got back from Soul Society . . ."

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm sure you'll notice, switching writing styles for this chapter to tell Ichigo's backstory. Hope it works and isn't too confusing.
> 
> Chapter Warning - Noncon, torture - I don't go into a lot of detail because I'm not comfortable thinking about or writing nonconsensual.

 

It was less than three weeks after I got back from Soul Society. Chad, Ishida, Inoue and I went back to our normal routines, though the definition of normal had radically changed for all of us. Going to school, chatting with friends, having dinner with the family, we were surrounded by people who had no idea what was going on around them. Shinigami were mythological, monsters were not lurking under the bed, no one really believe in things like Heaven and Hell, not deep down under the hope and habit.

And I went about my life with one eye on the sky waiting for a war to start that most people would never know about until it took their lives. The Hollow made it so much worse, always taunting me, threatening to take over and kill my family, my friends. His voice was always there, driving me mad. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't train, then I almost lost control and became afraid to even fight. More Hollows, Arrancar, even Espada started to target me, and I was afraid to fight. You saw the result, I was beaten, exhausted, hopeless.

When you and the others showed up, it was a relief. I hoped maybe I could regain control with you around, and it worked a little. I was so determined to impress you that I was able to push the Hollow back just a little. It wouldn't have worked forever. I know that now, but I could fool myself then.

Anyway, Aizen had other plans for me and Shiro. It was the day you went back to Soul Society. I was almost home from school when a garganta opened right in front of me. I was reaching for my badge when it was wide enough for me to see. Ulquiorra and Yammy were standing there, two of the Espada. Yammy had Karin and Yuzu, my little sisters, one held in each arm, unconscious.

Ulquiorra told me I had no choice but to surrender, that my human form was not required by Aizen so I was to leave it behind. And if I touched Zangetsu the girls would die. For such an emo guy, he can be stupidly dramatic. Yammy was a big bastard. One look at him and I knew just a flex of those arms would crush them both. They were 11 years old.

Of course, I agreed to go with them. I couldn't think of anything else to do. My body was just left there on the sidewalk. Ulquiorra put a leather and metal collar around my neck and I felt weak. It didn't quite cut off all my reiatsu, just most of it. I stepped through the garganta, following Yammy and my sisters with Ulquiorra right behind me.

I was taken to the throne room, where the Espada and their groupies stood around. Standard procedure it seems. Yammy left with my sisters and Szayelaporro. I tried to go after them but Nnoitra's pet Arrancar leveled me with one punch and then pinned me on the floor, face down, holding my arms behind me. I made the usual threats, curses, and rude comments. Aizen let me, and Ichimaru kept giggling while Tosen just stood there with all the personality of a rock.

When he got bored, that's when things really got going. He gestured and more Arrancar came in, holding Inoue, Ishida, and an unconscious Chad. Now it was my entire life on the line. Everyone I loved most in the world was about to die painfully. My threats stopped and the begging started. Aizen just smiled, muttered a few words and the world went black.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I woke up strapped to a wall. Wrists, ankles, hips and chest were bound with wide leather straps. Another strap was across my neck, but loose against the collar. The room was dimly lit though I couldn't see any lights, and empty, a clean white as if all the surfaces were freshly painted. Struggling didn't do anything, the straps were strong and very tight.

Hearing a door opening behind me, I turned my head as far as possible and realized it wasn't a wall I was strapped to, but a large metal rectangle set upright. It didn't make any sense to me until the world tilted and I the "wall" fell backward. I recognized the face that came into view, the pink haired Arrancar that had walked out with Yammy and my sisters.

"Where are my sisters?"

I put as much menace as I could in the question, but he just grinned down at me. With quick yank he pulled the strap so tight against my throat that I started choking.

"Relax if you want to keep breathing."

He jabbed a needle in my arm and something started to sting and then burn, the heat spreading from my shoulder quickly through my body.

"Stay awake now. Aizen-sama will be here soon to talk to you. Can't have you passing out on me."

He shined a light in each of my eyes as I focused on breathing and blocking out the pain.

_Where the fuck are we?_

_Shiro?_

_Who the fuck is Shiro?_

_Well, I had to call you something. And you're all white. So . . ._

_Did you tell me where the fuck we are? This feels familiar._

_Are we really having this conversation now? We're in Hueco Mundo. Welcome home._

_Ha! That's why I'm feeling so . . . fucking . . . good! You're mine, now, Ichigo._

_Not today, Hollow. I have people to kill._

_Oh, I'll kill them for you. Call it a parting gift._

Maniacal, cackling laughter filled my head. I concentrated every ounce of will and shoved him to the very darkest corner of my subconscious where he belonged. When I could see again the table was upright and Aizen was standing right in front of me.

"You were right, of course, Aizen-sama. He's been through some kind of Hollowfication. I can increase the strength of the Hollow inside him until it takes over, but I'm not sure it will end up being any stronger than one of us."

"It's the human part of him that allows exponential growth in power, Szayelaporro. Destroying the human is the last resort, but keep the option open."

Aizen turned his attention to me, with mock concern. "How are you feeling, pet?"

My body tried to lunge for him, the only result was cutting off my air.

"Our guests have arrived," he spoke to the Arrancar, "and l will need to have a conversation with Ichigo-kun."

Szayel loosened the strap at my neck, and I coughed as I tried to suck in as much air as possible. Before I could start issuing more pointless demands, I heard them.

"Stop it! Let me go!" Karin.

"Ichi-nii!" Yuzu.

Ulquiorra had a thin chain in each hand, each one pulling along one of my sisters, the chains wrapped and locked around their wrists. Another chain connected each ankle, with room to walk but not to run or kick.

"Bastard! They have nothing to do with this, they're just kids!"

Aizen chuckled. With a gesture their voices were silenced, but I could see the fear in their eyes. Even brave Karin was so scared that it caused me physical pain to look in her eyes. Both were crying.

I smiled at them and tried to put as much love and confidence in my expression as I could. "Yuz, Karin, don't cry. It's going to be okay, I promise."

Aizen stepped closer to me. When I continued looking toward my sisters, he reached out and grasped my chin, turning me to face him. He leaned in close, so close I felt his breath on my lips. I will never forget it, how he smiled and looked so kindly at me. It was the first moment of my breaking, and that gave him so much joy.

"You want to keep that promise, Ichi-nii?"

"What do you want, you sick fuck?"

Aizen glanced to the side and I followed his eyes. Ulquiorra and Szayel each had one of my sisters held from behind, heads pulled back. Each rested a hand on a small throat with implied malice.

"That will be the last time you address me as anything but Aizen-sama. Or I'll slice out your sister's tongues to remind you to mind yours."

I growled but didn't dare say anything.

"A little better." He released my chin and I looked back toward Karin and Yuzu. "Such poor manners. Look at me when I'm talking to you, Ichigo-kun."

Gritting my teeth, I turned back.

"Now then, I have a proposition for you. You can guess what your reward is for cooperating. All you have to do is agree to stay here and join my side in the coming fight."

My jaw dropped. "You must be dreaming."

"Am I? You'd fit in so well with my army. You're part Hollow. That part of you is going to become much stronger here, and I plan to let it, to encourage it. You can choose to retain your identity, with my help. Or it can consume you. When the Vasto Lorde is born from your death, I'll transform him into an Espada. So one way or the other you will fight for me."

I didn't understand half of what he was saying, but the threat was clear. And his long-winded speeches didn't matter anyway. He had my sisters.

"Perhaps a little more incentive."

"No!" My head turned in dread.

Ulquiorra was running his fingernail along Yuzu's arm. He wasn't just cutting her, his nail was curving under her skin, peeling a thin strip of skin away. Her screams were so much worse than her silence had been.

"STOP! JUST STOP, DAMN YOU!"

He did not stop.

Close to my ear so that I could hear over Yuzu's screaming, "Is that a yes, Ichigo-kun?"

"Yes," I sobbed, tears falling as Ulquiorra finally stopped.

"Not good enough, my dear. Say 'I am yours, Aizen-sama,' and they will be safe."

What I couldn't understand was why. Why me? I had held my own against a couple of captains, but I was not that special. If it was all about the Hollow, then this was all my fault. I was the one who pushed myself, who let Urahara put me through that insane training that left me with a Hollow in my soul. If the Hollow was what drew Aizen's interest, then the blame for my sister's pain was solely on me. I stared at the blood covering Yuzu's arm. I couldn't bring myself to look at her face or Karin's, even though this might be the last time I would ever see them. What use was I if I could not protect my own family?

"I am yours, Aizen-sama."

Ulquiorra's hand moved away from Yuzu's arm. Aizen's hand drifted in front of my eyes, and once again the world went dark.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The next time I woke up I was sprawled on a thick white rug in a room that I supposed was meant to look regal. The rug was in the center of a sitting area, cream and gold chairs and a couch behind and beside me. A massive canopied bed stood on a raised area in the distance. The walls were marble with gold filigree in every corner and curve. More luxury and expensive displays were everywhere, to the point where the whole thing started to look overdone and tacky. Yep, definitely Aizen's room. That slick bastard probably thought this was tasteful.

I got up, noticing that I was clean and dressed in white. It looked similar to what some of the Arrancar were wearing, but I didn't pay a lot of attention other than wondering who washed and dressed me just to leave me on the floor. The collar was still around my neck. As my hands pulled and twisted it with no luck, I realized just how weak I was. I could summon only a small amount of reiatsu, not enough to do me any good. Basically, I was human.

Speak of the devil . . . Aizen walked in through an ornate door with that oily smile already on his face and walked toward me.

"Good morning, pet. Ready to get started?"

"Started with what?"

"Your training, of course. You are too weak to stand against my Espada yet, but that can be corrected. Along the way we can work on teaching you respect."

"Where are my sisters?"

"Were you addressing me, pet?"

I took an aggressive step in his direction, though I knew it was an empty threat.

"Where. Are. My. Sisters. Aizen-sama."

A wide smile as he walked closer. "Don't fear, pet. They are somewhere safe. Ulquiorra will look after them for now, and they won't be harmed as long as you do not wish them to be."

So that was how this was going to go. What a coward, to hide behind little girls.

"And my friends . . . Aizen-sama?"

He reached toward my face and I lashed out, aiming a strong punch at his head. A surge of reiatsu as strong as Kenpachi's pushed me toward the ground, though I managed to not completely collapse. I forced my head up to glare at him, on my knees.

"This position suits you, my pet."

I could do nothing to stop his hand caressing my cheek.

"The men were no use to me. Szayelaporro says your large friend is capable of taking a great deal of damage. The pretty boy is entertaining Gin, he has a weakness for beauty. As for the girl, her abilities are interesting, and that is protecting her for now."

His thumb caught one of my tears and brought it to his lips.

"There is nothing you can do for those three. They are enemies and will be treated as such. But if you are a very good boy tonight, I'll let you see your sisters tomorrow. Or fight me if you like. Several of the Espada would prefer that, as I would have no reason to protect your little girls any longer."

Then I knew what was going to happen. It seems almost funny now that such a thing had never occurred to me. I knew my friends faced much worse, and that my sisters would as well if he willed it. Still I couldn't stop myself from fighting back as he pinned me there on the floor. I had never been with a man, and only once with a woman. He took no care, and almost casually forced himself on me, like it was completely normal and acceptable.

So when I could I bit, scratched, kicked, anything I could manage with his reiatsu pressing me down. But Aizen seemed amused rather than angry. I'm ashamed to say I forgot all about my friends and my sisters as he inflicted pain and humiliation beyond anything I'd ever experienced.

Little did I know then that so much worse was to come.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The next few weeks were a blur, I mean that literally. When I think about those days it's like trying to remember a nightmare that made you wake up sweating. Some moments are clear, others so distorted that I can't be sure they really happened. I worked on sensing the others' presence, which I was never very good at. I couldn't sense my sisters. Inoue, Chad, and Ishida I could find more and more easily.

It was almost a relief when Chad died. His suffering had been so great that it was a constant and growing pain in my mind. Begging Aizen for mercy only made him laugh. Chad was the best friend I had ever had. We had been inseparable. And he was just gone in a flash of agony.

It was because of me, because Chad had stood by me. My hatred for myself was even stronger than my loathing for Aizen. I knew just what to say, just how to insult him to make sure he was as brutal and vicious as possible that night. I think the bastard enjoyed fucking me even more as I raged and wept.

Maybe a month had passed when I saw Ishida. Aizen had taken me to Ichimaru's quarters, undoubtedly just to see my reaction. Ishida was strong willed, and had resisted. There was little left that told of the proud Quincy, just a shattered, bruised doll with listless eyes. He didn't look at me as I shouted his name. The bastards underestimated my speed, and I snapped Ishida's neck before they could react. It was what I wished someone could do for me, but it will haunt me forever. My punishment was not nearly enough.

I stopped trying to sense anyone after that. When I made an attempt much later, Inoue was nowhere to be found. I never asked what became of her, too cowardly to learn another truth I couldn't handle.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

My days were spent fighting. My nights were spent with Aizen. The bastard didn't even bother to use kido to tie me up or anything. He preferred me fighting back. I'd be weak from fighting all day, and the collar would be put back on. He wouldn't even need much pressure to hold me down. For him, it was just a way to show dominance and humiliate me. He never showed the slightest interest in touching me, or trying to make me feel anything except pain, shame, and anger. When he was finished, he didn't care if I huddled at the edge of the bed, or ran off somewhere else in the room. The more afraid I was, the more I avoided him, the more likely he was to force me to come back and endure it again.

Often, right before I was forced to fight, Szayel would show up with his needle. Aizen said the shots would help speed up the training process by making my Hollow stronger. All I know is that they fucking hurt, and Shiro would take over for longer and longer periods after each shot. The first time Shiro got completely loose, Aizen realized he had made a mistake letting me fight in Los Noches. Shiro took down entire buildings and killed plenty of Arrancar that weren't involved in the fight. It took five Espada to knock him out. After that I was taken to a shielded arena far outside the walls.

Sometimes it was me, not Shiro doing the fighting. Or he fought but I'd regain control during or just after, and I regretted it. Shiro enjoys killing, and he enjoys blood. When he was particularly violent, Ulquiorra would use his creepy ability to play back his memories, so that I could clearly see what Shiro . . . what I had done. Even Arrancar don't deserve to die like that.

The fighting was the worst, since I actually got enjoyment out of it. It's the one thing I've been really good at, and ever since Rukia came along I've come to rely on my strength as a fighter. Even when Shiro was the one leaving mutilated corpses all over the sand, a part of me took pride in what I could do. Aizen knew it, and the training sessions weren't only about improving my strength. He made sure to point out particularly brutal kills and offer praise. There were times I think I really was ready to become a killing machine for him, if only he would keep throwing stronger and stronger opponents at me.

If he had known the truth about Shiro, he would have done something to keep us from talking. Then I'm absolutely sure Aizen would have had me in his control. But he must have assumed we were still fighting each other, and that's what saved me.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

_Say, Ichigo, you plan on licking this guy's cock for the rest of your life or what?_

_No, I plan on ripping his cock off and shoving it down his throat._

_Not what it looks like from here._

_I'm not strong enough to beat him yet, Shiro. But if he's stupid enough to keep me alive, then it's just a matter of getting enough power to kill him._

_I don't wanna be tied to a loser._

_Sorry to disappoint._

_If you let me loose, you know I could take him._

_I don't know that at all. Neither do you, you prick._

Blessed silence for about 5 minutes.

_Yo, Ichigo. You get what he wants to do to me, right?_

My interest perked.

_Not really._

_These Espada guys, only the strongest ones were Vasto Lordes. He kinda upgraded them somehow. That's why they follow him – for the power boost._

_So?_

_So without your pathetic self, I'm a Vasto Lorde, you moron._

_Huh. So he wants to turn you into an Espada? You'd love that, wouldn't you?_

_Damn, you're stupid. He wants us the way we are. He said the human part of us is what makes us gain power more quickly than a Shinigami or a Hollow. I get stronger when you do, but you're too thick to have figured that out. The stronger you get, the stronger the potential Espada if you fail and he gets his hands on me._

_Again, you'd love that, wouldn't you? You get to go on killing sprees whenever you want and get an 'upgrade.'_

_No. You still aren't getting it. He'd make me a slave. It's bad enough watching you bow and spread your legs. I'm no one's bitch._

_Hmmmm. So what you are getting at . . . is that right now . . . at least for now . . . you don't want me dead. In fact, you very much want me alive . . . and stronger._

_He can be taught._

For the first time since this nightmare began, I smiled.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The next day, Aizen knew something fundamental had changed. He praised me for finally accepting my place, and maybe that's how it appeared to him. I was definitely more willing, more confident, and more respectful. Because none of it really mattered anymore. I now had an ally, one that would soon be strong enough to blow this place apart. And that ally was a part of me. It wasn't the first time I'd underestimated Aizen. Of course he had more torture waiting for me.

Shiro didn't take control in the arena that day. We worked together. His strength combined with mine, under my control – Arrancar fell before they could even start to run. This was power, pure and simple, and I reveled in it. With some sort of peace between me and my Hollow, my sword became the wind of Death. There was glee in my laughter as I killed, and the change in my attitude convinced the bastard that he had made progress. No new enemies came. Aizen ended the session.

He took me to Szayel's lab, one place that still scared the shit out of me. Szayel placed a set of silver cuffs on a table in front of me and Aizen explained what they were. I panicked. I actually drew my sword on him, hoping he'd kill me for it. But he just forced me down on my knees and let me rant and cry until I gave in. He didn't even bother to threaten my sisters, just let me break down until I came to the only conclusion. This was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not.

I could tell Aizen enjoyed making me stretch my arms out, enjoyed my screams when he snapped the cuffs in place.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Aizen didn't spare me that night, either, but it was the last time he took me. I didn't fight back, just laid there in my own world of suffering and self-loathing. If I wouldn't fight, he no longer cared about dominating me in that way. I wish I had figured that one out sooner.

He took me to the arena the next day, and allowed me access to all of my power. Ichimaru and Tosen were there, and all of the Espada. The Espada stood in a semicircle, in order of rank. I don't know if any of them knew why we were there, but soon Aizen let us all in on the surprise. They were there to welcome a new member to the ranks of the Espada, he explained. As everyone knew he liked to keep the things orderly and 10 was the ideal number for the top echelon of his army. And so to make room for myself, I was to choose what rank I wanted to be, and kill the Espada holding that rank.

Again he was offering me a choice when really I had no freedom to make a choice at all. It would be my idea to join the Espada, like it had been my idea to wear the cuffs, my idea to join him in the first place.

Some of them looked outraged at this, but more just looked eager. I had heard that when new Arrancar were created Aizen evaluated their strength. If they were good enough to be Espada, then the lowest was tossed out of the Espada and ranks adjusted. I assumed that this was the first time one would be outright killed, or kill the challenger.

It seemed like stupidity on Aizen's part. He would either lose me or a high ranking Espada, instead of just demoting the lowest. But looking at some of the faces around me, I realized this would also make sure that the Espada hated me even more than they hated each other. Only later would I come to realize that even his top ranked Espada were trash to him, imperfect experiments to be used and discarded when something better came along.

I didn't protest. I could die here, or I could kill an Espada of my choosing. Kind of a win-win for me. Immediately I looked at Ulquiorra. I could still hear Yuzu screaming when I looked at his blank face, and my hatred for him never died. His hand was on the hilt of his sword instead of stuffed in his pocket. He obviously expected me to go after him. But this was an opportunity that I needed to take advantage of to the fullest, and personal revenge might be a waste.

Shiro, meanwhile, was howling with laughter and he knew exactly what he wanted to do. I let him look them all over. Five and lower weren't even worth the effort, and neither Shiro nor I would be satisfied with such low ranking. I walked toward the side where Halibel, Barragan, Starrk and Lilynette were standing. After a little internal debate, I agreed with Shiro. I reached for Zangetsu and the tension was thick in the air. I turned around and pointed Zangetsu at the rank I would take.

"Not ten . . . zero. Release your resurreccion." Then the rest of the Espada were scattering as I lunged at Yammy's laughing face.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Aizen might be the only one who wasn't stunned. Even Ichimaru was staring, open eyes and no grin on his face. After the most difficult battle of my life, the Cero Espada was dead. He was one tough bastard to kill, and Shiro had to take the lead at the end, more or less dismembering the monster. Shiro had thoroughly enjoyed himself, and for once was quiet, sated. The power he had unleashed was unlike anything I had ever experienced, and I realized that as terrifying as he was, he had only shown me a fraction of his potential. He could have killed me and taken over at any time with that strength. But he never had.

I was down on one knee, bleeding from several wounds that would have been fatal without my Hollow. There were countless minor wounds and broken bones. Shiro's regenerative ability had become my own since we started our alliance. It was keeping me alive, but it would take a long while to recover since I had used every bit of reiatsu to bring Yammy down.

Aizen walked down into the blood soaked sands to congratulate me. Then he asked where I wanted to be marked. It took a moment for me to understand what he was asking, and when I did I realized this was a huge step in breaking me. I didn't know if the tattoo would ever come off, and it would announce to every Shinigami and human that I was the enemy. But again it was an opportunity not to be wasted. Every Espada Yammy had their number slightly hidden, only to be revealed if they thought it was to their advantage. If I was going to be Cero, I would shove it in their faces every chance I got.

Aizen laughed when I told him to put it right on the front of my throat. He got the joke, and sneered at the Espada after he touched my neck, branding me as the new top dog in his kennel.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

As an official Espada, I could have taken just about anything I wanted. New, simple quarters were more appealing to me than a palace, and I reluctantly picked one Arrancar to take care of the place. Better clothes, better food, and some illusion of privacy were all mine. Any Arrancar I choose would wait in my bed, though there was no way that was going to happen. As long as I didn't have anything that was as grand as what Aizen possessed, it was all fair game.

And my sisters were finally set free. I was allowed to say goodbye. My heart broke when Yuzu cowered at the sight of me. But Karin, always the strong one, begged me to forgive her. The parting was too rushed, and I knew I would never see them again unless I was sent to kill them.

Aizen walked me through all of this like it was a shopping spree, his way of rewarding "my dear Cero."

Tosen was told to train me in kido, which was almost a complete mystery to me, and hakuda, which wasn't as hard since Yoruichi had been working with me already to build upon my training in marital arts. He was actually bearable, as long as I didn't fuck up too badly or get him started lecturing about justice and bloodshed. At least he showed no interest in torture. After a rocky start, I picked up on the spells quickly. Controlling my power was the hardest thing to learn, and back to the arena my training went after I overpowered and blew up a few walls.

I thought that Aizen was done with breaking me; I thought that as Cero I was safe and powerful. He quickly showed me otherwise. He still took every opportunity to push me, to make me do things I hated. I grew increasingly violent and cruel, and the worse I was the more he left me alone. Slowly, subtly this system of reward and punishment worked. Arrancar learned to clear the halls when they felt me coming, and only the strongest and rashest Espada would dare to speak to me, let alone hunt or train with me.

And then there was Ichimaru. The pecking order was clear, and the other two former captains were gods just below Aizen. I don't know if Aizen ordered Ichimaru to take an interest in me or not. But he had to have given the fox control of my cuffs. Even Ichimaru would have a hard time handling me at the half-power I was usually allowed.

After the first time Ichimaru walked into my quarters, cut off my access to reiatsu, and took all night enjoying himself I was ready to crawl to Aizen's feet and beg for protection. Ichimaru was very different than Aizen in his desires. He was a true, down to the bone sadist. There was agony, and blood, and he was never satisfied unless he could make me cum while being tortured and humiliated.

Even after Aizen, even after all of the killing and brutality I had witnessed all around me, I still had no idea that any person could be capable of the things Ichimaru did, and he loved every minute of it. Now that I knew the truth of it, I was able to forgive myself just a little for Ishida's death.

It happened randomly. I couldn't predict when and where he would show up, or if I'd be ordered to his bed or left alone. I couldn't sleep for fear of waking up with his Shinso slicing me open while his bony hand caressed me like a lover. And there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't think of a way to make him loose interest like I did with Aizen. The one time I tried to play along, hoping compliance would throw him off, it went very, very badly. And it got worse as time went on.

But it stopped after a particularly long night when Ichimaru nearly killed me. Aizen himself had to interrupt Ichimaru's playtime, and in my weakness I sincerely and repeatedly thanked the bastard for saving me. After that I was off limits. I was a valuable weapon, after all, and fear of Ichimaru had made me all the more willing to make an effort to please Aizen.

Aizen then removed the left cuff. A gesture of trust, he said, and if I really wanted to try escaping him I could just cut off my right hand and make a run for it.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

After that I simply survived. I sparred with Espada, helped hunt for Adjuchas and Vasto Lorde Hollows to recruit or kill, trained, and minded my own business as much as possible. Aizen left me alone for the most part. I had to sit in on Espada meetings, where absolutely nothing of value was discussed, not once. I had to stand around the throne room when his majesty was feeling the need to have his ego stroked. And I had all the time in the world to sit idle and plot revenge that I would never get, plot escapes that I would never achieve.

The few things I heard about plans for the war against Soul Society were useless. Espada don't sit around and gossip. Even if they did, none of them dared chat with me. Aside from hating me for being human and Shinigami, they hated me for being higher than them. The solid defeats they suffered when sparring with me didn't help. True, I had some weird camaraderie with a couple of them – Grimmjow and stranger still Starrk – but they hated me just as much. They just did me the courtesy of admitting it and moving on. So most of the gossip I heard was the trash of Las Noches guessing what was going to happen.

What little I heard from the three traitors was probably even less valuable. They lied as easily as they breathed. Even that hypocrite Tosen. He was the worst liar of all because he didn't even know what truth was anymore, if he ever had. Just about the only credible knowledge I had gained was the layout of Las Noches, and a pretty good handle on the abilities of the Espada and many higher Arrancar. I could only hope that, should I get out, that information would be enough to buy me a chance to explain my actions.

Aizen never sent me to the living world, or ordered me to kill anything except a Hollow. I knew that had to be coming. I wouldn't be much use in his war if he didn't prove I'd kill the good guys. I didn't know what I would do when the time came. My mind was already fractured, and it was easier to simply not think about future conflicts rather than deal with the pain and confusion.

Then came the first Espada meeting that actually proved interesting. There were Shinigami in Hueco Mundo. They didn't appear to be attacking, and they were organized into two small, separate forces. But there were two captains, two lieutenants and some skilled fighters including onmitsukido. The captains and lieutenants were to be captured, only killed as a last resort. The rest were to be slaughtered.

Two of the highest Espada, Starrk and Halibel were sent after the bigger threat - Soi-fon's group. Nnoitra and Zommari were to take out the group led by Hitsugaya Toshiro. My heart stopped when I heard that name, and I protested, insisting that I should get to fight a captain. At the same time I wanted to run and hide. The universe was not done torturing me, and the first enemy I would have to kill would be the only one I feared to face. But Aizen refused.

I was pacing the wall when Tosen showed up. Grimmjow was doing the same thing. He'd also been pissed to be excluded. Tosen reported that we were at risk of losing one of the battles. Grimmjow and I were to go clean up the mess.

oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"I was telling the truth, by the way. Only a few of your squad were killed, thanks to you staying behind. Matsumoto was barely scratched. Grimm went after them while I went after you, but they were already safe."

A small smile from Toshiro thanked me for confirming that. He had sacrificed himself to save them, this man who seemed to have no friends and no feelings for others. What a staggering lie the rest of the world swallowed. I thought back to what Renji had told me about Hitsugaya-taicho, that he was not capable of emotion other than anger. Would they all still think such a thing? Would they assume his choice was made out of duty, not out of the respect and love he held for his team? Probably so, they were all morons for not seeing the generous heart just begging for anyone to take what he had to offer.

"I can't even begin to tell you what it meant to me to see you again. I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry that you were here at first. Until I realized what was likely to happen to you next. I couldn't stand by and see you destroyed. I had decided that if Aizen handed you over to the Espada, or took you to do what he did to me, I was going to kill as many of them as I could before they cut me down.

"When that bastard actually handed you over to me, I was so relieved. But at the same time I had no idea how to keep you safe. I wasn't even sure if I could trust you. I'm partially insane, after all. And not just due to the Hollow; Aizen and Ichimaru have me doubting every word, every action. There's just no end to it. I can't trust myself, I can't trust Shiro, I can't turn my back on anyone. Every creature here wants to kill every other. Myself included."

Toshiro had held on to my hands through all of this, not stopping me once. He had wept with me when I told him about Yuzu and Karin being hurt. He had wept alone when I told him about Chad and Ishida. I grew increasingly numb as I spoke. It was as if all of the hurt in my memories was draining out of me, and seeping into him. His eyes were bright and wide, and such an intense blue-green. I'm sure many people have compared them to the ice he works with, and indeed they did look like glaciers. When he wept silently, just letting the tears fall without trying to stop them or wipe them away, it was as if the ice was melting and leaving cold, silver tracks down his beautiful, golden face.

"I've been working on a plan to get out, and it's actually quite close to being complete. It's very possible that I'll be able to get us out of here alive, and soon. But it involves secrets that aren't mine to tell. I have to hide a few things from you for now."

He simply nodded. No doubt he had picked up on a few holes in my story. My fingers brushed over the silver on his wrists. My gaze lingered on the purple and black circling his neck, the darkening bruise covering one cheek. It was necessary, I could tell myself that all I wanted. But necessary or not, I owed him for each wound, each tear, each moment of terror.

"Toshiro, I won't ask forgiveness because this is far from over. I don't know what else I might do. I can't always control my temper, my thoughts, or even my own body. I'll do anything to keep you safe, even if it means hurting you more than I already have. At this moment, while my mind is clear, I know I will hurt you thinking I'm doing the right thing."

I squeezed his hands and looked straight in his eyes. There was not much I could do to atone. Nothing I could do now, anyway, but at the very least I could make it clear how deeply committed I was to paying for my crimes against him. I loved him more than life. Far more, in my case, for life was no friend to me.

"Toshiro, if we both survive, I promise I will come to you and I will give you my life, or, if you want it, my death. I won't lift a finger to stop you from doing anything you need to do to me. That's the only way I can think to make this anywhere close to right."

I fell silent and hung my head in shame.

 


	8. Chapter 8

"Toshiro, if we both survive, I promise I will come to you and I will give you my life, or, if you want it, my death. I won't lift a finger to stop you from doing anything you need to do to me. That's the only way I can think to make this anywhere close to right."

Throughout his tale, told in an increasingly unfeeling and disconnected tone, I tried to let my mind simply absorb. I tried not to get distracted or analyze, just listen and remember. It wasn't possible. His pain was too real, too immediate to ignore and I found myself wrapped in it. Empathy was not a quality I possessed, but Kurosaki had always been the exception to that rule. From the first time I met his eyes, somehow, against all odds, I felt for him, with him as I did not with anyone else. From the deep streak of melancholy that colored even his laughter, to this overwhelming suffering, I could not shut out the his need for understanding.

Two thoughts kept surfacing repeatedly as I walked down the dark path of his memories.  _What have they done to this magnificent man?_ The other was less a thought, and more of a mantra _._ _Kill, kill, maim, destroy, kill_ _._ The traitors had much to answer for already, but now I was determined to eat their hearts.

Sorrow and rage warred within me. But there was also something new, a growing glimmer of hope. Would he keep his word? If he actually gave me his life to end or do with as I please, what would I choose? It was too soon to tell, but my mind was already conjuring staggering possibilities. I knew myself. I knew that if I ever took a partner I would be theirs, mind, heart, and soul. If he gave himself to me with that kind of dedication, could he be the one I gave myself to in return?

"Thank you," I was shocked at how calm my voice sounded, "for telling me and for the promise. I will hold you to it."

He nodded without looking up. I tightened my hold on his hands. This next part was going to be risky, but it had to be done.

"Kurosaki, I need for you to stay calm. I didn't interrupt you, and I am sorry for that. But I needed to understand your perception of events. I have some idea how you ended up believing what you have told me, but you are very wrong about several things and one thing in particular."

He was pale, panic already showing in his eyes. His voice was barely audible.

"What is it?"

"Your sisters were abducted and quickly returned. But your friends were never here. They are alive and well. Sado, Ishida and Inoue are alive and well."

There was the reaction I feared. He quickly saw that the breaking of his spirit and mind was rooted in a deception, that a huge portion of the guilt and misery he held on to was a lie. Black seeped in around his eyes as they glowed gold. Rage ruled those eyes, and he gnashed his teeth. What could I do? His muscles tightened and I feared he was going to leap for the door, go after Aizen and probably fail to kill him. I did not have any strength to stop him.

"Ichigo! Stay with me, Ichigo!"

He hissed and he ripped his hands from mine, pressing the sides of his head. I was afraid, afraid to touch him. The Hollow was beyond dangerous, but his story told me that it could be reasoned with. It had not destroyed Kurosaki when it had the chance, so maybe I could keep it from destroying him now.

"Shiro!" His eyes snapped up to mine. "Not now, Shiro. We will get the bastard, but it would be suicide now. You know this."

"I know no such thing, pretty one," his voice was distorted, a voice combined with a Hollow's scream that grated on the nerves.

"Then trust me, for I do know it. I do not want to see either of you throw your lives away."

He laughed, possibly the most frightening sound I'd ever heard. The Hollow's laughter was full of rage and bloodlust, and it struck a primal instinct to flee in terror. Then he lunged forward, grabbing my throat again in one hand and my hair in the other, his weight pinning me to the bed.

"There is one thing that could keep me here, sweet little captain."

His hand tightened around my throat as he pressed his tongue to my jaw and licked all the way up my face. My kicks and my nails on his arm did nothing, and the pressure on my neck increased. I could still breathe but the lack of blood was going to make me pass out soon. What breath I did have was smothered by his lips, and he savagely bit my lips in retaliation when I would not let his tongue in.

"No! NO you fucking pussy! I'm going to end this; I'm not going back!"

I sucked in air, coughing as the hand around my neck loosened and tightened again. Then he was off of me, flat on his back beside me with his hands back on his head. I concentrated on oxygen. It was amazing how all other thoughts meant nothing when your body realized it wasn't getting any air. Being strangled to death was quickly becoming my greatest fear.

_Why always the neck? I mean, I know it's a vulnerable spot, an easy target, but give me a break already._

"Fucking Hollow." I closed my eyes in relief at the sound of his voice.

"Toshiro?" He turned and leaned over me. "Are you okay, Toshiro?"

His hand touched my throat and I almost held back the flinch. Almost. There was too much emotion playing across his face to tell if my reaction hurt him. And dammit, I had every reason to avoid him right now. He healed the damage done and the lingering hurt from the last time he tried to kill me and then he sat back, hands rubbing his face roughly.

I pushed myself up slowly. I had to crush any fear I felt of him. I would never be able to control him if he didn't believe that there was a possibility that I would either love him or submit to him. And if I did not gain control of him soon we were both lost. So, I would act like nothing happened, like he had not just tried to strangle me for the second time. I took a deep breath and composed myself to appear calm as his hands fell and he looked at me with confusion, weariness, and fear of rejection.

"Kurosaki?"

"I heard you right, my sisters were here, briefly, and my friends never were?"

I nodded, resisting the urge to rub my neck. "All of them are alive and safe. Sado, Ishida, and Inoue were never taken. You did not kill Ishida."

"Fuck."

"That about sums it up."

I was quiet as he clenched his eyes shut. I couldn't even imagine how he was feeling right now. The guilt he had been carrying, the pain of loss, even though those deaths were many months ago in his mind, those feelings had been eating away at his sanity. Kurosaki had asked for none of this, deserved none of this. He had been dragged into the war between Hollow and Shinigami, and his life had been a steady descent into Hell ever since.

My body moved forward before I could let fear stop me. I stood on my knees before him, and placed my hands on his cheeks. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

"It's going to be okay. You are going to make it through this."

He nodded without opening his eyes. My poor, broken boy. How I wished I could save him from all of this. How I wished I could go back to the day I followed orders instead of following my honor, and discard my life to stand up for what was right. Pressing my lips to his forehead one more time, I let him go and sat back. And I waited. He drew a shaky breath and opened his eyes, unshed tears making them bright.

"They're alive. It's all been good news. My sisters weren't hurt as badly as I thought. My friends weren't hurt at all. And best of all I didn't murder Uryu. You would think I'd be a little bit happier about all of this."

"Don't judge yourself like that, Kurosaki. No one could live through what you have endured and come out without serious scars. And it isn't over yet. Once you are free, and you have been able to process and heal, then you can think about such small emotions as happiness."

He looked up for a moment, eyes still too full of hurt for me to read. I didn't tell him that I did not plan to wait. I needed to know if Kurosaki could be salvaged. So I has already started the attempt to heal him, and if he couldn't be saved then I would know what to do when the time came, I would eliminate the threat he presented. I would never forgive myself if it came to that, but I would live with the knowledge that I had ended his misery. I would carry his ghost for eternity, as he had carried the memory of killing the Quincy.

"I hope you're right." He took another deep breath and let out a resigned sigh. "So, where were we before I tried to kill you? You wanted to ask questions before you explain why I can't think straight?"

There were so many questions I could ask. At the moment, only one really mattered. And now was the ideal time to ask him, with him so very vulnerable and honest. Only one question had to be answered to calm the storms in my heart and make the path forward clear. It would make or break my chances of saving us both.

"Kurosaki, you said that it meant something to see me again. That it affected you when you heard my name. That you were ready to sacrifice yourself to save me."

I waited but he would not look me in the eye.

"Why?"

His eyes closed tightly as if he was in pain. After a short time he nodded to himself, drew in another deep breath and then he made eye contact with a ghost of a smile and a look of sad longing.

"Because, Hitsugaya Toshiro, I was attracted to you the second I saw you. Because I fell in love with you the first time I fought at your side. Because now I'm so deeply in love with you that I would burn the world if you were taken from me."

There was an audible thunk as my brain shut down. I must have started to say something, because my mouth was hanging open. The heat in my face said I was blushing. I must have been blushing all over then, as my entire body was burning. I clearly saw myself tackling Kurosaki and mauling him. But my body had not moved. True, I was already convinced that he liked and lusted, I even suspected more. But to not just hear 'I love you' from a confused and traumatized teenager, to hear instead a bold confession of feelings so strong they could be called obsession . . . no, I was not prepared for that.

And the effect it had on me was unlike anything I had ever experienced. No, that wasn't right. It was just like the moment I finally heard Hyorinmaru's name, and felt the completion of my soul. I was elated, the thrill of it not only a mental but a physical pleasure that was at once confusing and strangely calming, as if I suddenly recognized a great truth that had been eluding me.

_Damn, that was so fucking hot._

He made a sound like he was starting to choke. "What?!"

"Huh?"

"What did you just say?"

"I didn't say anything?"

"Toshiro, did you just say 'that was hot'?"

Rewind. I winced.

"No," I admitted dejectedly, "I said 'Damn, that was so fucking hot'."

He stared as I covered my face, sure that I was red as the sunset.

"No," he pulled my hands away. "No, don't you dare."

I looked away, mortified and yet very turned on. Kurosaki meanwhile was smiling – a wide, genuine smile that could light the sky. I was in very deep trouble.

_Shit, Toshiro, get yourself under control!_

I gulped. No, I didn't say that one aloud. Struggling to get back on track, I forced myself to look at him.

"Kurosaki, we still have something to discuss."

He looked like he was about to say something inappropriate and probably extremely sexual, so I rushed ahead a bit bluntly.

"You were abducted less than eleven weeks ago."

_Yeah, that was a low blow._

His smile faded and I was cursing myself as I watched the light go out. Deep trouble, indeed. What would I do for that smile?

"Eleven . . .  _weeks_?"

"There is a certain amount of variance between dimensions. Shinigami have gone missing before, only to turn up at the Senkaimon days or weeks later swearing they had just left the living world. But we have been monitoring Hueco Mundo closely since the traitors left, and other missions were carried out here. Eleven weeks to eleven months does not seem likely for a natural time differential."

"How not likely?"

"It is almost impossible."

"Then tell me what you've been working on in that genius brain of yours."

He was getting irritated, which meant that internally he had gone from joy to anger in about three seconds – thanks to me. Dammit, why did I care? Was it that I was vulnerable, without my power, without Hyorinmaru, I was just latching on to him out of desperation and the need to feel safe? This emotional turmoil was not something I was accustomed to, and I did not approve of the effect it was having on my ability to make rational decisions.

"One possibility is that Aizen has gained enough control over the Hogyoku to actually affect time. He really only would need to focus that ability on Las Noches. It would give him more time to prepare in comparison to Soul Society, more time to build an army. More time to tame you. I don't know enough about the Hogyoku to be confident of this. But the circumstantial evidence says it may be possible."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're incredibly sexy when you're in tensai mode?"

I blocked out the little tingling feeling at being called incredibly sexy.

"No. What does that even mean? Wait, wait, do not answer. And focus, dammit, this is important."

He pouted and I had to tear my eyes away from that lower lip before I bit it.

"When the traitors made their move in Soul Society it became clear that Aizen had been hiding, or more accurately misrepresenting the abilities of his zanpakuto. It is capable of what he calls perfect hypnosis. Using it, he can alter perceptions to such a degree that the victim will see, hear, smell, feel anything he chooses. Worse, even reiatsu enhanced senses and kido can't break it if you are not aware of what is happening. Your brain simply rewrites any data to fit the narrative Aizen creates."

"So he can make you believe in things that aren't there?"

"That's what I just said."

"You did?"

"Honestly, Kurosaki, you are just acting obtuse to irritate me."

"See? Sexy."

I glared.

"Alright, alright. I get it. If he's using this hypnosis it would be easy to make me think my sisters were here, even make me remember hugging Karin and telling them to forget me. More to the point, he made me think Chad was dead, and then made me think I killed Ishida. That's what you are saying."

"Yes, but that isn't the extent of it. He may even be able to make you perceive short or long periods of time that didn't actually happen. Your mind would have no idea that anything was wrong unless some outside factor persistently interfered. Days or hours here and there would add up quickly. You mentioned weeks being just a blur, and a stretch of time when you were just surviving day by day. It's not such a leap in logic to conclude that even seemingly important events – fighting sessions, kido lessons – could all have been basically implanted into your memory."

He looked shaken, and I could sympathize. I knew exactly what it felt like when you couldn't trust your own memory. Kurosaki would be amazed if I told him about the torment and possible insanity I fought throughout my life. Perhaps that similarity between us is what allowed me to forgive his offenses and try to help instead of blame. But the past that haunted me was not a priority right now.

"I might have lived months in this hellhole and none of it was real?"

"It is probable, yes. It could even be a combination of the two, altering your perceptions and altering time flow, just not as extreme as eleven weeks to eleven months."

"How, then, do I know this is actually happening?"

I paused. "Actually, you can't. Except for one factor. Though he would argue the point, Aizen is not omnipotent. Highly trained Shinigami were taken in by his illusions, but we all felt the . . . wrongness of certain things, a discordance that led some of us to question the evidence. Big, all encompassing lies would be easy, but the more detailed the lie, the more the instincts rebel if one pays attention to how the details clash with what the mind knows is true and what it is being told is true. I was right on the edge of unraveling his web. Unohana was right behind me. If we hadn't been distracted by a ryoka invasion we might have had him."

He snorted. "You're telling me stop interrupting you when you're working again?"

I loved the way he picked up on my dry humor, and gave it right back. Most people just assumed I was being an asshole. Kurosaki was much more intelligent than he let on, and I was delighted every time he showed it. I gave him a quick smile, a simple encouragement for him to show his wit more often. Training recruits, puppies, and lovers, it was all about setting up a consistent system of expectations and rewards. I nearly laughed as his pleasure in his little treat lit his eyes.

"The important point is that there are cracks. A sharp mind can see through them, and so can instincts. You, Kurosaki, follow your gut more than anyone I know. And despite appearances you aren't stupid."

"Uh, thanks?"

"If you've been feeling like some things just don't fit, some memories seem more like dreams than reality, I would say you should believe what your instincts tell you. And now that you are aware of Aizen's ability, you will have to find a way to decide what is real.

"Despite fearing for your sisters, you already suspected that the threat to them wasn't as clear as Aizen implied, or you never would have risked helping me. He brought them here and hurt them at the beginning to lend credibility to the illusions he used from that point on. But the stronger the feelings associated with an event, the less your instincts will believe the lie. The only reason you fell for the most painful lies, the deaths of your friends, was because he already had you disbelieving your instincts at every turn. Likely he set those scenarios to test just how far he had broken you."

"Okay. I'm not as worried now."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I think I've already told you that my instincts and emotions are pretty intense about you. If you are really here, and you really just told me all that, then you are really here. You aren't a lie, simple."

_What? Of all the absurd loops of logic . . ._

"Pfft!" My hands flew to cover my mouth as his words spun round and round my head, becoming more ridiculous every time I heard them.

"What was that?"

I shook my head. My eyes squeezed shut and my shoulders started shaking as I struggled to hold it in.

"No fucking way!"

He had to pull much harder to get my hands away this time. His smile came back full force as I collapsed in uncontrollable peals of laughter.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Maybe it was all an illusion. Unbelievable things kept happening, after all. Truly unbelievable, like Hitsugaya Toshiro curled up with his head in my lap as the sweetest music flowed from between his white teeth and widely smiling lips. I couldn't help but laugh along with him, the joy his voice brought me was too much to contain.

As he started to regain control and the laughter subsided, Toshiro started running his hand lightly up and down the leg his head wasn't resting on, still chuckling with every other breath. I ran a hand through his hair to the back of his neck, letting my fingers massage his neck and shoulder. For me this contact meant the world. To be able to touch him at all, let alone so casually and lovingly, was a dream I never thought to see made real. His fingers left trails of fire on my leg, but I reasoned that he simply sought comfort. Perhaps he even was playing along for safety. Regardless, I would treasure every touch in case it was all I ever had.

My internal clock was telling me we still had more than an hour before Thiago was due with breakfast and I would have to part from Toshiro at least for a while. At least an hour. An hour to sit here memorizing the sight few had ever seen, the smile of the dragon. It appeared I wouldn't even get the hour. Toshiro's smile was fading, though his hand did not stop tracing meaningless patterns on my shin and calf.

"Kurosaki?"

"Hmm?"

He was silent. I waited.

When he pushed himself up, hand and head leaving my lap, I mourned. But then he turned toward me, his legs pressed into mine. His bright eyes were darkened to teal, pupils wide. My heartbeat was racing as he leaned in. After all I had told him, all I had done to him, how could he possibly want me? I redefined the phrase 'damaged goods.' Hell, just that warped confession of love – I practically declared ownership when he barely knew me.

_Yeah, and he had said that was fucking hot._

I reached. I wrapped my arms low around his waist and pulled. He climbed onto me, legs straddling my hips. He was looking down, hands untying the sash of my robe and then pushing it away, fingers tracing abdominal muscles while his eyes roamed. I remembered then that he had barely had the chance to touch me before, his hands cruelly bound the first time, and the other times too rushed.

Holding him, I couldn't resist stroking his back and sides. But I tried to let him have his turn, to see what he would want now that he had a choice. I trembled as those delicate, cool hands fluttered along my ribs, then I gasped as a hot tongue circled and flicked against my nipple. He nibbled and licked as his hands pressed against my lower back, pulling himself closer into my hips. The slow heat that had begun with his hands stroking my leg flared into a wildfire, growing with every new touch.

Teeth grazed along my collarbone, then light bites and licks trailed up my throat. His tongue delicately traced the zero on my neck. One hand was caressing my chest, the other had wound fingers into my hair. He stretched upward, sliding himself and his arousal along the front of my body. Every moment was a delight, every touch a gift. This was my Toshiro, the untouchable prodigy, petting and teasing me with obvious enjoyment. The air chilled my skin in the wake of the fire of his lips, and I shivered against him.

"Toshiro," I groaned his name and my hands moved to his ass, pressing him closer. His lips were finally close to mine as he kissed along my jawline.

"Toshiro, you don't have to do this."

He stopped and studied my face. Confusion in his eyes turned into understanding and something else, something sweet and poignant that I couldn't define.

He licked along my ear, and whispered, "Idiot. We may never have another chance."

And that was the bitter truth. Each moment could be our last, and it was foolishness to deny ourselves any joy we could seize. One hand still caressing that enticing, toned ass, I slid the other up his thigh, under the robe and found his testicles.

"Wha . . . haaa . . ." I took the opportunity, turning my head to capture his open lips in a searing kiss.

My hands teased and distracted, while my tongue savored the taste and heat of his mouth. I kept the kisses gentle, mindful of the livid bruise on his cheek. Even though at this point it was clear where this was going, I still couldn't believe my good fortune. That I could have him as a willing partner once in my life was incredible enough. I was not brave enough to ask if this was just for comfort, just for safety, or if there was something more in the tenderness of his touch.

Small hands pushed against my chest and he slowly moved away. He stood, one foot on each side of my thighs so his legs were braced apart. Having to look up a bit to see his face, I was treated to a sight I would never, ever forget. His eyes were dark and glazed, black lashes almost hiding the color as he gazed down. Golden skin flushed and wet lips parted, he was a vision, the very image of seduction.

As he untied his robe and shrugged it off, I heard myself whimper. He was so lovely, a perfectly balanced physique of lithe grace and muscular strength. The defined muscles were not bulky, but smooth and toned. There wasn't an ounce of body fat on him. If I got the chance, I would work to change that just a bit. Weight shifted to his left foot. My eyes shot down to see him move with a fluid flexibility that would have made a ballerina sick with envy as he lifted his right leg, arcing his torso as the leg came up, smoothly sliding his underwear down as he bent his leg through the opening without ever using his hands.

_Yum. I wonder if he can touch his feet to the back of his head._

_Shut up, Shiro, you sick fuck._

_I bet he can do the splits. All. The. Way._

_Shiro, God dammit, shut up!_

With an impatient flick of his left foot, the boxers that had slid down his leg went flying. Then a look of annoyance crossed his face.

"Huh?" I followed his glare to my own crotch, still covered. "Oh." I grinned.

Leaning swiftly forward so that my shoulders pushed him back, I held both of his knees , making him lose his balance and tumbled back onto the bed with a startled squawk. I quickly stripped my scant clothing.

"What do you think you are doing, Kurosaaaa . . . mmmm,"

I silenced his outrage by burying my face between his legs, hands lifting his ass so that my tongue could continue the work my hands had started. My possessive side wondered if anyone else had ever tasted this soft, sensitive flesh. He was so wonderfully responsive, I was sure he had plenty of experience and I tried not to feel jealous. After all, I was reaping the rewards, a passionate, uninhibited Toshiro in my hands.

His moans caressed my ears and traveled straight to my aching cock as I started pushing a saliva coated finger into him. In no time at all he was pushing back against me as a second finger slipped in. I loved the feel of him, soft and yielding as I stroked and stretched. Already I knew just how to move to make him moan, how sensitive he was not just when I moved my fingertips against his prostate, but how he twitched and clenched when I paid extra attention to his entrance, massaging on both sides of his muscles, teasing by barely entering and curling my fingers.

My mouth moved up, licking the warm shaft and sliding around the dripping head of his beautiful erection. I made the mistake of glancing up and nearly came at the sight. Head tossing side to side, mouth open and panting, chiseled chest heaving. Noticing that his hands were clawing the sheets, I took him all the way into my mouth. He groaned as I pressed my tongue firmly against him and moved my head up. Only a few deep strokes and he pushed up against me with a shout.

So easy, Toshiro was far more fire than ice when it came to sex. I chuckled as I swallowed, making him convulse against me. Letting go, I lavished attention on his thighs, hand stroking his hips while he caught his breath.

Too late I tried to stop him from moving away from me. He scooted up on the bed, reaching for the nightstand and the vial of oil I had left there. I started to lift myself to go to him, but he moved quickly to my side and pushed my shoulder to make me roll over on my back. It would be easy to push back, to take back control, but I had to see where he was going with this. Was he actually thinking of topping me? I would be game, in fact the very thought made me lightheaded.

He straddled my legs, sitting on my thighs, and I almost choked when both of his hands wrapped around my dick. He paused to watch my face, then ever so slowly he ran one hand up, down, up, taking care to rub the other lubricant covered palm in circles, pressing the head while fingernails scraped lightly at the top of the shaft. Good lord, he didn't waste a second.

"St-stop! Too . . . too much!"

He dropped his head with a loud groan. I was so far gone that I hadn't noticed his own hardening length was just on the other side of his hand, brushing against mine when his hand moved. We both panted until he had gained enough air to move again. He leaned forward, pressing his hands into my stomach and moving up and forward. Holy shit! He was planning to ride me.

"Toshiro . . . are you sure?"

Lust dulled eyes met mine. "You aren't stopping me, Kurosaki. I've been fantasizing about this since you . . ."

"Since I . . .?"

I really wanted to hear the end of that sentence. What had I done or said that brought such a heavenly reward? Instead of answering, he straightened, reached behind to grasp my cock, and started to lower his body. All thoughts and questions flew right out of my head. I held his hips to help support him, and tried to slow him down. He was pushing too quickly in this new position, muscles clenching against me in protest.

A strange look settled on his face as he paused, taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling. His features smoothed, brows no longer scrunched together and eyes no longer wincing. Somehow he managed to simply and suddenly relax, and his entire body became pliant. He smiled and dropped his weight onto me, all of the way in one smooth motion, throwing his head back with a groan.

To my mixed horror and delight, my hips slammed up and I came with a loud shout. He laughed lowly and rocked forward and back, letting me push toward him, riding out my orgasm.

"Toshiro, damn," _pant, pant_ "how the fuck," _pant, pant_ , "did you do that?"

His hands were stroking every inch of my pelvis that he could reach, cool and still slick. His eyes followed his hands avidly for a moment, then looked into mine. He was pleased with himself, pleased that he had brought me to climax so quickly. Those magnificent eyes held such passion and possession that I felt myself start to swell inside of his heat.

"You don't meditate much, eh Kurosaki?"

The gentle motions and the mild clenching of his muscles were already making me hard again, which was the point. He leaned all the way down, still moving sinuously on and around me. He reached to pull my shoulders, and I propped myself on an elbow to meet his hot and needy kiss. It was beyond erotic, letting him dominate the kiss, feeling his tongue stroking every inch of my mouth while his body writhed on top of mine, pulling and massaging my cock with deliberate precision.

"I'm enjoying having my way with you, Kurosaki. Best get used to it."

He kissed me again, tongues twining and stroking as hands roamed over sweaty skin. I was definitely hard enough to start playing again, and he gasped as I bucked my hips hard against him.

"You don't hear me complaining, do you?"

Hands slid down, resting some of his weight on my chest as he lifted himself more. Down, higher, down, flexing so that every stroke was a new angle, a new speed, causing unbearable tension. He shifted, straightening his back until he was almost upright, hands just above my hips and his thighs doing almost all the work. I grabbed his hips again to help, but he was still determined to keep an erratic rhythm. I gritted my teeth as he continued to wiggle and change positions until I nearly snapped.

Finally I felt him clench around me as he found just the right angle to give himself the greatest pleasure. I had to concentrate to allow him to continue. My body wanted to throw him down and force my own pace on him. But my mind knew better, and I braced myself for the coming fantasy of Toshiro using me to fuck himself into ecstasy.

"AHH! . . . there . . . Oh, yes, yes, _fuck yes_!"

The little incubus was happy now, and started to really move.

His moans built as his movements became faster and more aggressive. As I matched his pace, I soaked in the view of him above me, the occasional hint of darkened eyes, the saliva trailing from one side of his panting lips. It was every dream of my sleepless nights all condensed into one perfect moment. I memorized the way his muscles rippled under a sheen of sweat, and the heat that enclosed me as I felt my climax approaching quickly.

This dream could only end one way, we had to be in unison. I reached for his cock and firmly stroked. Nails dug into the skin of my stomach.

"Nnnnngg! Kuro . . ."

He threw his head back as I pushed up against him hard, shouting as we crashed together with bruising force.

"ICHIGO!"

The sliver of my brain that was functioning registered the warm semen on my hand and stomach as my own release spilled into my wild, adorable lover again. We both moved a few more times, slowing down in perfect sync. The sound of Toshiro screaming my name was still ringing through my head. It would echo forever.

His trembling legs lifted his body one last time, and we both groaned softly at the loss of the connection. He half fell, half rolled to the side, sprawling on his back beside me.

"mm . . . masinnn"

From the corner of my eye I saw a snowy head turn.

"Did you say something?" He could form complete sentences, completely unfair.

"mm . . . maze . . . amazin' . . . that . . . "

Snort. "So eloquent, Kurosaki."

I would be content to die now, but happier if we could just lie here all day . . . I sat up.

"Fuck!"

"Five minutes, maybe."

"What? No . . . I mean yes, god yes, but that's not . . ." I took a second to reset my brain.

"Thiago will be here soon with breakfast."

"Good. I'm starving. What's a Thiago?"

"We've got to get our game faces on, Toshiro. I won't be allowed to stay here all day."

He sat up with a grunt.

"Get our what on? Are you trying to make me feel stupid, Kurosaki?"

He said it with his usual note of annoyance, elegant white brows knotted together, but no scowl twisted his lips. I was only starting to learn Toshiro's tells, but I was pretty sure he was just teasing me. So I leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose. He chuckled, and I congratulated myself for being right.

"Alright, I'm ready. Do I have time to get tossed in the shower?"

"Sorry. It's probably better that you're seen looking, um, used anyway. Thiago's the guy whose been bringing you food. Just a low Arrancar, my servant kind of – they call them fraccions, Arrancar that belong to one Espada. He'll gossip and that can only help us."

"What rules do I need to follow today?"

"You'll stay here today if I can help it. Best to just ignore Thiago. He's pretty passive but he is a Hollow, try not to challenge him. If I have to bring you out, or bring anyone else in, keep up the act from before. More submissive toward me if you can. Treat the others any way you want – no, on second thought be arrogant, defend yourself like you did when Szayel tried to touch you, but defer to me if I stop you. Call me Kurosaki-sama, always. You should be afraid of me, and too afraid to defy me."

He had listened intently, and I knew he wouldn't forget a single detail.

"And if I have to see any of the traitors?"

"I'm really hoping that won't happen so soon. Aizen will definitely want to see my progress, but probably not for a couple more days. He wouldn't expect you to not lash out at him yet, but if I'm with you try to follow my lead. Tosen will completely ignore you, I think. Ichimaru's the one I'm worried about. All I can say about him is to try to keep your head down and don't give him an excuse. Then fight like hell if he does anything."

His face had paled, but he nodded.

"Shit, I need something . . ."

I looked around a bit but there was nothing in this room that was his. I needed something with a strong connection to him, with more than just a trace of his reiatsu. My hand went to his hair, and I concentrated a bit of reiatsu at my fingertips, slicing off a small tuft of hair from behind his temple. He looked at me quizzically.

"I need a bit of your reiatsu with me. Sorry, one of those secrets I'm keeping. Speaking of which, this is a bit of a risk, but I'm going to release the cuffs just a little. Aizen, hell, everyone will sense it but as long as it's just a small amount I can explain it away as a reward for good behavior."

I made the adjustment and he sucked in a breath. It was just a tiny fraction of his power, but I knew it would feel overwhelming for him at first after living with nothing. Time was almost up, I could feel Thiago entering my quarters just up the hallway.

"Toshiro, I'll have to leave Las Noches for a while today, probably a few hours. Try not to use your reiatsu. There isn't much available to you, and you'll need to release it all at once if you need me."

He just nodded again, letting me boss him around. I leaned in for one more kiss, and felt a renewed sense of wonder when he responded immediately. At any moment, I expected to wake up and find all of this was a dream, or worse, a game played by the bastard. His mouth was too sweet to hold on to such dismal thoughts for long, and I smiled against his lips before parting.

"Barrier down in two minutes."

I got off the bed and headed for the bathroom. A quick wipe-down with a damp towel and I located my clothes. By the time I'd gotten dressed, tucking the strands of silky hair deep in a pocket, and stepped back inside the barrier, Toshiro had settled on the messy bed to play his part in this act. He was curled into a little naked ball that hid the more enticing parts of his body.

The angry purple on his cheek and the black circling his neck stood out against the white of the sheets and his hair. Less bold bruises were visible on his arm (from when I dangled him like a piece of meat), his back (when I dropped him, letting his body hit the edge of the tub), and his hips (well, that was his fault for driving me crazy). And of course there were all kinds of smaller bruises where I had sucked on his delicious skin, and the bite on his neck just below the evidence of being strangled nearly to death.

It made me angry looking at him. He shouldn't have to be hurt, and he shouldn't have to endure putting himself on display like this. He would never forgive me for this. I would never forgive myself. His eyes opened and he looked at me steadily, as if he could hear every thought.

"Stop that, Kurosaki," he admonished quietly, "we do what we must."

"You're really quite scary sometimes, you know that?"

There was a scratch at the door, and I dismissed the barrier. I stepped away from the bed and turned toward the door as I called, "Come in."

"Kurosaki-sama," Thiago bowed his head over the tray he was carrying. "You were not in your quarters so I brought your meal here, as well."

"Why would you do that? I'm not going to sit and eat with the Shinigami."

Most Arrancar would cringe at the displeasure in my voice. But this one was used to me, and too lazy for cringing unless he really pissed me off. It was one of the reasons I could tolerate his presence.

"Of course, I'll leave his and return your meal to your room."

"Just leave it all. And you'll clean this place up today. As for that," I gestured vaguely toward the bed, "ignore him unless he tries to escape or gets in your way. You do not have permission to discipline him, only to report his behavior. He's my property, you understand?"

"Yes, Kurosaki-sama."

"And it should go without saying that no one is to enter this room unless Aizen-sama or I order otherwise."

"Absolutely, Kurosaki-sama."

I waved my hand to signal him to go about his business.

"Be good, pet. And clean yourself up before midday. I might have time to come visit you."

Toshiro hugged himself into an even tighter ball and didn't respond. That was not acceptable. Turning on my heel, my eyes narrowed.

"Come now, pet. Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

"T-take care, Kurosaki-sama. I . . . I look forward to your return." His voice and his body shook.

Relaxing, I smiled at Thiago. He'd been sneaking glances at Toshiro as he cleared and set the table.

"Cute, ain't he? Touch him and your death will become a legend."

 


	9. Chapter 9

Kurosaki's advice came a little too late, I had already antagonized this Hollow. I stayed as I was while the Arrancar finished setting out breakfast and gathering dishes. I assumed he would be coming and going throughout the day. For one thing, we'd used all the clean sheets.

I watched him warily as he walked right up to the bed, wondering if he planned to defy his master despite that chilling warning. A pale hand reached toward me and I tensed. He grabbed the edge of the blanket and held it high, keeping his hand far from my skin as he pulled the blanket up and dropped it to cover me. He just took the glasses from the nightstand and turned away. Then he returned, setting a full glass of water back on the nightstand. Taking the tray full of dishes, he left without a word.

I hoped that the Arrancar would be gone awhile. I hated feeling that vulnerable in front of anyone, let alone a Hollow. At least I could pretend that there were no unseen watchers, I wasn't supposed to know about that anyway. I had my doubts about the surveillance. It would be simple for Aizen to convince others that he knew everything that went on in Las Noches. Just a few implanted memories, a comment or two to make it clear he knew about the events or words in the memories, and the victim would be sure he was watching all. That was a simpler explanation than some undetectable kido or invisible technology. And the simplest explanation is often the truth.

Kurosaki. I had succeeded in the first goal I had set for myself. The Cero Espada, the substitute Shinigami, the powerful human with a Hollow in his soul was madly in love with me. I felt the satisfaction of knowing I could use him to protect and free myself, if only I could keep him under control. Yet I no longer knew if I would be able to kill him if it became necessary.

The smell of food convinced me to get up, that and the desire to be clean. I pushed away heavy thoughts to meet more basic needs.

Just a few days ago I had fought to the end of my strength. Since then I'd been beaten, scared shitless, and had those horrid cuffs put through my wrists. My emotions had been dragged high and low, my mind exhausted by trying to stay ahead of Kurosaki, and then trying to help him. And the sex. Okay, so that was in the positives column, which was a short but compelling list. But I had pushed way beyond my physical limits for the sake of sex. I just couldn't stop myself when I realized that there was a very good chance that each encounter would be our last.

In short, I was exhausted. I was relieved when Kurosaki had to rush out, allowing me to hide my weakness from him. He had enough to worry about, and he was just selfish enough to put everything at risk to stay and take care of me. It took me five minutes to get to my feet. Even then I had to use the bed to steady myself on shaking legs. A trickle down my legs reminded me that Kurosaki had just climaxed twice inside of me, and I almost fell down as an odd wave of embarrassment mixed with amusement washed over me.

My priorities shifted. I headed for the bathroom as fast as my body would let me. As angry as the thought of being watched made me, at least they would see a pretty clear picture of a rape victim. I was covered with bruises and I could barely walk.

I still had the room to myself as I finished in the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. Longing for Kurosaki to show up and carry me around again, I focused on staggering all the way across the room, an epic journey. What the hell had I been thinking, riding Kurosaki like that?

_Clearly, Toshiro, you were thinking with your dick. Just like the rest of mankind._

My legs were completely boneless, so unsteady that it felt like my knees might choose to bend either way at any moment. I was in top physical shape, but there was a limit to what my body could handle when I couldn't use reiatsu to compensate. Eventually I made it to the other side of the room and was proud of myself. There were no clothes left that were my size, but I found some that would be just a bit too loose. With any luck, I'd be doing nothing but sleeping, anyway.

Putting on underwear proved a challenge. Kurosaki would find that hysterical considering his reaction to how well I had removed my underwear earlier. I almost caught myself but tumbled down into an undignified heap as standing on one leg for two seconds proved to be beyond my capabilities. I sighed at the ceiling and pulled the boxers up while still on the floor. Clambering back up, I managed to put on a robe without incident, and made my way to the table.

The cover on the tray held in a little heat, but my stomach insisted that cold or hot really didn't matter. I devoured the huge, traditional breakfast, and then the choicest bits of the matching meal brought for Kurosaki. The large pot of lukewarm tea was empty when I went for one last refill.

Clean, so full that now my stomach was complaining again, I felt the need for sleep taking over. Standing was a little easier this time, and I managed to wobble back to the bed. The sheets weren't terrible, but they weren't clean. Even if there were any clean ones left, I didn't have the energy to make a bed right now. I grabbed the blanket and dragged it over to the large overstuffed chair. Curling up with my head on an armrest, I surrendered, hiding a small smile as I tucked my head.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The summons came an hour later. I had been expecting it, so when errand boy Ulquiorra showed up I headed straight to the bastard's 'office,' a smaller version of the throne room. He did like being above everyone else and looking down on those he'd conquered.

I left Zangetsu behind, a rule for private meetings with the boss. The precious twist of snowy hair was tucked under the wrappings of my zanpakuto. As I neared the room, I could feel the cuffs restricting my power, cutting it in half. I made sure Shiro was paying attention and reminded him not to distract me. Having a second opinion on anything Aizen said or did was useful. In light of what Toshiro had told me about Aizen's abilities, that second viewpoint may have saved my life more than once without me ever realizing it.

I entered with a shallow bow and waited by the door, respectful but not bothering to hide my usual impatience. Every time I looked at him, I saw that same smile on his face, the smile he had right after I'd murdered my friend. He made me wait while he finished speaking lowly with two Arrancar I did not recognize. I saw the bastard wave in dismissal. Bowing nearly to the floor and backing up several steps before turning, the Arrancar caught sight of me standing by the door, arms crossed and increasingly annoyed, gold eyes glowering at nothing. They both jumped and scrambled for the door, giving me as wide a berth as possible. I did not acknowledge them at all.

Aizen chuckled, managing to make even that sound insulting.

"My dear Cero, see how you terrify your army?"

"It isn't my fault that foot soldiers have no balls, Aizen-sama."

It was a fine line I walked. He didn't like crude speech if he wasn't the one using it. And if he decided my tone was too disrespectful, I would have hell to pay. It was how I entertained myself when dealing with him. Today, it seemed, he would put up with it.

"How is our guest today?"

Right to the point. He must have visited the surveillance room and been disappointed.

I walked closer. "He is alive. We have made some progress but he's stubborn. Of course, it has only been a short time and I've never done this before."

"I am sure you are doing the best you can, Cero." He rarely used my name, only the rank he granted me. "I understand you have already used cuffs on him."

"Yes, Aizen-sama. I have no leverage on him to reduce any defiance, only punishment and reward. His body is weak without reiatsu, so I wanted to use that advantage as soon as possible."

"I see. I would have done the same."

That made me feel ever so slightly less guilty. I hadn't wanted to do it, but I had been sure Aizen would see not using restraints on Toshiro as a mistake at best, a sign of betrayal at worst.

"Should I plan on using fighting sessions, Aizen-sama?"

"Yes, I think so. But you can let him rest one more day. I'm sure he needs it and we wouldn't want to be cruel."

_Fucking hypocrite._

_Careful, Shiro. I'll think you're feeling defensive for Toshiro._

"May I select some lower Arrancar to face him, Aizen-sama? They likely won't survive."

"Toshiro-kun already defeated two Espada, I think we can start with something a little bigger. Bring him to the arena at noon tomorrow. I will bring his zanpakuto and some Privaron Espada for him to play with."

"I look forward to it, Aizen-sama."

"You may go."

I gave him a shallow bow, the best he could get out of me without force. Then turned and left.

It could have gone a lot worse. Toshiro was safe for the day. I would be able to release his cuffs tonight so that he could be ready for the arena. Though I didn't know the specific opponents, I could give him some advice. Neither Nnoitra nor Zommari had used resurreccion, he may not know about it. Best of all, we would be at the arena. That was the big key to getting him out. Speaking of which, I needed an excuse to go there as soon as possible.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Having a workout in a public space was as good as a mating call. A dozen or more Arrancar paused to watch for a bit as I ran through basic calisthenics in one of the largest dojos. When I started a hakuda warm up that quickly became intense, raising my reiatsu, the big boys started to take an interest. I sensed Halibel and then Ulquiorra, but neither came too close. I was disappointed, a fight with either would have made for a great morning. Nnoitra was recovered and started to show interest but must have decided he didn't want to push his luck.

In the end it was Grimmjow, of course, who came sauntering in. The man could fight and get beaten every day and he'd still be looking for any excuse to punch someone. If I ever got the chance, I'd have to introduce him to the 11th Division.

"Practicing that fancy fighting again?"

"Yep. So I can kick your ass with it."

"Ha, you can't even touch me hand to hand, human."

I scoffed. "Grimm, you can use both your hands, your sword and anything else you want, and I could still kill you without breaking a sweat."

He got right up in my face and growled, "You arrogant son of a bitch. I'd like to see you try!"

I snarled right back, leaning in threateningly. "Arena. Now."

His grin was the stuff of nightmares, all fangs and blood-lust. He vanished, and I grabbed Zangetsu to follow. I slid out of sonido with Zangetsu on guard. Grimmjow laughed.

"Already cheating, mighty Cero? Pathetic."

"Just ready for a dirty shot, like last time." I kept one eye on him as I walked to the edge of the arena and planted Zangetsu upright in the sand. In a brave but stupid move, he drew his sword and did the same.

I shook my head slowly, "Bad move, kitty cat, I'm in a very good mood today."

"Oh," we started to move back to the center, "I'd be in a pretty good mood too if I had a pet like that."

"Careful, Grimm." He noticed that my eyes had changed to black and gold, never a good sign for my opponents and he had seen what happens when I lose control.

"Now that I have your attention, care to set some stakes?"

"You have nothing I want."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"Well?"

"If I win, I get one night with your little c. . ."

I was on him before he could finish. Grimmjow was always fast, but without releasing his resurreccion he wasn't nearly as strong as me. He managed to block three strikes before he was on the ground, face-down, my knee between his shoulder blades and my hand a glowing knife at the back of his neck.

"Easy, Ichigo. Don't you want to know what I have to offer?" His voice was barely a whisper, and I started to think Grimmjow might be more cunning than I knew. I thought I had staged this encounter, but what if he had his own stage set?

"Like I said," I hissed, lowering my head to catch the faintest of whispers, "you have nothing I want."

"Eight Espada and three Shinigami. That's a lot to take on."

"Shut it, now." I grabbed him by the collar and flash stepped, grabbing our swords and then making one big jump. I took us to a cave I had found near one of the large underground caverns that were common under the sands, casting a barrier to be safe.

"What are you talking about, Grimm? Better make it good."

"I'll stay out of your way when you make your move. Hell, for the right price I'll even help."

"You're implying I'd commit treason."

"I'm not implying shit. You and chibi are going to make a break for it. I always knew you would but now you're in a hurry. You need me, if nothing else to sit it out and reduce the numbers."

"If you've figured this out, then Aizen already knows everything. You're joining the side that's already lost."

"I don't think so. I'm the only one who really talks to you, spends any time around you at all. But even I didn't suspect a thing until our fight yesterday."

"I don't follow."

"You were different. You actually gave me a compliment, for fuck's sake. And you were distracted, which I've never seen when you're fighting. It's the kid, isn't it?"

I was tempted. But Grimm was no more trustworthy than any Arrancar. He saw the hesitation.

"Look, all I really want is out. Those fucking Shinigami think they own me, and they're right. I want the fucking collar off my neck, Kurosaki. Surely you can relate to that."

"What do you think I can do about it?"

"I can leave any time. But I'd be on the run, no freer than I am now. You can get me a deal with Soul Society."

"What?"

"They don't kill me, I help in the war, and then they leave me the fuck alone."

"Grimm, that's insane. Even if they'd consider a deal with an Espada, they aren't about to listen to me. I'll be lucky if they don't kill me on sight."

"What about your little pet? Will they listen to him?"

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The return of the Arrancar startled me awake from a nightmare. He looked at me for a moment, but me jumping out of my skin was probably exactly the reaction he would expect. So, he went about sorting and stacking a large pile of clothes and sheets he had brought in a large basket. Hollows doing laundry. The very thought just about made me laugh aloud, and I knew my nerves were pushed to the limit.

The urge to laugh died when the Arrancar walked toward me. I watched warily as he placed a short stack of clothing on the floor near the chair, along with a pair of shoes.

"Kurosaki-sama requests that you wear this,  _Shinigami_." He put as much disgust in the title as possible. Turning away, he started to leave but paused, looking over his shoulder. "I'm sure you do not need to be told that a request is an order. You will regret disobeying his orders."

That was a surprise. His tone was still venomous, but he did not have to stop to warn his master's pet of danger. I kept most of my attention on him until he left.

I tucked my head back down in the blanket, ignoring how stiff my sore muscles were getting from sleeping in a chair. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the dream. All that I could recall was fighting with Kurosaki, black and gold eyes, red and white mask. There was more, but it was already slipping away and I decided to let it go. There was enough to be afraid of with my eyes wide open.

It was going to drive me crazy, being stuck here and not knowing what Kurosaki was planning. I couldn't help think of ways out of this if I didn't know the secrets he was guarding. What use was I? I would just have to trust him and be rescued like a damsel. This type of thinking wasn't helpful, either. I'd had to shake Kurosaki out of a similar state of mind more than once. We were far more alike than I would have believed.

We both were prone to feeling guilt over necessary choices and found it difficult to forgive ourselves and move on. We were both haunted by responsibility for the death of a friend. It did not matter that his guilt was based on an illusion; to him that death had been real, and he knew himself capable of it.

We both would take the world on our shoulders even if no one asked us to, even if no one would thank us or even if everyone would condemn, resent, or take for granted our actions. We considered ourselves responsible for those less strong than ourselves. And we held ourselves solely accountable for gaining the strength to protect anyone we deemed worthy of our help. Which meant we also held ourselves accountable for every failure, every time we were proven too weak.

We both kept others at a distance. Even though Kurosaki had close friends and family, he acted on his own many times instead of relying on them. He had made his own decisions about things that affected them and did not consult them. There had only been small actions so far. But that would change, it would change even more quickly after what he had survived alone.

He could say that putting distance between himself and his friends was to protect his loved ones, but I knew that there was more to it. Like I had done, he was building a wall in between himself and those without the power to stand with him. Not just to protect them, but to protect himself. If he continued, one day there would be no one who was close enough to him for him to hurt, no one close enough to be a liability.

Though he may struggle against it, he would sacrifice his relationships. And yet he would sacrifice his own desires to protect the very people he pushed away. Through it all he would not even realize how bitterly lonely and angry he was becoming, since it would happen one sacrifice at a time, one compromise and one logical decision at a time. Until at last he would stand powerful and solitary, shredded soul encased in ice.

Kurosaki was walking the same road I had chosen. But maybe, if we were both incredibly fortunate, I could change his fate. And for the first time in decades there was the faintest glimmer of hope that someone could change mine.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

My only choices were to kill Grimmjow, which would have consequences that would endanger Toshiro, or to gamble. Even if he turned out to be no help at all, if he would just stay quiet until I already had things in motion then it might be worth it. And if he came through on his promises the reward would be worth the risk. Knowing him, he wouldn't be able to stand on the sidelines if the shit hit the fan. And my instincts told me that he'd rather fight with me than with the bastard.

As Toshiro had noted, I followed my instincts. So, I had accepted his terms, with the caveat that even with Toshiro vouching for us there was no guarantee that the old man wouldn't declare war on both of us. But I added my word that if they went after him unprovoked, I'd fight on his behalf. And I vowed that if he betrayed us in word, action or inaction, I'd make killing him my only priority. To seal our alliance, I knocked him out and dumped him back at the arena. I was sure no big Hollows would come along and eat him while he was unconscious. Pretty sure.

Grimm wasn't the reason I'd come out here, just the excuse. Another underground cavern was nearby, one that contained a Menos forest among other interesting features. I made my way to a predetermined location, where a Shinigami stood waiting, draped in skins and furs. A long, horned Hollow mask covered his face.

Ashido was a cagey character, as mistrustful as I was. But he was the one who had approached me. The arena had been created for high level battles but was rarely used before I arrived. And it happened to be built close enough to Ashido's territory for him to sense everything that happened there. He had witnessed as much of my training as he safely could. He knew what I had been put through, and what I was capable of. But he would never have risked letting me know of his existence if he hadn't been so lonely that he was nearly mad.

Ashido was strong, but he hadn't seen another Shinigami, if you believed his story, in centuries. Until the traitors. He needed an explanation for three captains building a Hollow army, and when Tosen left me working on kido one day Ashido made his appearance. Since then, I spent time with him whenever I could be sure it was safe, which wasn't very often or for very long. And sometimes I could briefly sense him watching the arena.

I considered asking him how long he had known me, how often we had met. But explaining why I asked would do me no favors with Ashido. He was the vital key to my escape. Ashido was no master of kido, but he was skilled and had a lot of time on his hands. He'd been working on a way to unlock my suppression cuff. A month ago – was it really, or was it yesterday? - he had told me he had a spell ready. The only thing I had been waiting for was the surety that I was strong enough, and then I had planned to kill Aizen and leave. Ichimaru was going to die as well, but he could wait if necessary.

Now I wondered just how long I was going to wait. Would I ever have gone through with it? Would I have done it only when I knew the war was upon us? Would I ever feel like I had enough power? Toshiro's arrival changed everything. While I would still kill any of the traitors that I could, my only firm goal now was to return Toshiro to Seireitei alive and as well as possible. If I died in the process, so be it. I owed Toshiro at least that much.

"Ashido."

"Is it time, Kurosaki-san?" His voice was hopeful. He was not coming with me, he'd made that clear. But he wanted to see me escape.

"Almost. Something has changed."

I could feel the tension as his guard went up. We had developed a shaky kind of alliance, but trust was almost impossible.

"I sensed battles, strong Shinigami and Espada."

"Yes. A captain was captured."

"Still alive?"

"Yes. And I need to get him out of here soon. I'll go with him if possible or stay and fight so he can escape."

"I see. What do you need?"

"He's wearing cuffs. Two of them."

"That's . . . unfortunate. The release spell can be modified, but I'd need to know his reiatsu. If they have the cuffs sealing his power, I can't."

"Way ahead of you." I reached for Zangetsu and he was wary. I moved slowly, grounding the blade and undoing the wrapping enough to retrieve Toshiro's hair. I handed it to him reluctantly. He ran his fingers over the fine white silk.

"Hmm, ice user? Feels familiar."

"Hitsugaya Toshiro, the strongest ice wielder Soul Society has ever seen. If they lose him it will be that much harder to win the war."

"This isn't strong enough."

"It's just to get you started. The captain will be put in the arena tomorrow, to fight for his life. He'll have all of his power, including his zanpakuto."

I'd say he stared at me, but with those round, empty eye sockets it was impossible to tell.

"If I can get a good read on him, I may be able to have a modified spell ready in a few days."

"He doesn't have a few days, Ashido-san. I can't explain everything, but he'll either be killed or be forever beyond rescue if I don't get him out of here. If you can't get the cuffs off of him by then, I will come to have mine removed tomorrow night, the following morning at the latest. I'll just have to get him out cuffs and all. This may help. I will be speaking to him tonight, and I'll be letting him know that Hueco Mundo's water is far underground. You should have all the direct access you need to his reiatsu under the arena."

He sighed. "I will do my best, but I can't promise I will succeed."

"That's all I can ask. Thank you, Ashido. We will both be in your debt."

He simply nodded, never having asked for any reward or promise.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I went on a hunt, both to cover for my time and to maintain the appearance of normality. Occasionally I would hunt with others, but whenever possible I went alone. For one, there was a lot less killing and eating when it was just me. Seeing an Espada consume Hollows ruined my appetite for days.

On previous hunts I had noted a few worthwhile targets and left them for just such an occasion. They had no idea a basic kido spell had marked them for me, and I went to collect a few. Returning to Las Noches with two kido bound Adjuchas was good enough. I had a third targeted, but she was strong, maybe strong enough to make a low Espada, and I didn't want the bastard to have her. I wondered as Zangetsu cut through her if Hollows killed in Hueco Mundo were purified as they were when killed in the living world. Or did the souls get trapped here and consumed by other Hollows?

I dumped the two in the holding cells, to be tuned into Arrancar or used as cannon fodder. I had managed to use almost the entire day and could soon go back to Toshiro. I could just faintly pick up his reiatsu, and he seemed safe. There was no fear or any emotion at all from Thiago. It was almost a relief when Ulquiorra showed his spooky face. Today had gone too well, and I was feeling like the other shoe was going to drop. Meeting in 45 minutes. Joy. Bring your pet. Shit.

A fast shower, a half-gallon of cold water, and an apple to stave off the hunger of a missed lunch and I was on my way to see him. I felt as high as a boy going on his first date and had to remind myself that a silly grin and a bounce in my step would definitely be noticed. But I couldn't help the way my heart sped up the closer I was to him.

Toshiro tensed as the door opened, then went right into the act. He had been reading, legs over the armrest of the chair, back propped on the other side. At least he wasn't draped upside down over the chair this time. He dropped the book and jumped to his feet, head down and looking at the floor.

He was dressed in the new clothing I had ordered to be made. White hakama, a more slender cut than common in Seireitei, with a turquoise sash and a close fitting white jacket with turquoise trim. The collar was wide cut, to show off his luscious collarbones. It was a good style for him, but more importantly it left the little love bites and the larger one on his neck clearly visible. A warning to the other Espada, marks of ownership.

"Welcome back, Kurosaki-sama." He actually sounded meek. I wondered how he even knew what meek sounded like. On second thought, Hitsugaya-taicho probably heard meek all the time when subordinates earned his wrath.

"Did you have a good day, pet?"

"Yes, Kurosaki-sama. Thank you for the clothes."

"It suits you, pet." I walked over to him and lifted his chin, smiling down at him. "The trim brings out the color in your eyes."

He had started trembling as I touched his jaw and flinched when I kissed his forehead gently.

"I have another treat for you. You can come with me to the Espada meeting this evening. It's sure to be more interesting than lounging around here all day. We leave in 5 minutes."

He looked up, startled.

"Go on now, sweet one. You should wear shoes in respectable company."

Once he had pulled on socks and the black ankle boots I had ordered to go with the new look, I continued talking.

"Aizen-sama has high hopes for you. Now, remember to be respectful. And I'll be right there with you, so don't feel nervous, pet."

"Yes, Kurosaki-sama."

"I'm sure you will do well."

When the doors to the throne room were in sight, I brought myself and Shiro under strict control. I did not glance back, but trusted Toshiro. He had played his part perfectly. All the Espada were already waiting, except Barragan who was just behind us. He seemed to think being last to arrive was his right and exercised that right often. The little sop to his pride was ignored for the most part. I did not acknowledge any of them, proceeding straight to the stairs leading up to the bastard and his two bootlickers.

Before reaching the bottom stair, I reached back and put my hand at the back of Toshiro's neck, pulling him up beside me. As I gave a brief, shallow bow, I nudged his neck. He resisted, so when I pushed he fell to his knees none too gently, glaring up at the bastard. I added a sharp pinch to his neck, making him try to shrink away from my hand. After a brief, fearful glance at me, he dropped his eyes to the floor.

"My, my. So feisty!" Ichimaru giggled.

"My apologies, Aizen-sama. This one still needs some lessons in manners."

"No apology required, my dear Cero. It takes time to properly raise a pet as special as this one."

I nodded once and tugged on the collar of Toshiro's jacket. He got up and followed me to my customary place, near the wall to Aizen's right. He moved to stand behind me, but I gave him a shove so that he was standing slightly ahead of me on my right, between me and the rest of the Espada, on display. He raised his head, but at first he looked at no one. The dark bruising around his neck and across his face, the deep bite and all the smaller ones stood out starkly against the white collar of his jacket and white hair, and he did not try to hide them.

Throughout this Aizen watched, his chin resting on his hand, a false smile and a wicked glint in his eyes as he gazed at Toshiro's blackened cheek and the marks on his neck. I had come to the conclusion that Toshiro didn't mean enough to him for Aizen to dirty his hands by torturing Toshiro himself. If it had been a captain he had more fear of, Kyoraku perhaps, then he would have handled discipline personally and enjoyed every minute.

Aizen had already humiliated Toshiro, leaving him for dead. In his mind Toshiro was already broken, he only had to wait for his new toy to realize this and submit. Testing me to be sure I would do as asked may have been a secondary goal all along. All of this was speculation. The bastard was good at keeping me guessing. He would lecture and reveal all his intentions, only to later prove it all a deception. At this point he could tell me the honest truth or the boldest lie, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Ulquiorra had been droning away, reporting on numbers of new Arrancar, the need for more Adjuchas, and suggesting a multi-day hunt far from Las Noches. That last was worth noting, just in case I needed a backup plan.

Toshiro had begun scanning the room, boldly staring at Espada and their fraccion with his trademark scowl. You would think he was standing in his haori with the other captains, not the least bit intimidated and slightly pissed off at having to be there. But he did not once look toward the traitors. Several ignored him or looked at him without too much hostility. Grimmjow and Nnoitra were both glaring, looking ready to launch themselves at the impertinent Shinigami.

After thanking Ulquiorra for his efforts with more than a little disdain, the bastard announced Zommari's replacement, a newly awakened Arrancar who conveniently had enough power for the seventh ranking. I spared a brief glance for the delicate looking new Espada, Yuppy or Lucie or something like that, who the hell cared? And I was probably one of the few that did not judge him weak based on his small frame and young appearance. No, I knew better.

"My dear Cero," I was so sick of hearing that, "I would like some information about your former home."

"Yes, Aizen-sama?" He had never interrogated me. Never asked anything about my family, friends, or anything at all about my past.

"Karakura Town is home to many interesting individuals, as one would expect." What did that mean, as one would expect? "You were not the only human to become something more interesting than your fellows. The three humans that were with you in Seireitei have been eliminated."

He paused, looking for anger, sadness, and reaction. I simply waited. Did he think Toshiro would have told me the truth? I didn't glance at him, but I could see that Toshiro had not reacted at all to this discussion. That may be what the bastard was doing, testing to see what I knew, and what that would say about Toshiro.

"Are there any other humans in Karakura strong enough to warrant our attention?"

"The Quincy might have family with abilities, though he claimed to be the last with Quincy powers. A few other humans my age and younger have shown sensitivity to reiatsu, but none with developed skills, as far as I know."

I gave the information without hesitation, aware that the bastard already knew everything I was telling him.

"Ulquiorra, tomorrow I want you to take a closer look at Karakura Town. Take whatever forces you require."

"Yes, Aizen-sama."

"Cero, is there anything else Ulquiorra should be aware of?"

_Yeah, he should be aware that I'm going to take my time when I kill him._

"You should sense four, maybe five strong spiritual signatures close together on the east side of town. I'd suggest avoiding them unless you want one hell of a fight."

Ulquiorra looked from me back to Aizen. "That would be Urahara Kisuke and his allies. It is sound advice to avoid him for now, Ulquiorra."

"Yes, Aizen-sama."

Interesting that he did not warn Ulquiorra about Byakuya and an entire squad of Shinigami. He must have done so in private. The bastard had repeatedly told me that Soul Society had no interest in protecting my family or Karakura, so of course he wouldn't mention it in front of me. Or could the bastard be setting Toshiro up for failure? Toshiro did not speak up to mention the forces in Karakura, so he could be punished for it when Ulquiorra brought back proof. Useless speculation again, there were too many options.

"I look forward to your report, Ulquiorra, and to training with Cero's pet tomorrow."

Toshiro's head snapped around, staring at Aizen and about to speak. I growled low and tensed. He flinched and looked back at me, then dropped his eyes again to the floor without a word.

Aizen smiled widely. "That will be all."

I stood silent for a moment, eyeing Toshiro and prepared to correct him harshly if he made a single move. He had played it off perfectly, whether intentional or not. My control over him was apparent, and if he had been too submissive toward Aizen or the Espada it would have rang false. They all should see exactly what they expected – a prideful captain, not nearly broken but already physically dominated into fear.

Tapping his shoulder as I walked past him, I went straight for the exit with him falling into place behind me. It had not escaped my notice that Nnoitra was lingering, lounging by the door with his dog, Tesla, at his side. The confrontation was predictable. Nnoitra was a fighter, and like most of the Espada he was convinced that he was the strongest of us regardless of rank. His pride would still be stinging, being brought down before he even put up a fight. I had walked two steps past him when he spoke.

"Shinigami, we have unfinished business."

I froze but did not turn. How dare he speak to my pet without even acknowledging me? That was justification for attacking him without any further warning. Toshiro was silent, and I gave a small nod, suspecting he may be looking to me for permission as he should.

"Apparently I'll be training tomorrow, Espada," he sounded cold, annoyed, and completely fearless. "Perhaps your masters would allow you to be beaten by me again if you ask nicely."

I was already in motion when Nnoitra lunged. My weight slammed into him, driving him back. My left hand plunged through his right shoulder, shattering the rib just below his collarbone and pinning him to the wall. My right hand sent Tesla tumbling to the other side of the room and then wrapped tightly around Nnoitra's throat.

Nnoitra was especially proud of his hiero, the ability to strengthen the skin until an enemy's sword couldn't even cut him. It enraged him that Toshiro had gutted him, and I wanted to remind him of that humiliation by digging right through his skin. He made an attempt to strike back, but the pressure of my reiatsu made his movements slow and feeble. I twisted the hand buried in his flesh and growled in his face.

"Know your place, Nnoitra. If you speak to or so much as look at my property again, I will finish what he started."

"Bastard!" He managed to choke out.

I let Shiro laugh at him. A laugh that terrifies Espada, how bad-ass was that?

Releasing his throat, I swung my arm and tossed him off my hand onto the floor. He showed at least a tiny sense of self-preservation by staying down. The three traitors observed, and said nothing, Ichimaru even laughing to add insult to injury. Nnoitra knew I was just waiting for an excuse, and no one was going to intervene on his behalf if he was rash enough to antagonize me twice.

I heard Toshiro fall into step as I walked away unhurriedly. There was no need to raise my reiatsu on the way back to his room. The feral grin on my face, the black and gold eyes, the blood of an Espada dripping from my fingers – all fled before me. And just one followed close behind.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

_I never left Seireitei._

I had struggled not to laugh as that thought kept surfacing. From the boring recitation of statistics (much briefer, mercifully, than in Soul Society), to the subtle language of boredom, offense, irritation and antagonism between the Espada, it was actually a very familiar experience. Did the traitors just naturally create this short version of a captains' meeting out of habit?

As I followed Kurosaki obediently, eyes straying frequently to his bloodied hand, I thought of his Hollow. I knew now that it was the Hollow that had spoken to me that first day, urging me to accept Kurosaki's hidden offer of help. It had a will of its own, as evident during our brief conversation and his attack. He called the Hollow Shiro. _Sigh._ I needed to start planning ways to keep him from ever meeting Momo, since I couldn't get her to stop using that nickname. Ukitake, too, for that matter.

I had not been afraid when Nnoitra had attacked me, knowing Kurosaki would retaliate. The brutality Kurosaki had shown did not frighten me, it was necessary. I would have done it myself if able. The bone-chilling laughter did alarm me. His Hollow side was strong, and he admitted it had slipped his control more than once. It had taken over and tried to kill me more than once. If I wanted to overcome this fear of a part of Kurosaki, I would need to gain a better understanding of Shiro. Eventually.

He walked into 'my' room and stood holding the door while I entered. I glanced up to see gold eyes, but the black surrounding them had faded. I needed to learn what all these little signs meant. He closed the door.

"On the bed. Hands up." His voice was very quiet.

I turned to face him, "Kuros . . ."

In an instant he had hoisted me by the front of my jacket and flung me across the room to crash into the headboard. Pain exploded at the back of my head. He didn't wait for an apology from his pet, disappearing into the bathroom.

Sheer stupidity on my part, I knew. Just because we had kept up appearance so far did not mean we weren't still being observed, or at least he believed that we were observed. And just because Kurosaki whispered sweet nothings in my ear didn't mean his mind was stable. I had let my unease about how to deal with his Hollow get the better of me when I should have stayed silent. With shaky movements that didn't need to be faked, I scooted down and locked my hands together.

He returned, the blood washed off his hand and his face damp. He stared at me for at least a minute, gold eyes boring into mine, silent. Then he was standing beside me, barrier already in place. He sat on the bed and released my hands, taking the back of my head in his hand and pulling me to him. I pushed my cheek into his chest and wrapped my arms around him while he healed the hurt. I needed contact with him, to bring him back to me. I needed to let him know that I was not afraid of him, even if I couldn't say that I had no fear of his Hollow self.

"You okay?"

"That was the most entertaining captains' meeting I have ever been to."

He let out a surprised bark of laughter. "You're amazing, you know that?"

I was silent, glad my face was hidden so he wouldn't see my bitterness. What was so amazing about a sarcastic, powerless, angry and abrasive prisoner of war?

"I'm sorry if I frightened you. Nnoitra was just begging to be killed, but I'd rather you hadn't seen me like that."

Ah, now we were getting to the point.

"Hmm? You didn't frighten me. You did what was right and necessary, as I would have done. And I would rather see all sides of you."

He drew back and we looked at each other. I saw doubt in his eyes, now brown again, but also a wistful hope that tugged at my heart. He was resisting the very idea that I could accept him, whether because he judged himself too harshly, or because he believed that he would be rejected once I saw more of the Hollow that shared his soul. The thing had tried to kill me while molesting me. Just how much more of it could I need to see?

_What an idiot. But he's going to be my idiot, and he has no choice in the matter._

I pulled his head down, eager to taste him again. We spent a few minutes getting reacquainted with each others' lips, mouths and tongues. They were slow, tender kisses, taking our time to feel each caress without the urgency of passion.

_So, this must be 'making out.' I could get used to it._

He kissed my bruised cheek gently and then my forehead as we settled side by side, leaning against the headboard. I tucked myself close, leaning on his shoulder.

"Story time. Once again I think mine will be shorter. I slept, ate, slept, read, slept, and ate. You?"

His chest shook with a silent chuckle.

"I gained an unexpected new ally, had an important conversation with an established ally, and all but ensured that we'll be in Soul Society within two days."

I spun around, sitting up on my knees facing him. "Kurosaki! You're serious?"

"Would I tease you about this? But before I can manage such a long story, I missed lunch. Has Thiago brought dinner yet?"

"How could you? No, he hasn't brought dinner, now talk!"

"Can't," he leaned his head back, draping his arm across his forehead, "too faint from hunger."

Maybe he didn't expect me to punch him in the gut, but he had pissed me off and then left himself wide open. He gasped, and grabbed me, pinning me to his chest again.

"Cheap shot, Toshiro. Sorry, I really do have a very interesting tale to tell, and it's full of what I hope is good news. I'll sing for my supper."

I growled, mollified but not willing to let him off without a little payback. I pushed my hand up under his jacket and ran my fingers across his skin.

"Fine. You run and get something in that muscular, tanned, lickably smooth stomach of yours. I'll just lie here in bed all alone waiting anxiously for some company."

Kurosaki kissed my scowling face again and again, light kisses broken up by his laughter. I relented and pushed him away.

"Get out, idiot."

He took off, leaving the barrier in place. Keeping up appearances was getting old.


	10. Chapter 10

I stayed put and let myself hope. Already I had put some thought into how to handle the Gotei 13 if I returned with Kurosaki, the Cero Espada, in tow. It was going to take some very convincing arguments. The betrayal of the three captains made them less likely to trust anyone. Or they might surprise me. Without Central 46 to complicate things, Yamamoto could welcome him back with little or no effort on my part. Kurosaki had been a tentative ally of Soul Society, and his power could decide the war for either side. I would have to play on his value.

As horrid as the thought was, I couldn't mourn the loss of Central 46. There was no love lost between me and that particular group, they had caused me the greatest grief I had experienced in this life. When I had broken into the council chambers and learned that they had all been murdered I did not rejoice in their deaths, but I sure as hell did not mourn.

_Perhaps I should get Aizen a gift basket or something before I kill him._

Busy working and reworking the many ways the confrontation between Kurosaki and the Gotei could turn, I lost track of time. I hadn't even moved when Kurosaki returned, carrying a tray. He brought it all the way to the bed, setting it in front of me.

"You really did wait just where I left you?"

"Shut up, Kurosaki. I was thinking."

He grinned. "Well, eat up. I ran into your waiter on the way."

"Aren't you joining me?" I asked as he sat back against the headboard.

"Um, I already ate. I've been gone for like a half an hour. You really do zone out when you're thinking."

"Zone out? Yeah, I suppose."

He watched as I picked through the food for a while.

"You know, I am perfectly capable of listening and eating at the same time."

"Okay. Prepare to be regaled." I scoffed. "My day started poorly, a summons to meet with the bastard."

"The bastard being Aizen?"

"Obviously. Do you plan on interrupting often?"

My glare was probably less fearsome with chopsticks half in my mouth.

"To continue, the bastard wanted to check on my progress with my new pet. I did ask for some advice, as he is proving rather difficult to tame."

I threw rice at him, but he brushed it away without pausing.

"The bad news is that we'll be going to the arena tomorrow, where Aizen will be entertained by watching you fight for your life. I'll talk strategy with you after story time. And the much, much better news I'm saving for last."

My brain finally leaped to the conclusion it should have reached the moment Aizen said training. I was going to be fighting. I froze.

_Hyorinmaru! That's what he's going to tell me. Calm, Toshiro, calm down, breathe!_

He slapped me on the back. I was going to choke to death on a piece of fish instead of getting Hyorinmaru back. After the coughing fit and a few drinks of water, Kurosaki rubbing my back, I finally relaxed.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I think I'm finished eating for now."

He set the tray aside on the nightstand.

"Where was I? Ah, so after the bastard was done with me, I picked a fight with Grimmjow. But he managed to surprise me and I almost killed him for it. He knows we're going to be leaving soon."

"And you didn't kill him?" The big fat ' _why not_ ' was unvoiced but clear.

"He actually had some pretty good arguments. It's a fact he hates being under anyone's command, and three Shinigami lording it over him – well that's adding serious insult to the injury. But he's not strong enough to survive betraying Aizen. He offered to stay out of my way in exchange for me not killing him now, or to outright help with the escape and even fight on our side in the war in exchange for the right to continue living. I went with my instincts. And I made it very clear what would happen if I didn't like how he handled his end of the deal."

"And what exactly is the deal?" I was suspicious. Grimmjow couldn't strike a long term agreement with Kurosaki, who had no authority in Seireitei.

"Okay. Grimm will actively help us escape. I won't tell him any of the details, of course, so he'll just have to join in when I call. It's handy having a second person who can open a garganta, at least."

"You can do that?"

"Impressed? So Grimm will fight for us. He might even die for us. The guy has almost no ability to stop once he starts fighting. When we get through to Soul Society I need to hold up my part of the deal. And I'm hoping you will help but I told him I couldn't make any promises on your behalf."

"Damn right you can't. But allow me to guess. I am to intercede for his sake, to get him a pardon from the Gotei 13 in exchange for his help rescuing a captain. Further, he will want refuge in Soul Society in case Aizen seeks revenge for his betrayal. Did he also promise to help fight against his current allies if we Shinigami promise not to execute him after the war?"

"Sexy."

"Kurosaki . . ."

"Yeah, yeah, focus. K, so you are right on track. I did tell him that even if you vouched for him the Gotei might kill him anyway."

"And what else?"

He looked uncomfortable, but he was caught and he was honest. "That if he did right by us up until then, I'd stand by him if the Gotei came after him."

I knew it had been too good to be true. He could not make a promise like that to me and keep it. I waited until he looked me in the eye.

"Would this be before or after you come to me and give me your life?"

All color drained from his face. I waited, outwardly calm and unaffected, the thawing edges of my heart freezing over. Maybe I could not have what I desired from him after all. If he could make such a vow and break it, then he was not the one I was seeking.

"Toshiro . . . I'll keep that promise, I swear it. But I have to get you out of here. I have to take this chance, it could make all of the difference between you escaping and you dying."

"You will always  _have to_ , Kurosaki. You pile obligations and promises around you, destroying your ability to move freely. If you don't start to understand that soon, it will lead to your downfall."

It was a harsh truth, and perhaps not the best time for him to hear it. I could see him try to understand, and I could see his burgeoning anger.

"What are you suggesting? I should have no loyalties, abandon friends and allies because they tie me down?"

"No. I would never suggest such a thing because I could never believe it myself. I am saying take more care when you give pieces of your soul away. A promise is just words to most people. Not to you. Treat it like the precious commodity it is, and only give it to those who value it as highly as you do."

He was deep in thought, eyebrows furrowed and frowning. Yes, I definitely saw a lot of myself in him. I gave him a little time, and then decided it was best to pull him out of it.

"Kurosaki, if the Espada does help us, and if he does so in a manner that I can defend, I will speak on his behalf. The Gotei need allies, and Espada are nothing if not strong fighters. But if defending him in any way jeopardizes your chances of being accepted as an ally again, I will kill him myself."

He looked at me, a little hurt and confused, but seriously considering all I had said.

"I'm a fool, aren't I?"

"You are as far from a fool as is possible. You are all heart, Kurosaki. Seireitei is already changing because of that. It's a quality we lack. Perhaps we had it once, and centuries of stagnation have made it hard for us to feel anything. I don't want you to change. But I do want to protect you, to keep that heart from getting broken as long as possible.

"You don't have to respond, and you don't have to agree. Just know that I do not ever want you to promise me anything, ever again, unless it is the one and only promise you are obligated to."

It was still too much for him, but hopefully it would open his eyes just a little.

"When you are ready, I am dying to learn about your next adventure. I'm sure it won't compare to the excitement of my after-lunch nap, but I'm willing to hear you out."

He smiled, lingering sadness in his eyes.

"What would become of me without you?"

"Let us hope we will never have to find out."

And the sadness was gone as he teased himself with the implications of that statement. I was wounded by the thought that he would not keep his promise. But if there was still a chance I would hold on to it. And I needed him. Plain and simple. I had to have him to get out of here alive, so he had to believe that all was perfect between us.

"Ever heard of a Shinigami named Kano Ashido?"

"Not that I recall," I answered after a moment. The name didn't sound familiar at all.

"I'm not sure how sane he is, but he says he was trapped here hundreds of years ago. His squad all died, I saw their gravestones and they looked ancient. He's been living in Hueco Mundo ever since, fighting Hollows."

"That seems unlikely. We have had other patrols here. Why would a trapped Shinigami not come forward and return to Seireitei?"

"Maybe because he's nuts. But he says he stayed at first to avenge his friends. And then captains started showing up, doing experiments on Hollows and building an army. Would you trust a Shinigami after seeing that? He took a big risk showing himself to me because he said that he could see I had the heart of a Shinigami, whatever that means. The bastard and company had him a bit confused, so I told him as much of the backstory as I knew, and much less of my own."

"Will he be coming back with us?"

"No. I think even though he's helping me, he doesn't trust me." Kurosaki touched his throat. "Can't imagine why. But there's another obligation. He wouldn't let me say I'd come back for him, but please tell the old man about him."

"You can be sure of that."

"Good. We're going to owe him. He can remove my cuff, and hopefully yours."

When I broke into a wide smile he finally gave me a real smile in return. Smiling was something rare before, but I found myself grinning and laughing more around him than I had since the Academy. It was more than just my conscious decision to discard the frigid personality I maintained in Soul Society. It was him. He brought out traits I had suppressed, made me feel comfortable exposing my emotions.

"When?"

"He's got the kido spell ready for mine now. He needs to know your reiatsu to prepare to remove yours. That's why I took your hair. It's not enough, but he can get quite close to the arena."

_And here it comes . . ._

"For the fight, you'll have full access to your power, including Hyorinmaru."

I jumped on him.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

It was a good thing I was leaning against the headboard. Toshiro launched his entire body at me, wrapping his arms around my chest and tucking his chin over my shoulder. He squeezed tightly, and I gently stroked his hair and held him. As delighted as I was to have Toshiro clinging to me, I was starting to worry. They never sealed my zanpakuto, though Zangetsu had grown more distant and quiet as Shiro gained power. Still, it hurt when I could not reach Zangetsu and I had only been talking with him a short time before coming here. But through everything I was never alone with both of them living in my head.

How long had Toshiro and Hyorinmaru been together?

I had heard from other Shinigami that Toshiro was very resistant if not downright hostile to attempts to socialize. No one seemed to know much about him. He had a sister I had never met, and perhaps he was a little more open with his lieutenant. Rukia and Renji could only tell me the usual tensai stories, and a rumor about an old legend, nothing about who he actually was.

Toshiro still clung to me, not crying or laughing, just holding tight. How long had it been just Toshiro and Hyorinmaru against the entire world? Suddenly my traumas and trials seemed very, very small. I stayed quiet, just offering what support I could until he sighed and let me go.

"Thank you, Ichigo," he said quietly, "I just needed a minute."

Too stunned to respond, I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to think of something endearing to say as he resettled beside me.

"What can you tell me about the so-called training session?"

The moment and the chance to say something sappy and romantic was gone. He was all business once more. But he did move a little closer when I wrapped my arm around his waist.

"It's going to be different than mine. They started by putting me in the arena with a variety of Hollows, getting stronger opponents or greater numbers as we went. But the bastard told me he's going to have you fight Privaron Espada on day one. Those are former Espada, Arrancar who used to be in the top ten until someone stronger took their place. They won't be easy. They are much stronger than facing a normal Adjuchas. They'll see this as their chance to impress the bastard. And they have zanpakuto."

"The weapons used by the Espada I fought were not zanpakuto."

"I don't think they're the same at all, no, but that's what they're called. A part of their power is sealed in the sword. They can release it, their forms and abilities change, and their power could double, a lot more in some cases. I've only ever faced one Bankai, but that's what it reminds me of."

"The two I defeated never used that technique?"

"No. You beat them before they had the chance, or the brains. And that's what I'd suggest you do if you can. Otherwise the fight becomes much more difficult."

"That will only work one, maybe two times. Any others will come at me already at maximum power. How many will there be?"

"I don't know. I had hoped I would be left in charge, and could just throw enough Hollows at you to make sure it looked good. But Aizen's taking an interest. He might bring one Privaron, or twenty. There might be other Hollows, or not."

"Then I guess there really is no point going over strategy. I'll just have to face it like any other unknown."

"The arena shielding is only on the sides, not above or below. When I found you and Nnoitra, there was ice everywhere. You said that it was difficult because there isn't a lot of water. But there is. Don't pull from the atmosphere, or not only from the atmosphere. The water here is deep underground. I've already scouted the caverns in the area. A river runs close to the arena, over a mile under the surface. Can you use that?"

He nodded, looking a little more hopeful. "It will take time, and more power than I want to spend at the start of a battle. But if I draw up a good supply and freeze it below the surface, I can use it throughout the fight."

"You'll probably have the time. Even if the Privaron don't want to smack-talk, the bastard will."

I saw the twitch of a white eyebrow, and I knew he was defining smack-talk by the context and filing it away. I'd have him speaking slang fluently in a week.

"Ashido will also be using the opportunity. He'll be underground, that's his territory. So when you reach for the water, he should be able to get a very good sense of your reiatsu from there."

"Even if Aizen doesn't realize what I'm doing beforehand, he will likely figure it out. Kano shouldn't risk it."

"Aizen already knows Ashido's around. He's had Arrancar hunting him from time to time. They've never even come close. He's like a ghost story around here. Half of the Arrancar think he's a myth, the other half think he's a Vasto Lorde that eats any Hollow that comes after him."

White eyebrows arched. "I am starting to look forward to meeting this Shinigami. Did he say what division he was from?"

"No, and I didn't think to ask. You recruiting?"

"Always keeping an eye out for talent."

It seemed like he was relaxed again, so I went ahead with the next big shock.

"Since you'll be expected to fight tomorrow, the bastard wouldn't care if I released your reiatsu now to give you time to adjust."

Instead of being excited, he casually asked, "Is that so? That's nice."

"Dammit, how long ago did you figure that out?"

"About the same time I figured out that you would be telling me about Hyorinmaru, which took me longer than I would care to admit."

"You knew about that, too?"

"Strongly suspected. Don't worry, you still get credit for surprising me."

"So, ready?"

His perfect, pearly teeth flashed in a quick smile. He didn't move away as he nodded. I focused and released the control of his reiatsu, not all at once but quickly and steadily. I heard him gasp and his body tensed. I could feel his aura change, see a white light build around him, and our breath caused little puffs of steam to form in the suddenly chill air.

When we had fought side by side, so long ago in my mind, I had loved the controlled, solid feel of his reiatsu nearby. It was very different when we faced each other as enemies. Though he was weak at the time, I sensed the serrated menace, the intent to kill as our auras clashed like blades. Now the growing strength beside me was radiating happiness, relief and power. It pushed against my own reiatsu, but not in challenge. I wanted to explore this new Toshiro, but I knew he needed time to adjust without my interference. He stayed quiet, and I respected that this was a moment I did not have a place in. Just as his reunion with Hyorinmaru would be sacrosanct.

A tremor ran through him as all of his power returned to his control and the air began to lose the hint of frost. He stretched, pushing into my side and pushing my ability to restrain my impulses. I wanted to kiss him. Okay, I wanted to pin him down and ravish him. But just holding him close to my side was wonderful, too. After several minutes of just being together, the warmth and intimacy lured me into trying something I had been too afraid to risk until now.

"Toshiro, can I ask you a personal question?"

No response, until I started to worry I had just jumped right across a big red line.

"Hit me."

_Could he get any cuter?_

"Shit. Now I have to pick a question."

"You have more than one personal question about me?"

"Only about a hundred. Maybe more. I haven't numbered them all or anything."

He twisted his neck to look up at me curiously. "I'm really not that interesting, Kurosaki."

I snorted. There it was, the mystery of how this man could not see how incredible he really was. "I don't think there is anyone I have ever met, heard of or imagined that could be as interesting as you, Toshiro."

He scowled and turned away, face flushing pink.

_What do you know? He can get cuter, after all._

"Well, what do you want to know?"

I discarded all of the stupid first date questions – favorite color, hobbies, blah, blah. How old is he? No, too common even if I was dying to know. Ever been in love? Dangerous. For all I knew, he had a lover mourning for him now in Soul Society. What to ask the love of your life if you only have one question? What to ask if the love of your life is Hitsugaya Toshiro, the one man who can be counted on to give a completely honest answer?

I couldn't say what brought the words to my lips. It wasn't a question I had thought to ask, and I don't know where it came from. But I knew the second it left my lips that it may give me an answer worth having.

"Are you lonely?"

"What? Why would you think I am lonely?"

"I tried to learn about you. I talked to Renji and Rukia, Ikkaku and Yumichika, I even tried to get information about you from Urahara." I shuddered at the memory.

"No one knows you, not even a little bit. They know who you are, that you work hard, and to stay out of your way because you have anger management issues. No one could name anyone who was your friend, except maybe your sister but they weren't even sure about that."

"Have you ever considered that I might be a very private person? Not everyone airs their personal business for strangers just to call them friends."

That was harsh.

"Yes, I have considered it. That's why I'm asking."

He sat forward, taking away the comforting heat pressed on my side and I wondered if I had made a serious mistake. I moved enough to be able to see at least the side of his face. That expression of deep thought was back, his eyes unfocused and blank. The seconds ticked by and my nerves stretched ever more taunt.

"I was not lonely, Kurosaki." His voice was cold and distant, "I was so utterly alone for so long that I forgot the meaning of the word lonely. I convinced myself that Hyorinmaru was the only companion I needed. But it still . . . hurt. It hurt so badly. So I tried to hold on to the one person that I thought I should love, but I didn't know how so I pushed her further away. In the end, my empty excuse for friendship nearly killed us both."

"Toshiro . . ."

"I haven't answered your question." He turned to face me, tucking his legs so he could sit close, looking right into my eyes with fierce intensity. My heart stopped.

"I was not lonely. But yes, I am lonely now. I have had the briefest taste of what it would be to have an equal at my side. I begin to fear for the future as I never have. So you had better not let me down, Kurosaki Ichigo. You promised me. Your life is mine."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

That was definitely not part of the plan. I was going to wait until this whole ordeal was over. It was possible that my feelings or his would change when we returned to our lives. Kurosaki was so very young, and worse, alive. Human hearts could change in an instant, whereas mine was immutable. If I gave my heart to him I would lose it for centuries.

And so I wanted to wait and test him. I wanted to see if he would follow through, bare his throat to me and submit to his own death at my hands if that is what I chose. Then I would know he was worthy. But I truly was lonely, and desperate for an end to the centuries stretching out before me, empty of all but honor and duty. What's more, I was desperate to prevent the same loneliness from turning his future into a desolate churning of days with no meaning.

And as his countenance slowly went from grief to incredulity to piercing joy I could not bring myself to regret telling him the truth.

And as his shaking hands cradled my face tenderly I could not deny that I wanted to love him, wanted to give him anything and everything he asked for.

And as his lips pressed warmly to mine I could not feel shame for claiming him, tying this vibrant living boy to my cold, dead heart.

I had found my way into his lap. I could not be blamed, it was comfortable and warm and made it easy to reach his lips. It was where I belonged. He kept breaking the kisses, just closing his mouth on mine and then moving away, whispering my name each time. Well, if he wouldn't kiss me properly, then I would just molest him until he started to take things seriously.

"Toshiro, when's your birthday?"

I bit his earlobe. "Really? . . . December 20." The skin just behind and below his ear was sensitive, judging by the way he shivered when I started sucking on it.

"Toshiro, what's your favorite color?"

At least his hands were starting to get it, they'd made quick work of the buttons on my jacket.

"Green." I pushed his jacket off after he removed mine, running my tongue down his neck to his broad shoulders.

"Toshiro, what's your favorite thing to do on an average day?"

I was doing this wrong if he could still form a long sentence like that. His hands traced down my spine and around my waist, fingers started working on the sash.

"Solo training. And watching the sunset, I suppose. Could you shut up now?"

I forced him into a real kiss, and kept his tongue busy for several minutes while my hands mapped out the curves of his ribs. He pulled me close and his mouth started doing wonderful things to my neck. Finally.

"Toshiro . . ."

"Oh, for the love of . . ."

"How old are you?"

I glared "Last question. 48."

"Really?" His eyes were perfectly round in surprise. "Oh my god, it's like I'm making out with my father."

_That's it. I'm going to kill him._

I pushed against him, standing on the bed and backing away.

"Well I certainly wouldn't want to make you do anything so distasteful, Kurosaki," I spat at him.

He lunged at me, on his knees, hands grabbing my waist.

"Sorry," he was laughing at me, "I'm sorry, don't be mad. I figured you were over 100, I was just teasing."

It was rather funny. He had no way of knowing how guilty I had been feeling about his extreme youth. Any outsider looking at us would have had the opposite issue with my young appearance, and him looking older than his age. Though a 30 year or so age difference was absolutely nothing in Soul Society, the fact that he was too young to even have be considered an adult in human society did mean something. I wasn't looking forward to the inevitable jokes from the other captains.

_And Matsumoto . . . God help me._

Kurosaki had more or less kowtowed in front of me, and started kissing my feet as I scowled down at him with my arms crossed over my chest.

_What a picture this would make. Maybe I should make him call me Hitsugaya-sama._

I started to forgive him as his hands slid up my pant legs, caressing my calves. Then his tongue swiped along the instep of my foot and I had to bite back a giggle.

_Must not let Kurosaki know my feet are ticklish. Must not under any circumstances!_

Uncrossing my arms was enough to get the idiot's hopes up again, and he looked up at me, straightening a little.

"Are you quite done with the questions, Kurosaki?"

"Just one more." My eyes narrowed. "Please?"

He took my silence as encouragement.

"Renji told me once that he pitied humans, because sex is unbelievably better when both partners let their reiatsu loose a little. Is that true?"

I snorted. "I have no idea. Do you think we could move on and find out?"

_Now why was he acting like I just sprouted horns or something? Oh. Oooh, he just figured that out, did he?_

"You . . . you have no idea?"

I gave him a wicked, toothy grin, leaning down close to his face. I relaxed my control and with no effort made my breath ice cold against his face.

"I. Have. No. Idea. And at this rate it seems I never will."

Unbelievable. But that seemed to have finally done the trick. His lips felt scalding hot after my little trick, and he let out a little startled grunt as he started to explore my cold mouth. My hands returned to caressing his sides, I loved feeling the movement under the skin, and I made my touch slightly chilly just to feel him shiver.

Stepping out of the rest of my clothing as soon as he pushed them down, I leaned into him. Immediately I started to feel something new, and then realized I had been feeling it during the kiss, and as I touched him. Of course everything would be completely different, I should have known.

Reiatsu acted like another sense. Tightly controlled, it enhanced all of the other senses. When consciously raised or directed outward it could extend your senses as far as you pushed. Experienced Shinigami would rely on reiatsu so strongly that their other senses could even be ignored. The enemy's strike was sensed before the eyes could see it, and long before it was felt by the body. Captain level fighters could even identify the intent to strike, which was how high level battles became a blazing fast contest to predict and to achieve the unpredictable, blows mapped out in advance like an expert game of chess.

My skin pressed against Kurosaki's skin, my reiatsu pressed against his reiatsu. Touch was doubled and enhanced if you paid attention, as if we each had two skins, four hands, two tongues. Simultaneously the loose reiatsu around us was mingling, stroking, and delivering sensation without any touch at all, a deep awareness of the self and the other.

And the intent, the aura of desire and ecstasy was transmitted as well, full force straight into my nerves. Focusing on this, I gasped and nearly fell, dizzy and overwhelmed by the sudden sensory overload. Kurosaki tightened his hold around my waist and back, and I groaned at the intense pressure his movements created.

"Let go! Don't touch me!"

He yanked his arms away and I staggered, taking an uncertain step back. I was one heartbeat away from orgasm which he had to notice.

"Toshiro! What's wrong?"

I stared at him, shaking all over. "Don't you feel it?"

He only looked worried to the point of panic. "I don't think I'm feeling what you are."

Kurosaki had become exponentially stronger in a short amount of time. Aizen and his lackeys had provided him combat and kido training. But he lacked formal training in the basics and he lacked experience. Lucky him, this was almost too much to handle. I took a minute to calm down, and decided to let him in on this as much as I could. The potential . . . the phenomenal sex we already had would pale in comparison.

"Concentrate on the skin over your breastbone. Let your reiatsu pool there gently, until you can feel it strongly, as if your hand is resting there."

He nodded. I moved my hand toward him, letting my reiatsu flow forward just ahead of my palm.

"Feel. Let your mind listen to what your reiatsu is telling it." I moved my hand in a small circle, still inches away from his skin. He looked down, startled.

"No. Close your eyes and just feel."

A little closer and he sucked in a breath. I let just two fingertips graze his skin and his eyes flew open.

"Holy shit!"

I grinned and let my palm slide down his chest. He jerked back as if burned.

"I don't know about you, Kurosaki, but I'm not going to last ten seconds if you touch me like that again. Abarai was right, but his power is nothing compared to mine or yours."

"But . . ."

"We just need to pull back a bit . . . a lot. We'll get the hang of it eventually."

"Eventually, as in someday in the future when we've had lots and lots of sex over the years, right? I can live with that."

I could feel him dampening his reiatsu as I laughed, feeling a more than a little high from all the energy swirling in and around us.

Quickly yanking off his clothes, he looked like a hyper little puppy. He was obviously feeling it now. It must have taken every ounce of his self-control to ask, "Can I please touch you now?"

_Oh, yes, I am definitely going to keep him._

Out of my damn mind, I held my arms out and beckoned, laughing again as he tackled me. Showing me mercy, Kurosaki grasped my aching cock as he kissed me deeply. Only a few strokes later and I was moaning into his mouth as my back arched off the bed. He actually  _licked_ me clean as I caught my breath. Even with our reiatsu just barely loose, the strokes of his tongue were driving me crazy once more.

I could feel his erection throbbing against my leg, and knew he was nearly as bad off as I had been. With my power restored, it was easy to flip our positions before he had a chance to react, and I was already sliding down his body as his back hit the bed. I had not done this yet, but he was so ready that anything I lacked in technique would not be noticed.

Ever so gently, I curled my right hand around the base of his length, almost like grasping a sword hilt. I ran my tongue from the tops of my fingers to the tip of his cock, lightly, teasingly, and he groaned my name. My eyes slid shut for a moment, savoring the taste of his desire, savoring the ability to cause his desire. Circling the head with my tongue, I stroked firmly with my hand. My left hand pushed just below his navel with the added strength of my reiatsu, holding him down as his hips tried to thrust up.

I surprised myself with my wish to make this last, to taste and tease. I wanted to take my time exploring this new territory. But he needed release soon so that we could both proceed with some control. So I took one more long lick, pushing my tongue against the soft, hot skin. When I reached the top I took him in my lips, tip of my tongue sliding in and out of the slit, curling around the tip, while my lips closed.

I couldn't fit much of his length into my mouth, and didn't have much time to try. As I gave an experimental suck, his hand pushed into my hair trying to warn me off. Instead I gathered a little reiatsu into my hand and stroked while I tried a little more suction. With a shout he pushed his hips up hard against my restraining hand and I tried to swallow as much as I could. I backed off, coughing a little and wiping my chin with the back of my hand.

That was going to take some practice. But I knew how amazing it felt, and it was something I wanted to be able to do well for my partner. Once I set my mind to master a skill, it was as good as done. If I hadn't been very good at it this time, I would more than pay him back later.

Kurosaki meanwhile was propped on his elbows watching my face as he panted.

"What on earth are you thinking about?"

"Hmm?"

"Never mind, tensai" he said with a grin. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me down, turning so he was once again above me. He looked down, eyes roaming over my body.

"How can you be more beautiful every time I look at you?"

"Give a man one little blow job and he turns into a lovesick sap."

He chuckled, "Thanks for that. Now I can take my time. Just relax and let me take care of you, okay?" And he kissed me, slowly and deeply.

As he said he took his time. Ever so slowly he worked his way from my neck to my navel and back again, caressing, licking, nibbling. My hands enjoyed his body, sliding over his smooth skin everywhere I could reach, but other than that I just let him do whatever he wanted.

The sensations and emotions were still amplified, but with both of us reining in most of our reiatsu I could enjoy the sensation without completely coming undone. I was more than willing to let him take control and just drown in this new world of pleasure.

He must have spent days teasing my nipples, nipping my neck, and sliding his hands up and down my sides and hips. My hazy mind was torn between wanting him to continue forever and wanting him to stop tormenting me and just fuck me already.

When he moved away I let slip a whimper of disappointment. The loss of his reiatsu pressing every inch of my skin was intolerable. I hadn't even realized my eyes had been closed until I looked to find out why he had left me. He was grinning as he leaned over me again, vial of lube in hand.

"Miss me?"

His voice was strained and his eyes were dark with lust. I wasn't the only one the edge of losing control, his reiatsu told me just how aroused he still was. Instead of answering, I pulled him down and gave his neck a long, slow lick, leaving a trail of frost along his skin from collarbone to jaw. He gasped and I let him go, closing my eyes to surrender again to the euphoria of his power mingling with mine.

Feeling his hands encouraging me to lift my knees, I reminded myself that I did indeed have a body and it had desires. By the time he pressed a finger into me, I was already moaning long and low. I opened my eyes when I realized he had stopped, his head hanging over my stomach and his breath ragged. Had he . . .?

"Did you just have another orgasm . . . without me?"

"What do you expect? With you writhing and moaning like that; I'm only human."

_Writhing? Do I even know how to writhe? What does that even look like?_

I blinked a few times and he narrowed his eyes.

"No. You're not escaping into that brain of yours." And I did indeed stop thinking as he pushed two fingers back into me, his mouth suddenly swallowing my erection aggressively. The sensations inside, too, were heightened and I was almost afraid to think of what it would feel like when he touched . . . there! The world shattered around me as sharp jolts of ecstasy shot from his fingertips through my entire body.

"Ichigo!" My hips bucked, pushing my cock as far into his mouth as possible as I came again.

"Now we're even," he breathed against the skin of my thigh, then began kissing along the inside of my legs as a third finger was added. I sighed deeply between my rushed breaths, for one moment lucid and wondering how I would survive a third time in this hyper-sensitive state.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

This was so far beyond any fantasy I had ever had, and I had a pretty active imagination when it came to Toshiro. The feel of his skin against mine was pure bliss, with our reiatsu stroking and pushing, highlighting every touch. But add to that the sight of him, the fierce, aloof captain squirming and begging, pushing against me, not the least bit aware of his own actions or the insanely erotic noises he made – even my perverted teenage brain hadn't been able to conjure this.

After the life-changing words he had spoken to me, that he was lonely and that he wanted me by his side, I had wanted to ravish him. After he told me that he had no idea what sex was like with reiatsu, I wanted to cherish him, make love slowly and tenderly. I couldn't even believe it, though I knew he'd never lie. How did a man so attractive, so powerful and brilliant live a lifetime without a lover even once? Were all Shinigami blind and stupid?

And he was so . . . enthusiastic. He didn't respond like a blushing virgin. He wasn't frigid or afraid. And though he let me fuck him, there was very little submissive about Toshiro. What had held him back all of these years? How did the stars align just so to bless me with honor of being his first, and hopefully last?

Just that line of thought was enough to make me ready again, all plans of slow and tender tossed aside in the intensity of reiatsu fueled passion. I created a trail of bruises along the soft skin of his thighs. While the rest of him was darkened to gold by the sun from long hours of training his body and his division, the skin from the waist down was pale, almost as white as his winter hair. My love bites stood out boldly, and I couldn't resist making a small mark with every kiss.

His muscles clenched around my fingers with each small thrust of his hips. Hitsugaya Toshiro was fucking himself against my hand. Moving up, feeling every inch of his cock pushing on my skin and reiatsu as I slid forward, I made him whimper again as I removed my fingers. He opened those remarkable eyes, eyes I could so easily get lost in, and I pushed my tongue between his parted lips as our bodies starting grinding against one another.

I could never, ever get enough of this man.

"Ichigo."  _Yes, say my name again, my love._ "Now," he breathed against my lips.

It was all I could do to stop from taking him that second. Lifting myself, I found the vial and had to grit my teeth as I made sure to prepare myself. As I lifted his hips, he wrapped his legs around my waist. Unable to hold back any longer, I was shaking with the effort to enter him gently. Every time he had rushed this, and I kept one hand on his hip to stop him if he tried it again. And he did try. As I pushed in slowly, he tried to shove against me, hissing and clutching at my shoulders when he was denied.

"Easy, easy now, my love."

He opened his eyes and stared, but didn't correct me for using the endearment. Then his eyes fluttered shut again as I moved deeper. I could feel him make an effort to relax as his breathing evened. Moments later I was fully sheathed inside the incomparable, tight heat that I had dreamed of so often. I struggled for control again, waiting until I could move without falling over the edge into orgasm.

Knowing he was feeling the effects of reiatsu even more strongly than I was, I tried to keep mine under control to make this last just a little longer, though I knew we would not last long. As I moved, I didn't just feel the heat and the clenching of his muscles. His reiatsu was all over my skin, creating flashes of ice and fire that were so delightful that it was almost painful.

I only managed a few slow strokes, and those were agonizing. But Toshiro didn't complain when my body insisted on picking up the pace. I stopped restraining his hips and immediately he was pushing me even faster, his fingers clawing at my back as I bent even closer to him.

All too soon, he came with a shout, clenching deliciously tight around me. With a few more hard thrusts I followed, my vision going black as I cried out his name.

Thankfully I managed to catch some of my weight on my elbow as I collapsed, his legs loosening around my waist. The rest of his body was completely limp as he gasped for air, arms fallen out to his sides, head turned and eyes closed. As soon as I could move, I kissed his cheek gently, coaxing him to open his eyes for me.

With a heavy sigh he dragged his right hand up and stroked my hair. I could feel him gaining control of his reiatsu, and while I missed the feel of it I knew we were definitely done playing for the night. He unlocked his ankles and we pulled apart, both of us a little shaky.

Slowly I rolled to the side, wrapping my arms around him to pull him on top of me. I had loved that feeling after our first time, and loved it even more now. He let himself completely relax, cheek coming to rest close on my shoulder. My hands massaged his back as our hearts stopped racing, our breathing slowed.

"How does anything ever get done in Seireitei? Surely everyone is just having sex 24 hours a day."

"You would think so. But it turns out training is a great way to build sexual stamina, and paperwork is a relaxing way to regain your energy afterward."

"No way, seriously?"

"Idiot."

I didn't mind it being at my expense, as long as he was happy he could laugh at me all he wanted.

 


	11. Chapter 11

"Toshiro."

"Toooshirooo."

"Nnnnnnn."

"C'mon, wake up."

"Go 'way."

The entire world started shaking as he laughed, and suddenly I was wide awake.

"I can't exactly go away at the moment. I would have let you sleep, but I know you won't like waking up quite this . . . um, sticky."

He was right. As much as I enjoyed my warm Kurosaki-shaped body pillow, I really didn't want to spend the night covered in sweat and semen, wrapped in equally dirty sheets.

"Fine." I planted my palms on his stomach and pushed myself up quickly, ignoring the "Ooof" as Kurosaki clutched his midriff.

"What was that for?"

"For the humiliation you're about to put me through. Or are you going to let me walk and bathe myself this time?"

Since he had done most of the work, and since I was thankfully in control of my own power again, my muscles were pleasantly tired instead of weak with exhaustion. I had no trouble balancing when he jostled the bed. Once he was up he grinned at me and held his arms out. With a huff I stepped over to him, but then paused. Dark bruises made red and purple patches on his neck and shoulders, even a few on his chest. I wasn't sure how I felt about them. Aroused? Possessive? Proud? Certainly not embarrassed.

"Should I heal those marks on your neck?"

"Huh? Toshiro, you gave me hickeys? That's great!"

"Yeees, but would your unwilling pet do that?"

"Maybe, I am a pretty great lover." I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay, you're right as usual."

I put my hand on his neck. Such small bruises were the matter of an instant to erase. I was sad to see them go, but I didn't do anything about the long scratches across his shoulder blades so I could look at them a little longer. He snatched me into his arms as soon as my hand moved away.

"Ready?"

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I turned on the hot water for the tub with Toshiro still in my arms and then headed for the shower. He was playing resigned prisoner, much more compliant than before. That would work. Still, I washed him roughly in the shower, then told him to go get in the bath. I washed off and left him alone. He could enjoy the soak that way with fewer chances of making an error. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, not that I ever did.

_I'm not going to get to kill that bastard, am I?_

_Probably not. At least not soon._

_Damn it, we had a deal!_

_Yes. And I'm still going to go after him._

_I don't think you are trying, all because of that pretty piece of tail._

_You aren't fooling me, Shiro. You care for him, too._

_Fuck if I do!_

_If we go after Aizen right now, it won't matter if we succeed or fail. Toshiro will die. Even if we get the cuffs off of him first, Toshiro would still be left without us. With Ichimaru, Tosen, the Espada and countless Arrancar. So, Hollow who doesn't give a fuck about Toshiro, you want to go get Aizen?_

After wrapping myself in a robe and grabbing a smaller one, I changed the sheets and tidied the clothing we had left all over and around the bed. This is what Toshiro meant by obligations tying me down so that I couldn't move. I promised Grimm I'd protect him. I promised Shiro I'd give him Aizen's death. And I promised Toshiro my very life. I relied on luck and determination to make good on my word, but how could I when they started to conflict with one another?

_There's still a chance I'll get to fight him._

_If necessary to get out of here, we'll fight him. If we make it back to Soul Society, who else do they have that can fight him? War is coming, you'll get your blood._

"Kurosaki-sama?"

I turned to see Toshiro, wrapped in a towel, standing in the bathroom doorway. I walked to him as he cast his eyes down. Putting my hand between his shoulder blades, I guided him back to the bed, back into the safety of the barrier, thankful that I hadn't had to speak or act too harshly this time.

Once back near the bed, his demeanor changed to one of concern. "You and Shiro were talking?"

"Talking, arguing, threatening each other."

"He's angry because you are escaping?"

"No. He's angry because I'm not making killing Aizen more important than escaping. Before you came, I was planning to kill Aizen or die trying, and without worrying about the consequences."

"Hmm. Does he resent me?"

"Maybe. It's hard to say. I think he kinda likes you, but won't admit it."

Toshiro looked a bit curious, not frightened as I would expect. "He has a funny way of showing it, trying to strangle me twice. You said he has gotten out of your control before. If he did, do you think he would hurt me again?"

"The Shiro that works with me, talks to me may actually protect you now. But when the Hollow completely takes over, he's not rational. I think he might even hurt you more because he likes you."

He picked up the robe from the bed, raising an eyebrow as he noticed there were no underwear laid out. He let the towel fall and slipped the robe on, then climbed up on the bed near the headboard and patted the bed beside him. Smiling, I settled against the headboard again, wrapping my arm around his waist and letting him lean against me just like before.

"So there are different stages of control."

"Yeah, that's one way to put it. At first it was just chaos. I was in control or I wasn't. The only in between is when we were still fighting for the upper hand. But now that we have a kind of truce, I can team up with him or give him control without completely retreating. Or I can still lose control completely. That's a lot more rare. In fact, it hasn't happened once since we came to terms, but it's come close."

"When your eyes are gold, that's you and Shiro talking, or him looking out of your eyes. When your eyes go black, he's in control?"

"Yes on the first part. But when my eyes change completely or when I'm using the mask it could be either one of us in control, working with the other."

"Hmm. What happens when he takes over, then?"

I paused. This scared me a little. Somehow, I had won a chance with Toshiro, but I hadn't won his heart. Just how much could he accept before he decided I was too fucked-up to be worth the effort?

He looked up at me. "Kurosaki, I need to know. We would be naïve to think we can escape unscathed. If we're fighting and Shiro takes over or you lose control entirely, I need to know how to identify the change."

"I know."

"You think I'm going to run screaming because you fight every day to preserve your identity instead of standing by you in support?"

"Of course not."  _Yes, that's what any sane person would do._

"Then answer me."

"When Shiro is in control without me, I will be violent and unpredictable." He snorted. "More than usual. And I'll become a Hollow."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not just the mask. Shiro is covered with armor, even has a tail and claws. You won't recognize me."

"If that happens, how do I stop it?"

"Knock him out or kill him. Or survive long enough for me to take back control. Shiro rarely gives in without a fight, so it might take too long. He's more powerful than most Espada."

Toshiro was quiet, and I let him think. I hoped he wouldn't ask . . .

"And how do I tell if you've both lost control?"

I winced. "You'll know. There's nothing left, no recognition of friend or foe, just tremendous power and destruction."

"What do I do?"

"Run."

"Right. Tomorrow I will show you my strength. And then you will know that I can not only hold my own, but that I can protect you as you protect me. You won't lose control because you will know that you do not need the Hollow to defeat your enemies when you have me at your back."

Here I was, trapped in a Hell with enemies surrounding me. But in the quiet when I was alone a darker fear awaited me. And I could not escape it, it was a part of my very soul. I had come to shaky terms with Shiro, but that did not stop the fear of what I could become, what I could do.

I had nearly killed Toshiro twice due to that darkness seeping through the cracks in my mind. Still he cuddled up with the demon who held him prisoner, and offered to protect me. Offered to protect a monster that could not only kill him, but would also consume his very soul. If he was surprised that a tear rolled down my cheek he didn't show it. He kissed the tear away.

"Is there any way to dim the lights? This constant bright is annoying. And can you go get me a glass of water so I don't have to act like I'm scared of my shadow just to walk ten feet?"

Obediently, I went to fetch water and turned the light far down with a flick of reiatsu. Toshiro drank and then scooted down in the covers. I crawled in next to him and he turned to use my shoulder as a pillow, arm draped over my chest and leg over mine. I knew that he was deliberately being casual and tucking himself close to me to show me that we was not afraid of me, of what I had told him I was capable of.

I gazed at that angelic face, relaxed and smooth as his breathing slowed. He was more than I deserved, more than anyone deserved.

God, how I loved him.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

So warm. Not the oppressive heat of summer, but the drowsy warmth of laying in the sun on a cool autumn day. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so content.

And then it all went to hell. Freezing wind whipped around me, ice crystals slicing at exposed skin. Barely able to open my eyes against the painful cold, all I could see was the dirty gray and white of a raging blizzard.

My hands uselessly clutched my ears as I fell to my knees, cold nearly forgotten as a deafening roar rang through the skies and through my head. It went on and on, splitting my skull until I was howling in agony. When the sound abruptly stopped, I knew that he was only drawing breath to shatter the heavens again and I screamed into the wind.

_Hyorinmaru!_

Thunder rumbled and I called him again. Out of the blinding white snow and dark skies came an even greater force. Hurricane winds pushed the blizzard back as massive wings backstroked for a landing, and the ground shook as the fearsome form of the ice dragon slammed into the ground in haste to reach me.

The blizzard raged on, but it was bearable with his wings spreading above and around me as a shield. I lurched to my feet and sprinted forward as his serpentine neck arched, the huge head came down. I collided with him, wrapping my arms around his narrow muzzle of ice as thunder rumbled again.

_Master, what has happened? I could not find you._

I let go, but left one hand on his snout and looked up into red eyes swirling in distress.

_You were taken from me, and sealed by the power of the enemy._

_But you have defeated the enemy and we are together again?_

_No, but it will happen soon._

A great huff of wintery wind was exhaled, betraying his well-tempered anger.

_You were greatly hurt, young one._

_I am fine now, do not worry._

_The one who injured you is very near._

_Kurosaki is an ally._

Another gust of his breath nearly knocked me over.

_Hyorinmaru, he is more than an ally, he is a close friend. Let your anger go until I can direct it at the true enemy._

Crimson eyes narrowed, but he rested his head on the ground in obedience.

_Many things have changed with you in a short time._

_That is even more true than you know._

_Honestly, young one, I turn my back once every 40 years or so, and you get yourself into so much trouble._

I stared at the dragon in disbelief, not sure if I should shout at him or laugh. His great length settled and I noticed as his wings tucked back that the blizzard was now a pleasant, heavy snowfall of huge, drifting flakes. He turned his head slightly so that one red eye, as large as my head, was focused entirely on me.

_Now. Tell me of the friend, and tell me of the enemy so that we may go into battle in harmony._

I smiled and got comfortable on the snowy ground.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Blinking, I tried to figure out why I couldn't move.

"Toshiro?"

So that was it. I was wrapped in the arms and legs of one delicious and sexy strawberry. I was sitting between his legs, back to his front, with his legs winding around to end up on top of mine. He was hugging me firmly, and his body was curled over mine protectively, reminding me of Hyorinmaru's wings. I touched his arm, and then noticed that his skin was covered with a thin layer of ice.

"Kurosaki! Did I hurt you?"

He tightened his hold for a second before relaxing. "You scared me a bit, but I'm fine. What happened?"

"Hyorinmaru happened. Sorry, he was not very happy with you." I wriggled until he let me go so I could turn to look him over.

"I'm okay, really. Just glad you're back. I thought you were having a nightmare at first, you were screaming."

"Hyorinmaru was not very happy with me, either. Having an angry dragon in your head is not pleasant."

"As bad as a psychotic, perverted Hollow?"

"Now do not try to blame the Hollow for your deviant sexual tendencies, Kurosaki."

"No, I know exactly who to blame for my sexual tendencies." He chuckled and gave me a brief kiss, for a moment completely captivating me.

"But seriously, I didn't expect the bastard to unseal your zanpakuto before the arena. Just trying to throw you off, or something?"

"Hmm. I don't know. But it was a mistake. Hyorinmaru and I are going to have plenty of time to get back in balance. Maybe he just wants me not to have any excuses so he can gloat if I am defeated. It would be demoralizing if I'm at full strength and still lose. If he hasn't caught on to the two of us and he thinks he's still going to be able to break me, that would make sense."

"In any case, it was rude. It's like 4 in the morning."

My head was killing me. I drained the half-full glass of water on the nightstand and rubbed my temples. Kurosaki unwrapped himself from me, got out of bed, grabbed the discarded towel off the floor and wiped the melting ice away from his skin. Then he took the empty glasses to the bathroom and returned to hand me a cool glass.

I smiled my appreciation and drank, then sagged back down into the sheets, wincing a little from the throbbing behind my eyes. Strong fingers took over the job of rubbing my temples. After a while I started to relax, the migraine now more of a dull ache.

"How about a massage, love?"

I had already flipped over before he finished speaking. Minutes later the headache had vanished, along with the knots of tension in my shoulders. He was working his knuckles gently along either side of my spine. Despite the pressure of his touch, I found such relief that I started to slip away. He noticed when I tried to hide a yawn, and softened to gentle strokes, lulling me back into peaceful sleep.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Falling asleep rubbing Toshiro's back was lovely. Waking up to find that we had curled up facing one another, legs touching and arms tangled together loosely between our chests, that was sublime. Now if only I could ignore a few things. Like the fact that we were both prisoners of a madman with a god complex. Or that Toshiro would be fighting for his life in a few hours. Little things like that could ruin a perfect morning.

I didn't want him to wake up alone, so I played with his hands for a little while until he stretched. The guy was like a cat, always twisting and pulling until he looked three times longer than possible. And good lord was he flexible.

_No, bad Ichigo! No getting aroused this morning, Toshiro needs his energy for the arena._

"Good morning."

He blinked and rubbed his eyes, still half asleep and adorable.

"Breakfast should be here soon, and I have to run."

"Oh. Okay. Will I see you again before . . ."

"I'll have an early lunch with you and then we'll go. Is there anything I can do for you this morning?"

"No. I will exercise and meditate. Hyorinmaru and I still need to discuss some things."

"Alright. Let me know if you need me. I'll be out of Las Noches, so it might take a bit for me to get back."

I got up and started toward the door. I left my clothes. Thiago would pick them up, and no one cared if I walked the halls in a sleeping robe or stark naked. I was a step away from leaving the barrier when his hand grabbed my wrist, tugging me back and down. He gave me a soft kiss.

"Good morning."

I grinned. "Well, it is now. I really do have to go, though. I'll drop the barrier when I get to the door."

Hopeful that very soon we could take our time and do whatever we liked together all day, even if it was just once, I left.

No summons came as I devoured a large breakfast. With only a few hours to spare, a quick Hollow hunt would fill the time and keep the act going. It was my only real duty, after all, and I didn't plan on going back out after the arena. A quick scan located Grimm, conveniently near one of the gates where I could just happen to bump into him if he stayed put. And was that Ulquiorra? What would Grimm and Ulquiorra have to talk about? If he was betraying me, at least I could kill Ulquiorra at the same time. I grabbed Zangetsu and tried to seem like I wasn't suddenly in a hurry. Trying to spy on them wouldn't do any good, so I didn't hide my approach. The depressing mime of Las Noches was silent, but Grimm called out to me and I nodded back.

"Going for a hunt?"

I nodded again, making sure I appeared pissed off as usual and not interested in chatting.

"Hey, Ulquiorra, what do you say? You hardly ever get out for a good old-fashioned chase anymore."

"I have other business to attend to." And he turned to leave. He hated me as much as I hated him, which was just fine.

"Guess it's just the two of us, Ichigo."

"I don't recall inviting you."

"Oh come on, I'm the only one fast enough for you. Let's have a good run, eh? I noted a colony we can get to in under an hour if we put in some effort."

I sighed. "Fine. Slow me down and you're on your own."

"As if, I'll beat you there by ten minutes."

We continued bickering on our way out the gate.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I left Grimmjow to bring in the day's catch, two lower level Adjuchas and one that might be worth the bastard's attention. He was now aware that tomorrow dawn was my deadline, but that I could make a move much sooner. If Toshiro's life was threatened in the arena, I would have no choice. The big cat was practically purring in anticipation, which made feel a little more confident in my decision to trust him.

Toshiro was deep in meditation when I returned with tea and a light lunch, but was aware of me immediately and was soon alert. He got up and assumed the subservient posture he had perfected, nonthreatening with arms and eyes down.

"Welcome back, Kurosaki-sama."

Now that our ordeal here was almost ended, I could allow myself a little amusement. I'd certainly never hear such words from him again. More likely I'd be greeted with, 'What are you doing here, idiot?' And that only if I was lucky. I was still prepared for him to cut me loose or cut me down the moment this was all over. Who would blame him?

"Come and eat a little, pet. You'll need the energy."

He obediently kneeled on the cushion and poured tea for both of us, then slowly ate some of the fruit, not touching the rest. I decided not to comment. The act was indeed getting hard to maintain. So I sat in silence while we sipped tea.

"If you are finished, get your shoes and we can go. We have time for me to show you a little more of Las Noches. If you do well today, you may be allowed a little freedom to go for walks, or use the dojo. Wouldn't that be a nice change, pet?"

He looked a little interested, "Yes, Kurosaki-sama."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I showed him more of the open area under the dome with its artificial blue sky and sunlight, the large dojo that I usually used, and the various special residences of the Espada that were easily seen. This wasn't to kill time, but to give him a little more of a map. I knew he would forget nothing. Not one Arrancar was to be seen. They were giving me a very wide berth after word of Nnoitra's injury had gotten around. Vicious and violent, Cero would not hesitate to kill you just for looking at his pet.

We didn't have much time to tour. I took him through the gate and took his hand. I would handle the travel, saving that much more of his reiatsu. Half way there, I paused. I put up a barrier, some last-minute words of strategy would not be suspect between a master and a pet that he wanted to show well. I doubted anyone was watching, but paranoia had saved my life more than once in Hueco Mundo.

I kept my hold on Toshiro's hand. "Close enough?"

He closed his eyes. After a moment, he nodded. "Hyorinmaru is there. He has already started working on the water source. We should have all we need without much delay."

I gave him a tight smile. "I feel only four Privaron, no other Hollows. One of them feels weak, the other three may be a challenge, but nothing you can't handle. That's a lot lighter than I'd feared. I guess he doesn't mean to kill you after all."

"Depends on how strong he thinks I am. Aizen never knew me well, and our one battle, if you could even call it that, would have made him judge me very weak and foolish.

“Kurosaki, if I fall you have to let it happen."

"As if."

"Even if I was worth throwing your life away, Soul Society is going to need you."

"I meant, there's no way you are going to fall, so there's no point discussing it."

I leaned down and kissed him, long and thoroughly. He returned the kiss enthusiastically and hummed as we parted.

"Okay, Ichigo. Time to put on our . . . what was it?"

"Game faces, love." I grinned.

We made the final few jumps separately, arriving at the viewing platform where Aizen, Ichimaru, Ulquiorra, and to my surprise Starrk with Lilynette waited with the four doomed Privaron Espada. No sign of Tosen, not that I cared. I gave the bastard a brief bow and a nod to his fox. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Toshiro mirror the actions perfectly. That should piss off both the traitors.

Toshiro's eyes were fixed on Aizen's hand, holding Hyorinmaru just below the hilt.

"Toshiro-kun, I look forward to seeing the skills that took the life of one of my Espada."

"Almost two, Aizen-sama," Ichimaru chimed in helpfully. One of the Privaron flinched at that.

It was a calculated show of his strength, to hold out the zanpakuto hilt first. Toshiro was at full power as he placed his hand on the hilt, but Aizen knew that if Toshiro struck he would not land a blow. Toshiro knew it to, and rested the sheath against his shoulder, his gaze falling submissively to the ground.

"Now then, Toshiro-kun. All methods of combat are allowed today. Your opponents stand to gain significant rewards for your defeat or death, so please do not hold back against them."

He simply nodded sharply, but I could hear Toshiro's teeth grinding. It had to be a new level of Hell for him, allowing the bastard to treat him like that, to touch Hyorinmaru. I put a hand on his shoulder and he looked up in surprise.

"Go on into the arena, pet. Make me proud - win or die well."

He bared his teeth and he was no longer the beaten captive. His eyes practically glowed with killing intent as he flashed a scornful smirk at the four doomed enemies. He gave me a very low bow and turned to stalk into the arena.

The fox gave a long whistle, "My, my, you certainly work quickly."

"He has great potential, Ichimaru-sama. He is easily influenced, and at least as addicted to the fight as I am. I no longer doubt that I can break him, and break him well."

"That is good to hear, my dear Cero. Now we just need to see if he has the skill to be useful to us."

"Yes, Aizen-sama. I look forward to seeing this, as well."

I looked over to the Primera Espada. "Starrk, I didn't know you took an interest in the little Shinigami."

"Not particularly," he replied with a lazy air, "but Lilynette seems fascinated."

"I am not! I just don't think a little kid like that is really a captain. I want to see if he can fight."

"See what I mean?" Starrk was almost apologetic in his apathetic way. He was probably a little worried that I would be angry at Lilynette. The duo could hold their own against me, and I was sure that I had not seen their full strength. But Starrk was always one to avoid trouble rather than fight. I would rather avoid trouble, too, when it came to them. I could not bring myself to dislike either one.

I looked at the little girl that was Starrk's other half. "Maybe if my pet survives this and does well in training, you could spar with him sometime."

"Really? Well, maybe. If he's any good."

"Let's see, they're about to start."

The Privaron were sent in all at once. That was good, Toshiro might even be able to take them all out before any used their resurreccion. If one or more had been held back, they would have time to measure Toshiro's skill, and would take him more seriously. Being underestimated and thought of as a child were weapons he was accustomed to using.

This would be over soon, and it didn't seem like Aizen had anything else lined up. Either he thought these four would be a significant challenge for Toshiro, or this really was just a quick test. The questions was, a test of Toshiro or a test of Cero? My reactions would be closely watched. When Toshiro first was given to me, I suspected it was a test or a trap. The bastard wanted to see how loyal I was when faced with the torture and possible killing of a former ally. Would I feel sympathy? Would I 'take it easy' on Toshiro or would I do whatever was necessary to achieve Aizen's goals?

I would need to be very careful how I handled myself, and I brought my concerns to Shiro's attention. He would keep me in check. He would not flinch if Toshiro was wounded. He would not rush into action if Toshiro fell.

As expected, the four Arrancar circled and taunted, wasting time with words while Toshiro kept a calm guard, Shikai already active. I could see a fine mist spreading and thickening along the ground, which I hoped was Toshiro's doing. The Arrancar tried to avoid it, breaking their loose triangle around Toshiro. Then he vanished, and the battle began.

Watching Toshiro fight was humbling. The years of experience separating us were obvious in the way he moved, the strategies he used, the vast array of techniques he employed. It was like watching a carefully choreographed dance rather than the chaos of a battle. The beautiful dragons of ice attacked, defended and feinted, and Toshiro never rested while they worked. It was almost comical to watch the Privaron try to predict where he would appear, and whether they would be facing sword, ice, or kido.

He had removed one opponent from the battle within the first minute, using that initial surprise to trap her feet and cut her down. The others took him more seriously after that, but he still was able to eliminate another before the final two opponents released their swords. Now in a two on one battle with only light injuries, I let my fear for Toshiro fade. This was no contest. There would be no need for Bankai even against resurreccion. Another Privaron was significantly injured and it was just a matter of time before she would fall, leaving only one. Toshiro had saved the weakest one for last.

From the corner of my eye I saw Starrk yawning, obviously drawing the same conclusion that the match was already over. What had it been, 20 minutes at most?

"Satisfied, Gin?" My attention shifted but I continued to watch the fight.

"I suppose, Aizen-sama. We should have brought stronger fighters. We won't even get to see his Bankai at this rate."

"We do not need to. He has sufficient skills, and is still growing stronger."

"I am surprised at how much ice he can create in the desert."

"Yes, it seems he had some luck locating water underground. A fortunate turn of events. What is your opinion, my dear Cero?"

I turned to look at them. "My opinion about what, Aizen-sama? He's a talented fighter, but it will be some time before I'd trust him to fight for us. And he may be growing stronger, but doesn't that take a very long time for Shinigami?"

"You are too limited in your thinking, Cero. There is a way to use Toshiro-kun, and in time for the war."

"You mean to use Hollowfication?"

He simply regarded me, judging my reaction as I started to smile, my darker side genuinely tempted by the thought. I looked back at Toshiro and nodded. "It would immediately increase his power if he survives. It would definitely alienate him from the Gotei. I don't see the downside unless it kills him. And if it does kill him then he wasn't worth the effort to begin with."

"I am glad we agree."

Gin sighed, "Outvoted as usual. Shall I alert Szayelaporro?"

"Not yet, Gin. I would like him a little more compliant. He already shows some dependence on his master after a very short time. If the boy fully surrenders to Cero it will greatly increase his chances of surviving the process. And Cero will be the perfect guide, since his own Hollowfication was a success."

Shiro let out a maniacal bark of laughter and answered in a distorted version of my voice, "He'll survive. And he may come out of it as strong as I am. What an interesting Hollow he'll make."

Toshiro meanwhile had taken a couple of significant hits, but was ending the battle. The chain attached to Hyorinmaru's hilt was wrapped around the final opponent's neck, ice along its length and spreading toward the Arrancar's face. With a sharp jerk Toshiro had his enemy on the ground, with the tip of sword centered over the Arrancar's chest. He looked directly at me, like a gladiator waiting for Caesar's command.

"Do you want that one alive, Aizen-sama?"

"I have no need for such weakness."

I nodded and Toshiro pushed down without hesitation. Then he stood in the arena and waited, cleaning his blade with a layer of ice and then retrieving the sheath.

"We're running low on strong Arrancar, Aizen-sama. Hundreds were killed to train your last pet."

"They are disposable, Gin. But you are right, we do not have hundreds to spend. We'll allow him to spar with the Espada. Cero will enforce the rules limiting damage."

"Then I can fight him, as well?"

"Strawberry-kun, you're practically drooling."

"And you aren't, Ichimaru-sama?"

He giggled, that sick grin making me slightly ill, "But you get chibi all to yourself at night. You should learn to share with your friends."

Shiro and I had to remind each other that the fox was untouchable for now. "One night with you would ruin all of my progress, Ichimaru-sama. Please show a little patience."

"Enough, Gin. We have better things to do than tormenting young lovers."

What was that supposed to mean? Fuck! Luck locating water, young lovers, just how much did Aizen know and how much did he suspect? If those comments were meant the way they sounded, we were already discovered and our escape attempt would lead to our deaths.

The bastard, the fox and the mime made their exit. Starrk had pretended not to hear a thing, but gave me a sympathetic look before taking Lilynette's hand and dragging her away as she shouted demands to fight the 'snowy kid.'

Finally alone, I made my way unhurriedly to Toshiro, eyes and reiatsu scanning him for injuries. There was a good amount of blood on him, but very little of it was his. He had a fracture, his left upper arm, and a deep cut into his left thigh, which he had sealed closed with ice. Clever. He cast his eyes down as I approached. I wasted no time taking care of his wounds.

"Well done, pet, though I think the match was far too easy for you. Melt the ice so I can heal that wound before the skin is damaged."

"Thank you, Kurosaki-sama."

"You impressed Aizen-sama. You will be allowed to spar with me and the other Espada now. We'll start tomorrow evening, after a morning hunt."

"A hunt, Kurosaki-sama?"

"You will enjoy it, pet. We have to go far from Las Noches these days to find strong Hollows to join Aizen-sama. On a good hunt, we may capture several Adjuchas. I have yet to locate a Vasto Lorde, but I will one day."

"Then I am glad I will be able to help you hunt, Kurosaki-sama."

I gave him a little pat on the head, like you would give to a child or dog. What I really wanted to do was kiss him until he couldn't breathe. I was so relieved he had not been badly hurt, and so turned on by watching Toshiro fight that I could barely keep from throwing him down on the sand. That might not be a bad idea. If the bastard suspected I had feelings for Toshiro then I should offer some proof that I did not. I had hidden almost all of our interactions, of course he would suspect.

"How is that, pet? Do you think the leg will hold for shunpo?"

He shifted his weight. "Yes, Kurosaki-sama, thank you."

"Follow, then." I set a fast pace back to Las Noches.

We walked through the gates. Arrancar that hadn't sensed our approach scattered like roaches. I just wanted to get back to his room as quickly as possible, but shunpo or the Arrancar equivalent was not considered polite within Las Noches. Toshiro followed, head high, zanpakuto in hand. We passed through the open area under the dome before our luck ran out.

"Yo, Ichigo." Grimmjow walked up, a couple of his usual thugs trailing him. The fraccion looked anywhere and everywhere to keep from looking directly at Toshiro, I was amused to see. Grimm, however, looked the bloodied Shinigami up and down with glee. Toshiro stared back with unveiled hostility.

"I hear your pet is ready for a challenge. What do you say? It's been awhile since there's been any new blood worth fighting."

"Sure, I'll let him kick your ass. You'll have to get in line, though. I'm taking him hunting in the morning, then fighting him myself tomorrow afternoon. And Lilynette's got a serious crush on him so I'm sure she'll talk Starrk into it by the next day."

"Ain't that the way, everybody pulls rank."

"Nope, I'll give you third shot. He's fast, you'll make a good match."

"Well, I'll hunt with you tomorrow then. Give me a chance to see him in action."

I glared at him. "Fine, but leave the trash." His fraccion stiffened, but didn't dare to talk back to me as I stalked away.

"You can be a real dick, you know that, Ichigo?"

I flipped him off as I walked.

My mind returned to the bastard. I was delusional, thinking I could hide my emotions from him. What did he think was happening? The barrier should have prevented any spying on Toshiro and me, which meant I had something to hide. He had seen the marks of abuse on Toshiro, seen the pathetic, thoroughly fucked state I had left him in more than once. Toshiro had played his part convincingly. What then did the bastard suspect happened between the two of us in the small space of privacy I created?

He knew. Aizen always knew, I'd never been able to keep truth from him. If he knew I was not a brutal and callous master of my exquisite pet, what other plans had he unraveled? Grimmjow? Ashido? Or only this one precious secret? If he only suspected, I could still throw him off. I could show him that he was right to trust me, that I was breaking Toshiro as commanded. If I only gave him evidence that I was still and always the monster he had created, he would leave me alone again, he would leave Toshiro alone. He had always rewarded savagery.

The closer we came to Toshiro's room, the more I had the feeling of being watched. There was a prickling at the back of my neck, a warning that an enemy was near. As I opened the door I could feel the bastard's presence, and I knew he was watching, waiting for me to make a mistake.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Entering my room with my eyes down, I expected Kurosaki to leave or to make the usual cruel remarks until we had privacy again. I hoped he would stay.

When he jerked me through the door and then hoisted me up against his chest I yelled and pushed against him without thinking. He wrapped one arm around my waist and the other hand grabbed my hair, holding my head in place for an almost vicious kiss, teeth bruising my lips.

My legs wrapped around him automatically just to hold myself up, my right hand holding Hyorinmaru went around his neck but my left hand on his chest tried to force us apart. He turned, slamming me violently up against the wall, tugging my head to the side to push farther into my mouth.

Brown, his eyes were that soothing honeyed brown, not gold. He would not look me in the eye. When he stopped for air, I tried to get his attention.

"Kuros . . ."

He yanked hard on my hair, "Silence, pet. Not a good time to defy me."

And then he bit hard enough on my lower lip to draw blood before shoving his tongue roughly into my mouth again. Had he forgotten where we were? How was I supposed to respond if this was all being watched? Fuck, how was I supposed to respond to this at all?

With my body pinned against the wall, his hand was free to start ripping at my clothing, pulling fabric away in strips. Stinging skin on my legs, my shoulders as he tore away cloth. His hips shoved up against me, and his mouth left mine to clamp his teeth into my neck, making me hiss.

My jaw clenched and I closed my eyes, unsure what to do but unbearably aroused by this frightening aggression. Nerves still high-strung from the battle, my body responded eagerly even though my mind was screaming that everything was wrong, that this wasn't what I wanted; this wasn't what he wanted. Please, this could not be okay with him. After all we had told each other, this could not be okay.

His other hand left my hair and he pushed his fingers into my mouth.

_Shit, he is really going to take me right here up against the wall, no barrier, no asking._

Wait, that's what was happening. I had known the second I measured the strength of the four Arrancar. The 'death-match' was a joke. I wasn't the one being tested today. Kurosaki was. Something must have happened between him and Aizen. The traitor had sunk his claws back into his pet's mind, and he had used me to do it. He had played on Kurosaki's fear, his need to protect me. Kurosaki had to think he was being watched, and he would convince Aizen now that he was nothing but a barely tamed beast, and that I was even less than a slave.

I tried to tell Kurosaki that I was with him by caressing his fingers with my tongue. I dropped Hyorinmaru and dug my fingernails into the back of his neck. His hand went down and he shoved two fingers into me with no warning and no tenderness. I yelped at the sudden intrusion as he quickly worked his fingers in and out, stretching me forcefully. Long before I was ready he added a third. All I could do was hiss again at the hurt I was not accustomed to. And at the same time the grinding of his body against mine was making it so confusing, I couldn't sort the pain from the pleasure.

He nuzzled my neck and I heard the faintest of tender whispers against my ear, "Toshiro," and he was shoving into me, fast and hard. I didn't even try to hold back my screams. Too little preparation, even less lubrication, the pain was almost unbearable and I felt tears as I squeezed my eyes shut. My head hit the wall and I whimpered with every thrust as he shoved me against the wall again and again.

But the screams and the tears weren't only from pain. This entire surreal experience had me completely off balance. It was both erotic and terrifying, and the greater part of me responded to it as if it was a battle. It was exhilarating, thrilling because of the danger and the pain. If there was no chance of losing at all, then what was the point of the fight?

When I clenched my teeth, it was not only to hold back cries of fear, but cries of rapture. I was resisting the instinct to attack him, and the conflicting instinct to surrender completely to his dominance, to let him take me somewhere new, where I had even less control, no control at all. I could not figure out what to do, so I just held on, letting the agony and the conflicting bliss wash over me.

His thrusts became erratic and even harder, then I could feel his release inside of me as he groaned. I buried my face in his shoulder with a loud sob as I came.

He held me there against the wall as we both panted into each other's shoulders. Then he moved, pulling quickly out of me and I sobbed again. This was not supposed to hurt.

He carried me like that into the bathroom, reached in to turn on the shower with me still in his arms. Zangetsu had been on his back the entire time. He took the blade and propped it against the wall. My face was still pressed into his shoulder. My mind was spinning trying to understand my powerful reaction to what had just happened, and failing. Thinking at all seemed impossible.

When the water was just on the cool side and getting warm, he stepped in and held me under the spray until I relaxed enough to loosen my legs. He let me down, keeping a hand on me for support. I stood shaky and compliant, dazed, not acting in the least. I realized I still had boots and socks on as he knelt and took each off. Absently, I noticed trails of blood on my legs being washed away, red staining the socks tossed aside. He washed me more gently than before, using healing kido as he went. I stepped to the side in a daze and stared at the floor as he peeled off his wet clothes and washed his body.

Should I be surprised that I could find enjoyment in such savagery? It wasn't exactly an enjoyment of pain, and it certainly wasn't something I thought I needed or would seek out on a regular basis. I could accept that some pain could enhance pleasure in the right circumstances, but I wasn't drawn to it.

It was more about the fight, the dominance, the clear statement, 'I need this and you are going to give it to me.' If that had come from anyone else, or if he had used that approach with me the first time, I would have raged against it, ripped my assailant apart, never complied or respected such a demand. Was it that I trusted Kurosaki? Surely not, I had only known him a short time and in the worst possible circumstances. I couldn't really be sure that he would hot hurt me. In fact, he had hurt me greatly already. But if I did not trust him, would I have allowed him to treat me like that without making him pay every step of the way?

If I had sincerely cried out and begged him to stop, would he have done so? No, I trusted his heart, not his actions. He would not have stopped, but I knew why he had done this to me. He was wrong, so very wrong, but I knew what his broken mind had hoped to achieve. I may be the only person in existence who could acknowledge why he would do such a terrible thing, and accept it, and still trust.

I trusted him with my life, my body, my honor.

I looked up at him in shock. Yes, I wanted him. I intended to fall in love with him and spend his life and afterlife chained to him. But it was nevertheless the greatest revelation in my life to look around my little fortress, to look at the high barriers of ice I had erected between myself and the rest of the world, and see him casually standing there on my side of the wall.

 


	12. Chapter 12

_No, no, no! What have I done? Played right into Aizen's hands again, that's what I've done. Ruined everything, shattered the light at the center of my universe, that's what I've done._

Toshiro was staring at me, standing in the corner of the shower with his arms wrapped around his chest. His eyes were wide and frightened, his body trembling with each exhale. Maybe he was still weeping, tears hidden by the water dripping from his hair.

_There had been blood._

It was so much worse than if I had raped him from the beginning. Then he had expected it, he had been ready to fight it. Instead I had lured him into trusting me, I had told him that I loved him, then betrayed him in the worst way possible.

_There is no coming back from this._

I turned my face into the water to hide my own tears. He shouldn't have to endure my grief, the selfish, false, and shallow sorrow of a monster playing the part of victim. The very thought was disgusting. An awe-inspiring love had been within my grasp, and I had trampled it into dust. And I had committed this atrocity to satisfy a man I hated to my very core. Shiro would get his wish. I would get Toshiro out of here and I would stay and slaughter them all.

Gathering my will, I shut off the water and stepped out, grabbing a pair of towels. I held one out toward Toshiro, still in the shower, and his entire body flinched away from me. I tossed the towel toward him, walking away. Before he even left the shower, I was gone, walking back to my quarters with a towel around my waist, Zangetsu in hand, leaving wet footprints behind.

I needed to act normal. No big fights unless someone came looking for me. No running out for a second hunt. So, I would just return to my rooms. Eat, sleep, and try not to think about what I had destroyed. Tonight, I would go to him, and if he could stand my presence I would tell him that he would be free of me. Tomorrow it would all be over. Toshiro would never have to see me again unless I survived. If I did, I would bring him Aizen's head and my own.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Dressed and as ready as I could be for whatever would be thrown at me next, I curled up in the chair with Hyorinmaru next to me. Staring pointlessly at a book I had no intention of reading, I was getting more and more furious with every minute that passed. How dare he just leave? How dare he fall into such an obvious trap in the first place? How dare he not trust me when I had given him everything?

I could feel Hyorinmaru tugging for my attention. If I didn't answer him soon he would simply yank my subconscious into my inner world, which always left me with a blinding migraine. I let my awareness shift and walked into another storm. The dragon waited for me on a plain of snow-covered ice, eyeing the sky balefully.

_Master, your soul has not been this troubled since we parted ways with Kusaka._

_Great, bring that up. And 'parted ways?' What the fuck does that mean? If you have nothing useful to add I'll be leaving now._

A bone-rattling growl warned me to tread a little more carefully, but I was in no mood for careful.

_Your new friendship is causing you great suffering. Why do you not sever ties?_

_You know everything that has happened, Hyorinmaru. You know I can't give up on Kurosaki._

_Not 'I can't give up_ **_**on** _ ** **** _Kurosaki,' rather 'I can't give up Kurosaki.' You love him, young one._

_No. I thought I might someday, but I do not love him._

_You are trying to lie to your own soul. You will hurt yourself worse than he has hurt you if you continue._

I was silent at that, and as angry as I had ever been at myself, at Kurosaki, at the world. With a heavy sigh, I tried to let some of the rage go.

_How could it even be possible for me to love him? Every good moment is countered by abuse and fear, any feelings like love must be delusions created to protect myself. It is not real._

_If you must reason this out, then ask yourself why you have never chosen a partner before now._

_Because I did not want the emotional burden. The time and consideration one must give to a lover also would have hindered me in my goals. There are so many reasons, Hyorinmaru, and they are all still valid._

_Yet you considered forming a relationship several times. Each time the prospective partner was found lacking. This one was too weak and would be a liability. That one was too needy and would require time._

_What is your point?_

_You have been searching for a long time for one person with sufficient courage, power, loyalty, independence, and intelligence to stand beside you instead of behind you. If that was not enough, such a man or woman must also love you in a way that would not hold you back._

_Such people do not exist._

_But they do. You may not have found solace in this life, young master. But your soul has known the greatest of loves. It remembers. You should not be surprised to fall in love so quickly. An impossibly high standard has been met._

_A high standard? He is damaged so badly. He is human, mortal. He is a child, a possessive, temperamental, irrational child. Oh, and let us not forget, he is completely insane._

_Nothing that cannot be resolved. You will be the making of him._

_It is not possible to think rationally around him. Without even trying, he twists my emotions until I can no longer trust myself. This is not to be borne. If this is what love does to a person, I do not want any part of it._

_Another lie. It will not always be so painful. The bonds you forge in this adversity will be stronger than steel._

_That will only be possible if we survive this adversity first. Aizen is a step ahead of us._

_I do not believe that. Such a tainted soul cannot comprehend what has happened between you and Kurosaki. He will not predict your actions correctly, because he will not understand your motives._

How could I deny it, any of it? It seemed impossible, but that damned idiot had found a way in through the cracks in my defenses. He was so close to being the partner I had always dreamed of. I sighed.

_You could be right. You usually are._

A sound between a hum and an avalanche came from the dragon, his rarely heard laughter. I wasn't just saying he was right about Aizen, I was acknowledging that he was right about my feelings for Kurosaki, and that was all the apology he needed for my rudeness.

_You should tell him. He will need a reason to live._

_I should kill him. Save us all a lot of trouble._

_No matter the outcome, I am happy for you. It is taking great effort to save him, but your chosen is a rare man indeed._

I was astonished that he would say such a thing. Also, quite relieved. Hyorinmaru was my wiser self, the part of me not clouded by the often deceitful nature of emotion and sentiment, the part of me that knew no fear of the past or of the future. With the dragon's blessing, how could I deny the nature of my growing attachment to Kurosaki?

_You are growing soft, old dragon._

_Perhaps I always have been, and you are only now wise enough to see it, young one._

I chuckled and rested a hand on the icy scales. There was another matter that had been troubling me.

_Hyorinmaru, you have spoken in the past to Hinamori's Tobiume, and to Matsumoto's Heineko. Have you ever spoken with Kurosaki's Zangetsu?_

_No. I have not._

_Would you find such a thing distasteful?_

_It is not common, and despite growing soft I still harbor anger toward your chosen for the harm he has caused. Do you wish me to try to contact Zangetsu?_

_If it is possible, yes._

_And what would you wish me to say or ask?_

_I am not sure. The first thing Aizen did was take you from me, physically and by sealing. He never took Zangetsu from Kurosaki. Aizen worked to strengthen Kurosaki's Hollow. Having Zangetsu sealed surely would have helped make the Hollow more dominant, yet he did not do it. And as the Hollow gained power, so did Kurosaki. One would expect that relationship to be a balance, and therefore Kurosaki would become weaker or be subjugated entirely._

The dragon hummed.

_An interesting line of thought, and troubling. Zangetsu may be too weak now to respond if the Hollow does not cooperate. I will make an effort to learn what I can._

_Thank you. And I am grateful for your counsel, as always._

I left Hyorinmaru under slightly less stormy skies, marveling at the changes in our soul.

Much calmer, I was able to pay attention and was soon absorbed in a beautifully written story of a burgeoning friendship between a young man and older recluse with sad secrets. Maybe a bit too close to home.

I glared at the door with renewed anger only to see Kurosaki's Arrancar bringing in dinner. If he wondered why I looked as if I was about to kill him, he didn't show it. I returned to the novel but stayed aware of him. He sat the tray down and started gathering laundry. Kurosaki had even left our boots in the shower, and I heard some disgruntled mumbles as he gathered up the soaking clothes.

On his way back out he bent to pick up the tattered remains of my clothes near the door, stained with blood. I could just see him looking at me, but he didn't say anything, so whether he was tempted to offer sympathy or mockery I never would know. After a moment, he gathered the rest and left. I set the book aside and went to the table. With no appetite, I made myself eat enough to delay hunger for the night, and took a cup of tea with me as I returned to my chair.

The Arrancar delivered more clothing. Before he left with the tray he brought the pot over and refilled my teacup. I was surprised but did not acknowledge the gesture. When he was gone I sighed. If Kurosaki was going to be a coward, there was no need for me to wait up for him. So I climbed into bed, resting Hyorinmaru between the bed and the nightstand. After lying awake for what felt like another hour, I let my eyes close.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Toshiro had been asleep, though he woke as I opened the door. I approached the bed as he sat up, tucking his feet to the side. I would miss the way he always seemed to make his small body even more compact, curling and folding himself into a perfectly balanced sculpture. I would miss so very much about him, though nothing more than the stability, the sanity that his presence granted me. Soon he would be gone, and I dreaded the shattering of my mind that would follow.

Raising the barrier, I finally looked at him directly. He did not look angry, or frightened. He was completely hidden behind that mask of impassivity, waiting to see what I would do. I moved very slowly, watching for any sign that I should stop or leave. I sat on the bed cross legged facing him, and still he just sat relaxed.

"In the morning, we will go to Ashido, and if he's ready to remove the cuffs you will be leaving."

The mask was discarded in a flash. His eyes narrowed to slits and the temperature dropped. His voice shook as he hissed at me, "Impossible that the first words out of your mouth are not a plea for forgiveness. How dare you?"

I flinched. Even though I had steeled myself for this, his anger and pain were a stab to the heart.

"I told you I would not ask for forgiveness. How could what I did be forgiven?"

"It can't," he snapped and I flinched again. "Now tell me what the fuck was going through your head."

"When we were at the arena, Aizen and Ichimaru said some things . . . I know he at least suspects that I've been lying, that I either have feelings for you or that I'm protecting you somehow. Then I sensed him watching us. I know how badly I hurt you. It was the only way I could think of to throw him off."

My voice was almost a whisper by the time I finished. It hurt to speak. When I listened to my words, my reasoning did not even make sense to myself. It was pathetic, a flimsy excuse for setting loose the evil within me on the one I loved. Only hours ago, I had felt nearly whole, nearly sane. One conversation with Aizen and everything was fractured again.

"You are sorry for what? For fucking me up against a wall while Aizen watched? You think that's what you should be begging forgiveness for?"

I looked at him, confused and desperate to catch up with what he was thinking. This wasn't going as expected, not even close. He sighed, head falling and hand rubbing the bridge of his nose. His voice became flat, emotionless.

"Why could you not trust me? Why would you not discuss your fears with me before deciding that such a thing was necessary?"

Oh, shit. I had been wrapped up in what I had done to him physically. I knew I had violated his trust in the sense that I had taken him violently without permission, raped him. I knew quite well the emotional damage that can create. But this was Hitsugaya Toshiro. All the things I had thought would hurt him were nothing. But that I had acted without consulting him was the violation that he could not forgive, and I had barely thought of it. Now that I did, I could see that I would react the same way.

"Toshiro . . . I didn't think. I panicked." _Kinda like I'm panicking now._ "I did the only thing I could think to do. I do trust you."

"No. You do not. And that must change if we are to have any future together. If you don't see me as an equal, this will never work. You have been making decisions alone, never having had anyone strong enough for you to rely on. That ends now or we part ways in Soul Society and never speak again. Tell me that you hear me."

_Future together?_

"I hear you. Oh, god, I thought I just hurt you . . . emotionally, physically. I hated myself for that. But I did so much worse, didn't I?"

He didn't reply. He didn't need to. All of the grief I had spent hours trying to kill came back to life.

"Toshiro. I . . . it didn't even occur to me. Please . . . please, just don't . . . please don't. . ."

Cool hands wiped tears from my cheeks. His face was stern, but his eyes were warm and understanding. How? How could he even look at me, let alone with such sympathy?

"Don't what? Hate you? Give up on you? Does it seem like I'm about to do either? But you must make an effort. Remember who and what I am. Rely on me. Trust me. Do not leave me in the dark again. Do not shut me out. Can you try?"

I nodded while I tried to speak around the lump in my throat. "Yes. That's what I want, too. More than anything."

He scooted even closer, stood on his knees and kissed my forehead. "I am glad to hear it."

I took a deep breath. I thought about hiding the truth, but he had just made it clear that my lack of trust in him was unacceptable. So even though it might once again ruin everything, I had to let him know of my shame.

"There is something else you have to know. When I took you . . . forced you . . . I will never do anything even close to that again. But you should know . . . some sick part of me . . . enjoyed it."

"In case you didn't notice, so did I." I was stunned. "I tried to let you know that I knew what you were doing. I understood then what you were thinking, and I knew you were wrong. But you never gave me the chance to tell you that it didn't need to happen that way. Which brings us back to my original complaint."

I simply stared at him, mouth hanging open, unable to form a coherent thought.

"Honestly, Ichigo. I had my power and Hyorinmaru was in my hand. Your guard was completely down. You would still be frozen solid if  _I_ didn't trust  _you_. And you are wrong. Aizen isn't one step ahead of us. He is blind to the truths he cannot understand. Hyorinmaru agrees with me, well he pointed it out actually. We are going to leave here tomorrow and there is nothing that son of a bitch can do about it."

I was starting to feel that I would never catch up. Each time I caught my balance on this emotional roller-coaster, Toshiro added another loop.

"I don't understand. What is he blind to?"

"Aizen enjoys playing on emotions, perhaps because he does not understand them. He considers them only a weakness to be exploited, and cannot see that any strength could come from relying on others. He has manipulated you by twisting your emotions, forcing you to make bad decisions for good reasons. Just like you told me you would do to me.

“Don't you see? He was toying with you. You said yourself that he still forces you to do things you hate. He's still breaking you. With a few well-chosen words, he had you willing to display all of the violence you are capable of for his enjoyment. You keep trying to convince him that you have no real emotions left. You do not need to. He doesn't understand, and he never will. He may see betrayal coming, but not like this. Not an escape instead of vengeance, not for my sake."

He really believed it. And so would I.

"I can't say I follow all of your reasoning . . ."

"Get used to it."

". . . but I agree that we are going to get away with this. And soon if Ashido comes through."

Toshiro smiled. It was a small thing, just a softening of the lips. But it made a huge impact on me. I feared I might have killed that smile forever.

"Toshiro, not that I'm not grateful, but how can you possibly be giving me another chance? Aren't you afraid I'll just betray you again?"

"Sometimes it seems I have lived many centuries instead of such a short time. I have seen true betrayal, and I have lost more than you can imagine to the vanity, greed, and treachery that plagues human nature even in the afterlife. You are very young, and you have been forced to bear far more than your years have prepared you for. What you are calling betrayal, I call a serious error in judgment. One that can be rectified.

"And here is your first opportunity to show that you trust me. If all three of us make it through to Soul Society, keep that brash mouth of yours shut and let me do the talking. If I fail to at least buy us time to make our case, then you can do as you like."

"That sounds like a plan. I'm honestly expecting the old man to order my execution the second he sees me. And now with Grimm . . . you're going to have to talk fast."

I couldn't believe we were talking about this, that we were talking at all. Toshiro was sitting close to me, one hand resting on my knee, discussing our future. Would wonders never cease?

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I wondered if Kurosaki was starting to suspect it yet, that I was the one slowly breaking him instead of the other way around. As Hyorinmaru had said, it was requiring a great deal of effort. I would acquire more scars along the way. But I would tear through the damage that had been done to him, reopen his wounds and heal them properly.

One day I would witness him standing proud and powerful beyond belief, and on that day I could forgive myself for turning my back on him. He would no longer need me, but if I did my job well the demigod that was born from this tragedy would have my name etched on his heart.

"I need to know what you want."

"What?"

"If I get the sotaicho to hear me out, what is it that you want? To return to your human life and leave all of this behind? To fight with us in the war against Aizen as a substitute Shinigami? To join the Gotei 13? What are your negotiation points?"

"What I do next is for you to say, Toshiro."

_That is exactly right, Kurosaki._

"Humor me."

"For the longest time, I wouldn't let myself really think about what I would do if I were free. I was pretty sure I'd die here, trying to kill that bastard. I don't know if I can go back to Karakura. I want to see my family, but it was already hard to keep being, well, human. Now, I don't think it's possible."

He was right. His power had doubled at least in 11 weeks. He was so far beyond his friends now that they couldn't possibly stay at his side. And he would never tell his family and friends what happened here. It would be one more lie between them, one more thing they could never understand, one more layer for the wall separating him from everything and everyone. And unless his reiatsu was sealed or even destroyed, it may not even be safe for him to remain in the world of the living. It was bad enough with Urahara and his band of exiles influencing Karakura, a power like Kurosaki's could warp the very fabric of the world around it. Some said it already had.

"Are you sure? You have a lot of time to heal and build a life."

"What life? Sit and listen to lectures about art and science when I've lived through hell? Go to frat parties while wars are being fought to save souls and entire worlds? Maybe I could be a doctor like my old man. And if I lost a patient I wouldn't worry about whether they became a Hollow. That's what Shinigami are for, right? I could get married, have some kids and raise them knowing they could be eaten by a Hollow while I watch television. Or worse, they could inherit powers that would bring them misery."

So bitter already. But then what was I like before Seireitei? Tormented by my own power, hated by nearly everyone and learning to hate in return.

"Then joining the Gotei is an option?"

It had better be. Just like a kid with untamed power and freakish eyes and hair, Seireitei was the only place he could have some semblance of friendship, equality and respect without every single person fearing him.

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"It will be a bargaining chip then, only used if there is no other way forward. I would rather we agree to much less. I believe the sotaicho will be willing to let you return to being a substitute with your commitment to fight with us against Aizen, and any information you have that can be used against the traitors. That way, should you choose to join the Gotei officially you can name your own terms in a separate negotiation. Preferably after you are the hero of the war."

He was staring at me, and I half expected him to call me sexy. But he was obviously still unsure, unwilling to reach for me or tease me because of guilt. It would take some time for him to believe that I would always be there, always be an anchor for him. I would never again turn him away, never refuse to help, and never put anything else before him. But at that moment, he still expected me to do what almost anyone would, blame, hate, even destroy.

Hyorinmaru was right again, I would have to let him know, give him a reason to trust me when his faith had been so utterly destroyed. But it was difficult. Even if I had admitted it to myself, telling him that he had my heart was nothing short of terrifying.

"And is that what you want me to do, Toshiro?" he asked quietly.

"Not exactly, but you would quickly become bored waiting naked in my bed all day, every day. I am a practical person, Ichigo, and capable of seeing beyond my own selfish whims. So, I do think it will be best to give you something to do while I'm working. Whether it's live out a human life or captain a division, well, you can decide that part."

He looked like I had hit him over the head particularly hard, and he sputtered trying to find something to say. I found the response hysterical but just cocked an eyebrow at him without cracking a smile.

"So, your true colors are revealed, Hitsugaya-taicho. I'm to go from being Aizen's slave to yours."

_Oh, Kurosaki, you should not tempt me._

"Complaints?"

He grinned and finally reached out to put his hand on my cheek. "Never."

I leaned in and we shared a slow, tender kiss.

"So you're calling me Ichigo now?"

"I really do like the sound of Kurosaki. But it seems more appropriate to call one's lover by their given name."

"Lover? I like the sound of that. And I can keep calling you Toshiro without getting yelled at?"

That would be a bit irritating. Okay, very irritating. Not to mention distracting. But it would make him very happy, and I hadn't had the authority to insist on a title lately so I was becoming accustomed to hearing my name in his voice. It would also serve notice to any Shinigami that heard him address me as Toshiro, his own personal claiming mark.

He was holding his breath.

"If you could try to use my title in appropriate circumstances, I would do the same. But yes, for you I am Toshiro."

We kissed again. One kiss became two and then three and I was just about to climb into his lap when he broke off.

"You know, we've done everything in the wrong order. You don't even know if you can stand being around me. What if we're not compatible at all?"

I scoffed. "Compatible? So, if I don't like your favorite song and you don't like long walks in the snow then we can't be together?"

He blinked, back to looking clueless. "Well, maybe not that extreme."

"The ways humans judge their relationships leads to such heartache. What is important to you? That we share fleeting likes and dislikes, or that we respect and admire the qualities we see in one another, that each of us strives to be better for the sake of the other? We are talking about a relationship that could stand the test of centuries, Ichigo."

He looked dazed for a moment by the thought of centuries, but then sobered.

"Or about 60 years. They say no one remembers their past when they die."

"Your case is unique. No one can say for certain, but it's likely you will simply fall into Seireitei like some great orange comet of calamity with Zangetsu and your memories intact. But even if you remember nothing at first, do you honestly think I will let the man I love forget me for long?"

"The . . . man you . . . ?"

I smirked, "Love. That would be you, in case you were wondering."

_Goodbye, heart._

There was that smile, the one that lit the sky and set my heart racing. Into his lap I went, hands in his hair. I kissed that smile, and that long, straight nose, and each soft eyelid, and each cheek still salty with dried tears while he grinned like the madman he was and ran his hands down my back to caress my hips and waist. It felt like a rediscovery, like everything was new and untouched. All of this just because I could now admit to myself that I was in love with an obnoxious, reckless, and marvelous idiot.

Our attempts at deeper kisses kept getting interrupted with laughter. He would start chuckling and I would snicker back as we both lost ourselves in the wonder of it all. Hyorinmaru was right, Aizen would never be able to comprehend this. Few people would. My heart given to him, I would sacrifice anything for his sake, and walk boldly into Hell if it meant I could hold his hand as I burned.

I sucked and bit my way down his neck and along his shoulder while I pushed off his jacket. My hands sought out the muscles over his shoulder blades, rippling deliciously as he shrugged the cloth away. I leaned back to simply look at him, that swimmer's build with long muscles toned perfectly and somehow evenly bronzed all over.

In a teasing but husky voice he asked, "See something you like, Toshiro?"

"Mmmmm," was the only response I could possibly manage, eyes slowly wandering up his long neck to the face that had become so important to me, so beautiful. His breath hitched when my eyes finally met his, and his lips came to mine with no teasing, no laughter, just heat and desire. I moaned into his mouth and pushed my body as close to his as possible, my tightly controlled reiatsu slipping a little and making our skin shiver at the contact.

He pushed his hands between us to untie and remove my robe. Fingers went to the waistband of my boxers and I stood on my knees as he pushed them down, lifting one leg, then the other. We broke out in laughter again as his hands, my legs and the cloth all got tangled and I fell sideways as he pulled my leg out from underneath me.

"Taking underwear off is an art form, Ichigo."

"Guess I'll just need lots of practice, my love," and he moved to push me onto my back. "My turn."

He knelt above me and didn't touch at first, just gazed with dilated eyes, mouth slightly open and lips turned up at the corners. I could feel myself blushing as his eyes moved possessively over every inch of my body, with a glint of adoration. How could just a look convey so much emotion?

Then he placed his right hand above my chest. Slowly he released reiatsu, mirroring what I had done to him before. His fingers grazed and then petted down the length of body. I gasped, one hand grabbing at his shoulder while the other twisted a handful of sheets. He stretched far to one side to reach for the nightstand and the lube. I ran one reiatsu-charged hand down the taunt muscles stretched along his side and the arm supporting him shook and collapsed, his body falling half onto mine as I laughed at him.

I had his sash untied before he lifted himself off me, in haste to have him naked and closer, so much closer. He removed his clothes, not quite as awkwardly as he had removed mine. My legs parted to welcome him when he knelt back down and planted kisses along my stomach. Slick fingers teased and I lifted my hips as he pushed inside carefully, reverently.

We slowed back down. His mouth explored my body gently, with light kisses and firm licks. I ran my hands through his hair and over his shoulders, expressing my appreciation by sighing his name, enjoying the shudder that ran through him. He kissed me as the second finger entered, and I tried to reach every part of his mouth with my tongue, mapping it out and learning that he enjoyed the tip of my tongue sliding where the roof of his mouth met the backs of his teeth. And I thought it was particularly delightful when he sucked on my tongue lightly or pet the roof of my mouth.

So wrapped up in the kiss, I bit his tongue when his fingers brushed my prostate. He grinned as I cried out and pushed against his hand.

"God, just look at you, my gorgeous love."

I could only moan again in response as his fingers stroked and teased. Then his tongue was pressed flat against my straining cock and I was fighting just to hang on, to make it last a little longer.

_What do you know? I do know how to writhe._

Thankfully he had stopped rubbing that wonderfully sensitive area, though the flexing of his fingers was bad enough. He licked and nipped at the head of my erection. I started clawing at the sheets. When the warm heat of his mouth enveloped me, I thrust my hips up and this time he didn't hold me down. He took me all the way into his mouth, right into the back of his throat. I nearly lost my mind. He was allowing me to fuck his mouth while his fingers fucked me. And it was _Heaven_.

My hands buried themselves in orange hair. He slipped his fingers out of me when he felt that I was close. I shouted his name, and couldn't help but thrust hard into his mouth as I came and he sucked me dry. My hands fell away from his hair and he kissed at the insides of my thighs lovingly.

To think, just a few days ago I had never experienced this bliss. Now I couldn't get enough of it, of him.

"That . . . should be illegal."

He snickered, "Pretty sure it is in many countries, love."

I propped myself on my elbows and looked down at him. Not that I minded getting all of the attention, but surely he needed, wanted to fuck me. Was he wallowing in guilt again?

"Poor boy, holding back for me. What are you waiting for?"

He bit my thigh as he looked up at me, eyes dark with lust. I smiled and laid back as he moved. He lifted my knees and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I liked it this way, when he bent over me close enough for me to reach his face and shoulders, not that I'd found a way yet that I didn't like.

I growled a little at how slowly he pushed into me. But he was still thinking about how he had hurt me, and if he needed to go slow I would try to let him, if I could hold back. It was good in its way, but I knew enough now to know the thrill of that first thrust was best with just a bit of force.

_Stop thinking, Toshiro, just look at him._

Ichigo never disappointed. Every time he entered me he did so with the expression of a zealot worshiping at the feet of his god. Even that first time, when he was trying to hide the truth from me. Even that last time, when we were both in so much pain, his love was written on every line of his face.

I smiled widely and gently pushed my heels into him, just a suggestion instead of a demand. He did as I asked, thrusting the last few inches and I tossed my head back with a loud moan as my entire body shook with the shock and the ecstasy. Just right.

He held still for a moment, and then we fell into an easy rhythm. This was new, the first time he had set such a slow pace, pausing each time to let me feel us completely joined. The long, firm strokes were all about sensation, and it was delightful, tender and very intense. He bent all the way down and our tongues matched the leisurely flow.

It seemed like we could continue forever, but the heat and the scraping of skin on skin was gradually pushing both of us toward climax, and he had been holding back this entire time. He straightened a little, a pained look flashing across his face as he fought to continue the slow, sensual dance.

"Ichigo," I pushed against him a little harder, "please . . ."

I clenched my muscles around his length to get the point across. He groaned and picked up the pace, with my movements guiding him a little faster at each thrust.

Suddenly he reached back and grabbed my ankles, pulling my legs apart and up, setting my feet on his shoulders. Bending forward again, he was that much closer, and that small distance made it feel so much deeper. Both hands clutched my hips as he combined his movements with pushing my hips away and pulling me toward him again. He was hitting just the right spot inside me, and pushing in even deeper still. It was agonizing and perfect and I shouted until all I could do was pant with my eyes squeezed shut.

When I came I must have locked every muscle in my body with bruising strength and I heard him yell my name. He was only a stroke behind me and we were both struggling to breathe through the final moves of the dance. As my legs moved back down, at least I think they did, I could barely feel them, I reached blindly for him. Even though I could not hold it long as I fought for air, I had to pull his head down and kiss him. I had to feel his lips on mine before I could relax.

In what was quickly becoming a favorite routine, he gathered me up and rolled so that I was sprawled on top of him, boneless and sated. After a minute, he cast his hand out, searching the bed blindly. He found my discarded robe and used one hand to push me up, I didn't help at all, just a dead weight against his hand. He swiped the robe between us, and then I was mildly appalled when he wiped my ass. I could feel my face get beet red, though how I could be embarrassed about anything while lying naked on top of a naked man that had just fucked me, I'll never understand.

"There," he said happily as he tossed the robe away, "now you can stay a while."

Throwing shame to the wind, my snickering broke into an outright fit of laughter, still lying limp on top of him. He started laughing, too, wrapping his arms around me. In a way, this was even more glorious than sex. I had never shared so much with another person, never exposed so much of my embarrassment, my pleasure, my laughter, or my sorrow. It was liberating, and terrifying.

Eventually the need to breathe forced me to calm down and I put in the least amount of effort possible to shift my weight onto the most comfortable contours of his body, giving him a little kiss on the chest before my cheek found the perfect place on one smooth pectoral muscle. As our bodies cooled he found a way to pull the blanket over us without dislodging me, but I was already half asleep, lulled by his deep breathing, his strong heartbeat, and the gentle hand stroking my back.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Even though I was pleasantly exhausted and as comfortable as a man could be, it took a long time for sleep to come. I rubbed the back of the man I loved as I thought about the series of disasters and miracles that had brought us to this moment. And the man who loved me kept me warm and still as his heartbeat slowed against my ribs.

_The man who loves me. Hitsugaya Toshiro loves me._

Knowing this, I found renewed hope and an almost drunken eagerness to see another day, another week, and another year. I would regret dying now, though only hours ago killing and death had been my foremost desires. I needed to enshrine this lesson in my heart. Despair can not only be defeated, but completely banished.

_Never again give up hope, because another hour may bring the greatest joy you could imagine._

My family and my friends were all but lost to me now. I knew that even if I tried to find ways around it. Too much had happened, it was as if I had lived another life as a human and had already died. A new life had begun, one that didn't include any of them. One that was too filled with blood and violence to include any of them.

Trying to stand strong with my loved ones around me had failed. The very power I sought to protect them had made them targets, and those who wanted to use me learned quickly that the weaker ones near me were the chains that could hold me down. And now it would be worse. With both myself and my Hollow so much stronger, we would be a danger to everything around us. Aizen and others like him would never stop trying to use us or kill us.

Trying to stand alone had failed. I had gained power and skill, planned assassinations and escapes. But when the opportunity came, I didn't follow through. Instead I convinced myself that I wasn't strong enough yet, but I would be if I stayed just a little longer, and a little longer still. There were so many excuses, the safety of my sisters being the one I used most often. But it all came down to the fact that I no longer trusted myself, Aizen had succeeded in breaking my confidence. My own decisions had put me here, so how could I rely on my own decisions to save myself or anyone else?

Time to try something new. I looked down at the snowy white hair against my chest. He was strong, beyond intelligent, and he had the confidence of a natural leader enhanced by decades of experience leading a division. He never held back the truth, even if it hurt or it was something I couldn't understand, even if telling me the truth put him in danger. And he was so very kind, accepting my immense faults with unfailing grace and wisdom.

Toshiro would be my balance, and when I couldn't rely on my own judgment or courage I would rely on his. I would keep my promise and give him what remained of me to do with as he saw fit. If I failed this time, then I would know that even the love of a death god couldn't save me from myself.

_Hitsugaya Toshiro loves me._

I sighed my content and closed my eyes, the jagged voice inside my head for once blessedly silent.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

My eyes opened to a sight that would quench the thirst of the sun itself. Emerald green like the lush leaves that cool the forest. Sapphire blue of deep glacial waters under endless skies. Tiny flecks of silver moonlight bordering the bottomless pools of night sky.

"Good morning," a smooth, deep voice broke my trance.

At some point we had both moved, since I was now lying on my side with my arm draped across his chest. And I hadn't woken up. Better yet, I hadn't tried to strangle him in my sleep. I reached up to brush that one unruly lock of hair away from his eyes, just to have an excuse to run my fingers along his forehead.

"Good morning. Our last in this hellhole with any luck."

He started that stretching, twisting and flexing every muscle and I was thankful that most of him was still covered by a blanket. I was completely relaxed, feeling well rested for the first time in ages. It was still early, I couldn't sense Thiago about his morning chores. Toshiro was propped on one elbow and looking at me with an odd half smile.

"What?"

"I was just thinking of how you look in sunlight."

"Really?"

"I noticed you once, before all of this, when you weren't fighting or arguing or invading a supernatural military organization. You were just standing and looking at the sky. The way the light caught your hair, and highlighted the angles on your face, I have never forgotten how handsome I thought you were at that moment."

Toshiro had checked me out? That was news to me. I thought he never spared one thought for the insolent ryoka that he was forced to work with a few times. I preened, and he noticed the smug smile.

"And then you opened your mouth and the moment passed."

"Backpedal all you want. Doesn't change the fact that you think I'm hot."

"Of course I do. I wouldn't waste my time on you otherwise. Now, do we have a plan for the morning?"

I wanted to linger a little longer, talk about other things and just be together. But it was time to get our final few hours in Hueco Mundo behind us. I rechecked the barrier and found it as solid and strong as ever.

"I'll be leaving, we'll have breakfast separately like yesterday. If the bastard doesn't interrupt the morning, I'll come back to you for the hunt, which is our cover to see Ashido. If I have to deal with Aizen for one of his pointless meetings, it will just delay things. Morning meetings are rare, though, it's usually afternoons. Just don't be alarmed if I don't come back for a while, it means he's yapping at me about one thing or another."

"Alright, I will be ready." We could have been discussing plans to go grocery shopping for all the concern he showed. His confidence and trust were what I needed to actually move forward.

"I love you." He gave me a scowl and a little shove.

"Go on. I can't hobble into the shower like a poor abused prisoner if you don't get out of here."

I kissed him quickly, before he could shove me away again. Then I stood and stretched, deliberately making a show out of it and I heard a little choking noise from the bed. Revenge was sweet. I went to get a robe, collected my boots since my other pair were still drying, and dropped the barrier as I left.

Clean and dressed, my last breakfast in Las Noches, or so I sincerely hoped, was enjoyed on the balcony. I didn't have to try to hide my good mood. I had a lot of experience using an angry scowl that was a lot like Toshiro's and my default expression was somewhere between pissed off and murderous. Thiago did almost earn a smile from me when he showed up with the green sash Toshiro used to secure his zanpakuto. I had ordered him to find it, and he was more resourceful than he looked. Whoever had snatched this trophy was probably terrified when Cero's fraccion tracked them down.

I waited around a little while to make sure no summons was going to ruin my morning, then grabbed Zangetsu and went to fetch my hunting partners. Toshiro was ready, reading a book again but dropping it to stand with eyes down. Soon, soon he could stop this. It wasn't right for a man like him to look so defeated.

When I walked up and snatched his sword from where it leaned against the chair, his arm twitched and I knew he had to fight the impulse to stop me from touching his zanpakuto. I held it out to him, along with the green sash with its starburst clasp. It had a couple of small rips and a scattering of bloodstains, but he quickly secured it to the sheath and shortly Hyorinmaru was back where he belonged.

"That's better. Now you won't slow me down on the hunt. Ready to go for a run, pet?"

"Yes, Kurosaki-sama."

Okay, I might miss that just a little. And I'd miss the well fit custom uniform. Soul Society's shihakusho were baggy and unflattering, especially on Toshiro's small frame. I mean, who would have guessed what a handsome, lean body was hiding in those robes. On second thought, he could keep wearing that potato sack of an outfit.

He followed me toward the gate, and I didn't see Grimm anywhere. But then I caught his reiatsu outside Las Noches, alone. Just outside the gate I jumped straight into a fast shunpo, Toshiro followed just as quickly. Grimm caught up to us within a few steps. I headed for a Hollow colony I'd already identified which would take about a half an hour to reach at this pace. Just over half way to the colony I stopped and the other two halted nearby. Grimm immediately closed his eyes and went still. I knew what he was doing, and I scanned in my more limited way. Grimm opened his eyes and I looked at him.

"Nothin' all the way back to Las Noches, all the way out to a colony straight ahead."

"Good." I put up a barrier anyway. "No turning back after this, Grimm, it's go with us or die. You staying?"

"I'm in. I'm done with this shit."

I looked at Toshiro who hadn't taken his eyes of Grimmjow the entire time. He glanced at me with a cocked eyebrow, skeptical but willing to risk it.

"You know the Shinigami ghost?"

"Once chased the bastard for three days, never got within 100 feet."

Toshiro raised both brows at that. Ashido was going to have a new kind of hunter on his heels soon. Toshiro was going to get him into the 10th if it took an army to drag him back to Seireitei.

"We're going to see him. He doesn't know you are coming so don't spook him. He can get these cuffs off and then there is nothing stopping us from just walking out of here. We're meeting outside of his territory first, no need to lead the enemy right to him."

"Sounds too easy."

"Until I'm sure Aizen isn't standing right behind me, nothing is easy."

Toshiro spoke up, moving toward Grimm. "Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, I understand that Kurosaki has offered you my assistance in securing asylum within Soul Society."

"Shit, do all the Shinigami talk like that? You mean I want to hide out at your place so your loose cannon doesn't come after me, then yeah, that sounds about right."

I could just hear Toshiro cursing his luck at getting another rude hothead to deal with.

"I'll dumb it down for you, Espada. One wrong move and I'll happily gut you. When we get to Soul Society you will surrender and you will be imprisoned. You will not lift one finger to harm or resist. Don't fuck this up and I will do my best to get you what you want."

"Damn, Ichigo, your pet's got some fangs! Alright, Shinigami. I know what I signed up for. But if I end up in a cell too long, I'll find a way out and come after you for selling me out."

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho. If you don't show respect to the captains, they will lock you up or kill you no matter what I say. I have made you no promises."

I was thoroughly enjoying this exchange, but I could see Grimm was having second thoughts about walking willingly into a Shinigami prison with no release date.

"Take it or leave it, Grimm. I want you as an ally, so does Hitsugaya-taicho. It's a risk, and it's up to you if you want to take it." I left unvoiced that we'd have to kill him if he turned us down now. He was stuck, but he could still walk forward on his own. It had been his idea, after all.

"It's a deal then, taicho. And if you get me a chance to fight in the war, I'll make it worth your while."

Toshiro nodded sharply and then looked to me.

"One last thing." I put a hand on Toshiro's neck. "No need to cause additional questions."

He blushed slightly as I erased the bruises and marks. I took down the barrier and all three of us scanned again, looking for any sign that we were followed or watched. Nothing.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

This Espada wasn't inspiring any trust. But at least he had some guts. I could hardly fault him for trying to get out from underneath three of his lifelong enemies, even if it meant an alliance with more of the same. Sometimes you only have a choice between two evils.

Kurosaki led the way to an underground cavern that was an entire world unto itself. The surface sands, especially close to Las Noches, were almost devoid of Hollow activity. Down here the Hollows were everywhere. As we skirted along the edges of the cavern I could not see the other side. The open area grew so large that a forest of dead, crystalline trees filled the space. Hollows large and small flitted through the branches and hid behind the trunks as the occasional Gillian lumbered past. All of this I saw in the brief flashes between steps as we sped through.

Kurosaki stopped us twice, trying to sense Kano Ashido or something else I did not know of. We came to a smaller side cavern, still large enough for smaller trees and a dark lake. On a ledge over the lake I sensed a Shinigami presence. Kurosaki suddenly grabbed Grimmjow's right arm as a figure appeared behind Grimmjow and leveled a zanpakuto at the Espada's throat.

"Be still, Grimm," Kurosaki hissed, and he raised a barrier once more.

I crossed my arms and watched, seeing no reason to complicate things. This was obviously Kano, though the Hollow mask and skins had given me a moment's doubt.

"Ashido, I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to let you know about him. He's helping us escape and coming with us. He's not an enemy."

The blade did not move. His voice echoed behind the mask. "Sad days when captains sit on thrones in Hueco Mundo and Hollows are welcomed in Soul Society. Taicho?"

Interesting that he didn't question my identity. With no haori, dressed like an Espada, and my appearance that made people question my authority even with proper introductions, I had expected disbelief that I was a captain at all. He must be quite good at judging reiatsu.

"Kano Ashido, I am Hitsugaya Toshiro, captain of the 10th Division. I have made an agreement with this Hollow. For now, he is an ally against a greater enemy."

He hissed and moved the blade away but did not sheathe it. My estimate of him went up another notch. He had discipline and respect, even after so long alone. But he also respected his own opinion and did not completely yield his caution just on my word. An officer worth having, and I would.

With a warning glare, Kurosaki let Grimmjow go. The Espada turned slowly to look Kano over with an air of disdain, but he kept silent.

"You are ready, Kurosaki-san?"

"Can you remove Hitsugaya-taicho's cuffs as well?"

"I can. Your plan worked."

"That is excellent news. If it can be done here and now, release Hitsugaya-taicho first."

_Idiot._

"No, Kurosaki. You're the one that we need. Jaegerjaquez can open a garganta, but he won't last a second if one of the traitors shows up and I won't either."

He chewed on that for a second, but he knew I was right. "Fine. I believe Aizen will feel it when the bond is broken, barriers or no. So be ready for anything."

I nodded, unsheathed Hyorinmaru, and saw the Espada draw his sword as well. Kano had already begun an incantation I did not recognize. Grimmjow and I had placed ourselves to keep the entire cavern under surveillance, though I could sense nothing unusual. The incantation was long one, but when it came to the end I heard the happiness in Kurosaki's voice.

"Thank you, Ashido. Are you okay?" I glanced to see Kano down on one knee, pulling his mask off to get air. It had taken a toll on him, and he would need a little recovery time before trying mine. That meant minutes of vulnerability.

I tensed. "We should move, Kurosaki."

Kano protested, "No, we can't waste time. Come closer, taicho."

I waited until Kurosaki had taken my place, and I kept Hyorinmaru in hand. Kano touched each cuff briefly and started the incantation again.

Halfway through, I sensed the incoming attack and spun around, crouching and using Hyorinmaru to deflect the tip of a sword. Shinso. I poured all my strength into my blade, but the force of the attack still pushed me back several feet, knocking Kano to the ground. I had experienced Ichimaru's strength before. He could have hit faster and much, much harder. Why would he hold back?

Kurosaki and Grimmjow were already on the move. I stayed on guard and admired Kano's concentration, the incantation nearly finished. When the cuffs unlocked I tore them off my wrists, ignoring the pain as the metal was ripped out of my flesh. I stuffed the cuffs into a pocket as a gift for Kurotsuchi.

"Kano, I am greatly in your debt. But if you do not wish to return to Soul Society with us, you must retreat quickly." I said this without looking back, my eyes locked on the combatants. Ichimaru was not alone.

Kano hesitated, and I knew he would not stay. It was a pity, and I spared him one more moment. "You know my reiatsu. If I can, I will return once the traitors have been dealt with. I would be honored to have you in my division or give my recommendation to the captain of your choice."

"Good luck to you, taicho." And he was gone.

We had to end this quickly. Kurosaki had Ichimaru on the defensive and I saw blood on his arm and torso, though the snake never stopped grinning. He wasn't the type to wait for backup even if it meant death. While Kurosaki outclassed him in raw power, Ichimaru was a cunning fighter with a lot more experience and a zanpakuto that was as deceptive as he was.

Grimmjow didn't appear to be making much progress against Nnoitra, but at least the other Arrancar was staying out of the fight. I was free to set up an advanced attack, but we didn't have the time. With the release of Kurosaki's Bankai, and the release of the cuffs we would have to deal with Aizen, Tosen and the rest of the Espada at any second.

Calling on Hyorinmaru's power, I saw my opening. My blade layered with ice and reiatsu sliced right through Nnoitra's prized armored skin, I had already faced him once and I knew exactly how much power was needed to cut him. Hyorinmaru pushed up under his ribs as I whispered the command. Even an Espada couldn't survive an explosion of ice directly into their chest. Jaegerjaquez had lightning reflexes and leaped over his fellow Espada to cut down the Arrancar that had been waiting for his master, completely unprepared for the sudden turn of events. The fraccion didn't live long enough to see Nnoitra shatter like glass.

Did I care that I had sneaked into a fight that was not my own? Fuck, no. Naive concepts of fair play were for those that lost yet lived to complain.

Too late, we were too slow. Tosen had appeared out of nowhere and I stopped his sword inches shy of my face and started to push back. Jaegerjaquez started towards another Espada, a tall blonde woman with three Arrancar behind her. But they were not advancing, and another pair appeared beside them, the gruff man and small girl who had watched me fight at the arena. I shouted to Jaegerjaquez to turn him around, he was no match for them.

"Be ready with a garganta, as close to Seireitei as you can get."

I went on the offensive, pressing Tosen with a flurry of fast attacks to try to keep him from using his zanpakuto's abilities. We would need to flee quickly.

The blast of reiatsu nearly knocked me down and luckily Tosen also staggered. A glance to the side was all I could spare. Ichimaru now faced a nightmare, tall and white skinned with long orange hair. It's Hollow mask was even more frightening than most, with black streaks and forward facing horns. I had to turn back to my own opponent before getting too caught up in studying it. That was the Hollow he had warned me about. A complete loss of control, and the only advice he had against it was to run. I stifled my panic, my sheer terror for Ichigo.

I launched myself at Tosen in another flurry of attacks, my only goal to keep him from calling Bankai. I was familiar with his ability, but I wasn't sure if his Bankai would trap only the two of us or lock us in with that horrifying version of my Ichigo.

A moment of shock and I recovered, watching the battle end in a horrific bloodbath. Tosen crumpled to the ground as Shinso went through Kurosaki's shoulder, then pierced Tosen's throat and spine. Ichimaru's grin finally wavered as he clutched his side and started to fall, a gaping wound opening around Zangetsu.

I flash stepped under the blade protruding from my lover's back, catching him as Shinso retracted. Simultaneously I stopped the blood with ice on both sides of Kurosaki's wound. He had only slumped for a second, and I could see the wound closing already, pushing away the ice. The world spun when he grabbed me, claws piercing my shoulder as he screamed in my face. I was thrown across the cavern into a wall, and Jaegerjaquez came to my aid as I staggered to my feet.

Kurosaki now stood halfway between us and the group of Arrancar. Most of them had drawn weapons but were still not attacking or even advancing. Another crushing wave of reiatsu told me why. Before I lost the chance, I threw two different binding kido at Ichimaru. I could kill him easily, but his actions . . . something wasn't adding up. So I made sure he was incapacitated. Bleeding out or not, I didn't trust leaving him alive behind me.

"Jaegerjaquez, if you get the chance, grab that snake Ichimaru if he's still alive when this is over. If you know how to use any barriers, best do it now," I barked at the Espada and started incantations for a strong barrier of my own.

Aizen and Kurosaki were deceptively still, watching each other. Aizen's reiatsu was incredibly strong. The only time I had felt anything like it was on the one occasion Yamamoto had briefly demonstrated his Bankai. And there was something very odd about it, a foreign presence that I assumed was the Hogyoku.

I would have expected him not to bring it. What I knew of the thing and the clues I had gotten from Kurosaki had given me some ideas. I suspected that the cuff and the restriction of reiatsu specifically in Aizen's presence was linked to something I had read in a report after Aizen's defection. The Hogyoku, according to it's maker, would serve the strongest, and it may be that Kurosaki's strength would be enough to threaten Aizen's control. Perhaps I was about to find out. Kurosaki's reiatsu was nearly as strong as Aizen's right now.

"There you are," Aizen said with an almost pleasant air, "my true Cero. A Vasto Lorde worthy of the title. I think, after all, I will kill off the human part of you now that I see what it has been hiding."

He walked forward. The man had balls, or a complete lack of sanity. The faint, bubbling growl from Kurosaki didn't even make him hesitate.

"Do not make me kill you, my Cero. You will be my most magnificent creation, worth the loss of all others."

What other madness he meant to voice was lost. Kurosaki vanished, and my heart stopped when his reiatsu also disappeared. My reiatsu flared, searching for him. My eyes found him, above and behind Aizen, but I still couldn't sense him at all. Aizen was obviously startled as well, but not badly enough. He managed to avoid Zangetsu, flash-stepping to the side for a counter attack and instead getting kicked in the chest.

The Arrancar scattered as their master flew into the larger cavern behind them, catching his balance just in time to stop another attack. I lost sight of the fight as the two combatants became a blur of swords.

Jaegerjaquez had already rushed forward, joining a loose line of observers. The numbers had grown, three more Espada and several of their servants had arrived. With some trepidation, I joined the line near the only loose ally I had. All eyes were fixed on the battle. At least until this was over, it seemed I was not of interest.

As I turned my attention back where it belonged, my eyes widened in shock. There was no way to describe it except to say that Kurosaki, or the Hollow he had become, was kicking Aizen's ass. For every glancing blow landed by the traitor, Kurosaki was knocking him through a tree or into the ground. Reminding myself of the ability of Aizen's zanpakuto, I wondered if I could trust what my eyes were seeing. With Kurosaki still emitting no reiatsu, who could say if this was all an illusion? He may already be dead, and this show serving some alternate purpose known only to Aizen. Or whatever ability this Hollow had to erase reiatsu, could it also protect him from illusion?

Speculation wasn't serving any purpose. I kept my guard and the barrier up. A wounded snake behind me, an unreadable battle ahead of me, and Espada on either side. Unlikely that I would survive if Kurosaki fell, and this time I would make sure I was killed before being taken.

Before me there was a change in Aizen's reiatsu. I surmised he was drawing on the Hogyoku. Hopefully that meant he was getting desperate and not that he was getting ready to do something Kurosaki couldn't handle. Another clash and Aizen was flat on the ground for a moment. The Hollow paused, and a cero started to form between those long horns. Around me I felt more barriers being raised. The flash of red light was blinding, and nothing was visible through dust and debris for a moment, but Aizen's reiatsu was still present. He had survived the blast, but was barely able to stay on one knee, a dark purple light surrounding him.

They were too far away for me to hear, but I saw his mouth move just in time to use kido. The incoming strike from Zangetsu was barely slowed as the 90s level barrier Aizen raised shattered. Illusion or not, I would never forget the widening of his eyes, the look of disbelief. My teeth bared in a bloodthirsty snarl as the black blade tore through Aizen's right shoulder, cutting diagonally across his chest to his black heart.

It would have been a perfect moment if it weren't for Aizen's zanpakuto piercing Kurosaki's chest, right by the heart, _my heart_. The Hollow stood motionless as reiatsu died. The purple aura remained, condensing as the traitor's body fell.

"Jaegerjaquez, you no longer need us. But if the Gotei decides to exterminate the Espada, our goodwill is still worth something. If you want that goodwill, go to Ichimaru and be ready to open a garganta."

The blue haired Arrancar looked at me speculatively. "Don't go near that thing, chibi. Let me send you home right now and forget about him."

"Do as I ask or not. I don't leave without him."

"Suit yourself." He vanished.

The others had barely reacted, still waiting to see what Kurosaki would do. The body had started to dissolve into reishi, and the sword through Kurosaki's chest was becoming insubstantial as well, blood starting to pour from the wound. The Hollow ignored this entirely, and I expected the wound to start healing.

I could just make out a shining object maybe half the size of my fist on the ground near Zangetsu's tip. The Hollow bent down. As his fingers wrapped around the Hogyoku there was a flash of violet light and the Hollow began to scream. I was running towards him before I even knew it. He fell to his knees, clutching the light tight against his chest and I used shunpo. I stopped several feet away, the waves of pressure warning me not to get closer.

Shielding my eyes from the growing light, I listened as the scream changed in tone. My panic receded, his voice, my Ichigo's voice was there. When I could look again the Hollow was gone, and I lunged forward to stand over my beloved's unconscious form. The wound was still open, not healing. The Hollow had abandoned him with a fatal gash through his chest.

I held Hyorinmaru ready in one hand and faced the line of Espada. Kneeling just enough to reach him, I placed a healing hand on him without taking my eyes from the enemies. The blond woman was the first to turn away, taking a couple of steps and then vanishing with her followers. Several others followed until only a small group remained. The Espada who looked like a middle-aged man with a young girl at his side walked slowly closer, and I was wary.

"You will leave and take that," he gestured toward Kurosaki, "and Ichimaru with you."

"That is my intention."

"Shinigami have no place here. Do not return."

I didn't bother to answer, and he didn't seem to expect it. He vanished, too, along with the girl and I breathed a long sigh of relief, turning my whole attention to healing. I could feel that the wound was serious, through the lung and at least nicking the heart. Jaegerjaquez appeared with Ichimaru, alive and unconscious, Shinso tucked in his sash opposite his own blade. I glanced at the Espada, who seemed passive though I still didn't lower my guard much.

"You shouldn't stay here, Shinigami. Someone may remember that little trinket he's holding. I'll take you through and then we're done."

I looked up at him. More than once I had been given reason to doubt the common knowledge of what Hollows were capable of. Perhaps it only was possible at the highest levels of power, but these were not quite heartless, immoral, or mindless creatures unless they chose to be.

"I appreciate it. I might hesitate before I kill you someday."

He laughed as he hoisted Ichimaru over one arm. I gathered Kurosaki and Zangetsu and followed him into the garganta.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Ichigo, dammit, stay still or I'll knock you out." He gasped and there was bright red blood on his lips. I wouldn't have to put him under, he was going to lose consciousness again very soon.

When he opened his eyes again they were black and gold, and his voice was that of the Hollow. "I'll try to keep him alive, sweetness, but heal the heart if you can. I'd rather not die before I get to taste you." I shivered as those unsettling eyes closed.

I had released a strong pulse of reiatsu immediately, a call for help. Everything I had left was gathered into healing kido, focusing on repairing the wall of his heart. The muscle was torn and if it gave way I wouldn't be able to keep him alive. It would be up to Unohana to fix his punctured lung and finish my work as soon as I could move him.

The Espada stood close by, relaxed but with sword drawn and resting on Ichimaru's chest as the former captain lay unconscious. Scared souls had fled, and we were alone in the middle of a dusty street somewhere in Rukongai, at least as far out as the 20th district judging by the buildings. I wasn't about to waste any energy trying to pinpoint our location. I pushed Kurosaki's head down again, and at last he went limp. A few more minutes and I had done all I could do to make it safe to move him. I stood and faced Jaegerjaquez.

"He still alive?"

"Yes, but you need to leave if you don't want to visit our prison. Help is already on the way."

The Espada sheathed his weapon and dropped Shinso at his feet. Stepping back, he opened another hole in reality. With one last look at Kurosaki he was gone without another word.

I grabbed the Hogyoku from Kurosaki's fist, taking the time to cast three layers of barriers around it to mask its presence and tucking it into a pocket. Then I turned back to pouring healing reiatsu into my beloved. The initial shock was wearing off, and it was all I could do not to start panicking. I hoped his Hollow was still strong enough away from Hueco Mundo to keep his host alive.

Two strong reiatsu signatures were approaching quickly, and I was immensely relieved to identify Kyoraku and Ukitake. They were not unreasonable and were probably the best possible captains to encounter in this situation. What a sight greeted them. Little me kneeling in the dirt, covered with blood, with two immensely powerful enemies knocked out at my feet.

"Toshiro! Oh, thank goodness!" Ukitake immediately started forward, sincere relief and happiness on his face. Kyoraku was slightly to the side, taking in the scene thoroughly, tense and ready to act but not aggressive. This was how it looked when a pair had worked together for centuries. They played off each other's strengths so effortlessly that it was difficult not to fall for the act, Ukitake keeping my attention and lowering my guard while Kyoraku stood in his shadow, ready to kill.

"Ukitake, Kyoraku, Kurosaki is critically wounded. Can you help me get him to the 4th?"

Ukitake had already knelt alongside me and was checking Ichimaru. Satisfied that the snake was not going to bleed out, he shifted his attention and gently pushed my hand away. I felt a little dizzy as I stopped the flow of reiatsu and stood.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, it is a great pleasure to see you again. We will take it from here. You should report to the sotaicho immediately, unless you need medical attention."

Now why was Kyoraku being so formal? "I will see Kurosaki delivered to the 4th myself, and report after."

"I'm afraid that won't do. Both traitors will receive medical care in the detention cells."

My hand went to Hyorinmaru's hilt before he finished speaking and I stepped over Kurosaki, placing myself between him and Kyoraku. Kyoraku's hands did not move, but a new tension in his body and the shift of his eyes to my chest told me that he was ready to answer my challenge. I knew it was a foolish and provocative action. I knew I was not in my right mind. Selfishly, all I could think of was losing Ichigo when it had taken such drastic events to get me to let anyone close.

"Kurosaki saved all of our sorry asses and he will be treated with respect."

Ever the peacemaker, but ever deceptive, Ukitake spoke from behind me, and I shifted my stance to keep him in view as well. I had been right to be wary. They were too hard to read in my already fragile state of mind; I could not sense their true intentions. In a matter of seconds, they had set me between the two of them. And Ukitake was closer to Ichigo than I was. Trapped, so easily.

"Shiro-chan, please let us help. I'm sure any misunderstandings will be resolved in time."

"I am telling you all that you need to know. Ichigo is no traitor, and you will put him in a cell over my dead body."

This was ridiculous. These were two of the most powerful beings in existence, and one I considered a friend. Fighting them both was impossible, especially as they had set the battleground solidly in their favor. I could not defeat them, but if they laid one rough hand on Ichigo I would make them regret it. Why was I even thinking of strategies against my allies? How had it come to this so quickly?

"Alright, Shiro-chan, why don't you tell us what happened? A squad from the 4th is already on the way, and Ichimaru is in no danger. So, what is going on with Kurosaki-kun?"

Suspecting his words were just a distraction, I focused on Kyoraku again as his arm moved back barely an inch. From the corner of my eye I caught the twitch of Ukitake's lips. I had only an instant to admire and curse their seamless teamwork before the world went black.


	14. Chapter 14

Waking to white walls, white ceiling, white sheets, my pulse raced as I nearly panicked. A dozen scenarios ran through my mind in a flash. It was all an illusion, I was back in my prison, I had never even left. But it only took a few seconds for me to recognize the familiar setting as my eyes started to focus.

_Ukitake, you bastard. I should have seen that coming._

Someone was holding my hand and I saw orange. My heart leapt until I turned and recognized Matsumoto's long hair. That wasn't fair, I was happy to see her. But it was another orange haired idiot I needed to see.

"Taicho!" My lieutenant burst into tears, and the red of her eyes told me it wasn't the first time. She buried her face in my chest and sobbed.

"You were dead, we all thought you were dead. I felt your reiatsu go out, taicho. I never would have left you there!"

Poor thing was starting to babble. I put a hand on her head and awkwardly gave her a few pats. Then I checked my pocket. They had not searched me, it was still there. My attention shifted back to my lieutenant. She had endured the loss of her childhood friend, though it still mystified me that anyone could love Ichimaru. Days of drunken stupors had ended with her crying on my shoulder all night and she had only just started to cover her grief and anger with a thin veneer of her usual cheerfulness when we were sent to the help Kurosaki.

Then I had to go and die on her. I could not imagine what the past days had been like for her. I was not the first captain to die on her, and I knew how hard she must have taken it. As if all that wasn't bad enough, I show up again with Ichimaru in tow. She deserved more of my time, but my heart wouldn't let me pause for long.

"Matsumoto, get control of yourself. I'm fine."

"But, taicho . . ."

"Matsumoto! You did exactly as I commanded. And I am sorry for what you must have been going through. But I'm here now, and I have no time so pull yourself together."

I tossed off the sheet and swung my legs over the side of the bed, noticing I was still in the soiled white uniform, the blood now dried. Hyorinmaru was lying on the bed, and I secured the sword quickly.

"Taicho, you should rest. Unohana said you . . .."

I ignored her and quickly went out the door. Some unfortunate kid squeaked and looked ready to wet himself when I grabbed him by the front of his shihakusho. Briefly, I noted that he looked somewhat familiar.

"Where is Unohana-taicho?"

He gibbered a bit and managed to point back the way I had come so I dropped him and stalked down the hallway. By the time I got to the next intersection I had calmed down enough to sense her presence and headed straight for her. More importantly, I could feel Kurosaki near her. Not in a cell, then. Good, I would not have to tear down the 1st Division to get to him. She came out of a doorway and stood waiting for me.

"Where is he?" She did not react to my rudeness.

"Kurosaki-san is stable, Hitsugaya-taicho."

"Thank you, but that is not what I asked."

"He is not conscious yet, and the sotaicho has ordered isolation."

My hands were clenched into fists and I could feel them trembling. I respected Unohana, and didn't want to put her in this position. But I was not going to be denied. After all we had been through, I was not going to allow anyone to separate us. I stared through her and through the door. He was so close.

"Unohana, if my presence will not cause Ichigo harm, please stand aside. I must see him, I must see that he is alive." My voice broke, and she sucked in her breath. Then she moved and I was through the last barrier separating us.

The 4th Division used every tool they could to repair the extensive damage that was all too common for Shinigami. I knew enough of healing kido to know that the terrible wound would still be open. They would heal it slowly from the center, making sure each layer was returned to perfection until not even a scar remained unless the wound was particularly serious.

_Like this one. This wound will leave a scar._

Modern tools were employed as well. The wound was kept sterilized and bandaged. An IV delivered saline, antibiotics and painkillers. A modified heart monitor recorded not only heartbeat but the flow of reiatsu. A face mask delivered extra oxygen, and I was glad to see the mask was sufficient instead of a tube. These clinical thoughts held me together as I walked slowly toward the bed, but my vision still blurred.

_He is alive._

I reached toward him, but let my hand drop when I saw how it trembled. I stood listening to the faint beeping that told of his heart beating, watching the intermittent fogging of the mask as he breathed. He was not going to die. He was not even at serious risk now that he was in Unohana's hands. But that didn't stop the fear I had been suppressing since the moment Aizen's sword nearly took him from me, the horrible thought of so quickly losing what I had never had, never knew I needed so badly.

_Unohana said he is stable._

Then I noticed the restraints. Each wrist was encircled by a cloth-lined metal  _cuff_. My eyes narrowed and I looked at the end of the bed to see his ankles similarly bound. Chains went from the shackles to rings set in the floor.

_Hell, no. I will die before I allow him to wake up restrained again._

The restraints were solid, tuned to his reiatsu to keep him weak, but vulnerable to any other power. I reached across him to put a hand on each and concentrated to make sure I didn't freeze his skin. The metal froze, temperature dropping rapidly until they cracked and fell away steaming. I did the same at his ankles. Rage had cleared my head, and I was able to take his hand in my hands without shaking.

"I'm here, Ichigo. I'll be waiting for you."

And I stood listening to the faint beeping that told of his heart beating, watching the intermittent fogging of the mask as he breathed.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Hitsugaya-taicho."

I blinked hard a few times, and looked away from Kurosaki's face.

"I need to treat Kurosaki-san."

I nodded and carefully set his hand down on the bed. Reluctantly I stepped back while Unohana, Kotetsu and two other healers touched him. My eyes hurt from staring unblinking, and I pushed away the threatening headache. Another member of the fourth approached me with a steaming cup of tea and I nodded my thanks without looking away from Kurosaki. The scalding liquid was welcome, and I drained half the cup immediately.

Eventually they had all left except for Unohana. She stood quietly beside me for a moment.

"He is healing much more rapidly than expected. But I do not think he will wake for several more hours."

"Thank you, Unohana." She was suggesting I go rest, but I didn't care. I could not let him wake alone.

"There is no official summons yet, but Yamamoto will want to see you sooner rather than later."

I sighed. She just had to go and remind me of my duty . . .. At some point I needed to return to being Hitsugaya-taicho. My division had been operating under the assumption that I had been killed. My lieutenant needed at least a little sympathy and reassurance. Somewhere a very old man with a quick temper was waiting for me to tell him what the hell was going on. And then there was the Hogyoku.

"I don't know if several hours will be enough. Will you let me now if it seems he may wake? I should be here."

"I will do my best." She placed a hand on my upper arm, and I managed to not pull away as she gave it a little squeeze. "And please spare a moment for yourself."

I nodded and went to face the music.

Matsumoto was waiting outside the door. Bless the woman, she had my uniform with her. I knew I should not appear in front of the sotaicho to argue on Kurosaki's behalf while dressed like an Espada, but returning to the 10th would mean facing my subordinates. I took the uniform with a nod, but decided that wasn't enough.

"Matsumoto, thank you. I am very sorry to have caused you worry."

Her eyes went wide and then she gave me a bright smile. She was acting very subdued for Matsumoto, no killer hugs, no piercing squeals. She was still feeling guilty, and she was worried about me, and Ichimaru I suppose. We had been together a long time, and I knew we would find time to work out any issues soon. A late night, tea on the roof, and a good talk would set everything right when we both were ready.

"Have you heard anything about Hinamori?"

"She's awake, but still not seeing anyone," she said sadly. It was what I had expected.

"Was she told about my death?"

"No. They would have told her before the memorial, though."

_Memorial? I suppose that would be standard. What an odd thought._

"What about Kurosaki's family?"

"I don't know, taicho."

"Has the division been informed of my return?"

"Yes, taicho. There are several parties tonight, you'll be happy to know."

"No, I most certainly will not. Half the division will be hung over tomorrow."

"Yes, taicho!" She sounded thrilled at the prospect.

"They might as well get it out of their systems. I won't likely be back to work for a couple of days. Go on and enjoy yourself. I'll catch up with you as soon as I can."

"Welcome back, Toshiro."

And she leaned down to kiss my cheek. I decided not to yell at her this time and went to find an empty room to change into my uniform.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The Gotei 13 were wrapped in enough red tape to make even the simplest decisions require days of debate, multiple forms in triplicate, a dozen countersignatures, and the approval of at least two committees. Okay, I tended to exaggerate on this issue, but the sentiment was accurate.

I was admitted to the sotaicho's office quickly enough, but then all progress slowly and painfully ground to a halt. After standing in front of his desk telling my entire story, Kurosaki's story, and all of the theories I had about Aizen's plans and abilities et cetera, et cetera, the questions began. And every question had already been answered at least once during my report. The only things I left out were the more personal details between me and Kurosaki, and the sexual abuse at the hands of Aizen and Ichimaru, though both were implied.

The only flat out lie was one of omission. Kurosaki defeated Ichimaru and Aizen. I was honest that he used his Hollow power to accomplish this, but I did not say that he was not in complete control of his actions. Disloyalty on my part, perhaps. Endangering the Gotei, very likely. But Ichigo outranked all of that now.

It took me literally staggering with exhaustion for Yamamoto to invite me to sit and offer me tea. I explained Ichimaru's attack on Tosen again, then another detailed run through of the fight between Kurosaki and Aizen. Then on to another explanation for the zero tattooed on Kurosaki's throat, which brought up questions, AGAIN, about how he could have been in Las Noches for 11 weeks and 11 months simultaneously.

Finally, the question I had been anticipating. It was a fair question given Aizen's abilities.

"What proof, if any, do you have of the traitor Aizen's defeat?"

I stood and placed the Hogyoku on his desk, removing the barriers so that its power would speak for itself. Yamamoto's eyes were as wide as I had ever seen them as he stared at it, then with a few words he placed his own barriers around it and swept it off of the desk, making it vanish somewhere into a pocket or drawer. I fervently hoped that would be the last anyone ever saw of it.

In the end he made no promises or gave any hints of what he would be deciding. He asked me to write up a classified report of the details, and an official report to be shared with the captains with no mention of the Hogyoku. The important matters would be discussed at a captain's meeting, so if I would make haste with the reports . . . .

_I should have stayed in Hueco Mundo._

As I walked toward the door, he called out and I turned, suppressing a spiteful comment.

"You entered Kurosaki's room when I had ordered isolation, and you removed his restraints."

It was a statement, not a question.

"I did. And if you want to chain him up again, you will need to have me restrained first."

He opened his eyes and stared again. I met his eyes levelly and let him know that I would not back down on this. I meant every word.

"That will be all, Hitsugaya-taicho."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Someone had put a comfortably padded chair and a small table with a water pitcher and glass next to Kurosaki's bed. Unohana was just finishing changing the bandages after another healing session. She gave me a kind smile.

"You are just in time, Hitsugaya-taicho. I was about to send for you. He should be awake soon."

I shut my eyes in relief for a moment. "That is good news."

"Once he is awake, I expect you to get some rest or I will have to order you to leave the 4th unless you would like to be admitted as a patient."

I nodded and scooted the chair closer to the bed so I could sit and still reach him. After Unohana left, I started running my hand gently through his hair. The oxygen mask was gone so I found myself watching his chest to make sure he was still breathing. After downing the entire pitcher of water, I sat quietly with my thoughts for a while.

"You know, Ichigo, I've been thinking that you shouldn't become a captain. You would hate the meetings, they can be so boring and they are about 100 times longer than Aizen's. You'll probably call Bankai on the old man halfway through. And then there is the paperwork. I have always wondered what happens to all of those papers detailing how many loads of laundry were done each month. I suppose that is dreadfully important information to someone."

I chuckled and rested my cheek on the mattress as I continued stroking his hair.

"But I suppose there are perks. It's steady work, long term job security unless you do something stupid like jumping in front of a sword. You get to work with interesting people. It is rewarding watching raw recruits learn and grow, like raising children except they're insanely afraid of you. And you'd be near me, that's a big plus."

"Sold."

It was faint but I heard it. Slowly I turned my head to see a weak smile and tired chocolate eyes, the wave of relief almost nauseating as it washed through me, leaving exhaustion and numb happiness in its wake.

"Sneaky bastard."

"Hey, it's not eavesdropping if you're talking to me."

I stood and leaned close. "Shhhh. You have a hole in your lung, probably a good idea not to talk."

"You'll say anything to shut me up."

"While that may be true, you really do need to be quiet. Everything is okay for now. No decisions have been made about you. I've only just let the sotaicho know that you ended the war before it began, so I doubt you have anything to worry about. Do you remember what happened?"

"No. I remember fighting Ichimaru. You were with Ashido, Grimm was fighting Nnoitra." He groaned. "It was my fault. Ichimaru caught us because of me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I sent Thiago to find your sash. So stupid. Nnoitra had it, and Ichimaru was with him when Thiago showed up."

"Well, in the end it turned out almost perfectly. So let that go."

"How did it turn out? I was kinda busy being a psychopath."

"The short version is that you lost control. Ichimaru killed Tosen, if you can believe it. You put a big hole in him anyway and the snake is in a cell somewhere not dying. Then you royally kicked Aizen's ass. It was beautiful. He's dead, Ichigo. You made it look easy, right up to the part where he stabbed you in the chest. The rest of the Espada witnessed it, and then they just left. I still don't know what to make of that. Jaegerjaquez helped me get you and Ichimaru to Soul Society and then he left, too."

"I didn't hurt you?"

_Just a little white lie won't hurt. He did not do any lasting damage, after all._

"Not at all. In fact, you pushed me out of the way just before Aizen showed up. Very chivalrous, and you are not bad looking in that form. I'm not sure I could handle a lover with claws and fangs, though."

"Still my lover?"

"That's what you got out of that?"

He had expected me to let him go once the choice was mine. My lover had a lot to learn. He started to retort but winced instead.

"Okay, that's it. I'll send Unohana in on my way out."

"You're leaving?"

"You need rest and they won't discuss what to do with you until I write a report." I grimaced. "Ichigo, I'm not reporting the more private details. Not about us or about some of the things you went through. And I sure as hell am not reporting that you lost control of the Hollow. You don't have to tell them anything."

"Alright, love. I'll be okay now."

I gave him one more caress through his hair before I left, regretting the necessities of duty that took me away from him.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The walk to the 10th took ages, but I suspected that if I used more than a few shunpo at a time I would end up running into a wall or falling off of a roof at some point.

Shinigami that I did not even recognize called out greetings or stared as they whispered to one another. The death of a captain made a huge impact on all of Seireitei. A captain returning from death was a cause for awe and celebration. I shrugged off my newfound celebrity as I often shrugged off the derision and disregard I had been surrounded with most of my life. They would return to the jokes about being a child and the snide comments about lack of emotion soon enough.

Ukitake appeared and fell in to step beside me when I did not stop to talk.

"How is Kurosaki-kun?"

"He is awake. Unohana says he is recovering quickly."

"I am happy to hear that," and he did sound sincerely relieved. "I'm sorry for using kido on you earlier."

"No need to apologize. I was out of line. Ukitake, can you tell me whether Ichimaru is alive? I will not ask any more about him from you."

"He is healing, and is expected to recover. He's in the first division cells."

"Thank you."

"Shiro-chan, is there anything you need?"

I paused at that and looked him in the eye. "Only for your mind to be open about Kurosaki. I am going now to write the report, and will try to make it clear that Ichigo is no traitor."

He didn't even blink, and I reminded myself that this man had been playing Seireitei politics for a millennium. He put a hand on my shoulder; why was everyone touching me today?

"Oh," he said brightly, "I almost forgot!"

_Oh, no. And it's too late to flee._

With a flourish he pulled a gift basket out of nowhere, overflowing with brightly wrapped confectioneries.

"Just a little something to welcome you home!" And he walked off quickly, taking no notice of my irritation. I couldn't just leave it in the street, so I had to carry this gaudy mess with me. I would hand it off to the first 10th Division member I spotted.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

When I finally reached my office I locked the door and leaned against it. Long ago I had faced resentment because I became a seated officer straight out of the Academy, then more when I was promoted quickly through the ranks to the third seat of the division. When I had became captain that resentment had tripled. There was an exodus of division members who refused to work under a captain they saw as a child, even if he was a prodigy with enough reiatsu to bring them to their knees.

It took 20 years of rebuilding, discipline, selective recruiting, and countless perfectly executed missions to change the attitude of the 10th. Until today I didn't realize just how successful I had been. The crowd in the courtyard spilled out the division gates, and it seemed every single one of my subordinates had to make eye contact, had to shake my hand or pat my back. None were foolish enough to pat my head except for Matsumoto. I had gone from being hated, to feared, and now apparently to loved.

Looking up I saw that Ukitake had inspired my men. The desks, couches, table and even the floor were littered with gifts large and small, flowers, cards, even a few sake bottles that I was surprised hadn't been snatched by a certain redhead. I wasn't sure if I was flattered or annoyed, so I settled for amused. A light knock at the door made me cringe.

"Taicho?"

I opened the door cautiously, but she was alone. I locked the door again as soon as she slipped through. She smiled expansively as she looked around the office.

"Oooo, taicho! Is that Kenbishi Honjozo? Someone loves you! How did they even get it? Must have smuggled it in through Urahara. Well, since you don't drink I could just take that off your hands."

"Make sure to write down what you take and who it was from if there is a label. I will need to thank everyone."

"You don't sound happy, taicho."

"I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the moment, Matsumoto. If I had known that all it took to win over the men was dying, I could have saved us decades of work."

She looked at me solemnly, which was an expression she used so rarely that it got my attention.

"It wasn't just that we thought you were dead, taicho," she said quietly. "It's that you knowingly went to certain death to save us."

"That's what a captain does, Matsumoto."

"Is it really? It's a classified secret, so of course everyone knows what happened to the Division 2 squad. A captain is too valuable to lose if there are lower ranks that can be sacrificed."

"That is not true and you know it."

"I do know it, taicho, because you are my captain. And Division 10 knows it, because you are their captain."

It wasn't often that Matsumoto left me speechless. People wondered why I kept her as my leuitentant when we seemed stark opposites. That contrast was exactly why she was so well suited to be my lieutenant. She had an intuition and empathy I lacked, or ignored in favor of logic. It was beyond valuable to me. I watched her with admiration as she started picking through the gifts, humming to herself and building a little pile of things she knew I would let her take.

"Would you mind getting through the ones on my desk first? I need to get to work. Speaking of which, where is all of the paperwork?"

"Oh, Komamura-taicho has been handling everything since you . . . while you were gone. Don't worry, he sends me a daily summary."

Which she probably never read. Another person to add to the thank you list, and a significant thanks it would need to be. Komamura already took care of the 5th and oversaw the lieutenant of the 9th, though with a capable lieutenant and strong seated officers of his own he was more capable of this feat than other would have been. But a simple in person thanks would also give me a reason to visit Komamura and speak about Kurosaki in advance of the captain's meeting. I cleared a place at the desk and got paper and ink ready.

"Taicho, you are on both medical and administrative leave."

"And yet the sotaicho wishes me to rush the report of the events in Hueco Mundo."

She was quiet and serious again, and I knew what was coming.

"Are you really okay?" I knew she wanted to ask more, but what words do you use when you suspect the worst? It was completely logical for her to assume I had endured torture at the very least.

"I really am, Matsumoto. Ichigo protected me from everything that he could, and made sure I escaped before worse could happen."

She blinked owlishly and then started to grin. I had just thrown a match into a bin of fireworks, and the news would be all over Seireitei in an hour. But it had to happen sooner or later. Sooner would serve notice to the other captains and the sotaicho, and they would know that their decisions about Kurosaki would have one more consequence to consider. Plus it stopped Matsumoto's line of questioning in its tracks.

" _Ichigo_ , is it?"

I kept my eyes down and started writing.

"Yes, it is."

"Does that mean you and Ichigo . . . ?"

"Yes, it does."

"Taiiichooo! I'm so happy for you!"

I wondered if my division would love me even more after I died from suffocation by breasts.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Unohana and her lieutenant were the only ones who treated me normally. The others were professional, but jumped every time I moved or spoke. It didn't surprise me, what with my perpetual scowl and the big fucking zero on my neck, but I can't say it didn't hurt a little. I thought of asking if Hanataro was around, but I didn't want to seem more difficult or ungrateful. A friendly face would have been welcome.

So I kept my voice calm and as agreeable as I could manage. I moved slowly and deliberately, and tried to smile or at least not look too unfriendly. Knowing that others were deciding my fate without my input made it hard to relax and not snap at people, particularly Unohana. She was a captain after all, and must know something about what would be done to or with me.

When Toshiro left, I took notice of the loose chains on the floor, pieces of broken metal attached to them. It didn't take a genius to figure out that they had chained me down, and Toshiro had set me loose by force. So perhaps I could be forgiven for being on edge.

I slept often, ate when they brought food, did some basic exercises on the bed when asked, and was as close to cooperative as I think I had ever been. No need to make Toshiro's job any harder, I reasoned. Here we were, positions reversed. Toshiro was going about his day working to protect me while I was confined to a small room with no say in anything. I would have laughed if sudden movements didn't cause chest pains.

When I was feeling like I could stay awake and clear headed for at least an hour, I decided it was past time to talk to Shiro and Zangetsu. My zanpakuto was nowhere to be seen, but I did not ask about it as I did not ask about anything more important than the lunch menu. Letting my body relax, I opened my eyes to the odd, skewed cityscape that was my inner world. Some heavy clouds hung in the distance, but overall the sky was clear and the calm blues, blacks and grays were soothing.

Sitting at an impossible angle on the edge of a roof was Shiro, the Hollow that looked just like me after a bath in white paint. The first several times we had met he had been terrifying, threatening and violent. Then he got much, much worse as we fought for control. When we formed our truce to keep both of us out of Aizen's hands, the nature of our encounters changed dramatically. At times Shiro was a lot like Zangetsu, offering cryptic advice and disappearing when I really needed clear answers. Other times he was violent and unpredictable, but slightly less likely to try to kill me than before.

But the best times were when he was calm. Shiro was insightful in his way, and more likely to give a straightforward answer than Zangetsu. His almost primal frame of mind cut through deception, over-analysis, melancholy, and all of the bullshit that got in his way. We could have conversations, not like friends but like allies who knew that another war may see us on opposite sides.

_Well, you got what you wanted._

_I cut that son of a bitch in half, Ichigo._

_I'm aware._

_That bastard fox is still alive, though._

_We'll have to see about that one. He's out of reach at the moment._

He didn't answer, just sat tearing small chunks of concrete from the edge of the building, and tossing them so they fell sideways down to the distant streets.

_Shiro, are you weaker now that we are out of Hueco Mundo?_

_What do you think?_

A surge of raw power nearly flattened me until I raised my reiatsu. It died down an instant later. The question had angered him, and it was a dangerous thing to ask.

_Yeah, I didn't think so. I mean, you didn't feel any weaker and neither did I. But Zangetsu doesn't feel stronger. I expected returning to Soul Society to bring us back into some kind of balance._

_You could just ask the old fart. I don't see him around much anymore._

I focused on sensing Zangetsu, but the feeling was faint even here. That could not be right, and I quickly shoved down the fear before Shiro could sense just how unnerved I was. Maybe they had sealed my zanpakuto, or at least had dampened it somehow.

_He's not answering. I think they might have sealed him or something._

_Nope._

_How can you be sure?_

_He got up and gave me a menacing smile._

_If your zanpakuto was sealed, believe me_ **_**I would** _ ** **_feel it_ ** _._

I had intended to ask him if we were still working together instead of at war with each other. Just having a somewhat normal conversation did not mean that the truce was holding, he had seemed almost friendly before and then tried to kill me.

I needed to talk to old man Zangetsu before pushing Shiro. There was something very wrong between all three of us since Aizen captured me. I could admit that I was afraid to dig too deeply. I was afraid that my connection with my zanpakuto was breaking, and that would make me rely on Shiro even more. He had been a solid ally for some time, but his motivation to be an ally was gone.

He watched me and those black and gold eyes hinted that he knew every thought. And he probably did. It was hard to hide anything from a being that shared your soul.

_Fuck it. Are we good?_

He cocked his head with a grin that would make Ichimaru shudder.

_We're good . . . for now._

_Fine then. If you see the old man tell him we need to talk._

_If you see that pretty little trick of yours, tell him I'm thinking of him._

Why did he always have to end these conversations with shrieking laughter?

Two seconds after I opened my eyes Toshiro burst into the room. He looked alert and worried.

"Ichigo, are you alright?"

"Fine. Why?"

"Your reiatsu flared so strongly I felt it on the other side of Seireitei."

"Oh. Sorry, just a tense conversation with the voices in my head. Or the voice, I guess. I can hear Shiro loud and clear, but Zangetsu has pulled a vanishing act. Where is my zanpakuto, anyway?"

Toshiro was looking at me strangely, chewing his lower lip. I'd seen that look before, when he was working out that my memories and sense of time had been seriously fucked with. Nothing good would come from him looking at me like that.

"Your sword is at Division 1. It should be returned once you are released."

He walked up to the bed, I raised my hand toward him and he took it, holding it against his chest. That simple gesture made me so happy I could barely think straight. It almost diverted me from that look of worry he had given me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Almost as good as new. What are you thinking, love?"

He shook his head. "I'm not sure yet, and I do not want to have this conversation right now. The captains will be meeting in a few hours, and I need to make some house calls in the interest of diplomacy."

I tried to stop the disappointment from showing, but he caught it. "I will be back as soon as I can. I am sorry I haven't been here."

"No, I don't want you to ever worry about me like that. Your hands are full because of me. And this is like a vacation. Decent food, comfortable bed, and best of all no psychopaths roaming the halls."

"I wouldn't be sure of that. Kurotsuchi is sure to be around somewhere."

"Have you seen Renji or Rukia? I guess they probably aren't allowed to visit."

"I should have thought of that. Abarai is in the living world with his captain. Kuchiki-taicho was briefed immediately on our return, to be vigilant in case of retaliation against your family.

“Abarai and Kuchiki won't be allowed to visit yet, technically I was not allowed either. They would not think to come to me, or would not feel comfortable doing so. They may have already talked to Matsumoto. I will reach out to them, let them know the rumors that you are alive are true and they can come to me if you are not released or allowed visitors soon."

Of course Renji and Rukia wouldn't just walk up to him and ask about me. I'd managed to forget so quickly that no one saw the real Toshiro, they saw the cold, unapproachable, and sometimes frightening Hitsugaya-taicho. I tugged on his hand and he leaned in for a tender kiss and then he pressed his forehead to mine. Unohana and Kotetsu would pick that moment to walk in, but Toshiro's reaction surprised me. Instead of pulling away, he gave me another brief kiss and straightened, keeping my hand in his.

So we were not keeping this a secret at all? I had still half feared that he would kill me or throw me in a cell. Failing that, I thought that his private and serious nature would win out once we were in Soul Society. That would have been fine with me; I didn't need matching t-shirts or anything to prove our bond to the world, and I tended to be pretty private myself. Yet this intimate gesture from Toshiro in front of a colleague filled me with elation. We were going to be a force to be reckoned with, and the Gotei 13 would need to watch their step.

"Unohana-taicho, Kotetsu-fukutaicho, thank you for your efforts. Ichigo seems almost fully recovered."

Unohana didn't look surprised in the least. Kotetsu was trying unsuccessfully to hide curiosity and maybe just a touch of embarrassment.

"Kurosaki-san has healed abnormally quickly, a small benefit of having a Hollow side, possibly? But he needs to stay and be treated at least until tomorrow."

"You hear that, you stubborn idiot? Don't ruin their good work."

"Or yours, message received."

"I will return as soon after the meeting as I can."

Toshiro squeezed my hand before letting it go, and with a quick bow to the healers in thanks, he left me again. I watched the door until I could no longer hear his footsteps, my smile fading with the whisper of his feet. The fading smile turned into a frown when Unohana announced that the old man's lieutenant was here to start my interrogation.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Having tea with Ukitake and Kyoraku was usually a pleasant experience, and one of the few social activities I enjoyed on a regular basis. The tradition had started in the third year of my captaincy, due in part to my efforts to establish good relations, and in part, I believed, to pity. I had faced enough ridicule from my own division. Add to that the merciless teasing from Ichimaru, the casual scorn from Zaraki, and the condescending kindness from Aizen and my early years were a trial for me, to put it kindly. The oldest captains had responded to the unfairness, and offered more companionship than they may have if I was not the bullied kid on the block.

But they both held their secrets, and admittedly so did I. There was always too much distance between us for me to count on unconditional support. Thus I made the time to to deliver my apologies for my brusque behavior upon my return to Soul Society and answer their questions as honestly as I could while still respecting Ichigo's privacy. They would know that there were omissions, and would probably be able to fill in the gaps with frightening accuracy.

"With the defection of Kurosaki, and the likely neutrality of Jaegerjaquez, that leaves only 7 if they even stay together. Versus 9 captains. And you say the lesser ranks like the former Espada are not nearly as strong?"

"With respect, Kyoraku, Ichigo did not defect, he escaped captivity. And I had no trouble eliminating four of the former Espada in a single encounter. Leiutentants and strong seated officers should be able to handle them."

Ukitake refilled our tea. "Toshiro, just how strong is Kurosaki?"

"That's the big question, isn't it? As I reported, I could not even sense him when he was at full strength. But I saw enough to know that he is far more powerful and skilled than when he faced Kenpachi and Kuchiki. The top rank Espada are much stronger than I am, and they were very cautious around Ichigo. Honestly, I believe he could be a match for Yamamoto."

Every time I said _Ichigo_ instead of _Kurosaki_ , there was an exchange of glances or a twitch of lips. I hid a grin as I sipped the excellent herbal tea, prepared perfectly as always. Ichigo was still a ryoka to most of Soul Society. It was too easy to suspect and condemn a stranger, especially one who was recently considered an enemy. Making my relationship with him known made him real, more human, as ridiculous as that sounds.

"Then we must be sure that he's on our side, right Shunsui?"

"That isn't going to be difficult, Ukitake," I answered, reminding myself that they did not know Kurosaki well enough to realize how insulting this conversation was. "Ichigo has never wavered in his desire to protect his friends and family. That put him solidly on our side even before Aizen tortured him and his family. The only real question is on what terms? As a reluctant ally against common enemies as they arise, or as a true comrade that will extend his loyalty to the Gotei after the crisis has passed?"

"Well put, as always." Kyoraku's voice was thoughtful, but his eyes said that he had already thought of all of this and had come to his own conclusions. "Kurosaki-kun showed the lengths he would go to for a friend. It is shameful that we have yet to earn that loyalty. But you have earned both his friendship and loyalty. If the Gotei and Kurosaki do not come to terms, you two may find yourselves on opposite sides.'

_Damn politics._

"If you are implying that I would betray my position as a captain of the Gotei 13 . . ."

"Of course not! No one is suggesting such a thing," Ukitake interrupted with a warning look to Kyoraku. "We are concerned about you however. We have heard that you and Kurosaki-kun have become very close."

"We have. And that does motivate me to bring about an agreement between the Gotei and Ichigo that is satisfactory to all parties."

"Then you must realize that some will accuse you of bias."

"And it is a charge I won't deny. It does not change the fact that we can either make a very powerful ally, or at best we can use force to not allow him to become a very powerful enemy."

"On that note, how much of an ally can we make of Kurosaki?"

"If you mean will he officially join us, do you see any other possible outcome, Kyoraku? Where else does he have to go?"

Three can play politics, and if they noticed that I didn't answer a single direct question during this discussion, they did not mention it.

Having gotten what they wanted out of the conversation, we talked of lesser things for a while. I asked after Kuchiki Rukia and found that Ukitake had kept her informed of Kurosaki's recovery. I let him know that I would be happy to receive her if she wished to talk, which surprised him. We parted on good terms. They did not give away what they would decide, but I believed they both had good opinions of Kurosaki. And they both knew how much he was needed.

My meeting with Komamura was much more brief and direct. He was not a simple man, but he was one with simple convictions. He was loyal and followed a moral code.

As someone who had struggled to find a place in this world where he was not persecuted, ridiculed, or hated, Komamura tended to go to great lengths to avoid judging others based on preconceived notions. That was something I could easily relate to, and while we were not close we had a tentative sympathy for one another. I also genuinely respected him, and believed the feeling returned.

While his loyalty to Yamamoto was strong, Komamura would reserve judgment until he had facts. And then he would stick to his decision come hell or high water. So all I could do was provide him with my observations and opinions. He would make up his own mind and once he did, nothing I could say would change it.

I would have liked to spend time with Kuchiki, but he was staying in the living world until the last moment. His connection to Kurosaki was complicated, but I had no doubt he would approach the issue with an open mind and with the Gotei's best interests at heart.

It was pointless to try to sway Soi-fon. A half-Hollow was unacceptable as ally. She would be so far on the other side that she would hopefully destroy her own credibility. Having convictions was one thing, not even accepting discussion on the matter would offend even those who leaned in her direction. She was a martinet, and everyone knew it.

Kurotsuchi would discuss things with me willingly enough, but wouldn't care one way or the other what I wanted or why. He may make a case to have Ichigo delivered to the 12th, and when that failed he could go either way. Usually he was a devil's advocate, and would argue for whichever choice caused the most chaos. Every now and then he would apply that brilliant mind and make a good case in favor of the right decision. I could only hope today would be one of those days.

The one I thought I could count on the most was, to my dark side's delight, Zaraki Kenpachi. He loved a fight, and Kurosaki had fought him to a draw. Wrong or right, that made Kurosaki a very precious commodity to the bloodthirsty captain. If there was a chance of Kurosaki being killed or exiled, that meant no more duels.

That left Unohana. She was a valuable friend to have on your side, and could turn a debate with a few words and a smile. I had made a point of showing her the truth between me and Kurosaki for a reason. Not to gain her sympathy or pity, but to show her the extent of my absolute trust in the man. If that did not sway her, I knew of nothing that would.

Diplomacy as complete as it could be and time expired, I headed for Division 1 where my future was about to be determined. I had lied to Kyoraku, or actually I had evaded to make the lie unspoken. If it came down to it and I had to choose between the Gotei and Kurosaki, the choice was easy. I did not know where we would go, but it would be together.

Arriving early gave me the opportunity to see who would meet my eye as they arrived, and I was encouraged by the responses. Soi-fon gave me a solemn, slightly hostile appraisal, but all of the other captains either exchanged pleasantries or at least offered eye contact and a nod. Even Kurotsuchi, usually antagonistic, chatted with me about the cuffs I had brought back from Las Noches. I just hoped some of the good will was for the subjects to be discussed, and not just for returning from death.

Kuchiki arrived last, and I did not have a chance to approach him. He paused as he walked by, and it almost seemed like he was going to say something, but instead just a nod and Yamamoto's arrival ended my chance. Thump, thump. Yamamoto tapped his staff against the floor to bring everyone to attention unnecessarily. All of the captains looked nearly as keyed up as I was. Even Kuchiki was leaning slightly forward, though his face was calm and dispassionate.

"We meet today to decide the fate of the Cero Espada Kurosaki Ichigo."

_Oh, that is not a good start._

In true form, quite a lot of time was wasted having me retell the entire story. I wondered why we bothered with reports anyway. But it did give me the chance to counter that damaging opening. Never once did I call Kurosaki by the title Espada or refer to him as part of Aizen's group. I emphasized throughout the fact that Kurosaki was tortured, witnessed his family and friends tortured, and yet questioned and rebelled at every opportunity.

I pointed out that never had Kurosaki harmed a human or Shinigami during his time as Aizen's prisoner, and the only Shinigami he fought was myself. He easily could have killed me on sight, and no one in Soul Society would ever have known that he was responsible.

It was appalling that quantifiable evidence not of his value, but of his lack of threat was needed. And I reminded them that Kurosaki similarly caused no deaths when he stood against the entire Gotei 13. I went into great detail about the ease of Aizen's defeat, which was both an incentive for the other captains to gain a strong ally and a warning of how lethal an opponent Kurosaki could become.

Yamamoto let me slide in these little arguments, though I was only to report on events. Then why had he begun with such a harsh condemnation? To goad me into a more aggressive defense, or to improve his position in negotiations, perhaps? The old man often seemed quiet and direct, but he had invented Gotei politics.

When I had finished the long tale, Yamamoto waited for me to continue for a few seconds before speaking. "And what do you ask for Kurosaki Ichigo, Hitsugaya-taicho?"

I raised my brows in an expression of surprise. "Kurosaki Ichigo is an ally of the Gotei 13. He is anxious to be reunited with his family, resume his duties as a substitute Shinigami, and fight alongside his allies to ensure the safety of human souls as he has in the past. I ask nothing for Kurosaki. He has done no wrong that I need to ask favors on his behalf."

There was an eruption of noise at this as nearly every captain tried to offer their own opinion at the same time. Yamamoto bellowed once for order and settled everyone down.

"Thank you for your report, Hitsugaya-taicho. We will discuss the case of Kurosaki Ichigo."

Well, at least he did not say Cero Espada Kurosaki Ichigo. I stepped back to my place between Kurotsuchi and Kyoraku, the latter had already begun speaking. While the captain's meeting was a meeting of equals, an unspoken rule of seniority meant that few would claim the right to speak before Unohana, Kyoraku and Ukitake.

Kyoraku basically stated that the decision was an easy one. There had been no evidence of Kurosaki willingly betraying Soul Society, and quite substantial evidence that he was coerced. He should be considered a liberated prisoner and resume his duties. If anything, we should be discussing what kind of commendation we could offer the man responsible for Aizen's defeat. I was overjoyed to hear Kyoraku speak this way, and I knew that his opinion carried some weight.

Ukitake and Komamura voiced the same opinion in their own ways. Kenpachi spoke in Kurosaki's favor, and in typical disregard for formalities also said we should get on with adding him to the ranks. He said this with a great deal of disdain, not understanding why an army would consider turning down one of the strongest fighters in existence. He made a surprising amount of sense and his gruff comments made an impact on the military side of everyone's minds.

As expected, Soi-fon railed against pardoning the traitor Kurosaki. He should have been executed for being part Hollow. He should have been executed for his earlier actions opposing Soul Society law, and joining the Espada was obviously his plan all along, blah, blah. Tuning out her lengthy tirade, I watched the others for their response. Most of them showed brief interest, but also as expected Soi-fon was her own greatest enemy and her valid points lost their impact the harsher they became.

Always ready to make an impression, Kurotsuchi stated that there was no possibility of Kurosaki returning to the living world for any length of time. The 12th had been monitoring Kurosaki's reiatsu, which had already caused adverse effects in the spiritually charged town. He reported that Kurosaki's spiritual pressure was now too great to be allowed to exist in Karakura, or anywhere in the living world.

Kuchiki must have been waiting for this time to drop the suggestion that was on the tip of many tongues and so far only Kenpachi had bothered to imply. There were 3 divisions in need of captains, and one very powerful Shinigami with a strong moral compass and Bankai.

I had known that was coming, but had hoped that Kurotsuchi wouldn't be quite so black and white about Kurosaki's lack of options. So I jumped back into the discussion to remind everyone that Kurosaki was still human. He should have some time with his family and friends, time to decide what would be best for his future. But I feared now it was just a matter of time before Kurosaki was drafted whether willing or not.

Then Unohana gave her opinion. With a brief look of sympathy in my direction, she spoke in favor of allowing Kurosaki his freedom for brief time. It would allow him to recover, to spend time with his human friends, and to consider the future. Then he would accept a position in the Gotei 13. If he did not, we would have no choice but to limit or eliminate his power by any means necessary.

It was almost exactly the plan I had wanted. Maybe not the ' _eliminated by any means necessary_ ' portion, but giving him time and at least some independence to come to the Gotei on his own terms. I tried not to let my relief and hope show as I turned my attention to the sotaicho. Everyone who wanted to speak had voiced their opinions and concerns.

Yamamoto repeated Unohana's plan almost word for word; the two old comrades were in this together from the start, of course. Yamamoto got to appear tough and impartial, Unohana was the voice of understanding, and they both knew the outcome before we'd ever started.

_Honestly, why did I even waste my time?_

He called for a vote, and each captain spoke. I felt Kyoraku's hand fall on my shoulder, steadying me before I even realized I was swaying a little on my feet.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

They could at least have given me a book. A magazine would do, a newspaper, a postcard, a picture of a tree, anything. Four walls, no windows and a door that rarely opened to admit healers too scared of me to provide conversation – I'd need therapy if they ever let me out. When I felt Toshiro's reiatsu approaching, I nearly cried in relief. And I was going to have to stay here until at least tomorrow. I might just have to break out tonight.

Toshiro looked beyond exhausted. There were bruises under his eyes, and he was dragging himself forward as if he was carrying three times his weight. But his eyes were bright and he was smiling, so I stuffed my concern into the back of my mind for now. I sat up as he collapsed into the chair.

"Well?"

He poured himself a glass of water and slowly drank.

"Toshiro, are you going to make me beg?"

"Would you? I could use a good laugh. You realize that meeting lasted three hours?"

"What do you want? I don't have much here, maybe a foot massage for standing around defending your boyfriend from harm? Now that would give you a laugh."

His eyes widened, then narrowed.

"Thought I didn't notice how you jump when I run my fingers just so on your pretty toes, my love?"

"Dammit, Kurosaki, you really know how to kill a good mood."

I grinned, "I'm guessing from your lack of panic that I'm off the hook?"

"An official announcement will be made, and I'm sure you will have to go talk to the sotaicho before you leave. You will return to your life, and resume your duties once you have Unohana's permission. Kuchiki will stay with his men to provide safety for the foreseeable future. After a reasonable amount of time, you will be made an offer to join the Gotei 13. A refusal would result in your power being limited or eliminated for the safety of the living world. How long a 'reasonable amount of time' is will depend on how much impact your presence has on the living world, and what Kurotsuchi thinks he can do about you if you refuse."

That was the outcome Toshiro had been aiming for, to have me go back to the way it used to be but with the goal of joining the Gotei soon. I did want to see my family again, try to give them all peace with my decision. At the same time I did not want to leave Toshiro, or face the sorrow and anger that might be waiting for me.

"Ichigo? Are you still okay with this?" He'd leaned forward and was eyeing me worriedly.

"Yeah, it's just going to be a shit time no matter how I look at it. But I can handle it knowing I can come back here."

He let out a breath he had been holding and relaxed. Toshiro yawned, his delicate hand hovering in front of his mouth. I scooted to the side of the narrow bed and laid down, patting beside me.

"You're tired, love. Come here and tell me all about the meeting. Boring you to tears a second time should get you to sleep."

"This is an infirmary, Ichigo."

"So? You need rest, and I need company. What's the harm?"

He yawned again, so widely that I heard his jaw pop. Then he shrugged. He left Hyorinmaru and his neatly folded haori on the chair. I held up the sheet and he climbed in next to me, stretched along my side with his head on my shoulder. I nestled my face in his soft white hair and the scent of winter as he started talking. He didn't get far before his words started drifting, longer spaces between scattering thoughts.

Everything he had promised, he had already accomplished. Soon I would be with him every day. We would forge a future together to make gods weep with envy.

I drifted in and out of sleep myself. Toshiro barely twitched a muscle. When a couple of 4th Division members came by with dinner they bolted back out the door when I glared and waved them away before they could wake my sleeping dragon. Unohana popped her head in shortly after, so I knew they had run to her. I gave her my most apologetic puppy eyes, but put a finger on my lips, as well, begging her not to insist I eat dinner. She gave me that motherly smile and flipped off the lights as she closed the door.

How Rukia got past Unohana an hour or so later was a mystery. She stood in the doorway, light streaming in, and stared with her mouth hanging wide open. Just because I was thrilled to see her didn't mean I didn't give her the same glare promising an excruciating end if she didn't leave in silence immediately. But this was Rukia, she was immune to my threats. She came to with a little jump, and closed the door with exaggerated care, then crept forward on tiptoes with a wicked grin on her face.

"Ichigo," she whispered, "that's . . . "

"Shh, I know who it is, midget. Don't say his name. I can't believe you haven't woken him already. Just leave."

Nope, she wasn't going anywhere. She was staring at my Toshiro, with occasional glances of disbelief at me. I had a sudden impulse to put my body between hers and his, cover him up and growl at her.

"Oh my god, I'd heard a rumor but I would never have believed it."

Suddenly her eyes snapped up to my neck. "Shit, that's true, too!"

Toshiro stirred, his arm moving up my chest until his hand curled on the shoulder opposite his head. Rukia's eyes were going to pop out of her head any second.

"Come on, Rukia. He's exhausted, just come back in the morning."

She nodded repeatedly, but why was she rummaging around in her pockets?

"Rukia, don't you dare!" I pulled sheets up over Toshiro's head before she could get the camera aimed. "Get out or I'll never speak to you again."

"You spoilsport. That would have been the best picture ever taken, and you know it."

I made shooing motions as she started toward the door. She froze when a tired voice sounded.

"Ichigo, hot."

"Shh," I moved the sheet back down and stroked his hair a few times, "go back to sleep."

I shook a fist in Rukia's direction and pointed at the door. She almost ran out, one hand holding her mouth shut as her face reddened with mirth. Only now did I start to appreciate the absolute terror I had inspired in Las Noches. But it was good to see Rukia, and she was obviously in high spirits. Toshiro had made our relationship public, so I assumed no harm was done and it certainly gave her some good news to spread even though we hadn't had a chance to visit.

Hoping our late night visitations were through, I settled in to get some sleep. At some point in the night I woke feeling like someone was nearby, a presence that wasn't threatening but wasn't friendly, and definitely not familiar. I peered around the dark room, but saw no one and sensed no reiatsu. The presence faded and in time I drifted off again.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Sitting relaxed in the chair, I had been awake for nearly an hour before a massive breakfast for two arrived. I had missed dinner and I assumed Kurosaki had not eaten. I took the tray that was too large for the small table and went over to the bed.

"Good morning!" I half shouted with a small kick at the leg of the bed. Kurosaki rolled over with a groan.

"Get up, you lazy bastard, I'm starving."

He rubbed at his eyes and sat up with a yawn, dragging his legs out of my way so I could put the tray on the bed. The sheet fell away from his mostly bare torso, only bandages spoiling the view. I rescued the teapot before his shifting could upend it, and moved it over to the table. He was already devouring food like it might disappear, and I grabbed a plate before he could decide it was all for him. I chuckled as I settled in the chair. Once he had wiped out most of the food and was picking at the crumbs, he looked around. Swinging his legs off the bed, he brought the cups over from the tray and poured us tea while I worked on my breakfast at a more mannerly pace.

"So, you heading off to work?"

I shook my head and swallowed. "I'm still on leave until tomorrow. But I should spend a little time catching up on some things. I wanted to see if Unohana will release you before planning anything."

"Rukia stopped by last night."

I started to nod, then thought about that for a second. Kuchiki stopped by while I was sleeping with Kurosaki on a tiny infirmary bed. I gave a little grunt and took a long drink of tea. True, I had made sure all of Seireitei knew about our relationship by telling the biggest gossip in town, but that didn't mean I wanted everyone picturing me curled up on top of Kurosaki in the infirmary.

"A little early for such a fierce scowl, my love. Don't worry, I stopped her before she could get her camera to work."

I closed my eyes and prayed for patience. Everyone would settle down after a month or two, and really they had bigger things to worry about. Aizen's and Tosen's deaths would now be public knowledge, so that should help distract the attention of the masses. Or it might make it worse considering Ichigo was the hero of the hour.

"Are you going to finish that?"

Considering throwing the plate at him, I decided to be the adult in this relationship and handed over the rest of my meal. I watched with amusement as he shoveled in the rest of the food then looked around in disappointment for more. It was an odd feeling, knowing that there was nothing I really had to do today, and knowing that there were several things that I would simply like to do today.

I was about to go find Unohana so that I could take Kurosaki out of here, when she suddenly appeared along with her second. Glancing at Kurosaki, I enjoyed his sheepish look as he settled back on the bed. I stood and moved the tray to the floor by the door.

"You must be feeling better if you are out of bed, Kurosaki-kun." I had tried over the years to do that, say something cheerfully but so full of reprimand that powerful Shinigami cringed like scolded puppies. Unohana made it look so easy.

"I feel perfect, Unohana-san. Sorry, I'm just getting a little restless."

"Well, let's see if we can do something about that."

Kotetsu removed the bandages. The flesh was still a little pink, but there would be very little scarring in the front. Unohana moved a glowing hand over Kurosaki's chest, settling her palm over the wound for several minutes. Then she did the same to his back. I watched silently, and Kurosaki held still, only occasionally looking toward me and I met his glances with an encouraging smile. Unohana stepped back and gave him a nod.

"Let me be perfectly clear. You are not to fight in any way, no training, and no sparring of any kind. No exercises that put weight on the arms or pectorals, no endurance work that stresses the heart or lungs. Limited shunpo is acceptable. But you do need controlled exercise, and I will have a list prepared and delivered to Hitsugaya-taicho's office. Do not leave Seireitei until you have it.

"You are to return every two days for a physical, no exceptions. I would prefer that you stay in Seireitei, but I understand your father is a doctor and he should be able to handle any basic care as the damage will affect your human body. If you can follow the instructions provided, then I can release you from direct care but you are still under medical supervision."

"I can do that. Thank you, Unohana-san, Kotetsu-san."

"I will have a shihakusho delivered shortly."

Unohana gave me her trademark smile as she left. Kurosaki gave me a much better smile as the door closed, and I wondered just what counted as too much exercise.

Once he dressed we made our way out of the 4th. He stretched and smiled at the sun when we reached open air, and I might have drooled just a little. I had been dreaming of him in the sunlight, not that fake, flat light of Las Noches but the free and radiant beams that worshiped his hair and skin. The sight was just as beautiful as the memory.

"What's the plan for today, then?"

"Hmm?" I shook myself out of my reverie. "The 10th first, for a shower and clean clothes. We need to go to the 1st for your zanpakuto. I assume you will want to see Kuchiki at the 13th and I owe thanks to Ukitake and to Kyoraku at the 8th. That should take most of the day. Abarai is still stationed in Karakura, so you can catch up with him once you go back."

It was another long walk to the 10th, even when shortened by several short flash step sessions to test how he felt. We chatted about small things. I pointed out various landmarks and major roads. His last visit here had been rather rushed, and in his mind it was nearly a year since he had a few days to explore Seireitei while he and his friends recovered from their rash and brave invasion.

He noticed the stares and conversations that followed us. No one interrupted us so I just kept walking without taking notice and he followed my lead. We were still a couple of blocks from the 10th Division gates when an orange, black and pink blur tackled Kurosaki.

"Matsumoto! The man had a sword through his heart two days ago."

She only lightened up enough to allow her victim to breath. They had spent less than a week together in Karakura, but Matsumoto had instantly made him a friend in that easy way of hers. She held him out at arm's length and looked him over.

"Ichigo, I'm so happy to see you!"

"Yeah, getting that, Rangiku. It's good to see you, too."

She touched his neck. "Hmm, it actually doesn't look that bad. Kinda makes you look dangerous, and at least it's not a 69."

He snorted, and she wrapped her arm around his and started dragging him off, asking if he'd seen anyone else but not giving him time to answer any of her questions as she hurried him along with her arm wrapped around his. I watched for a moment, identifying a brief feeling as jealousy. How silly. Shaking my head, I flash stepped to my office. No way I was going to be seen trailing after Matsumoto and Kurosaki. I had enough time to notice that Matsumoto had straightened up the offerings that had been left, no doubt relocating many to her own quarters and a few to mine. A small stack of papers on the desk told me that work would be waiting for me tomorrow.

Matsumoto dragged Kurosaki in and set him on the couch, still yapping gossip about people he probably didn't know. He had a bemused smile on his face, probably realizing that Matsumoto tended to babble when she was nervous or excited, or really any time now that I thought about it. I let her go for a little longer before interrupting.

"Matsumoto, I'm going to let Ichigo shower and dress at my quarters. Could you send word to the 1st Division that we will be reporting shortly to collect his zanpakuto?"

"Eh? Sure, taicho."

"And to the 8th and 13th, that we will be by to visit the captains and Kuchiki Rukia."

She got up to call in a butterfly to relay the messages. I gestured to Kurosaki and we headed out the back door while she was distracted. Across a courtyard with a flower garden was the captain's quarters. I didn't use a few of the rooms, as it was big enough for a family. A past captain from a noble house paid to have it built. It was one of the grandest captain's quarters in Seireitei. Most divisions only had small homes or oversized apartments.

The wraparound porch and a second floor balcony on the back were the best structural features, and the gently sloping roof was a good place for stargazing. After the general quarters, even the nicer ones for seated officers, I definitely appreciated this perk of my rank. Ichigo gave an admiring whistle as we stepped onto the porch and I opened the door.

Few people had ever been inside my sanctuary, only myself, Matsumoto, and Chizuru, the wife of my fifth seat who had served as my housekeeper and occasional cook for my entire tenure as captain. Even Hinamori had only visited with me at the office. Now, for the first time, the second closet of my bedroom had uniforms that weren't mine. A few yukata, dressing gowns, waraji, underwear, socks and tabi, slippers, all had been delivered and put neatly away. The bathroom had more towels, a new toothbrush, razors, and all of the basics ready for a new resident's use.

While I watched, Kurosaki moved slowly around the entryway and living room. He took a moment to appreciate each wall hanging, sculpture and artifact. I had a habit of collecting pieces from around the world, based not on their value or relevance, though many were valuable indeed, but simply for the way they made me feel. It was an eclectic collection that probably didn't seem to have any theme except to me. It was almost irritating, like he was crawling under my skin as he touched pieces he wanted to see at different angles, or just to feel them. But at the same time it was a true pleasure to see him here, surrounded by memories and tokens of my life.

"Toshiro, this place is just beautiful." His peaceful smile reached his eyes, and I smiled back, feeling a little shy suddenly.

"Come, I'll show the rest." I took his hand in mine and showed him the back garden first. I had tried a few times to actually grow herbs and vegetables. But my work schedule ensured the rapid death of all but the hardiest plants.

So I had developed a wild space with hidden uses. What looked like a pretty weed patch under various trees provided herbs for cooking and medicine. The trees provided nuts and fruit. Various flowers were carefully selected to attract pollinators and repel pests. The stream and small pond watered everything and hosted more useful plants and gorgeous lotus blossoms. And every plant here required almost no attention other than occasionally cutting back the more dominant species. It was another favorite place of mine, and his fingers running through the stems and leaves warmed my heart.

I couldn't help but pull him down for a kiss, and he eagerly opened his mouth against mine. As our tongues wrapped around each other and butterflies invaded my stomach, I reminded myself to show some control. I should have asked Unohana, but I was certain of the answer. For now I couldn't let this go far. So I broke the kiss gently and let him go with regret.

"I love having you here, Ichigo. This is your home now as much as it is mine if you want it."

Brown eyes widened in surprise. "Move in with you . . . you're serious?"

"Of course I am. What did you think was going to happen? I mean, unless you don't want to."

He caressed my cheek and there were tears in his eyes. "Of course I want to, for as long as you'll have me."

I ducked my head to hide another blush. I turned to go back inside and tugged his hand. Briefly I showed him the kitchen and small bath, then headed to the two room library that took up the rest of the first level. My desk was a bit cluttered, as Chizuru knew not to try organizing this space. I was glad no one had started packing things away. I was dead, after all, and it wouldn't have surprised me.

Ichigo smiled widely at the diverse ensemble of books and scrolls, more oddities tucked into alcoves among the shelves. I could never have enough books, and a good portion of my pay went into improving this collection. I could see that he would make use of this space.

This was more fun than I had expected. I had made up my mind to offer him my home the second I admitted my feelings for him, but I had actually been dreading this. Having been alone so long, my home was very much a part of me, a reflection of what made me curious, content, and happy. But now I couldn't wait to see what would change, what small and large touches he would add as my home became our home.

We went upstairs, pausing to admire a set of ink wash paintings on the landing where the stairs curved. There were two unused bedrooms with a shared bath to one side, and the master suite took up more than half of the second floor. The bedroom was sparsely decorated compared to the rest of the house, only a few special items made it into this space. The very large four poster bed had come with the place, and I usually rolled out a small futon on the floor or on the balcony rather than lose myself in acres of sheets.

One wall was nothing but windows, heavy curtains pulled back to reveal the balcony, nearly big enough to be another bedroom. The opposite wall had the door to a large bathroom, with a soaking tub more than big enough for two and a spacious tiled shower. Then I showed him the walk in closets, entrances on either side of the main door. His was mostly empty, but he ran his hands over every article of clothing I had acquired for him and he was biting his lip to hold back tears.

He pulled me into a gentle embrace, kissing the top of my head and running his hands up and down my back. I held onto him, inhaling his scent and imagining waking up to it in that huge bed. Part of me still expected this was all a dream, or a cruel illusion. I would wake and he would be gone.

"This is more than I could have ever dreamed, Toshiro. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"This is the very least I could do. Besides, you made me a promise and I'll expect to find you naked in that massive bed whenever I want you."

He laughed and stepped back to look me in the eye. "Right now if you want."

Temptation. "No. You are off limits for now. It wouldn't do at all for you to have a heart attack christening our bed. Now go clean yourself. We have some errands to run if you are up to it."

"As you command, my love," he walked away still chuckling.

I went down to make some tea and gazed around in wonder. Nothing had moved or vanished, but everything seemed different. He wouldn't be truly moving in for a while, but this was already becoming our space, our sanctuary. I was immensely pleased that I felt no regret.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Once amusement had worn off, I found myself weeping softly into the spray of water. It was all too incredible. I was alive. I was free. I was with Toshiro. Even if I had lived a perfect life, brought Toshiro nothing but happiness from the first time I saw him, still I could not imagine this outcome. If this was a rundown shack it would seem the richest palace to me as long as he was there. To think of living with him in this paradise was too much to process.

I could admit now that the seriously fucked up part of me feared it was all an act, that Toshiro was playing me to get me to help him. Or that he was sincere, but once he was master of his own world again he would regret the bonds we had formed. When I woke in the infirmary, he was there and that fear started to fade. Only now was I completely able to let it go, to accept that I had been accepted.

Now I just had to be worthy of the life he was giving me. Happiness like this had to be repaid. It was what he wanted, so I would be the strongest captain, the bravest warrior, and the most loyal partner he could wish for.

I could hear faint noises from downstairs as I dressed and tidied up after myself. It was fortunate that I was already a bit of a neat-freak, Toshiro kept this place orderly and clean. He was on the back porch overlooking the messy, perfectly planned garden, a cup in his hand and another resting on the railing. I took my cup and draped my free arm over his shoulders, gazing out at the garden. He sighed and hooked his arm around my waist. We stayed silent, just being together in a moment of peace and safety that we had fought like demons to obtain.

When he had finished his tea he looked up at me. "You probably prefer coffee."

"I like coffee and tea. Your tea is delicious, nothing like the cheap processed stuff we usually have."

"There is a pad near the stove. Anything you want stocked, just put it on the list. But coffee, coffee pots, soda and some other more modern items are hard to get here, you'll have to bring them from the living world. And of course your clothes and personal items. When you are ready just bring them or drop boxes at Urahara's."

He said this all causally, but I knew what a big deal it was to open your home this way. It meant even more for such a private, solitary person.

"I don't have much, it won't be that hard to get things together when the time comes."

"You will probably have to spend some time training under a captain before taking a division. You'll have a place of your own in your division eventually. Most of them are not nearly as grand as this one, though, so don't get your hopes up."

"But I will stay here, right? If my place is nice, we can make it a retreat for mini-vacations or something."

He smiled. Had he actually doubted that I would want to live with him? As I had once guessed, the arrogant dragon that all of Seireitei called an egotistical prick had a shockingly low opinion of his own worth.

"We should be going so that we're not rushed to fit everything in before you leave."

"I could just go in the morning."

"Not a chance. I am showing admirable self-restraint, but I am not going to have you under this roof tonight."

When he said things like that it was twice as arousing because he was completely honest. He didn't just tease, he seriously was stating a fact that he wanted me badly enough that he wasn't sure he could keep his hands to himself. After all of the lies, the deception, and the mistrust I had been steeped in, his simple honesty was as refreshing as the sunlight after so long in the haunted darkness.

"You really are the sexiest man alive. You know that, right?"

He blinked up at me, then scowled and grabbed my empty cup, whirled and stomped into the kitchen. I'd turn him into the egotistical prick everyone thought he was, or make him die of embarrassment.

I put my boots back on at the door. Every captain and most of the high officers had a little individual touch to their uniform. I wasn't a big fan of waraji, so maybe no one would object if solid foot-gear made an appearance. Toshiro grabbed Hyorinmaru from the stand by the door, slipped on his sandals and we headed out together. He showed me a side entrance that let us bypass the office and led directly into a barely used street. Limited shunpo was allowed by Unohana, so we shortened the journey to the 1st Division. Toshiro again played tour guide, since the 1st had unique features like the meeting halls and the armory where we were headed.

"I was expecting Yamamoto-sotaicho to call you in for a meeting. That may still happen."

"I forgot to tell you his lieutenant had me talking for hours yesterday. I'd just as soon he forgot about me today."

"Talking about what?"

"Las Noches layout, Espada abilities, mostly factual stuff like that."

He addressed the guards as we approached the armory. "Hitsugaya-taicho and Kurosaki Ichigo, here to reclaim his zanpakuto."

One guard gave a bow and opened the door. The inside reminded me of movies showing elaborate bank vaults. One Shinigami in the white jacket of the 1st Division sat at a solid desk. Two more guards stood at a gate in a floor to ceiling set of thick bars. On the other side was a long hall between countless vault doors. My hopes of getting a closer look were dashed when the woman stood and retrieved Zangetsu from a weapon rack behind the desk. She set my zanpakuto down heavily on the desk.

"Whew, that's one serious chunk of metal! You Kurosaki?"

"That's me." I liked her already.

"Sign here just for the record. Hitsugaya-taicho, if you would countersign, please. Alright, try not to strain anything swinging that meat cleaver around."

She snorted when I swung Zangetsu up over my shoulder easily and I gave her a playful wink. The blade never seemed heavy to me.

When we left I asked Toshiro, "You ever been inside those vaults?"

"Several of them, yes." He looked at me with a grin, warrior to warrior. "It's like a candy store. Each division has a smaller armory, as do many of the noble houses. But the Division 1 armory is something else entirely. There isn't a weapon you can't find there, modern or historical, even firearms."

"What are they for? I mean, other than just having them and studying them? I never see Shinigami with anything but their zanpakuto and maybe a knife or two."

"We do train with a variety of weapons. Take Madarame as an example. You can learn a lot by watching him fight. But go get a jointed staff from the armory and spend some time learning to wield it, and you will be able to understand his fighting style in a more complete way. That can make all the difference when facing an opponent with something other than a basic sword."

"I can see that. Hmm, wonder if they have any long katana with chains on their hilts?"

"Oh, have a sparring partner in mind, do you?"

"Ever since I watched you in that horrid arena. The way you move is like music, like water."

He looked down and away whenever I complimented him, often to hide a blush or a smile. Maybe one reason people thought he was arrogant was because they never saw him respond to praise.

"We should pick up the pace. 8 and 13 are as far from the 10th as you can get. How do you feel about roof hopping?"

"Cheater!" I yelled as he vanished, then took off after him.

Ignoring the occasional shout from below as we raced by, I reveled in the freedom, the wind, and the feel of Toshiro's reiatsu as he delicately touched his toes to tiles and sped off again. He wasn't taking it easy on me, though I knew he could go much faster, jump much farther. Normally, so could I. When he landed in a crouch on a street two blocks from the gates of the 13th, I was actually a little out of breath. My recently healed lung was a bit sore, as if I'd been running in the cold of winter.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but I actually felt that. It doesn't hurt," I added quickly, seeing his sudden concern, "just need to breathe for a minute."

"Sorry, we'll take it easy on the way back."

We walked the remaining distance and my lung stopped stinging before we reached the captain's office. The double doors stood wide open, and the white haired captain was pouring tea as we walked in.

"Welcome Shiro-chan, Kurosaki-kun!"

Shiro-chan? My head whipped around to meet a sideways glare.

"No. Just no." My lips pursed in an effort to hold back a grin or a laugh or both.

"Ukitake, thank you for seeing us on such short notice."

"Please, you are always welcome here." He gestured and we sat.

"Ukitake-san, Toshiro told me that you were a big help when I was wounded. Thank you for your support."

By thanking him for helping Toshiro get me to the 4th, I also subtly thanked him for his vote without acknowledging that I knew. Captain's meetings were classified, after all. A slight upturn of Toshiro's lips let me know that he approved of the gesture. I may be too direct for politics, but I could handle basic courtesy without tripping over myself. Sometimes.

"Not at all, Kurosaki-kun. You have been a big help to Soul Society, and I suspect you'll be an even more valuable ally in the future. I sent for Kuchiki. She's at the training grounds but should be here soon. I assumed you would want to catch up with her."

"Yes, I've been looking forward to seeing her." And the two captains wanted me to get lost so they could talk about me behind my back. Fine by me.

"And are you going back home soon? I'm sure your family is anxious to see you."

Home. That word had a new definition, but I understood the sentiment behind his question.

"Later today. I'm just waiting for the green light from Unohana."

They both hesitated, but didn't comment. Green light? Man, this place was so far behind. Luckily, Rukia came before any more polite conversation could start wearing on my nerves. She was so formal in front of the captains, and I smirked as she bowed and rather formally greeted Ukitake and Toshiro.

Before I would have teased her or even grabbed her, causing embarrassment and fake anger, maybe getting punched or kicked for my efforts. Recent events had mellowed those impulses. But more importantly I was Toshiro's partner. I could never be as formal and polite as he was, but I could be a bit more respectable and respectful.

Toshiro nudged me in the ribs. "Go on, Ukitake and I can entertain ourselves while you kids play."

Kids, huh? "Gee, thanks, Shiro-chan," I threw over my shoulder in a cheerful voice. The temperature in the room took a sudden nosedive as I left with Rukia.

 


	16. Chapter 16

Rukia was practically bouncing as she led me to a quiet garden like the one between Toshiro's house and office. We sat under a cherry tree, nearly bare of leaves with winter's approach, and I prepared myself for the questions I would be getting time and time again over the next few days.

"Soooo, Hitsugaya-taicho, tell me everything!"

"Really? I just got back from being kidnapped and tortured until I joined the Espada and killed Soul Society's greatest enemy and you want to know about my love life?"

"Well that's all in the past, stupid. Hitsugaya-taicho! How is that even possible? I didn't even know you're gay."

I sighed, and almost, almost mimicked Toshiro's habit of rubbing the bridge of his nose when I said something particularly dumb.

"First, I'm not gay or straight. Bisexual I guess, but Toshiro's actually the only man or woman I've ever really wanted. Second, you knew I liked him."

"You asked about him a lot, yeah, but anyone would be curious seeing him for the first time. I never thought I'd see you spooning in the infirmary. And how could he like you back? I'm an ice wielder and that guy makes me shiver."

My eyes narrowed. Toshiro didn't need me to defend him, but I couldn't help my indignation.

"That's not fair, Rukia."

"Oh, you know what I mean, I'm not putting him down. It's just no one has ever gotten close to him. Everyone just assumed he wasn't interested in sex or relationships. OH MY GOD, are you two having sex?"

"None of your business, midget. Owww, I'm wounded here! And for your information Toshiro is the kindest and warmest person I've ever met. You Shinigami are all morons for not seeing that."

She stared, wide eyed. "You're not just seeing him, you're in love with him!"

"Head over heels."

With a squeal that would make Rangiku proud, Rukia threw her arms around my neck and squeezed. I smiled and hugged back, pleased that so far everyone had been very accepting of my relationship. Shinigami seemed pretty open. I guess when you measure your time in centuries, things like gender tend to become less of an issue. When she finally let go, she was wiping at her eyes.

"Ichigo, I was so scared for you. And then that pathetic excuse for a rescue party got wiped out and they declared you missing in action. Renji and I were planning to go after you ourselves. Nii-sama hasn't let us speak in weeks. When Matsumoto came back and said she felt your reiatsu just before Hitsugaya-taicho's went out, and yours was like a Hollow. Everyone assumed the worst."

"Hey, come on now," She was still wiping steadily at tears. "You should have known it would take more than three psychopaths and a dimension full of Hollows to take me out. I'm kinda offended by your lack or faith."

She smacked my shoulder but started to smile.

"You really became an Espada?" She eyed my neck.

"Not willingly. Have you heard that Aizen's zanpakuto could hypnotize you, even control your senses when he wasn't around?" She nodded and shuddered at the same time.

"He had me convinced I'd been there almost a year, Rukia. Months of it were torture. He made me believe that he killed my friends, and he had my little sisters. I even knew for a fact that I had killed Ishida with my own hands. I never would have figured it out if Toshiro hadn't showed up and started putting things together. I still don't know what was real and what was just implanted right into my memory."

"Fuck . . . "

"Mm-hmm. Who's to say what would have happened? I planned to kill Aizen and escape, but I'd been planning that for months. I probably would have stayed until I couldn't tell right from wrong anymore. You would have had to face me in the war, and I would have done a lot of damage."

She looked like she might be sick, and I knew the feeling. I tried not to think too much about what could have been, or to look too long in the mirror. It had gotten easier, thanks to Toshiro. It wasn't as easy to be afraid of myself when he had seen the worst of me and still welcomed me into his arms.

"Who would have ever thought it would be a good thing that Hitsugaya-taicho was captured?"

"I still would have spared him everything if I had the choice. But yeah, I know what you mean."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Officially, I get a short break and then I'm back on substitute Shinigami duty in Karakura. Unofficially, the powers that be are looking into me moving here full time."

"You can't just move here, you're human. You don't mean they're going to kill you?"

"Don't know, don't care. I can't go back, Rukia. Not permanently. Hey! No more crying or I'm leaving."

"Sorry, it's just . . . you've had to deal with so much, and I . . ."

I grabbed her arms and shook her lightly before she could finish that thought.

"You saved my life. You saved my family. You risked everything for a stranger. And look how it all turned out. I'm happy, Rukia. For the first time since I was a child I'm truly happy. So take credit for that if you want."

"Fine, I will," her spirit was back. "And I'll just take credit for making Hitsugaya-taicho happy, too. And for stopping the war."

We laughed together. Sure, it was a little forced to cover the grief and the undeserved guilt, but it was a start.

Toshiro came to collect me as Rukia and I chatted about little things. I promised to let Renji know that Rukia was doing well, since her brother had cut their communication. Rukia smiled warmly at Toshiro as we parted ways, and I could see that he was a little taken aback. I didn't want to completely ruin his reputation and his way of life, but it was likely my few friends would start to see him a lot differently. Maybe he would push them away, or maybe he would start to develop some social relationships. Either way was okay with me, and I would adjust to keep our private life as private or public as he wished.

The 13th was very close to the 8th. It didn't make sense to me, I would have just numbered them all in order. But it was some distance between the two division's headquarters. After a few flash steps Toshiro paused on the main thoroughfare to point out the Central Library. I had noticed it before, but had no idea what it was.

The main street was very crowded and immediately we drew attention. Once again Toshiro seemed immune to the pointing, the barely hushed whispers, and the shifting in the crowd to get a better look at us. Was it like this for all of the captains? Or was it just because Toshiro had been presumed dead? Or was it me, my reputation as a ryoka and my new reputation as an Espada and the one who killed Aizen? How much did the common crowd know?

It wasn't that I cared about their opinions of me, but if I couldn't even walk down the street I was going to lose my temper at some point. Toshiro noticed my growing agitation, and put a hand lightly on my arm.

"They'll get over it eventually, Ichigo. Try not to let it bother you. There will always be a little bit of this, but it's usually not this bad."

"But why? What is it they are expecting to see?"

"We'll talk about it later. Just ignore it for now."

And that was apparently all the explanation I was getting as he flash stepped to the nearest roof. We stopped a short walk from the division gates, which seemed to be standard courtesy. I followed Toshiro to a tall building near a training arena and followed his gaze straight up. With a step we were on the roof, and sure enough a pink kimono was spread out under a lounging captain. He raised the brim of his hat enough to smile widely at us.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, Kurosaki-kun, pull up some tile and enjoy this beautiful day with me."

To my amazement, Toshiro did just that, arms under his head and one leg drawn up. So I sprawled next to him and gazed at the clouds.

"This is a pretty good spot, Kyoraku," Toshiro commented and I gathered they had done this sort of thing before.

"That it is. I'd offer you some sake, but the last bottle was confiscated by my dear Nanao. That's why I had to flee to the roof to mourn. So, did you boys just come for a social visit?"

"About that, Kyoraku-san," it was awkward talking to him while looking up at the sky, "I wanted to thank you for what you've done. If you and Ukitake-san hadn't been there, I may not have made it home."

Once again Toshiro approved of the wording, which lightly hid a ' _thank you for not throwing me to the wolves_.'

"No need for thanks, Kurosaki-kun. It's a pleasure when duty also leads to right action. I'm not one to let talent go to waste if it can be avoided, even if it isn't found in traditional places."

Oh, he was good. This was all child's play to him, but it was new to me and perhaps a little more fun than it should be.

"Call me Ichigo," I said lightly.

Both of them turned their heads slightly to eye me. I knew Kyoraku was dangerous and cunning, he gave off an aura of darkness that even I could pick up on. But I admired and liked the man. Perhaps it was all of that time spent with Espada, or my own inner Hollow, but a bit of a dark streak didn't bother me.

"Well, Ichigo, my name's Shunsui. I hear you're returning to the living world today. Would you mind delivering this to Kisuke?"

Toshiro watched the letter pass over him into my hand.

"No problem."

And we watched the clouds for at least ten minutes in companionable silence before his lieutenant tracked him down. Toshiro stood and impassively watched one of the most powerful men in Soul Society get dragged away by a woman half his size. Then he looked at me over his shoulder.

"That was either one of the most reckless things you've ever done, or a stroke of genius. Do you know which?"

"What?"

He turned and studied my face. "You might not have meant much by it, but Kyoraku does not make gestures of friendship lightly. In fact, he does not make gestures of friendship at all. But you know that, don't you?"

"You're giving me too much credit, love."

"Hmph. You're not giving yourself enough credit. Whatever motivated you, if you make a friend out of Kyoraku you will have made one very dangerous and very valuable ally."

I shrugged my shoulders. My instincts for these things had always led me. Sometimes I'd meet a stranger and I would just know beyond doubt that they belonged in my life, and that it was vital to be close to them, at least for a while. Tatsuki had been one, and Chad, and Rukia. Then Toshiro, by far the strongest pull I had ever felt. Now it was Kyoraku . . . no, Shunsui. I didn't know why, and I didn't care. It would become clear in time.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Part of me wanted to laugh aloud. I was on better terms with Kyoraku than most. But in one casual moment Kurosaki seemed to have gotten closer to Kyoraku than I had in all my years. I wasn't complaining. Ukitake was as close to a friend as I had apart from Momo and Matsumoto. With that connection and a possible connection between Kurosaki and Kyoraku, we would solidify our place as Seireitei's new power couple, close to untouchable.

Kurosaki's bonds with Urahara Kisuke and Yoruichi Shihoin were just icing on the cake, especially after Kyoraku blatantly let Kurosaki know that he was in close contact with Urahara. My darling may have claimed to know nothing about Seireitei politics, but he was in up to his neck.

"Alright, play it how you like, Kurosaki. It's a long way back to the 10th. An easier pace this time and I know just where to stop for lunch."

He kept up and I paused twice on the way to make sure he wasn't pushing himself. Not far from the 10th I stopped. Matsumoto had introduced me to this particular restaurant. She liked it for the fully stocked bar. I liked the slightly dark atmosphere and the private booths. Being so close to the 10th, it was frequented by many of my division, men and women who would not bother me or sit and gossip about me in plain view. More importantly, the owner was well connected. It helped that the food was much better than average, and the owner didn't make a too big a deal out of a captain visiting.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, welcome back! Your usual table?"

"Yes, thank you, Hayashi-san."

The usual table was in the back of the restaurant, with a clear view of most of the room but tucked into the wall so the occupants weren't easily noticed. Perfect for plotting, spying and other nefarious deeds. Or for a captain who just wanted to have a bowl of ramen in peace. Kurosaki peered around the place as we removed our zanpakuto and settled in the booth with a look of curiosity.

"You're a regular here?"

"It's convenient and fairly private. I'm here every other week at least."

After we'd ordered, he couldn't hold back anymore. "So what's with the staring and pointing everywhere we go?"

"Does it bother you?"

"It's unnerving, yeah. It doesn't bother you?"

"I guess I've gotten used to it. It starts when you make captain. There are around 3000 Shinigami at any given time. More are graduating the academy every year to replace those that die. It's a short afterlife for those without the power or intelligence to advance. Out of all of those men and women, there may be 1 or 2 in every 100 years that achieve Bankai. Those few become captains or royal guard, and often live centuries. A captain is so far above the entry level Shinigami that they are like mythical creatures, dragons that can kill with a glance."

Kurosaki was staring in rapt attention. He had barged into Seireitei with no concept of any of this, and within days he was a captain class fighter himself. The Shinigami he had encountered were mostly captains, lieutenants, and seated officers. The average Shinigami's perspective had barely occurred to him, if at all.

"That's the start of it. Your own men get used to you, but they still gawk and point at other captains. Some are very afraid of us, others in awe akin to hero worship. Most fall somewhere in between. It's only the seated officers who begin to see captains as anything close to normal people. It can get to you if you let it. It can make you hate yourself, or hate the soldiers you rely on. It can force you to stay within your division walls to avoid attention. It can even convince you that you are a god."

As I spoke, I watched him carefully. I saw anger, and a flash of hurt. Kurosaki meant it more than most when he said he didn't care what other people thought of him. But no one is completely immune to the desire to be accepted. Being set so far apart could be damaging.

"And you said it's worse right now."

"It was common knowledge that I was killed. My return is a big deal, captains don't die often and they return from the dead even less often. With three captains lost through betrayal and war coming after such a long period of peace, the death of a captain was devastating. And then there's you."

"What about me? I'm not a captain."

"But every Shinigami knows that you have the strength of a captain. You invaded Soul Society with a handful of humans and defeated two captains in single combat. You have Bankai. And anyone can feel your power, your reiatsu is overwhelming. The rumor mill is efficient. Few didn't hear that you were taken by Aizen. While the details of your return are not common knowledge, all Shinigami have been briefed on what an Espada is and how they are marked. And word is out that you are solely responsible for Aizen's death.

Like it or not, Ichigo, you are one of the dragons now, and quite the monstrous dragon at that."

"No wonder you are so distant. Toshiro, you know I don't see you like that, that I've never seen you like that. Don't you?"

I blinked. When did this become about me? "Of course. That wasn't the point."

"It wasn't? Then you're worried about how I'll handle it? Don't be. I just needed to know why it was happening. Now that I do, who gives a shit? Like you said, you can work with your men. I'll be able to work with mine. As long as you accept me, the rest of them can go to hell."

The anger, the hurt, they were for me. In warning him of the danger, I had let him know the damage it had caused me.

_I do not need to crawl across this table and kiss him until he passes out._

"Good. I'll be there to kick you back down to earth if you start demanding virgin sacrifices."

"One was plenty, I'm satisfied."

I nearly choked trying not to laugh and shout obscenities at the same time. This seemed to be a common hazard around Kurosaki.

"You alright, Toshiro? Try to drink some water, you don't look well."

_I do not need to crawl across this table and punch that smug grin off his face._

It didn't help when Hayashi brought our lunch and thumped me roughly on the back. He looked mildly offended when Kurosaki laughed.

"I'm alright, thank you," I managed to say as I caught my breath.

I glared at Kurosaki, but was temporarily unable to think of an adequate retort. He munched away with a lopsided smile on his face, and I just sighed and picked up my chopsticks.

As we were finishing our meal he asked an unexpected question. "Toshiro, do you have a cell phone?"

When I looked at him in confusion he added, "Rukia had a phone, I thought we could stay in touch when I'm gone."

"You will be back every other day to see Unohana." He looked disappointed. "But I can get one. I will have it by tomorrow if I put in a requisition this afternoon. Leave me your number."

_So easy to please. He really is just like a puppy. A big, slobbery orange puppy with enormous fangs._

"Something else is bothering you."

"Zangetsu is bothering me. I can barely reach him, and then only briefly. He won't say why, he won't give a straight answer to anything."

_Shit._ I hadn't had a chance to follow up with Hyorinmaru. But I had been working the problem out in my head, and I knew the answer Hyorinmaru was likely to find.

"What does Shiro say about it?"

"Shiro? He tells me to ask Zangetsu. At first I thought old man Yamamoto had sealed Zangetsu. I'd thought he'd be strong again away from Hueco Mundo but I could barely feel him. But Shiro said there was no way my zanpakuto would be sealed without him knowing it."

_Exactly what I would expect Shiro to say._

"Why did you tell me that specifically? Why did that stick with you?"

"I'm not sure. It just sounded odd, he was so insistent."

_Right, Kurosaki, you aren't sure. Time to rip this blindfold off._

"You haven't used Zangetsu since the fight with Ichimaru. Did things seem normal then? You were able to use Zangetsu effectively?"

"Yeah, why?"

"And during your time in Hueco Mundo, when your Hollow was getting stronger, did Zangetsu's attacks get weaker? Did you have any problems using Getsuga Tensho, for example?"

"I never had a problem in combat. If anything, Zangetsu's attacks grew stronger during my time . . . _fuck_."

"Don't panic, Ichigo."

"You knew?"

"No. And I still don't. Don't do anything. Please, just sit on this for a couple of days. Give me time before you confront them."

He looked straight into my eyes and held my gaze for a long time. I could feel his anger and agitation fading.

"Okay, Toshiro. I won't do a thing."

What was that? Good god, he was keeping his word and doing exactly what I asked. Despite the gravity of the subject at hand, I was elated. If he gave himself completely to me the way I had already dedicated myself to him, what a pair we would make.

"Thank you." I had nearly panicked at the thought of what he might do, but he was giving me time to help.

I dropped money on the table and left with a wave in Hayashi's direction.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Matsumoto was nowhere to be seen when we arrived at the office, which was typical. It was early afternoon, why would anyone expect her to be working? I set Hyorinmaru on the rack by the door, and Zangetsu soon rested there as well. My little stack of papers had grown, and there were two in particular that caught my attention.

I handed over a letter from the 1st Division addressed to Kurosaki, and I read the sheet of instructions from the 4th with half of my attention. Kurosaki flopped down on the couch and took his time opening and unfolding. I had finished before he began, noting 'all sexual activity' under the list of prohibited activities. _Dammit_. I should have taken advantage of him when I could still say I didn't know that it wasn't allowed.

I strolled over to the couch, trying to seem like I was not terribly interested. He patted the couch next to him, and when I sat he shifted to lay down, using my lap as a pillow. He handed me the letter and I handed him his medical instructions. I started reading as my free hand went of its own will to play with his hair.

Yamamoto made it brief. Kurosaki Ichigo was to resume substitute Shinigami duties upon medical release. Reporting to Kuchiki was only logical since the captain was overseeing all activity in Karakura. And he was to attend a captain's meeting in four days. Yamamoto must expect some resolution by then to the problem of Kurosaki being human.

"Huh. That's refreshingly simple."

"You need to stop."

"What?"

"You're petting me, and that definitely counts as foreplay."

"Says the man with his head in my lap."

"So what do you think they want to talk about in four days? Seems a little soon for the job offer."

"I don't know about that, the Gotei hates having positions open. They probably think four days is too long. I suspect they'll want to talk about killing you."

"What! What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know your human body can't be in Soul Society. And you cannot leave it indefinitely in the hands of a mod soul. It would be a serious liability."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I figured that part out. So they're coming up with a way to kill me and make sure my soul stays the way it is?"

"That's the plan. Keeping your power intact is the priority, along with ensuring you do not become a full Hollow in the process. But the worst case scenario is that we lose you, and your soul is dumped somewhere in Rukongai with or without power or memory."

"You said that wouldn't happen."

"I said it's unlikely, and it is. Extremely unlikely even if no safeguards are taken. With Kurotsuchi and Urahara both working on this, we really have nothing to worry about. But that won't stop us from planning for the worst."

"Urahara?"

"That letter from Kyoraku. He let you know he was in contact with Urahara, and Urahara will pick up on your new friendship with Kyoraku when you are the one that delivers the letter. As for the contents, I'm certain Kyoraku is seeking Urahara's advice on your predicament."

He groaned. "Damn Unohana, anyway. Doesn't she know how hard you are to resist when you're being clever?"

I smirked down at him and stopped messing with his hair. Somehow, I had stopped doubting him when he said such things. "Time to go, anyway. We're out of excuses."

When he didn't move I got up, pushing his head away. I went over to my desk and pulled out ink, brush and paper. "Remember to leave your number."

He hopped up. "Not that this isn't elegant, but you have heard of ball point pens?"

"Easy, Ichigo. Getting humans and Espada accepted in Seireitei is one thing, but making any part of the paperwork process easier is strictly forbidden."

My hand was reaching for Hyorinmaru when he grabbed it and pulled me to face him, his other hand wrapping around the back of my neck as he bent down to press his lips to mine. I grabbed the front of his shihakusho and pulled him closer, tilting my head and opening my mouth eagerly. All sense of where I was and what I should not be doing was lost for a moment in the taste and warmth of him.

I pushed away after too brief a time, and he had enough sense to let go. His hand caressed my cheek as he stepped back.

"Sorry, I'm just missing you already."

"We are going to have to get used to it. There will be times when we will be apart for weeks on missions."

"I know, it's just . . . there's a lot to deal with right now."

"Do you need me with you, Ichigo? To help explain things to your family?"

He looked like he wanted to say yes, but then he shook his head.

"No. I want you there for myself, but it's better for them if there is no one that they could point to and blame. Who knows, they may agree with my decision. Dad's crazy, but he has always been supportive. And the girls have seen firsthand what I've been dealing with."

So very young and planning to die because his human life was unbearable. Even if he was sure of his soul continuing, it was a heartbreaking state of affairs.

"I'll call as soon as I can. You just let me know if you need me and I'll be there." I busied myself clasping Hyorinmaru in place so that he wouldn't see any grief in my eyes.

We made our way to the gate with no further drama and he was gone. I set off for a favorite meditation spot in a forest near the Academy. I needed answers to the mystery of how Kurosaki's Hollow could be his zanpakuto, and what exactly the spirit he called Zangetsu was.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Ooooo," he used the tip of his fan to tilt my head up, "My, my, Kurosaki-san, that's one beauty of a souvenir."

I knocked his fan away. "I'm glad you like it. I'm sure Aizen would have loved to give you one."

He snapped the fan open and hid his smile. "Happy to see you still have your spirit."

_Why did I even come here? Oh, right._

I held out Shunsui's letter. He plucked it from my hand and looked it over, then peered at me with that calculating, creepy glint in his eye that had gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past. Between him and Toshiro I felt like I would always be the slow one, the one everyone looked at in pity because he never got the joke.

"And how is your family, Kurosaki-san? I'm sure they were overjoyed to see you again."

"I'm on my way to see them, actually."

"But you stopped to deliver this first. Is there something I can do for you?"

With a deep sigh I put my temper aside. "That letter will probably tell you that I am planning to join the Gotei 13 in the very near future. It might even ask you to help me find a way to . . . well, die. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that this is what I want so you don't have to feel awkward about anything."

His eyes were as wide as they could go. He lowered the fan and his face was serious and a little sad. "Kurosaki, can we have a conversation about this?"

I looked away. "Maybe another time. I have other people to talk to first."

"Yes, of course. We are all very glad to have you back. Yoruichi will be angry that she missed your visit."

He knew my smile was fake. "I'm sure she'll catch up with me. Tell her I said hello."

_Shit. If it's this hard with a guy I can barely stand . . ._

I dragged my feet a bit on the way to my old home. Yuzu and Karin would be home from school by now – what day was it, a school day? Karin might have soccer practice. Dad may still be working. Should I wait a while and make sure I'm not interrupting? That would probably be a good idea.

Changing direction, I found my feet taking me to the cemetery. Mom's grave was well tended, as always. Dad brought flowers often, and the lilies resting by the stone were perhaps two days old. I knew too much about life and death now to find any comfort in talking to a grave. But I sat with my back against a nearby tree and just thought of her for a while.

Renji didn't try to hide his approach, and I just sat and waited. He walked up slowly, and sat on the other side of the tree so that we were back to back. He sat silent, plucking blades of grass and shredding them absently.

"Rukia says she misses you," I said quietly after a few minutes. "I hear 'nii-sama' has been a bit of a dick lately."

"You could say that. Picked a fine time to start protecting his sister. Better late than never, I guess."

"Thanks, Renji."

"What the hell for? I've been less than useless."

"Thanks for trying. Thanks for protecting my family."

We were silent again for a time.

"Ichigo, Kuchiki-taicho let me read the captain's report."

"Well, that saves time. I'm okay, Renji. I'm not the same. And I'm okay."

"Alright. If you need anything, or just want to talk you know how to find me."

"Thanks. I will need a good sparring partner if Unohana ever lightens up."

"You really killed Aizen? Guy was a douche but he was one hell of a fighter."

"Mopped the floor with him, Renji. It was over before it even started."

"Fuck. Not sure I wanna spar with you anymore."

"Wuss."

"Dick. And you finally got a tattoo. I told you you'd look cool."

"A lot cooler than you. At least I still have eyebrows."

"Cool enough to finally get the boyfriend you always wanted, I hear."

"Jealous."

He laughed. "But seriously, Ichigo, I can't believe you actually pulled it off. Hitsugaya? I still say you should have started with something a little easier. Like anybody else in the entire world, for example."

"No point, Renji. Once you've seen the sun, the stars don't seem as bright."

"Wow. Badass Espada is totally whipped."

I chuckled. "At least I made a move. When are you finally going to tell Rukia?"

"Fuck off."

"It's about time for me to go see the family. Catch up with me tomorrow, would you?"

"Sure thing. Good luck."

Renji was easy. He was a good listener, but he didn't push. When I wanted a fight, physical or verbal, he'd be there for that, too. I appreciated it much more than he knew.

Locking my reiatsu up tight, I jumped onto the roof and went to my window. Kon was stretched out on the bed, reading a manga and listening to music. My old life. I was surprised that I did not feel some kind of nostalgia, some desire to have this back. A normal life, a father to pay the bills, no real responsibilities except to prepare for a normal future.

No, I felt nothing. There was nothing here I wanted anymore. I stepped in and he jumped. I put my finger to my lips quickly.

"Ichigo!" he stage whispered. "It's about time, your sisters are worried sick!"

"Sorry, Kon. The sword through my chest slowed me down a little."

"Yeah . . . well . . . you could have called or something."

"Look, I need my body, but I want you to be where you can hear what I have to say to the family tonight. Okay?'

"Huh? Yeah, sure."

"Thanks. And Kon, thanks for looking after our family. I'll be looking out for you, alright?"

"Yeah . . . um, you're welcome."

I looked kinda cute when I blushed.

Being back in a body after so long felt uncomfortable. It was like wearing clothes that fit too tightly, while you had a head cold and all that pressure was stacked up right behind your eyes. Everything felt . . . off somehow. I walked around the room a few times so that I wouldn't move like a robot and freak everyone out. This must be how Rukia and other Shinigami felt in gigai. No wonder she always bitched about it.

Yuzu was the first one I saw as I walked carefully down the stairs. She was in the kitchen as usual, whipping up some amazing dinner and more amazing dessert. She paused when she saw me. Though Yuzu couldn't see spirits the way Karin and I could, she was very intuitive and she knew the difference right away between me and Kon.

"Ichi-nii?"

She slowly set down the bowl, and took a step toward me with the question on her face. I clearly remembered her shrinking away from me in terror, refusing to even look at me as she left Las Noches. A false memory, but it still made me hesitate.

"It's me, Yu."

She burst into tears and ran to me. I caught her and lifted her into my arms as Karin came running around the corner and wrapped her arms around my waist. Gently I sunk to my knees so that I could hold them both as they sobbed. I looked up to see Dad watching with a sad smile and tears on his face. I closed my eyes and wished my tears would come, it wasn't right that I was the only one not breaking down.

Once the girls had stopped crying Yuzu suddenly remembered she had a cake in the oven. Karin got us some coffee and then helped Yuzu while Dad and I sat at the dinner table. I looked around in a daze. How often had I dreamed of this during the first months in Las Noches? As time went on, the detail started to fade. I didn't envision sitting at the dinner table or playing video games with Karin anymore. I just dreamed of feeling safe, of sleeping with my guard down.

Did this fulfill that dream? Here, with my father and sisters, in the home that was once the center of my world, did I feel safe?

"They said you were badly hurt just a couple of days ago."

"Yeah, but I'm a fast healer. Oh, I'm supposed to give you something from the doctor who took care of me." I pulled out the now badly wrinkled sheet of instructions and handed it to him.

"You don't have to try to find words to disguise things anymore, son. You were stabbed through the chest by a zanpakuto but you were healed by kido. By Unohana Retsu?"

I blinked. Toshiro said that my family had to be told some truths. But that was a bit too detailed.

"OooKaaay. You wanna tell me just how much you know? It would save a lot of time."

"Let's have a nice family dinner, spend some time together, and when your sisters go to bed we need to have a chat."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Turning onto my side and then seconds later crashing onto my back, I made one more effort to relax before getting up and pacing again. I seriously needed to kill something. Preferably my old man, but a Hollow would do. And here I am not allowed to swing a sword. Shinigami swarmed Karakura, even if I could fight good luck finding a Hollow to kill.

GAAAH! Damn that old bastard!

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I mean what I said. I was a Shinigami once. I'm an exile, like Urahara. Well, kinda. It was my choice, I wasn't thrown out."_

_"So you knew? You fucking knew what was happening to me and you didn't say anything?"_

_"That's not exactly . . ."_

_"Not exactly what? What excuses could you possibly have? Do you know what I went through, what they did . . . You didn't trust me. You're a fucking coward or you think I'm one so you couldn't trust me with the truth."_

_"Son, I do trust you. There are things you don't understand yet."_

_"Oh, you're right about that, old man."_

There was nothing I could do to vent my anger. I couldn't fight. I couldn't even yell at Shiro. And as much as I wanted to I couldn't beat my father into a bloody pulp. If only Toshiro were here. He could help me calm down. He would be on my side. He would understand. Or he could kick the shit out of my Dad for me, at least.

_"I tried to protect you. I tried to keep the powers in you from awakening in the first place."_

_"Protect me? Do you see how fucked up that is? My life has been nothing but disaster because I've been forced to chase power while you've been holding it back. Your protection resulted in much worse than my death."_

_"If I had succeeded you could have lived a normal life."_

_My fists nearly broke the table. "Normal was_ **_**never** _ ** _an option. Human, Hollow, Quincy, Shinigami. Why the fuck did you have children, you selfish bastard? You had to know we'd be targets. Dear God, what will happen to Karin and Yuzu?"_

_"I won't let anything happen to them, you know that."_

_"What? Like you didn't let anything happen to me?"_

I looked around the room. This was not my home, and there was no reason to stay. There was a photo album with all of my pictures of Mom, baby pictures of the twins, happy family memories that now seemed tainted with lies as cruel as the ones Aizen gave me. There were a couple of SD cards with all kinds of more modern memories of my friends, of school and sports, vacations, and competitions. My guitar that I had never mastered, but hoped to someday. My phone, my music collection on an iPod, solar charger, earbuds and speakers. What else? Oh yeah, every ball point pen I could find. I stuffed a backpack, threw in my favorite tennis shoes and a couple T-shirts and pairs of shorts.

Kon had been quiet, looking like the little lifeless stuffed animal that he was. He had heard it all. So had the girls, sitting with him at the top of the stairs listening. I couldn't trust myself to talk to them yet. Karin had looked crushed but was hiding the hurt behind a brave face. Yuzu couldn't even look at me without bawling. It was Aizen's illusion all over again, and I just could not face it.

_"Ichigo, you have to listen to me. You need to give yourself some time, son. You can't make this kind of decision when you are scared and angry. You can't just throw your life away."_

_"I'm not the one that threw my life away, or haven't you been listening to me, taicho? I'm already dead. There's nothing human left in here. Aizen and Ichimaru ripped out the human part of me because I wasn't strong enough to fight back."_

_"That isn't true . . . you're my son. Your human life is the one that needs saved."_

_"Really? Then why are you the only one trying?"_

Even through all of this I did not weep. I faced down my father's revelations, his deception, his desperation. I looked into my sisters' eyes, full of tears. And all I felt was anger. Was that not proof enough that I did not belong here?

"Kon, I'll need my body for a day or two. Then I'll only be coming back when they figure out the safest way to end my human life. I'll talk to Urahara about making a more permanent arrangement for you. Can you handle it here until then?"

How disconnected I felt now from this flesh.

He nodded silently. I grabbed the backpack and my guitar case and left. I could sense Byakuya and Renji nearby, keeping a discreet distance but close enough to react. I was certain none of the Espada would be coming after me. But it was safe for the Gotei to assume I was still in danger. Or maybe the good captain felt my murderous reiatsu and was close by to stop me, not save me.

Even though I was feeling more and more like my life here was truly over, I still couldn't bring myself to leave tonight. I still owed a proper farewell to my friends. Didn't I? I wasn't sure anymore. Though it was past midnight, Chad was already waiting at his door. Poor sucker, I was going to dump all of this on his shoulders.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Walking in to find fruit and pastries set out on the table between the couches was a pleasant surprise. I had skipped breakfast and an early workout had given me an appetite. Matsumoto walked in with tea and a bounce in her step.

"Good morning, taicho! Were you at morning training?"

"Yes. I would have left word, but I didn't expect you before noon."

I said this without reprimand. She had me well-trained after all these years. As long as the division ran smoothly and her work was done, I really didn't care to micromanage. Every now and then she'd cross a line and I would have to remind her of her duties; sometimes that involved an awful lot of shouting. I sat and prepared a plate while she poured tea.

"You shouldn't skip breakfast, taicho. Growing boys need their morning nutrition."

Good mood ruined, I was about to snap at her when she placed a cell phone on the table in front of me.

"I'd better get to work, taicho. Shout if you need me." She grabbed some kind of Danish and went to her desk.

Staring at the phone as if it were a snake, I reminded myself that I had said I would call as soon as I could. But I really didn't want him to bring up his zanpakuto over a phone call. Maybe I should just go visit him? He had only been gone 20 hours, 23 minutes and about 40 seconds. Surely just a phone call would do. I picked up the little piece of plastic and went to get his number from the desk. Then I walked over to my house and settled on the back porch where we had recently stood together. Listening to the faint ringing, I wondered not for the first time how Division 12 managed long distance calls to another dimension.

" _What_?"

"Ichigo, that's how you answer your phone?"

"Toshiro! Sorry, I've been fielding some rough calls today. You're the only reason I didn't go on airplane mode."

I had no clue how to translate that.

"Did things not go well?"

"You could say that. You are absolutely not going to believe what has been happening here."

"Are you okay? Do you need me there?"

"I'm fine, physically anyway. I'm just pissed off. It's not something that can't wait until tomorrow when I come back. Things are just starting to calm down. How are things there? First day back on the job and all."

"Uneventful, actually. I did learn a few things, but I agree we should save the important conversations for tomorrow."

"Toshiro, about tomorrow. Would it be okay if I just stayed with you after that? I'm done here."

I winced at the pain he was trying to hide, and at my guilt for feeling happy about it.

"Of course. This is your home, Ichigo. I'm on the back porch right now. It's a perfect day, not too hot but plenty of light. You would love it."

"That wild garden is really something. Hey, do you know what a hammock is?"

"I know what it is, I've never had one."

"We could get a big double one for between the trees, that spot where you can't see out of the garden."

"With a thick blanket for autumn nights."

"And a little stump instead of a table for our hot cocoa."

"Dark chocolate"

"Obviously."

"No marshmallows."

"Whatever you like, my love, even if that is sacrilege."

That's better. I was grinning like an idiot and I could somehow hear the matching grin on his face.

"Sounds wonderful."

I could hear some commotion, and raised voices in the background. A heavy sigh.

"Sorry, the gang skipped school to catch up with me, and they've tracked me down. I'd better go."

"Call if you need me. See you soon."

"The sooner the better."

Gazing out at the garden, I dealt with my guilt. Kurosaki, his friends, and his family were all suffering over his decision to leave his life behind. And all I could really care about was getting him back.

Trusting his word that he didn't need me, I returned to the office and tackled the small stack of reports, requisitions, and authorizations. After the past few days it was rather soothing to be handling the mundane details of running a division. This I had been doing for a very long time, before I was a captain, even. This spoke of normalcy, predictability, and control. It was almost with regret that I set aside the last of the papers, sorted for delivery to the appropriate parties or to be filed away until they turned to dust.

Business done, I went to the 4th. This time I made a respectful entrance, and checked in as was proper. The patient register said that Momo still wasn't accepting visitors. I should have just sent an inquiry. Perhaps she would accept a letter. Nothing too heavy, just well wishes to let her know I was thinking of her and would like to talk sometime. She was my only family until recently. I didn't think, looking back, that our relationship was ever as strong as I thought it was. It was my fault. If I had been more open with her, had spent more time paying attention to how she was feeling, how much would have changed?

Instead I had shut her out only slightly less than the rest of the world. I pretended to trust her, but I never did, not even a little. She was judgmental, selfish, and tended to be willfully blind to any problem that didn't directly affect her. She was also forgiving, selfless, and empathetic. A world of contradictions, just like most people. It seems I had brought out the best in her when we were young, and the worst in her as we grew. In return, I was a terrible excuse for a friend, and a worse brother. She was right to betray me. And still I didn't know if I could ever forgive her for that.

Shaking myself out of useless thoughts, I found the names of three Division 10 soldiers on the register. Two training accidents and one injured on routine patrol. Since I was here anyway I took the time to visit each and give them some recognition for their efforts. At least I could be of use to someone.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

We had stayed together all day and late into the night. My friends were more supportive of my decision, though Orihime cried like a baby. They had been with me through some bad times, unlike my old man, and they could guess what I had faced in Las Noches. The only thing I told them was that I had been badly treated, and tricked into thinking they were all dead. I had to say something to explain why I latched onto Ishida for 10 minutes.

Chad and I cooked a nice dinner, and Renji joined us for a movie, lots of snacks, cards, and just being together for what might be the last time. It was as close to human as I'd felt in a very long time. When Renji dropped the bombshell about my new boyfriend, Orihime cried again though she tried to make it seem like she was crying out of happiness. I knew her feelings for me. At one time I had thought . . . maybe if things hadn't taken such a terrible turn we could have been happy together. Watching Ishida watch her, I hoped for the best.

After the festivities, I made Chad get to bed so he could go to school the next day. I cleaned the place and crashed on the couch. The next morning, I made breakfast and cleaned up again. Renji joined me for some errands. I cleaned out my college account and my savings. My life insurance would make it up, going to Yuzu and Karin. Ishida had family. Orihime and Chad were alone and I knew how hard it was on them. They would both get a pleasant surprise the next time they talked to their landlords. A few months' rent was all I could manage, but I hoped it helped.

I did some shopping and had packages delivered to Urahara's for later. I had Renji fetch Kon so that I could avoid my father. Leaving that body behind was an immense relief. Then I found Byakuya, not wanting to mess with Urahara again until I couldn't avoid it.

Rukia's brother still had a stick up his ass. He shrugged off my thanks for looking after my family. He was just doing his duty. People said nobles had refined manners. But when you could say 'You're welcome' but instead you made protecting someone's sisters sound like a chore while you looked like you were trying to avoid an unpleasant stench, that wasn't manners. That was being a dick.

_Two can play this game, you condescending prick._

All I wanted was for him to open a damn gate. I tapped the air and the shriek of a garganta ripping the sky made every Shinigami in Karakura jump. Byakuya stared as I walked away and the sky snapped shut. The downside was that gargantas can't open close to Seireitei. I managed to get closer than Grimm, but that still put me 10 districts out. Worth it, though, to shock that false serenity off Byakuya's face. I did feel a little guilty when I saw the locals running for their lives.

A LOT of flash stepping later, I remembered my own manners and dropped from a roof onto the street a block from the 10th. I breathed deep, sensing Toshiro nearby was like feeling the first ray of sunshine after days of dark storms. Some squad members stared as I walked toward the captain's office, but others ignored me, or nodded and went about their business. Division 10 belonged to Toshiro, and so did I. We'd get along just fine.

Toshiro was busy at his desk when I walked in, but did a double take when he looked up. "You look like some kind of pack animal."

Zangetsu was big enough sticking over my shoulder. My guitar case was over the sword, the backpack half off the other shoulder, and a large box was tucked under my arm.

"Oh my poor heart! After a long absence filled with toil and much sorrow, my love greets me by comparing me to a mule!"

He snorted and went back to scribbling. "Welcome back, drama queen. Feel free to drop your things at home, or stash them in a corner for now. Let me finish this and I'll go with you to the 4th."

"You look busy. I can manage to find my way."

"That would let me get the office work out of the way. I would like to check on a couple of the patrol squads after lunch. Ask Unohana if you are allowed to join us. No combat – just supervision."

"Got it. I'm going to take a quick shower first, it's been a couple of days."

His cute little nose wrinkled and he waved me away. Just before I walked out the back door I glanced back and caught him smiling at his paperwork.

Walking into Toshiro's home, our home, again filled me with joy. I dropped everything at the door to get to Zangetsu and rested the blade on the weapon rack. The box went to the back porch, the guitar and backpack into my closet for now. I hurried through a shower and put on fresh clothes. Everything in the Kurosaki home where I had lived so long now felt unfamiliar and awkward. Cleaning up and getting dressed, walking downstairs for a quick glass of water, then heading out across the little courtyard all felt natural. It was new but had the ease of habit.

Now clean, I made a point of walking back through Toshiro's office. He glanced up briefly and was right back to work. I walked behind his desk, leaned down with my hands over his shoulders and went to kiss his cheek. Without stopping the whisper of brush on paper, he tilted his head and leaned his cheek toward me. Satisfied that his distant manner was just Toshiro working, and not Toshiro avoiding contact, I gently kissed the presented cheek and rubbed his shoulders for a moment. I had a lot to learn about Hitsugaya-taicho, his habits, mannerisms, likes and dislikes. But I'd proven a quick study when it came to Toshiro.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"I must say I am impressed, Kurosaki-san. But I'm not taking any chances. You are still on medical leave. No sparring, but you may exercise normally including light training. If your rate of healing continues, your next checkup may be your last."

"Thank you, Unohana-taicho. Toshiro wanted me to ask if I could check on patrols with him. He said it would just be supervising."

"That should be fine. But leave any fighting to the patrols and Hitsugaya-taicho."

"Um."  _She's a doctor. She's a doctor._

"Is there something else you wanted to ask?"

_She's the one who wrote it in the first place. She's a doctor._

"Yeah, um . . . issexualactivitystillrestricted?"

She didn't smile or even blink. "No, the only restrictions are intense training and combat. Other than that, you should be fine."

_Whew._

One short awkward conversation down. One long awkward conversation to go.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Checking on patrol squads wasn't nearly as interesting as lunch in the division mess hall. As captain, Toshiro could have meals delivered anywhere at any time. His housekeeper also would cook anything he wanted. But he tried to eat with the division several times a week. With several squads out on patrol there were plenty of empty seats. I followed Toshiro to a table with two men and one woman.

All three greeted their captain enthusiastically. He introduced them by names I probably wouldn't remember, and as seats 7, 8 and 11. He gave them my name, but they all just nodded, obviously already knowing who I was. He chatted with them about training, asking for names of any newer recruits with potential and commenting on various things he'd noticed. There was an easy flow of ideas, and it was apparent that Toshiro listened to his officers, but also knew nearly as much as they did about their own squad members.

The icy, haughty reputation didn't seem to apply as strongly within the division walls. The officers were respectful, but didn't show fear or any tendency to hold back information like they would if he was a tyrant or a fool. More interesting still was how many of the soldiers went out of their way to greet him. There were some glances and hushed conversations, but they had a tone of admiration. This was the atmosphere I would try for in my own division. Maybe they were all like this with their own captains, but I suspected not. I mean, who could picture Soi-fon or Byakuya swapping ideas with their subordinates in the mess hall?

I could see now that the day was carefully planned with me in mind. I would be a captain. And I would probably have to train under a captain. Given our relationship, it wasn't likely that Toshiro would be the one training me. So, he was showing me what he thought was important – being not just a captain in title, but a hands-on leader that stands with his men, and only far enough above them as required to keep respect. Once again I marveled that any Shinigami would ever look at Toshiro and think arrogant, egotistical, and unapproachable. His mask did advertise those qualities, but you only had to watch him or listen to him for five minutes to see the truth.

"You're staring."

We were back in the office, Toshiro writing a report of the day's activities while things were still fresh in his mind. I was stretched out on the couch.

"I am."

He looked up and tapped the end of his brush on the desk a couple of times while he eyed me.

"You want to tell me what you're thinking?"

"I'm thinking that today was an interesting lesson, sensei. I'm thinking that there is something very important to talk about, but that selfishly I just want to be with you tonight. I'm thinking it would be good for me to learn how to do reports so I can help."

"Hmm, I'm thinking I'll do the cooking tonight."

"Then finish your work so you can feed your man."

He set the brush in a dish of water on the desk and started putting things away.

"I brought you pens. Lots of pens."

He shook his head, then stood and stretched. I stared some more. Was that stretching or yoga? Some kind of dance maybe? Whatever it was it was beautiful even in that loose, unflattering uniform.

"We're done. Let's go home."

I smiled as I got off the couch. He locked the doors and we headed home. What an amazing thing, my first night in the place that was already home. As the front door closed I staggered back, my arms suddenly full as Toshiro literally jumped on me.

"I can't take it anymore," he said in between nibbling and licking my ear, "did you ask Unohana?"

He managed to pull back and look at me for an answer but I couldn't seem to form words as I looked into his darkened eyes.

"Never mind, I don't even care." He licked at my lips and then we were lost in a passionate kiss as I clutched him closer. I had gone from relaxed to needing to be inside him in an instant. I managed a few steps toward the stairs, intent on getting to the bedroom, when he moaned loudly and pushed his erection up against my stomach.

_Who needs a bed? Beds are overrated._

I had moved away from the wall like an idiot, and I really needed to find a way to keep my balance as he nibbled my neck and flexed against me again. There was a couch somewhere, right? A few more steps and I had a solution in sight in the kitchen, just a few more steps. None too soon, we were both out of control.

I swept some things off the table, I couldn't be bothered to know what, and leaned over Toshiro as I tilted him back. He growled when I left him for a second, eyes searching in panic and finding a jar of oil. That would do just fine.

Strong hands grabbed at my robes as he sat up, untying and separating while I did the same to him. As soon as we were bare enough, robes still on but open, pants and underwear tugged down, he pulled me down and pressed our bodies together. His hands were roughly clutching me closer as his mouth moved with contrasting delicacy over my chest and shoulders.

_Control, easy. He's so small. Don't hurt him again._

I managed to use the oil and quickly moved to prepare him. I started with one finger but Toshiro growled at me. "Dammit, Ichigo, hurry!"

"No, please love, I can't hurt you."

He growled again in frustration and then took a few deep breaths. I watched in fascination as once again he used whatever mental trick he had to completely relax in mere seconds. How could he pull himself so far back from the edge? I had to learn that. We could make sex last for hours . . ..

I kissed him deeply, trying to convey my gratitude as I took the time to prepare him properly. His composure was unraveling again quickly, but we were now in sync.

Pulling him toward me until he was on the edge of the table, I guided his legs up around me. Finally, finally I pushed into that delightfully tight heat. I knew what he would want, and as soon as the head of my cock was in I held his hips and shoved quickly into him. With a shout, his back arched and his head went back so that his neck completed the smooth curve. He was exquisite, and he was mine. Against all odds, he had not killed me, had not turned his back on me, he was mine.

It was good that he was so close, because my body was demanding that this be quick and hard. Just a few nights without him and I was desperate. Toshiro was with me, and as I pulled back he tightened his legs to bring me back faster.

"Toshiro! So . . . damn . . . good!"

Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard the sweet noises he was making, the sound of our bodies slamming together, and felt the sting as his nails dragged down my arm. I just kept trying to get closer somehow, deeper and hotter. It was so rushed, but I didn't care. All that mattered was the scorching heat between us.

When his muscles contracted and he screamed my name I followed, with an orgasm so intense that I nearly blacked out for a moment. His breath was ragged, his body still shaking, eyes barely open and unfocused. I gulped in air and rested my head on his shoulder while one hand stroked his hair.

Eventually he blinked and his eyes widened. "Is this the kitchen?"

I chuckled weakly. "Damn, love, I really did try to get to the bed."

"Huh. Well, one room down. Shame it wasn't the bedroom but we'll get there eventually."

"Hitsugaya Toshiro, you are a sex-crazed lunatic."

He smirked. "Lucky you. Now let me up. I'm starving and now I have to clean myself and the kitchen before I can cook."

Watching him walk away a little unsteadily, with his hakama in hand and kosode fluttering open was nearly as much fun as the look on his face when I stepped into the shower with him a few minutes later.

His hands went up to eye level between us. "No, we're not doing shower sex. I want to go make dinner."

"Who's stopping you?" I washed quickly, ignoring the looks he kept giving my body. What had gotten into him? Well, besides me.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Why did he have to follow me into the shower? I considered turning the water to freezing, it would do me good and might chase him away. I knew I was going to tackle him the second we were home, but I hadn't realized just how bad it would be. Shit, I didn't even remember most of it.

The intense way we had gotten together, the constant tension between us for days, then almost losing him, these events had set the stage. The short time apart was filled with nothing but thoughts of him – solving the mystery of Zangetsu, supporting him through his separation from his family, planning ways to help him transition to life here. But what really sealed it was having him in my home. How could I have known that I would have a possessive, almost obsessive streak a mile wide? When I saw him here, a part of my life, every cell in my body screamed _MINE_.

Previously, I would have stayed at the office until every scrap of work was done and every speck of dust was banished. Then I would walk through the division grounds, making sure all was right in my world. If it was a good day, I'd find a roof with a spectacular view of the sunset or the stars. Very late at night I would roll out the futon and fall into dreamless sleep for a few hours.

But today he came back to me and said he would stay. He spent a perfect day with me, showing off that sharp mind that he often hid from the world. And then he walked into our home. What little control I had been grasping was tossed aside and all I could hear was  _mine, mine, he is MINE_ _!_

This had to stop. Maybe it was temporary, and a few days or weeks of getting used to my new life would calm me down. I was a captain. I had legendary control over my reiatsu, my instincts, and my intellect. I could control this.

I looked to see if he was finished, and he was already stepping out of the shower. The wet skin rippled over the muscles of his back, buttocks, and legs like water rippling over river stone, and I could imagine nothing as fine as licking away those droplets. I turned back, gritting my teeth as I shut off the water. I shook some of the water out of my hair and stepped out, quickly wrapping a towel around my waist and stalking away dripping wet.

"Toshiro? Is everything alright?"

"Fine," I snapped. Great, now I was lashing out at him because I had a problem.

By the time I had slipped on a yukata and stared at the wall regaining authority over my body he had cleaned up the bathroom, dressed, and gone downstairs. He was tidying up the kitchen. When had all of that ended up on the floor?

"Ichigo," I leaned against the counter and looked around aimlessly, "I'm sorry."

He stood and looked at me with surprise. "For what, love?"

"For losing my temper. And for being so needy. I'm just . . . I am having some trouble adjusting and I took out my anger on you."

He cocked his head with that crooked grin and I had to look away again. Just his silly smile was enough to make me want to jump on him again.

"You don't need to apologize for anything, especially not for wanting me. Just tell me what is bothering you and I can change it. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with."

Rubbing between my eyes, I tried to find a way to say what I needed to.

"It isn't you. There is not a single thing I would change about you even if I could." I sighed. "It's me, Ichigo. I have never had a relationship, as you know. I have never had anyone in my life, in my office, in my home. I am not dealing with it well."

He leaned with one hand on the kitchen table, the surface where he had recently laid me down and . . .  _Focus, Toshiro_ _!_

"I can stay in the barracks." His face was suddenly drawn and pale. I heard the tremor in his voice and realized what conclusion he had jumped to. He thought I was getting rid of him.

"We can take our time, all the time you need. Things have moved too quickly . . . "

"NO!" I had started to panic the moment he spoke. "No, that's not what I meant."

He waited, confused and breathless while I struggled to get the words out.

"Okay, at the risk of making that ego of yours even worse, the problem is the opposite."

"Huh?"

I swallowed hard. "I am having a great deal of trouble thinking about anything but touching you."

He stared.

"You, in this house, in my life, I just want to lock the door and never leave."

"But, love, why would you think that would upset me? Why is it upsetting you?"

"Because it's wrong, and destructive. I love your independence and here I am trying to own you and lock you up. That isn't me, and that is not what I want from you."

He stepped toward me and I hadn't left anywhere for me to back up. He pulled me into his embrace with a relieved laugh.

"Oh, my possessive dragon, that's not wrong. It's just new. We've jumped into the deep end, that's all. We'll figure out how to swim soon enough."

"So . . . this is going to go away eventually, right? I cannot really live my life with you chained to my bed. People will talk."

"Maybe not go away entirely, we're both too selfish and too in love. But a few days of fucking like rabbits might help get it out of our systems."

This time I didn't choke, I made the decision between laughing and shouting. And if my laugh was just bit hysterical, he held me anyway and his own laughter helped me accept the idea of being fragile for a few days to see what would happen.

"So, you think I could blame it on Hyorinmaru?"

"Definitely. Everyone knows dragons are hoarders with control issues. It's entirely his fault."

He kissed me, but gently with just lips on lips and then pulled away. He turned to finish cleaning up our mess. I sucked in a deep breath and examined my options for dinner.

"Ichigo, mushrooms?"

"Love 'em."

"Chinese stir fry, heavy on the mushrooms? Watercress, scallions, snap peas, how do you feel about peppers?"

"Yes to all of that, sounds like heaven."

He didn't leave the kitchen after cleaning. Instead he took over washing the vegetables and handing them back to me for chopping. He made a plate of fruit and nuts, finding everything easily. Then he started the tea and set the table while I cooked. We moved around each other easily. It was like we had been doing this for years.

"That's a nice tune, does it have a name?"

I hadn't even realized I had been humming.

"Probably. A man in the neighborhood where I grew up used to play a shakuhachi on his porch some evenings and people would gather. I would sneak up a tree and sit on his roof at the back of the house to listen. That song stuck with me, but I never knew its name."

"And you were on the roof instead of with the crowd."

"I was not exactly welcome."

I continued humming and he dropped the issue to preserve the serenity we had established. I dished food right from the pan, giving Ichigo a larger portion for that bottomless pit he called a stomach.

"Mm, there isn't anything you can't do."

"Can you cook?"

"Some. I was the cook after my mom died, but Yuzu took over as she grew. She's a great cook and baker. And she loves it. I hope she'll go for a career as a chef. Anyway, I can manage a few meals well. Breakfast is my specialty."

"That might be nice sometimes. Matsumoto is always on me for skipping breakfast."

"I've been meaning to ask you about lieutenants. I know all three of the open divisions already have one, but none are ready to take the captain's exam. So I don't have to pick one, right?"

"You don't have to, but it is your right. Setting aside an active lieutenant is a big move. If you don't do it as you take the division, then it becomes harder to do unless they make some major mistakes. You should put some thought into it. Keeping the current second means you have someone with experience. But they may have habits and expectations instilled by the previous captain. Choosing someone you already know you can work well with can provide a fresh start, but then you both have to learn on the job."

"Will I be given my pick of divisions? And then I can keep the lieutenant or chose a new one right away."

I ate a few more bites and thought of Momo. "I don't know if you'll be given a choice of divisions. You might make that one of your conditions if you have an opinion. If it were me, I'd go for the 3rd or 5th. The 9th has a, well, a problem that's hard to manage."

"Then they need the help most, right?"

I grimaced. "Some divisions take on added projects or a kind of identity, usually thanks to one captain's interest. Urahara turned the 12th into the research monstrosity it is now, for example. Somewhere along the line the 9th started publishing a news magazine. It's actually quite a nice thing to have in Seireitei, but it eats up a lot of the division's resources and time. It's ridiculous in a military organization, but it's not up to me. If you take the 9th you either become a slave to the publication, or you become the least popular man in Seireitei when you demolish it."

He looked appropriately horrified. "And that badass looking tattooed guy runs that?"

"Hisagi's a pushover. A good fighter, but he plays reluctant hero and worries more about getting the next issue out than achieving Bankai to advance to captain."

"The 3rd was Ichimaru's and the 5th was Aizen's. Delightful."

"Yes, and either one would be a good division. The 3rd was obedient. They didn't love Ichimaru, but they followed orders. It might be the easiest to take over, just win some trust and they should be grateful for a captain with some heart. Izuru is the lieutenant. He's an odd one, and tends to underestimate himself. With the right hand guiding him, he'll make captain in time.

"The 5th trusted Aizen. They are pretty demoralized right now, but he trained them well and there is a great fighting division that could be salvaged. Some turnover would be necessary to get the loyalists out, and a strong hand so that they can face down the legacy of their former captain. The lieutenant is currently out of the picture, too, so the other captains are supervising. The lieutenant is also my sister."

He wasn't surprised. He had heard it somewhere.

"You don't have to answer if it's too personal for you. Do you think she's going to recover enough to be an effective lieutenant?"

"I honestly don't know. She hasn't left the 4th since Aizen cut us both down. And she won't take visitors. That is not a good sign. Hinamori is a kido expert, and capable as a lieutenant in battle. She's too loyal for her own good, and much better than Matsumoto at the grunt work. But she does not inspire confidence. If she could learn to stand on her own, that may change.

He thought about that and let me eat for a while. He asked about all the other divisions and their leaders, and we chatted about command styles through the rest of dinner. Then he helped with cleanup, working with me with the same ease. We took fresh tea to the back porch to relax.

"What's that?" I'd nearly tripped over the large box he had carried in earlier.

"What else? A two-person hammock."

I grinned and adjusted the patio furniture so we could sit comfortably and talk.

"So, things didn't go so well with the family?"

"I never really had a heart to heart with my sisters. I haven't decided what to do about them because it got a lot more complicated."

I raised an eyebrow. He was obviously feeling apprehensive about something he was about to tell me. This was Kurosaki Ichigo, it could be quite the bombshell. I prepared myself to control my reaction.

"My father has been keeping some major secrets. Including that he is an exiled Shinigami, a captain, no less. That starts to explain why I was able to run so far with Rukia's power and then develop my own. But that's just the start."

"One second. He never told you any of this before?"

A flash of intense fury. "No."

I nodded and he continued. "My mother, Kurosaki Masaki, wasn't a normal human either. She was a Hollowfied Quincy."

My jaw dropped despite being prepared for something big. "A what?"

"She was a Quincy. When fighting a very strong Hollow she was bitten before it was killed. It had a special ability to transfer part of its soul, and she became the host of a Hollow. Dad used all his powers to keep it from taking her over, and stayed and married her. And then the colossal prick decided to have kids."

_Holy shit, what can I even say to something like that?_

"And you, their  ** _child_** , inherited a Hollow? It didn't come from Urahara's training?"

"Urahara poked it with a very sharp stick, but it was already there."

"Ichigo, how could they?" I was appalled and starting to get very angry.

His tight smile told me how much that question had been on his mind. "I'm glad to hear you ask that. Dad acts like it's no big deal. Says he was trying to protect me, and tried to block my powers. He's angry that I won't keep trying to be a normal human."

I got up, suddenly regretting the separate chairs. He had been hiding far more pain and sorrow than I had thought. If his father had been forthright, if he had talked to his son about what was happening and helped him deal with the frightening changes he faced, would Ichigo have been able to change his fate? It certainly would have relieved the suffering he went through alone, afraid of himself and his power. I stood beside him and hugged his head to my chest, kissing his hair.

"Your father's lack of judgment threw a boy with barely controlled power right into the path of Aizen and Ichimaru. I'm so sorry, Ichigo."

The dam broke. He clutched me and started sobbing. Great, painful cries racked his body and I held him gently, my heart breaking for him. I did not know the pain that can only live between a parent and a child, and I wished the man every evil I could imagine. Ichigo recovered control after only a few minutes, though I would have stood there stroking his hair all night. He still gripped me tightly with his face against my chest as he breathed deeply.

"I knew you would understand. I didn't cry, not once when I told him I wanted to die. I didn't cry when I fought with my old man, or when I left the house. I knew I should, but I couldn't. Because I was alone, no one understood."

Kissing his hair again, I didn't say that I should have gone with him. Neither of us could have seen this coming, this entire tragedy that nearly destroyed Ichigo's soul, or this new chapter that finished his will to live.

He let go and stood. "Sorry, I just need the restroom."

I let the excuse go, and sat back down to run through the information again and again. Kurosaki-taicho? No, I knew there wasn't one. But I did know a story that fit and my stomach turned just thinking of it. I needed to resolve this one thing before moving on to Zangetsu. I would like to give him the rest of the night before tackling this, but it would be better to get through it all. Who knew what else we would uncover?

He had returned while I was lost in thought, and was watching me from the doorway. His eyes were reddened, but he looked composed and slightly amused by what he called zoning out.

"What are you working on, tensai?"

I stood. "Come with me to the office."

He followed without question. I unlocked the office and ignited a few of the kido lamps. The wall behind my desk was floor to ceiling bookshelves. Most were stacked with reference materials, law books, and report binders. Slightly to one side was a shelf with only one large book on a stand. I took it down and set it on my desk gently.

He moved next to me and looked on with curiosity. The book was heavily bound in green silk-lined leather. Small, intricate daffodils graced the corners and spine, and the Division 10 insignia was the only title. Roughly a third of the heavy pages were filled, with careful calligraphy and beautiful ink sketches.

Turning pages reverently, I explained, "Every division has something like this. These are the captains of Division 10, from its founding. Each captain's years of service, the name and nature of his or her zanpakuto, notable deeds, and list of senior officers. Some served months, others centuries. Most died, a few retired or moved to other divisions."

I was coming to the end of the recorded pages. "There has never been a Captain Kurosaki in any division, I am sure of it. But we did lose a captain a couple of decades ago."

I turned another page and heard him gasp. _Sometimes it really sucks being right._

"Shiba? Even that is a lie?"

"Your mother brought the Kurosaki name, I think. Or he invented it. You know part of the Shiba clan. They were once quite powerful."

_Doesn't that just beat all. Ichigo claims no skill in politics. He wins over two Kuchikis, calls Kyoraku by his given name, and now he's a goddamn Shiba._

"As in Ganju? I'm related to that oaf?"

"Also to one of the finest lieutenants on record, Shiba Kaien, and the formidable Shiba Kukaku, and one Captain Shiba Isshin with a very mixed reputation."

He touched the sketch of his father. "Did you know him?"

I turned a couple of pages to the list of officers, tapping my name. "I was his third seat. He was my captain."

He turned the pages back to the sketch and I stepped aside to let him read the entire entry. My own outrage at this revelation was carefully contained. Shiba's death had been devastating. The circumstances were unusual enough that the officers of the 10th were under suspicion. The interrogations, the threats, strangers poking around our division and our quarters with no regard for personal rights, I had endured it along with grief. For all his faults, Shiba had given me the chance to prove myself. He had been kind, sometimes more kind than I would have liked.

"Missing in action, presumed dead. They didn't look very hard."

"Or it was covered up. No one told us anything else. Matsumoto and I kept the division together until I was strong enough for the captain's exam."

He closed the book and took it back to its stand. He stood staring at it until I walked up and offered my hand. He wrapped my hand in his and we went back home in thoughtful silence.

"I want nothing more than to take you to bed and distract you from your thoughts, but we should really talk about Zangetsu."

"What kind of captain was he?"

I took a drink of my now cool tea and sat down. He stayed standing near the railing, looking out at the dark garden. I considered lying for a moment, not wanting to cause further pain. But it was not in me to lie to someone I respected, let alone someone I loved.

"There were good things. He was charismatic, and cared about the men when he bothered to learn their stories. He was fearless, and never backed down from a fight. If you could get him to train you, he was a good teacher, never held anything back from you. He was very kind, and saw the good in everyone he met. Shiba was the only one willing to give me a chance, to look past my youth and appearance.

"But he was frivolous and lazy. Even Matsumoto had to chase him down to get any work done. If we hadn't stayed on his back, the division would have collapsed from sheer neglect. While he would charge in to save anyone, he ignored tactics and formations to the point where he would disrupt or even endanger a squad in battle. Even the way he ended was in keeping with his character. He left without authorization, taking no backup against an unknown and powerful enemy. Then he vanished and left me and Matsumoto to face inquiries and suspicion."

"Not a good captain, then."

"Not a bad captain by any means, but no. Not what I would call a good captain."

"Alright," he settled into his chair, "enough about the old goat-faced bastard. What else have you figured out?"

One would think that finding out your father has been lying to you your entire life was bad enough. Now I had to tell him that his own soul was hiding another gigantic secret.

"I started thinking about Shiro in Hueco Mundo, for obvious reasons. Some things just didn't fit. As you pointed out, Aizen didn't seal your zanpakuto. And your connection and power with Shiro grew as your connection with the spirit that you called Zangetsu faded."

He winced and I knew he caught that wording. He knew the truth already, he just didn't trust what his intellect and instincts agreed on.

"So, I had Hyorinmaru contact Zangetsu."

"You can do that?"

"You had Shiro speak directly to me. It's possible, just not frequently done."

"And?"

I made sure I had eye contact. "And I can confirm what you already know. The Hollow you call Shiro is Zangetsu. He is your zanpakuto. Given what you have told me tonight, it makes sense that the Hollow you inherited from your mother consumed or merged with your undeveloped power as a Shinigami very, very early in your life."

The expected curses never came. "Okay. Now that I know we, Zangetsu and I, should be able to move forward."

"You're taking this well."

"Like you said, I already knew on some level. Shiro . . . Zangetsu and I worked well together through what happened with Aizen. In a way, it's a relief. Now I know why he's stayed so powerful. Now I know why he didn't just take over when he had so many chances. But then what is the other guy, the old man who taught me how to use Zangetsu?"

"I don't know, Zangetsu would not talk to Hyorinmaru about that, and the other spirit wouldn't communicate at all. Before tonight I thought he might be a second zanpakuto spirit, or perhaps the Hollowfication split Zangetsu into a Hollow version and a more standard zanpakuto spirit. He may even be something additional inherited from your mother, though I don't even know if Quincies have any kind of guiding spirit."

"Tomorrow then, I'll have to talk to them both."

"Good, they may be able to give you more information now that they'll be cornered into revealing their secrets. But don't judge a zanpakuto like a human. I don't know about the other one, but if you could read a transcript of everything Zangetsu has ever said to you, I guarantee you that you would not find a single intentional lie. Wrong opinions, assumptions and judgments perhaps, but not a lie."

That startled him, and he frowned as he started thinking. I gathered the teapot and cups and went to the kitchen to clean up. It had all gone better than expected. I was learning that Ichigo was even more intelligent than I had thought. He couldn't always keep up with me, but once given enough information he was very quick to sort facts. It saved a lot of time since I didn't have to explain myself every step of the way.

Yes, Hyorinmaru had been right. Ichigo was requiring a great deal of effort, but he was worth it.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Sitting staring at nothing, I found myself trying to recall every conversation I could. I had always assumed the old man never lied to me. He was a part of my soul, after all. Had he specifically said he was my zanpakuto spirit? Had he named himself Zangetsu? Pretty sure he had. Yes, he definitely had, and even chastised me for not knowing that his name was Zangetsu in the first place.

The real Zangetsu I had never trusted until we were forced to save each other, and then with a good deal of caution. He was a Hollow, after all, he should lie as easy as breathing. So why could I not recall a single lie? His anger at not being acknowledged as Zangetsu wasn't the first thing he had done to make me question.

How would he react to this confrontation? Based on our previous encounters, he was as likely to try to kill me as help me. Wasn't he? I had felt that incomparable power when the Hollow was fully in control. All those times he threatened my life, or my loved ones. The times he had nearly killed Toshiro. I knew for a fact he was strong enough to follow through, to take over and kill anyone he wished. But he had not.

Positions reversed, Toshiro stood in the doorway watching me think. I leaned against the back of the chair, turning just my head toward him.

"This might be very dangerous. I don't know if Shi . . . Zangetsu will talk or attack."

He nodded. "It will have to be Urahara. We can't have anyone here witnessing it if things go badly. Can you hold out until late afternoon? I have division business, but can get clear before dinner."

"Yeah, part of me wants to kick both of their asses right this minute. Part of me wants any excuse to put it off."

He chuckled and I raised my eyebrows. What could he possibly find funny about this?

"That first day in Las Noches . . . when was that, 50 years ago now? Your behavior was so unpredictable. At one point, I had decided your personality had split – Hollow and human. How I underestimated you."

"You have a very dark sense of humor, love." But I did have to laugh a little. Human, Shinigami, Hollow, Quincy. Were there any other powers out there I could pick up? Vampire, maybe?

He walked toward me with a serious expression, and that increasingly adorable scowl.

"I do have another very important problem for you to consider, Ichigo."

He put his hand on my shoulder and then straddled me, sitting close in my lap. Suddenly I was very eager to hear about this important problem. Looking down and putting his hands on my chest, he wiggled a bit to get comfortable and I sucked in a breath.

"Hmm. You see, I rather like the way I fit right here."

"So do I," I replied but he pushed me back when I tried to kiss him.

"It's a fact that those with extremely high reiryoku age at a glacial pace. But eventually I'm going to be taller, and heavier. Who knows, I might be bigger than you, though I doubt it. Something tells me I am always going to be on the light side."

I smiled. "I've imagined it a million times. I love your body now, though. I'm not in any hurry."

He looked grave. "But Ichigo, what if I cannot sit here anymore? What if I'm too big to sleep on my perfect, orange-haired pillow? It will be so sad." His bottom lip stuck out in a pout.

All of that just to get an honest laugh out of me? He was right, though, I needed it. And he figured out how to shake me out of my thoughts completely at the risk of his own dignity. He knew he'd succeeded, and he let me kiss him. I stood, his legs wrapping around me as he moved his head and started sucking on the skin just under my left ear.

"Easy. This time I'm going to make it to the bed."

He laughed against my skin. His laugh was always a fun surprise, deep and musical.

"Then put me down."

"Don't want to." I started walking.

"Fine." He bit me right on the side of my neck and one hand grabbed my hair as he let his reiatsu loose against my skin.

"Ahhh! God! Toshiro . . . stop that!"

"Don't want to."

The stairs were challenging, what with my legs shaking as he licked my neck and sent waves of cold pressure to torment every inch of me. I groaned and had to lean my back against the wall in the hallway for a moment. The bedroom was right there, so close. I was not putting him down. He nibbled at my jawline while I was still, and moved his hand from my hair to run nails lightly across my back.

Fixing my eyes on the bed, I made one last effort and lurched through the doorway. I made it and collapsed, turning so that I landed on my back. Toshiro crouched above me, pushing open my clothes with wandering hands charged with reiatsu. He slid down my body, making me shudder, pulling off my underwear on the way. As before, playing around with reiatsu was too intense.

As I looked down he made eye contact and one hand danced lightly down my dick, each feather-light fingertip causing waves of light pressure that were almost unbearable. His beautiful eyes slid away from mine and he breathed over my length. I yelped.

"Would you look at that? How lovely."

Shit! There was a layer of frost encasing me and I had a moment of pure male panic for the safety of my favorite appendage. Toshiro looked up again with a devil's grin, placing one hand on my pelvis and the other came up to cup my balls as he leaned in and licked away a thin strip of the ice crystals melting on my skin.

"Holy fuck!" My hands fisted in the sheets, resisting the urge to reach for him. My eyes couldn't look away from those mesmerizing teal jewels as he slowly licked and massaged.

By the time I felt his mouth closing on me I couldn't keep my head from slamming back as I moaned his name. He held me down as his head moved down and up, pausing to tease with his tongue before moving again.

His reiatsu still slid over my skin, the aura of lust moving with it. When the hand on my balls tightened almost painfully and then let go with a caress I almost lost control. Then he took me further into his mouth and pressed his tongue against me as he withdrew. My hips tried to push up as he moved down again and I yelled my release, not the least bit ashamed of how quickly he had brought me through. He didn't pull back and swallowed against me until I was spent.

As I basked in the aftershocks of that insanely good blowjob, he shed his clothing, then kissed and pet along the bottom of my ribs and across my stomach. His reiatsu was pulled in tight, but the feel of him against my skin was aphrodisiac enough to get the heat building again. I just lay and enjoyed it for another minute as he worked his way up to bite at a nipple.

"Toshiro, that was incredible."

"Geniuses make great lovers, Ichigo." My hands stroked his sides as he slid up further to leave a set of love bites on my collarbone.

"Do you mean you actually planned that out?"

"Mmhm," he mumbled against my shoulder. I pulled him in for a loving kiss. What did I ever do to deserve him?

I flipped us over. "Lube?"

He looked sideways and I reached for the nightstand drawer.

I paused to appreciate the beauty that lay before me, and ran a hand tenderly down the center of his body from neck to navel. His muscles rippled under skin tan and pale. The contrast where his skin had kissed the sunlight and where it was always hidden from view was lovely. But I wanted to see what he would look like golden all over. I smiled at the thought of his white pubic hair against darkened skin if I could get him to sunbathe nude with me.

I kissed at the line between silver and gold as my slick fingers entered him. He was still loose from our earlier kitchen activities, and he pushed against me right away. His cock was hard and leaking, and I licked along the length before taking it in my mouth.

He gasped, burying his hands in my hair. It only took a few strokes and a sudden push on his prostate to bring him to climax, but I kept his cock and let my tongue lightly explore his flesh as his hands relaxed in my hair.

To get revenge for the popsicle trick, I focused reiatsu in my fingertips. I moved my fingers again, slowly stroking and stretching, with light brushes on that sensitive gland. He squirmed, almost like he was trying to get away from my touch, and a high-pitched keening started in his throat.

_Oh, that is just delightful!_

Feeling how quickly he was hardening again, I moved to kiss and suck the erect nipples one after the other. My fingers kept teasing, getting more of that pretty whine as a reward.

Losing his patience, Toshiro opened his eyes and yanked my head up to his. His teeth hit mine as he thrust his tongue into my mouth. He moaned when I pulled out my fingers and I blindly managed to spread some lube on myself as his legs wrapped around me. So vocal, so perfect.

He broke the kiss, his head dropping back as I entered. He shoved his hips toward me, as always rushing that first stroke and we both groaned as we became as fully connected as possible.

After a pause to enjoy that first, glorious moment, my body insisted on moving. How lucky that I found a lover who preferred the slow retreat and the fast advance. We were a good match, though we'd only just begun learning what we wanted. The rhythm came easily to me, and Toshiro wasn't shy about encouraging more force or speed when he wanted it.

He flexed against me, kissing me more gently but with just as much passion. We held a slow pace as long as possible, and when he started to push against me I didn't speed up. He gasped as I pulled out entirely, then glared at me.

"Trust me?" He stopped glaring and nodded. Had he honestly thought I was going to stop?

I turned him over, and lifted his hips until he got the hint and knelt on hands and knees.

"Hmm, I wondered when we were going to try this."

I snorted. He was always doing that, from the very first time he would surprise me again and again with his eagerness. I slid a hand down his spine and he shivered. Then I thrust all the way into him in one quick movement.

"AHH!" Then and ecstatic hiss "Yessss . . . " as I pulled back. God, what his voice did to me!

Gripping his hips, I didn't hold back since Toshiro was pushing just as hard back against me. I was pulling almost all the way out with each stroke, and he was coming apart beneath me, dropping to his elbows with his head down.

I reached down, taking his erection firmly in hand and letting his hips go. He cried out repeatedly, body shaking and then tightening as he came, the heat and friction dragging me along with him as I thrust against him a few more times.

Holding him against me for just a little while longer with my weight on one arm and my body bent over his, I kissed the back of his neck and whispered by his ear.

"You are so perfect, my love, in every way."

He sighed between ragged breaths. I pulled out with regret and let him slowly sag onto the bed. I turned as I fell beside him on my back. He lifted his head, turning so he was looking toward me instead of away. As usual he was completely limp and relaxed. He raised the arm close to me as if it was a great burden and laid his hand on my chest. Little gestures that spoke of love.

When he regained his breath, he said in a matter of fact voice, "We can definitely do it that way again."

"You know, love, when you had me down like that, I was pretty sure you were going to top me."

He blinked a few times and I could see him sorting out that sentence.

"Huh. That would have been a good time to try that."

I grinned, "You know you can anytime you want to." I meant it. The thought of him taking me was only slightly less arousing than the thought of taking him again.

"I assumed so. Guess I've just been enjoying all the attention. Sorry if I've been selfish."

"My love," I said with a laugh, "most men wouldn't see it that way."

"Really? Most of the time you do way more work, and I have more orgasms. Seems like I've got the better end of the deal so far."

It was my turn to blink and look confused. He was right. "You selfish bastard."

He snickered and rolled to the edge of the bed. He stood and stretched, arms high over his head. I drank in the sight and felt my overworked cock stirring. The way he looked back over his shoulder, black lashes obscuring flashes of blue and green, was as sexy as anything I'd seen.

"I think I have been too quick to condemn sex in the shower. I'll let you do some more work if you want to join me."

I almost tripped off the bed as I rushed after him.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Expecting the night's activities to result in a sluggish morning, it was a pleasant surprise when I woke before dawn. Slipping out from under Ichigo's arm, I went about my morning routine with a deep contentment I had never felt before. The sun was just lighting the horizon when I felt him stirring. I had left a cup by the teapot, and was sipping my own as I sat on the roof watching the sky. Minutes later I smelled something that caused my stomach to growl. If I wasn't skipping breakfast, I'd have to skip the rest of the sunrise. Decisions, decisions.

Getting closer to the kitchen I heard music, upbeat, slightly twangy American folk music with lots of guitar and some whiny instrument I didn't recognize. Distracted from the smell of food, I went past Ichigo at the stove to investigate two black boxes flanking a plastic stand with a small glowing screen in the middle. My mind flipped through all the modern items I had read about and identified the speakers and a small device with several names that stored vast collections of music.

Resisting the strong desire to pick it up and pull it apart, I settled for watching it as the screen changed from saying 'Bob Dylan' to saying 'Badly Drawn Boy' and an entirely different style of music flooded my ears. This song was also in English, but had a simple melody of violins and cellos followed by guitars and sad lyrics. Two long arms draped over my shoulders, hands clasping on my chest and the warm body behind me swayed gently in time with the music. I leaned back, putting my hands on his and moved with him until the song ended.

"Shit, the eggs!"

I looked as he rushed back to the stove, and a new song started. Oh, this could be very diverting. I shoved the music into the back of my awareness or I might end up staring at that screen for hours.

"Need a hand?"

"Not burnt! Breakfast will be ready in just a minute."

I observed and decided what was needed, pulling out the right plates and bowls. I smiled, the changes had already begun. Little hints of Ichigo were creeping in to make this our home. Already I was feeling less desperate to pin him down. Maybe this was all I needed, physical proof that he was here.

We sat and had breakfast. We talked about the food, the day's plans, and the music. He called it an iPod and apparently there were thousands of songs on it from all over the world. I invited him to join me for the morning, and I could tell from his reaction that he was hoping I would ask.

"I'll clean up while you get the day started, love. I'll catch up with you at the office."

He kissed me and started gathering dishes. How domestic.

Of course, your average happy couple didn't have a pair of supernatural swords sitting by the door instead of briefcases. Nor were they planning a day that might end with one of them killing the other. I shook myself. It wouldn't come to that. Hyorinmaru had sensed menace from Zangetsu, but he didn't believe the Hollowfied zanpakuto would do anything that could lead to Ichigo's death, and I'd always trusted the dragon's instincts.

The morning was warm, which meant an unseasonably hot day was coming. One of the first things I had done when I took over the 10th was plant trees. It earned more than a few derisive comments, the little kid playing captain and wasting time. But now there was shade to be found everywhere you looked, and the tall cedars outlining the walls made sure I had the coolest office in Seireitei even this late in autumn.

I sorted through yesterday's completed paperwork, organizing items that could be delivered or stored by my third seat. I needed to start delegating more to her. She was new, and seats 4 and 5 were barely more experienced. I had them focusing on leading squads and training lower officers, but they should start picking up some office work. It would be a relief to finally have a fully functioning senior staff in a few months, with a much-decreased workload for yours truly.

Then I composed a message to Urahara asking for his aid, which I was almost certain he would grant. Before I'd finished Ichigo arrived and soon we headed for the training grounds. Officers had already begun morning drills, with different squads than yesterday. Today I did not join in, instead explaining things to Ichigo, how the 10th handled training, the way squads were chosen to balance various strengths of the individual soldiers, and the role of seated officers in leadership. With the live example of 4 squads what could have been a lecture became a hands-on learning experience.

Even better, Matsumoto joined us and provided another perspective when it came to critiquing the performance of squads and officers. She never missed assigned training, and often took on more than assigned. It was only the mundane work I had trouble getting out of her. She had a sharp eye, and I let her and Ichigo pick apart each squad's strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, and opportunities for improvement.

Not for the first time I wished for Ichigo to be assigned to train with me for captaincy, though I seriously doubted it would happen. Between him and Matsumoto, they caught almost everything that I caught. If I had them both for even a month, the 10th would benefit greatly. I sent them together to discuss their observations with the leaders of each squad, while I observed the immediate results that were produced in their wake.

Ichigo and Matsumoto wrapped things up, and we started toward the office. He looked good, a little sweaty and happy to have had a small workout. The morning's promised heat was arriving, and the office was holding on to last night's cool air. I sagged into my chair in relief.

There was a letter from the 4th waiting for me, and I could not resist opening it immediately. The news was not good, and I walked unsteadily around my desk and sank into my chair as I read. Momo had been leaving her quarters, her skill with kido allowing her to escape undetected more than once. She finally overheard the news of Aizen's death, and had attacked a group of 5th division members unprovoked. She was now under sedation and restrained.

I winced as I read Unohana's more personal note added to the report. Momo had been out of control, shouting that I had been sent to assassinate her Aizen-sama, that I should be executed as a traitor, that everything had been my fault from the beginning. It went on, but I folded the paper and shoved it into a drawer. I couldn't deal with it right now. It wasn't like there was anything I could do for her.

I became aware of Ichigo and Matsumoto, both still and quiet. Taking a deep breath, I pushed thoughts of Momo aside.

"Ichigo, looks like only one classified report today," I held up a sealed folder. "I'll take care of that while you take a break. Then you can start learning the really fun part of being captain."

"Sounds good." My, he was being cooperative. He must be really worried about me. I watched him head toward the house. Matsumoto stared.

"Taicho, is Ichigo living with you?"

"Yes."

She squealed and I winced again as I opened the folder and started reading through the contents. Ichimaru was awake and there was a summary of his testimony. I kept my face carefully blank as my mind raced through possibilities.

"What?" She'd been babbling for several minutes while I read.

"I said we should have some kind of house warming party!"

"It isn't a new house, just a new resident. And no, no party of any kind. It isn't anyone's business."

I signed acknowledging that I'd received the information, resealed the envelope, and set it aside. What else could the world throw at me today?

"But it's not a secret, taicho?"

I sighed. Translation: 'Can I gossip about this, taicho?'

"It is not a secret, Matsumoto. Call for a courier for this, and then please do some paperwork. Set a good example for Ichigo for me." She had a hard time resisting when I made it a personal favor, so it wasn't a trick I could pull often. It helped that her stack of paperwork had been wiped out by Komamura and had barely started to pile up again.

"Of course, taicho!"

Matsumoto had done a lot for me over the years, starting with saving me from my own power. Despite her strength, I couldn't help but feel protective. I eyed the sealed envelope and wondered how best to support her through this. I could not allow a rift between us as I had with Hinamori.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

After freshening up a bit and drinking some water, I headed back. Matsumoto had put out tea and cold water on the table, so I made sure Toshiro had each. I pulled up a chair and he started explaining each form as he went. It wasn't boring yet, but some of this stuff was so routine. It seemed ridiculous that here were gathered up to 26 of the strongest fighters in existence, and they spent a portion of each day signing forms that really could be handled by any half-decent secretary.

I'm sure Toshiro honestly wanted to start teaching me. We were both assuming that the captaincy offer was coming. I also suspected he was trying to keep my mind off Zangetsu. I wasn't brooding over it, though. It was a confrontation that couldn't be avoided, and couldn't really be prepared for. Instead when my mind drifted I thought about reaching over and stroking his leg, or leaning in to kiss his neck. But I resisted and paid enough attention to keep out of trouble.

The three of us went to lunch in the division cafeteria, sitting alone this time and discussing the mornings' training. Then the rest of the paperwork, which was finished within an hour. Matsumoto had gone to a lieutenant's meeting, and we were alone for the first time today. Toshiro stared at his desk for a minute and I waited. He was out of excuses. I stood up and started massaging his shoulders and neck. He was so tense that he groaned as I worked out the knots behind his collarbones.

"You don't have to say anything, love. Family is family." I meant it. He was entitled to privacy, and I didn't know anything at all about his sister.

"You are my family, Ichigo.” I could swear my heart stopped. “I have known Momo longer than anyone. While I'm not giving up on her, there just isn't anything I can do. I'm her brother in all but blood, her only family, and she calls me a traitor. And for what? For one pat on the head by the very man who tried to kill her."

My hands settled on his shoulders, thumbs pressing small circles in the back of his neck gently.

"That bastard really did a number on her."

"He had a long time and very little interference. I saw signs of an unhealthy dependency developing ages ago. I should have tried harder, instead of blocking it out with everything else. She never stood a chance."

He reached up and put one hand on mine. "Can we talk about this another day? I want to tell you everything, it's just a little too raw right now."

I bent down and kissed his forehead. "Just let me know if you think of anything I can do. So, what's next for the day?"

"We're done early. To be honest I was planning to meditate for a while. But Hyorinmaru and I are as ready as we can be. I suppose we could go early and if Urahara is ready . . ."

"Or we could go home and I can give you a proper massage."

"Trying to seduce me?"

"Always."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

An overdose of endorphins from sex was just what I needed. The massage worked itself in there, too, after we had raced each other to the bed and landed in a tangled mess that ended with me riding him in a frenzied rush to orgasm.

The long, tender massage afterward of course led to a long, tender second round. Would it always be so intense between us? After a century would it become boring, sex just one of those things that you did every now and then? I couldn't imagine it. Even if the physical pleasure became routine, the emotional gratification of being so close, so connected couldn't fade. It was getting stronger every time.

Thoroughly sated, I laid on top of him for about an hour and talked while Ichigo listened and stroked my back. I told him things I had never told anyone, about my childhood with Momo and our adoptive grandmother. I confessed that I hated my life before coming to Seireitei. It hadn't seemed so at the time, but it was a miserable existence being shunned and taunted by almost everyone.

Momo usually defended me and spent time with me, but even she had given in sometimes, either teasing me or leaving me behind to fit in with kids who we no longer knew. She gained nothing from it, and I couldn't deny that such childish hurt feelings laid the groundwork for the lack of trust I showed her as we grew.

The little things add up, and the memory that was left to my adult self was of an unpleasant childhood. The good moments, and there were many, were buried under resentment. It had made me stronger, and colder. It had also brought Hyorinmaru to me earlier as he tried to rescue me before anger and loneliness could ruin any chance of me becoming a decent person.

"So that's not normal? When do Shinigami usually, um, get their zanpakuto?"

"Most with decent reiryoku find their zanpakuto in the last few years of the Academy. Some earlier, and those with weaker power much later."

"The Academy wasn't much better for you, was it? Coming in so young as a prodigy must have made it just as difficult to fit in. And I heard you skipped through in a year."

"I did, and you are right. Some admired me, but most treated me like a freak or were afraid to treat me like anything at all. I have no friends from my time at the Academy. I had one, but he died before we graduated."

His arms wrapped around me for a moment before loosening and continuing to pet me slowly.

"Anyway, that's my sad story for what it is worth. Momo is all that is left from my past. She was my only friend."

"Not any more. You have me. And I think it's safe to say Rangiku would do anything for you even if she wasn't your lieutenant."

"Yes, life is better now. And it is easier to let go of the past when it made the present possible. But that's enough for now."

Warm, honey eyes blinked and focused on mine with a smile. "Time to go?"

"Time for you to carry me to the shower."

"Oh, now you want me to carry you."

"I insist, in fact. And I'll warn you now that even if I weigh 300 pounds in the future, you'll still have to carry me any time you take me twice. Don't worry, I'll extend the same courtesy to you as the result can be embarrassing."

He looked confused as he thought about it, then he actually blushed. It was usually the other way around, so I relished my brief victory and the cute way his eyes blinked rapidly as his cheeks flushed. Then he couldn't help but laugh as he caught my mischievous smile. Powerful arms wrapped around me as he stood, and I had to laugh myself as he swung me up and took long strides to the bathroom. I got a head start in the freezing water as he stood back waiting for it to warm up. Then I had to smack his hands away more than once, determined not to be late since I was the one asking a favor of Urahara.

We hurried through getting dressed, and I toweled my hair dry several times. The stuff seemed to soak in gallons of water. We should have saved time for a meal, sex always gave me an appetite. Nothing important needed my attention at the office, thankfully, so we took off for the gate. The guards snapped to attention as we came out of shunpo a polite distance away and walked toward them.

Ichigo and I had become so casual behind closed doors that I had forgotten how intimidating we must look together. My reputation was enough to cause some nervousness outside of my own division, and my habitual scowl of determination and annoyance was something to be avoided. Ichigo rarely looked as friendly as he was, even before Aizen. Now he moved with the grace and alertness of a great cat on the prowl, with a frown to match my own on a face carved of stone. Add to that a captain's haori and an Espada tattoo, I couldn't blame one of the guards for trembling a little. I nodded to the braver of the two. Ichigo completely ignored them, but did notice the two hell butterflies joining us.

"Seems I'm official, now."

"I wonder if you can open a gate yet. Probably not until the captaincy issue is settled."

"That's okay. You want to have some fun, watch Byakuya's face when I open a garganta."

"Ichigo, tell me you didn't."

We stepped through the gate, leaving the guards with something to talk about.

Not liking the idea of arriving underground in Urahara's shop, I directed the gate to open in the air a block away. Our arrival was noticed by a 6th Division Shinigami, but I doubted that Kuchiki would take the time to come talk to us. Abarai would probably make an appearance though, and I planned to recruit him to add to the numbers ready to face Zangetsu if this went badly.

It was a good decision to arrive at a distance, as I sensed two well controlled, strong reiatsu signatures that I did not recognize. There was something off about them. They felt similar, but not exactly like Ichigo. Hollows. He felt it too, his eyes wide and body tense. We had no way of knowing if they were allies or enemies. Urahara and his associates were near them, and everyone seemed calm. I wasn't about to rely on that, and I motioned to Ichigo to follow. We stepped into the courtyard outside the shop's front entrance, far enough back and apart to strike quickly.

Running through a binding kido in my mind, I called out, "Urahara Kisuke, exit the building," and waited.

After 30 seconds, my hand went to Hyorinmaru's hilt. Then the crazy shopkeeper poked his head around a barely opened door. He sidled out with his hands up, fan held aloft and a childish grin plastered across his scruffy face.

"My, my, I was not expecting an invasion this evening."

"Cut the crap, Hat-and-Clogs, who's in there?"

"Kurosaki-san, as amazing as I am I had my doubts about facing your Hollow form. So I called in the cavalry. Two former Gotei captains who have personal experience with your little problem."

At this a scrawny blond man and a much larger man with white hair stepped out behind him, looking unconcerned.

"Explain." I had not relaxed my stance or dropped my hand from Hyorinmaru. From the corner of my eye I could see equal readiness from Ichigo.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, Kurosaki Ichigo, may I introduce Hirako Shinji, former captain of the 5th, and Muguruma Kensei, former captain of the 9th. These gentlemen were early victims of Aizen's experiments in Hollowfication. Like Kurosaki-san, their zanpakuto spirits are also Hollows."

To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

"Prove it."

_Leave it to Ichigo to make this situation even more tense._

The blonde, Hirako, grinned and stepped around Urahara toward Ichigo. I tensed, Hirako didn't even glance my way. With a flourish of his hand, a Hollow mask covered his face. In the second it took for me to draw Hyorinmaru he had vanished and appeared next to Ichigo, one hand stopping Ichigo from moving Zangetsu.

"I'm not the enemy, kid," he said in a distorted voice, his black and gold eyes meeting Ichigo's startled stare. And he vanished again to appear back behind Urahara. His hand brushed over his face and the mask dissolved.

Urahara's hands were back up in the air. "Hitsugaya-taicho, please remain calm. I have known these men for more than a century, and they mean Kurosaki-san no harm."

I was between them and Ichigo, sword drawn and braced to strike. Ichigo stepped up behind me.

"Let's hear them out, Toshiro. I never thought I'd get to meet anyone like me."

I relaxed slightly. "If you wish. But don't be fooled, just having an inner Hollow doesn't make them comrades."

Feeling him nod, and noting no further actions from the three we faced, I took the chance. Sheathing Hyorinmaru, I straightened and walked forward into the shop as if they were not there. Urahara followed, his stupid little fan fluttering in front of his face.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

They called themselves Visored, and there were more of them. Each had a zanpakuto spirit that they knew and trusted for decades or even centuries. And then that zanpakuto had been turned into a Hollow, or merged with a Hollow depending on how you looked at it, all thanks to our favorite bastard. And they still could fight as Shinigami. That gave me hope. Though apparently I had never known the real Zangetsu apart from a Hollow, he was still my zanpakuto. He could have destroyed me and did not. He gave me his power, and gained power as I did. This could work.

Toshiro silently absorbed their story, impassive. The only time I sensed a reaction was anger when Urahara told how the group of captains and lieutenants was sentenced to death for a crime they did not chose to commit. I saw Toshiro look at me with cold calculation. The Gotei knew of my inner Hollow, and were moving toward making me a captain. Why was the judgment against the Visored so harsh?

"It's because of you, Ichigo," he said quietly. "You've changed the Gotei." How did he do that?

"Have I told you today that you can be really scary?"

If the two Visored looked confused at this aside, Urahara just smiled and gave a little nod before finishing his part of the tale. Muguruma sat through all of this in polite and disinterested silence. Hirako was the one who told their side of events, and then fidgeted while Urahara spoke. Neither of them seemed particularly stressed.

"So, what do you suggest I do? How did you, um, work things out with your Hollow side?"

Both focused on me, and Hirako answered. "Your case is a bit different from ours. We had to fight our Hollowfied zanpakuto just to survive, brutal battles that could have ended in death. We were only able to work with them by getting them to fully submit."

"But Zangetsu already tried to kill me, more than once. And I've had to defeat him to keep control, more than once."

"Exactly. And you've been working together, helping each other, having conversations; we did none of that, it was kill or die trying."

That was maddeningly unhelpful.

"So back to the original question – what, if anything, do you suggest I do?" Toshiro's lips twitched up at the corners. At least one of us wasn't getting highly irritated.

"I think you should do exactly what you planned to do. Confront your zanpakuto with the truth and see how it shakes out. We aren't here to help or provide advice, we're here to put you down if you fail."

I glared at Urahara. They weren't here to help. They had no advice to give.

"What the hell are we wasting time for?"

"Ichigo," Toshiro said, "I wouldn't call this a waste of time. I, at least, feel more hopeful knowing that other Shinigami can function under similar circumstances. But I agree it's time to move on, Urahara."

Muguruma broke his silence, "We don't just function. We're stronger than any regular captain. This kid already knows that. The power of a Hollow doesn't replace or weaken the power of a zanpakuto, the Hollow enhances it and stands separate at the same time, a dual power source. That's why Aizen was trying to make Shinigami/Hollow hybrids in the first place."

Toshiro just raised an eyebrow and contemplated the former captain, then turned his analytical eyes on Hirako. I almost expected him to pull out a scalpel and start taking them apart to see how they worked.

Urahara's glance danced around all three of them before he chirped, "Okay then, why don't we take this downstairs. Care to join us, Abarai-fukutaicho?"

Hirako reached out and slid the door back, revealing a crouching Renji. I had sensed him sneaking up not long after we had all sat to talk, and no one else seemed surprised to see him. He sputtered a bit, bowing and apologizing.

"Shut it, Renji." I smiled to soften my words, I was glad he was here. "You coming?"

Not a crowd likely to crawl down a ladder, the room cleared as Shinigami flash-stepped out of the room and into the large underground chamber. Tessai and Yoruichi were already there, likely setting up the six large pillars. Yoruichi hugged me, then smacked me across the head. Getting berated by Yoruichi for being captured like a little princess was better than the wide-eyed concern I'd gotten used to.

Urahara interrupted our shouting match before it could lead to blows. "Kurosaki-san, hopefully we have over reacted and you will just have a nice little chat with your zanpakuto and the other. If not, well, I want you to know what a pleasure it was knowing you. We are ready when you are."

Turning around, I saw Toshiro some distance away, arms folded into his sleeves staring thoughtfully at the area between the pillars. His eyes refocused and he looked up as I approached.

I had been okay until now. If this went to hell, I would be dead, possibly forever given the damage would be directly to my soul and no one knew what the consequences would be. If I lost to the Hollow, surely my soul would be consumed. While I would be beyond grief or caring if this happened, Toshiro would not. He would be left behind to pick up the pieces. He was strong enough to survive, but would he be able to move on or would his heart freeze once more? The thought of him again alone, isolating himself from the world, it broke my heart.

"Toshiro, I . . ."

He grabbed my collar and pulled me down into a passionate kiss, mouths opening and tongues reuniting. I was getting dizzy and was about to yank him up into my arms when he pushed back.

"You sort this out and come back to me," he commanded in his coldest Hitsugaya-taicho voice, "you understand?"

"Of course, my love." I smiled and stroked his cheek briefly. He nodded curtly and went back to staring.

Urahara's eyes were saucers above his rapidly fluttering fan, and Yoruichi leaned against him with a wide, wicked grin. Renji was looking anywhere but at us, his face nearly as red as his hair. The others had obviously been startled but went about their business without making eye contact.

The Visored stood on opposite sides within the ring of pillars. Toshiro stayed where he was and the rest spread out in a wide circle outside of the pillars as I walked into the middle. I sat with my sword in my lap and waited until Tessai knelt and activated an impressive multilayered barrier. Closing my eyes, I relaxed and walked onto the top of a high skyscraper under cloudy skies.

The second my foot touched the concrete I flash-stepped to avoid the incoming attack, whirling as I brought my sword forward. Only Zangetsu could manage rage and merriment in the same voice, and he lunged at me again as his laughter rang out around me. Our blades pressed together, sparks flying as he pushed closer.

_What the fuck, Zangetsu? I thought we were over this._

_Ha! You think just because you figured that out I'd roll over for you?_

My blood ran cold as I got a good look at him. He was not the pale mirror image of myself, not the heavily muscled tailed beast. He was the Vasto Lorde, tall and powerful, long hair and long-horned mask. The form I took when I killed Aizen. He saw the shiver of fear run through me.

_Why are you here, Ichigo?_

Without turning my back on Zangetsu I shifted to see the old man, the Quincy, the other part of my zanpakuto . . . whatever he was.

_You have turned your back on me, and you never trusted him, so why are you here?_

_Turned my back . . . why, you bastard. Where the fuck were you? What the fuck are you? You are the one that turned your back on me, old man. And he,_ I pointed my sword at Zangetsu, _is the one who never trusted me. You're both fucking liars._

I was completely ready to kick both of their asses.

_There's no point in talking to him._ Zangetsu raised his blade and my weight shifted to evade an attack.  _He's weak, a coward hiding behind his princess while his enemies fuck him over. The only thing left to do is cut him down._

The old man bowed his head. _You may be right. Have you given up, Ichigo? Have you found a life you are content with and stopped moving forward?_

_You're babbling, old man. And I have no reason to answer you._

Zangetsu laughed as the old man looked up. _Then we shall just have to give you a reason to answer._

_We?_

The two moved closer together and turned to face me. Power surged from both of them as their outlines began to blur.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Hyorinmaru stayed in the back of my mind, keeping me calm and focused. It had been 15 minutes at least, the only change being an immediate surge of overwhelming reiatsu which had not died down. I could feel the presence of the Hollow, along with a murderous rage that kept me on edge. But Ichigo remained still, his body tense and eyes clenched shut.

Minutes later his lips curled back from his teeth in a snarl. Black and gold eyes opened and his hands clenched, one on the hilt and one on the broad edge of the blade. His eyes slid around, and I jumped when they briefly made contact with mine. The look was feral, not at all what I had seen when Ichigo and the Hollow worked together. But he remained sitting, breath harsh and muscles clenching.

I called to the Visored closest to me, "Hirako, do you know what is happening?"

He did not seem concerned. "My guess is negotiations have failed, and the Hollow is fighting for control."

The next time Ichigo's eyes met mine they stayed, and his grimace turned into an unnatural wide grin. I couldn't look away but I could see Hirako drawing his zanpakuto.

"Time to pay back our debts, Kensei."

Instincts took over and I was braced with Hyorinmaru to block the blow that never came. Ichigo had lunged at me, but a masked Hirako was in between us before he hit the barrier. A blood curdling yell rang out as Ichigo whirled to strike at the other Visored. Muguruma also had a Hollow mask on and had attempted to strike full force at Ichigo's back. Hirako, too appeared not to hold back. These were killing blows.

When I had seen Ichigo use his Hollow mask before, it had been a deliberate choice and the mask appeared smoothly. Now a white substance bubbled from his chest and eyes, slowly covering his face and even creeping down his torso as he leapt back with a shriek of laughter. In a blur of movement Ichigo and Hirako flew at each other, both striking to kill as Muguruma's mask vanished as he moved back, letting them duel.

My hands and my jaw were clenched tightly as I watched the nightmare unfold.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Zangetsu, or whatever I should call this hybrid of the Hollow and the old man, narrowly dodged as my hand sliced toward his neck. And I barely escaped the edge of his sword as it tore cloth along my ribs. We both jumped back again. The battle had raged with neither side gaining much advantage.

_You know you can't beat me anymore, Zangetsu._

_Just which of us are you talking to, Ichigo?_

_Both of you, obviously._

With a distorted growl he attacked again, a burst of power that sent me crashing into the side of a building. I was gone before his finishing blow landed, striking at his back as I passed. Within seconds our fight escalated into a blur of attacks and counter-attacks nearly too fast for thought.

Instinct and power guided my movements more smoothly than ever before, a unity of purpose and function. In that moment, I knew. I did not need the Hollow, just as Toshiro had told me. And I did not need to fear the Hollow. Or the Quincy or whatever the hell he was.

They were me, and we were one. It did not matter what they were, nor did it matter if these forms of my power submitted to me. It only mattered that I stayed true to who I was. A warrior. An honorable man. A fierce enemy and a loyal friend. A partner. If I lost all my power those things would still remain. No one could change that unless I allowed it, not even these dark mirrors of my soul.

Peace settled on me like a warm ray of sunlight. Zangetsu sped toward me. I watched him come calmly, no longer afraid and completely beyond his control. Casually I observed as the white reflection of my sword pierced my chest, more accurately than Aizen's blow, right through my heart. The surprise on his unfamiliar face made me smile.

My hand wrapped around his throat, my speed instantly choking him as I slammed him down 50 feet, making a dent in the concrete roof. He lost his hold on the blade, which remained through me, no blood, no pain. Without my fear, they could not harm me here. I placed my foot on his chest as I leaned closer to his face, my hand tightening.

_You want to fight with me, Zangetsu, I'll let you move forward with me, both of you. You want to fight against me, and I'll cut you out of my soul and discard you here and now._

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The Visored was holding his own, mostly by taking advantage of the Hollowfication. The Hollow's movements became erratic every few moments as more of Ichigo disappeared behind white armor. Hirako struck in those moments, hopefully slowing down the process and draining some power. Any damage he dealt was healed almost instantly.

The Hollow charged and slammed Hirako into the barrier right in front of me. When Hirako flash-stepped out of the way I got a good look at the thing Ichigo was becoming. My eyes fixed on the hole through the center of his chest, right where I so often kissed before settling my cheek on his warm skin. My teeth bared as I snarled at it. If this thing killed my Ichigo I would slice it apart slowly if it cost me my last breath.

While it was distracted trying to get at me through the barrier, Muguruma brought both fists down on the back of its neck hard enough to bring it to its knees. But it wasn't knocked out, and whirled to face the new threat. Its tail whipped out and the barrier sizzled where it hit. Dust swirled as it launched itself toward the second Visored, and its scream tore the air as Muguruma evaded and kicked the Hollow to the other side of the barrier. And it kept screaming. Muguruma paused, and Hirako looked up from where he had been panting.

"Ichigo," I heard myself whisper. His reiatsu was fluctuating wildly. Cracks appeared in the white armor. I was running around the barrier to get closer to him. Abarai was right on my heels.

The Hollow slammed Zangetsu against the armor of his chest and I was shocked to see the sword crumble along with pieces of the armor. A trembling hand reached up and clawed at his face, ripping pieces away. I skidded to a stop, three barriers between us as brown eyes were revealed for only a moment before they rolled back and he collapsed.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"How is he?" Tessai was kneeling on the other side of the futon.

"He's fine, Hitsugaya-taicho. No wounds at all, he's just exhausted. I expect he'll be up and moving in an hour or two."

"That's very good. We need to be back in Soul Society by dawn."

"Then you have time for tea, a meal and some rest."

I nodded and ran my hand over the two swords lying beside Ichigo. I stood and followed Tessai into the living room. Urahara, Shihoin Yoruichi, and the two who looked like kids but were no more children than I was were sitting around a table drinking tea and I joined them. Abarai had made his exit, out of time to report back to Kuchiki.

Tessai counted heads and went to prepare food, the girl hopping up to help. The tea immediately calmed my nerves, and I glared suspiciously at Urahara, who looked as innocent as a lamb. Whatever he'd slipped into my cup was working, though, and I decided not to make an issue out of it as I took another drink.

"I wanted to thank you all for your help tonight. I will not forget it."

"No need, Hitsugaya-taicho," Urahara replied with a snap of his fan. "As our Visored friends were repaying a debt to me, I was repaying a debt to Kurosaki-kun."

"Nevertheless, you took risks that were appreciated." Before he could say anything else ungracious, I changed the subject.

"What do you make of the two swords?"

"As you probably suspect yourself, I believe he came to some accord with both of his resident spirits. Whether a change in his zanpakuto required a change in his sword, or one blade represents each spirit I'm not sure."

"Hmm. Have you ever heard of anything like this happening before?"

He looked at me frankly for once. "Never."

Tessai arrived with appetizers. The tea might have had something to do with how good everything tasted, but I made another decision to ignore that and get another cupful.

Urahara eyed me pouring, and I raised the cup to him. "Just to make sure I get Ichigo back to Soul Society tonight, am I safe drinking another cup of this?"

"One more cup shouldn't hurt, two would be pushing your luck."

Shihoin snickered, and I surmised she was several cups in herself as the girl brought a fresh pot. I don't know why everyone was so touchy about Urahara. He seemed like awfully good company to me. Ichigo and I should hang out here more often. I took another drink and hummed a little to myself.

Food arrived and smelled amazing. My manners held, but I might have eaten a little more and a little more quickly than usual. I complimented Tessai and laughed lightly when the big man blushed. Funny, I didn't usually tease people and laugh in public.

Little alarm bells in my head were not quite ignored, and I managed not to reach for more tea but cast a longing look at the teapot. Tessai leaned over my shoulder and filled my cup.

"This is just tea, taicho."

I blinked at the cup and thanked him, the unwise part of myself feeling disappointed.

"Urahara, just how many captains are there in Karakura? Unofficial ones like yourself, I mean, not ones like me and Kuchiki. Not that we need any more captains like Kuchiki, but we do need more captains. Not sure why, all captains seem to do is cause trouble."

_Great, now I can't even turn a thought into a coherent sentence. I sound like Matsumoto._

"Oh, I don't know . . ."

"Lie," simultaneously from me and Shihoin. We grinned at each other in congratulations.

"About 7 I think, plus some former lieutenants who are probably captain class by now."

"Good God! And here we are searching high and low for captain material. No one thought to look around Karakura."

"We are exiles, Hitsugaya-taicho, not likely to be pardoned when most of us barely escaped death sentences."

"Sheer stupidity. Why should you being crazy or the others being Hollows stop you from being captains? Look at Ichigo. The man invaded us not that long ago. He's a Hollow and a lot more, and we're going to give him a division. Hell, we let Kenpachi and Kurotsuchi be captains, and they're crazier than you. So, you two, four Visored captains, and Shiba? There's an army right there under our noses."

_Did I just call Ichigo a Hollow? What the fuck is in that tea?_

Shihoin laughed loudly, "You should really come for our special tea time more often, Hitsugaya. You're a riot when you loosen up a bit."

I blinked at her and then grinned. "If you say so. I never argue with assassins."

_Just shut up, Toshiro._

I did notice how she had turned the attention away from a certain name I had dropped. Allies of Shiba, were they? But also allies of Kyoraku. Perhaps I would come back for tea again.

A slight rise in reiatsu diverted my attention before I could make a bigger fool of myself. "Ah, Tessai-san, would you mind if I made a plate of leftovers for Ichigo? The man has a bottomless appetite."

He brought me a clean plate and I stacked it high, then took it into the room where Ichigo had been resting. He was sitting on the futon, cross-legged, staring at the swords. He looked up with a relieved smile as I came in. I shoved the plate of food at him and he took it with a cock of his head. I spun around and went back to the living area.

"Urahara, some of your tea for Ichigo?" He smiled as he prepared a cup, Shihoin collapsing on the floor laughing beside him.

Sneaking a long drink for myself, I returned to Ichigo who had of course already made a significant dent in the huge servings. I handed him the tea proudly and he set it down without drinking. Humph. The man didn't know what he was missing.

"So, the three of you are now a happy family?"

He blinked at me and swallowed hard. "What makes you think that?"

"The souvenirs, of course. Your sword crumbled to dust and these two appeared. Can't say I've ever seen anything like that before. You certainly are entertaining. In fact, I don't recall being bored for a single minute since I met you. One for each of them, is it?"

Ichigo's mouth was open slightly and his eyes were fixed on mine. Which was odd because I didn't feel like my eyes were able to fix on anything in particular.

"You sexy beast, I don't even have to tell you what happened, do I?"

"Oh, yes you do. But first drink your tea and let's make out."

"What?"

I rubbed at the bridge of my nose and gathered my thoughts.

"Drink your tea . . . . Then let's go home . . . . Then let's make out." I looked up hopefully. "That was right, right?"

"Toshiro. Are you drunk?"

"Huh? I don't . . . no. I'm not. Can't say I'm not a bit under something's influence, but I didn't have any alcohol."

He was smiling ear to ear, and I swayed forward a bit as I stared at his pretty, white teeth.

"Sit before you fall, love. This food is too good to waste and then I'll take you home."

"Promises, promises." I flopped down on the futon while he ate even faster. He drank some tea between bites and looked at me strangely when I started giggling at the ceiling. _Relaxed and happy Ichigo in 10 . . . 9 . . . 8_.

"Really happy you're still alive, Ichigo."

"Me too. Stay put a second."

He stood and took the plate and cup with him, drinking as he went. I laughed some more and ignored orders, following him. I missed the self-deprecating denial of thanks from the mad scientist. Shihoin was stretched on her back snoring and the 'kids' were gone. Tessai was cleaning up.

"Before you go, Kurosaki-kun, a couple of questions. Did you ever see the Hogyoku while you were in Las Noches?"

_Eh? What a time for an interrogation._

"No. The bastard kept it hidden, at least from me."

"I heard about the reiatsu control bracelets. Were you allowed full power all of the time?"

"Most of the time. Whenever I was alone with Aizen it was usually cut in half. Sometimes at meetings, too."

My eyes narrowed. I knew what Urahara was getting at, but why even bring it up? My mind was not keen at the moment, but I thought I saw the point of the questions, and I was sure he asked them in my presence deliberately. I was at a distinct disadvantage and furious that I had allowed that to happen. Or I would be furious if I could hold on to a thought for more than 5 seconds.

"Urahara," I interrupted, "I'll bring Ichigo back again to thank you properly and return the yukata. We've got to run now." Did I say things like that? "Oh, and can that tea be ordered?"

"Of course, Hitsugaya-taicho! In fact, take this free sample until your order is ready." He produced a small tin from nowhere and I took it with yet another grin. "Ah, and you might want to use my gate. Never a good idea to direct gates on your own in your condition."

Ichigo looked confused, imagine that. But he also looked relaxed enough to not mind me ending the conversation and pouring him another cup of tea, which he downed like water as I looked on with delight. Then I sent him off to get his swords.

Decades of practice made it easy to don a serious and very sober expression despite the effects of the tea. I glared at Urahara, and he met my eyes with complete aplomb.

"I would thank you not to put ideas in Ichigo's head. That damned rock of yours has caused enough trouble. If you drag him into another plot, you will find I have little patience or mercy."

"My dear captain, I assure you I have no intention of causing Kurosaki any further grief."

I held his eye a moment longer, barely holding back a growl of warning. My countenance and his quickly relaxed as Ichigo approached. Smiling tightly at Urahara, I grabbed Ichigo's arm and pulled him out of the room and to the gate, ignoring his brief look of concern.

My dark side laughed; the same guards were on duty as we stepped into Seireitei. Oh, the tales they'd be telling tomorrow! I was leaning on Ichigo's arm and was in the middle of the story of how Matsumoto once full frontal flashed the sotaicho and his officers due to a 'training accident.' That this _accidentally_ happened shortly after she was reprimanded for a minor paperwork error was sheer coincidence, of course. Stodgy old men had nearly died of nosebleeds.

Perhaps due to our size difference, Ichigo was more in control than I was. Once we were out of sight of the guards, I let him pull me close and take us home.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Drunk, tipsy, high . . . whatever Toshiro was it was just about perfect. He wasn't incoherent or terribly unsteady, not mopey or excitable. Just mellow, happy, and uninhibited. It was the tea, I knew, and I could feel it but not as strongly. It might have been a rough night, with both of us coming down from an unbearably tense situation. Instead, we were laughing easily and drinking in the night like strong sake. I said a silent thanks to Urahara and Yoruichi.

As I helped Toshiro slip off his sandals I wished I had put up that hammock. The night was cool and clear. Then again, I wanted to hear Toshiro make noises that the neighbors may not appreciate as much as I did. So indoors might be better. Setting the two swords next to Hyorinmaru, I eyed them for a minute and realized Toshiro was doing the same.

"Ichigo, I'm sorry. Urahara gave me that tea and I didn't know what it was. Then I got carried away. I should have been focused on you."

"Hey, hey," I turned his chin toward me, "I'm feeling pretty good right now. Considering how tonight could have ended, that's not a small miracle. Ever heard to not look a gift horse in the mouth?"

He smiled, swaying a bit on his feet and I could see he was still pretty out of it. Still managed to make a good case for his shortcomings even in this state. Kissing those soft, smiling lips lightly, I took his hand and led him upstairs. I got into bed, sitting up against the headboard. I thought we might sit and tell each other our stories like we had in the past. But he didn't climb onto the bed next to me.

Instead he watched my face as he undressed layer by layer, letting fabric fall to his feet. Once he was completely bare, lean muscles, pale scars on smooth skin, and lovely erection on display, talking was the furthest thing from my mind. Toshiro climbed up on the bed and crawled into my lap as I watched. Leaning his body into mine, he nipped my bottom lip a few times and then sucked it in between his lips. My hands ran down his sides, curling around his hips as we kissed slow and deep.

Callused hands slid up my chest to my shoulders, then up either side of my neck to cradle my face. We broke for air, and he scooted closer still for another long kiss. My hands drifted toward his ass, kneading the perfectly toned cheeks and making him groan as I pushed him into me.

My own erection was pushing at the cloth separating us as he started grinding lightly against me, mouth still locked to mine. He sucked on my tongue in time with his movements, and I moaned as I stroked his back and tried to push him even closer.

The next pause in the kiss he whispered against my lips, "I love you, Ichigo. I love you so very much," and he pressed his tongue into my mouth again.

I had been waiting for that. It was the very first time he ever said those three words just so – I love you. My hips pushed against him in sudden urgency. Toshiro licked my upper lip and backed up out of my arms, untying and pushing away the fabric separating us, dragging off my underwear as I shrugged out of the yukata. His hands ran up my legs as he bent to lightly kiss the tip of my cock, just once, before moving his lips to brush lightly over my skin, kissing his way up from my stomach to my chest.

Slowly he moved closer until he was sitting firmly in my lap once more, my hands caressing his waist. I tilted my head down to taste the sweet skin of his shoulder and neck, both of us moaning as he rolled his hips. Lips met in a deep and tender kiss, Toshiro continuing to push against me with slow, easy movements. He broke the kiss with a light nip on my lower lip, and stared into my eyes for a moment.

Suddenly, he moved off my lap turning around and bending. He leered at me over his shoulder, on all fours and I groaned loudly as I rushed to reach for the lube and move close behind him.

"Ichigo, this time I mean it. Hurry."

I slid two fingers into him and moved quickly to stretch him, trying to make it fast without hurting too much. He was pushing against me, so I went straight for his prostate as I flexed my fingers, and leaned over to kiss his shoulders and neck as he moaned. I worked a third finger in and out, running my lips and tongue down his spine.

"Enough," he almost snapped at me.

It wasn't enough. Reminding myself that Toshiro had liked rough as much as tender, I ran a slick hand over my hard length and wiped my hand on the discarded yukata. That would teach Urahara not to loan me clothing. Bringing my hands to his hips, I pushed into him, slowly at first and then as he started to move back I shoved forward. I froze as a shout close to a scream rang out, afraid that I had hurt him.

The scream ended in a panting noise and his body trembled. When I didn't move, he looked back at me and his expression told me all I needed to know. He was beyond himself, eyes dilated and face flushed.

I pulled all the way back and tried for the same reaction. He shouted again and his head dropped between his arms. That was the end of my self-control, and I held his hips as I pushed hard into him again and again until he was down on his elbows.

I leaned over him and reached for his cock stroking in time with my thrusts, and he sank all the way down on his shoulders, not even able to push back against me anymore. I was making as much noise as he was.

It was unbelievably hot, almost torture as his muscles clenched and relaxed around me while the rest of his body was shaking submissive beneath me. With a growl of utter possession, I grabbed the hair at the back of his head and leaned close as I pulled all the way out and slammed back in once, twice, three times and we were both shouting as we fell over the edge.

My hand released him and stroked the curve of his back as I pushed against him, his panting whimpers between clenched teeth echoing in my head. I held him to me and kissed his neck and back until he'd caught his breath a bit. I pulled out and pulled him down onto his side.

_Damn, what the hell just happened?_

One moment we were in control, moving softly together with slow kisses. The next we were going at it like animals.

"What the fuck . . . is in that tea?"

"Nnn," was the only response from my love.

I easily moved him until he was laying on top of me the way I liked. Toshiro caressed my shoulder and kissed the center of my chest repeatedly. Then he settled his cheek right there in the middle. Just like the time he lavished attention on my neck, outlining the zero with his tongue and teeth, Toshiro was fixated on the exact spot where I knew the Hollow's hole opened. I guess it was his way of acknowledging and accepting, and it caused a wave of love and tenderness to wash over me.

I tugged some blanket over us and wrapped my arms around him. The warmth, the afterglow, and the very questionable tea had me feeling like I was caught in a timeless moment, consciousness drifting. Toshiro's humming of that nameless tune sang me to sleep.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

When I woke he was gone and the windows already showed daylight. A quick scan said he was in the office, and had let me sleep in. This was another big day, the meeting that we assumed would include plans for my death and my move into the Gotei.

I took my time tidying the bedroom and then showering and tidying myself. As I walked down the stairs I felt someone approaching. A handsome middle-aged woman walked through the front door as if she belonged here, and I gathered this was the housekeeper. She looked startled as I tried to look friendly. She had very little reiryoku, and couldn't have sensed my presence.

"I'm so sorry, Kurosaki-san, I'll return later."

"It's Ichigo, please. You're Chizuru? And there's no need to leave. I'm just going to whip up a little breakfast and I'll be on my way."

She hesitated, but I smiled and she slipped off her shoes. "Would you like me to make breakfast, . . . Ichigo?"

"Thanks, but it's the only meal I have any skill cooking so I'll take care of it. Have you eaten?"

"Yes, thank you. I'll just get started with the library." She bowed again and headed down the hall. She was understandably nervous around me, but I would fix that.

It didn't take long to make a small breakfast for two, just toasted bread with a spinach omelet and tomato slices made into sandwiches. I grabbed my swords, the larger over my back where one even larger blade used to rest, the shorter at my hip. I pulled on my boots and grabbed breakfast.

Toshiro was at his desk, and he took a long look at me with a slight smile. I turned like a runway model, arms out and hips swaying and only noticed Rangiku when she started laughing from her side of the office. I grinned at her and walked over to Toshiro, setting the napkin-wrapped breakfast on his desk.

"What is that?"

"It's called a breakfast sandwich."

He gave me a flat stare.

"What? You skipped breakfast, didn't you?"

I went to offer the other to Rangiku, I could always make more.

"No, thank you. Some of us start the day with a nutritious meal. What's with the swords?"

"You like? Just been doing some training with my zanpakuto and this is one result."

"I've never heard of such a thing." Then her cheer broke through, "But you were always the odd one, Ichigo! Can't do anything like a normal Shinigami."

"Isn't that the truth?" Toshiro mumbled in between mouthfuls. He waved an envelope at me, and I recognized the Division 1 insignia. I stood near his desk and read the contents, then handed it back to him.

He looked it over. "You have more than an hour. There are a couple of things I'd like to go over before this, if you don't mind."

I nodded and we went back home, Rangiku calling as we left, "Some things take much longer than an hour to do properly, Ichigo, don't be late!"

Toshiro cringed but kept walking. "Believe it or not, she isn't being as bad about this as I had expected. Though the ' _Congratulations, it's a boy_ ' card was definitely going too far."

"At least she's genuinely happy for us." He hated being teased; he had put up with it his entire life and it had often been malicious.

"Oh, Chizuru is in. You want to just talk on the porch?"

He nodded and skipped going through the house entirely. We walked around back, and settled in the chairs. I added to my to-do list getting a soft, two-person swing or at least some kind of loveseat for this spot, right after I hung the hammock.

"First, I want to know what happened between you and Zangetsu. Those swords are going to draw questions."

His tone was all business, but his face held real curiosity. It made him look even younger, and I suspected this was one of the many expressions he'd schooled himself not to expose to the rest of the world. I let my own excitement show. I felt the way I had when I first learned Zangetsu's name, or when I learned Bankai.

"You were right that the two swords are more or less the two spirits, but they blend more than I ever thought. At first neither one wanted to talk with me, just berate me. They were both against me. The Hollow accused me of being weak, as usual. The old man said I had given up and was standing still, also as usual. For a moment, I thought I'd had it. Facing the Hollow was always dangerous, but the old man could be even worse. When they merged into one being, my life flashed before my eyes. But my doubts didn't last long. I was able to fight them pretty evenly, but I couldn't beat them. Do you know what turned it around?"

I looked at him, into his wide, lovely eyes. "It was you. It was something you told me." He cocked his head to the side and his brows knit together as he automatically tried to figure out the puzzle before I told him.

"You once said you'd show me your strength so that I would know that I didn't need the Hollow. That with you at my back I could stand with my own power. You may not have meant it quite this way, but I now believe that I could live completely without power other than what any human is born with, alone, but especially if you are at my side."

Turquoise eyes widened again, and his lips parted but didn't speak.

"That resolve, the confidence to erase one or both of them from existence, won me the fight and stopped their questions. I had them at my mercy and told them I would continue with or without them. They both chose to live, and to follow me forward."

He coughed a little and his incredulous expression straightened.

"Does that mean you have full control of the Hollow, like the Visored do?"

"No, but I have a lot more control. I think even the Visored could lose control under the right circumstances. I'm not sure what those circumstances would be. For that matter, I doubt that was our last fight. I don't know how other zanpakuto teach their Shinigami, but I've had to prove myself so many times that I just expect a fight whenever there is something new to learn."

"Hyorinmaru has challenged me more than once, but not every time. Often, he is content to share knowledge and techniques, even volunteer them. We have not had a serious fight since Bankai training, except skirmishes for our own entertainment. But while we were pushed to gain power too quickly, we had a lot more time than you have had."

"Maybe this time I made a big enough impact to change our relationship. It feels that way."

"Did you learn what the 'old man' is?"

"Shiro is Zangetsu. But the old man is also Zangetsu as far as we're concerned. At first, I wanted him to explain himself. But when I thought about it and when I faced them as one being, I realized it doesn't matter. Afterwards he did admit to lying about his name, and admitted the core of his power comes from my Quincy heritage. I'm just glad he didn't expect me to start using a bow."

"Never tell Kurotsuchi any of this."

I snorted, "I'm not that stupid, love. None of his business, anyway."

"I honestly cannot wait to see you fight. You should spend a lot of time meditating. Zangetsu should be able to teach you how to use him . . . them more effectively now. You might also ask Kyoraku or Ukitake to show you some pointers for dual wielders."

"Yeah, I'd thought of that, too."

He looked a little anxious suddenly. "Ichigo, I noticed that I haven't thought of you once as Kurosaki since you told me who your father was. I am not thinking of you as Shiba, either, just Ichigo. I wondered what you were thinking about your family name. Given how your father lied, if you wanted to name yourself Shiba or even choose a fresh name, this would be the time to do it."

I was surprised. That hadn't even occurred to me, so I took a moment to consider it. Had the Kurosaki name become too tainted in my eyes for me to use? Should I claim the bonds that came with Shiba? Or cut ties with all of it? In the end, it didn't require much thought.

"No. I haven't made my peace with what Dad did, and I can't make peace with my mother's part in it. But it's part of who I am. I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, and I'll make Kurosaki a name to be proud of in Soul Society at least."

Something else clicked in my mind and I gave Toshiro a wide grin. "Unless there was more to that. Hitsugaya Ichigo might take some getting used to."

I let him off the hook with laughter before he choked. But I did love making him blush.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. I gave a respectful nod to the sotaicho, and decided it wouldn't hurt to do the same for Kurotsuchi. It threw me a bit to see him here, but if he was the one making sure I became a Shinigami then I could try to be courteous.

"Ho, your aura has changed." I resisted the urge to step back as he leaned in to leer at me. I'd never been afraid of clowns until I met the maniac captain of the 12th.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, you have been living in Seireitei instead of returning to the world of the living." At least he wasn't following up on Kurotsuchi's comment.

"Yes, I have. I feel that I may still be a target, and I'd rather not endanger my family and friends more than necessary."

"Do you then intend to return to the world of the living in the future?"

"That depends on what options I may have, sotaicho."

The ancient captain didn't smile, but I sensed that he was pleased with the direction of the conversation. If only he knew how Toshiro and I had been acting like this was all decided, he would be ecstatic.

"At today's captain's meeting it is our intention to make you a proposal. There are three divisions in need of captains. I would like to discuss your options ahead of the meeting. Would you consider joining the Gotei 13 with the goal of captaincy, and the understanding the your human life must be ended?"

"How much of a goal would that be? I have no interest in working my way up through the ranks for a century."

"Why you arrogant child!" Always so shrill.

"Confidence is not arrogance, Kurotsuchi-taicho.

"Your combat skills are not in question, but as you did not attend the Academy or spend time as a seated officer, you must learn the laws and duties required. Therefore you will train under one or more captains of my choosing."

I nodded once. With only 10 captains including Yamamoto, I suppose the vote method was too much to hope for.

"Pay?"

"Lieutenant level during training."

"Fair enough. I want the 5th."

Kurotsuchi limited himself to a disgruntled huff and crossing his arms dramatically. The old man opened his eyes wide and considered me for a while as I waited patiently. I knew he was still hanging on to the possibility that I was a traitor, infiltrating Soul Society on Aizen's behalf or for my own gain.

"Why that division in particular?"

"Honestly, I don't want anything to do with the special project in the 9th. I've heard that the 5th was a solid fighting division before Aizen betrayed them. That suits me, and the chance to move on with his own division at my back . . . he used and discarded them. They should have the chance to prove his error."

"The same could be said for the 3rd division."

"The 3rd has some leadership and can move forward until another captain is found."

"Speaking of leadership, it is unknown whether the lieutenant of the 5th will be able to return to duty. Choosing a replacement would be a priority."

I thought it over one last time, but I knew my instincts would guide me rightly in this.

"While I would like to discuss some compensation for the extra work placed on the senior officers, I would hold the second seat open. I know exactly what Hinamori-fukutaicho has faced, and if there is a chance she can recover she deserves the support."

"Then it will be the 5th. You do understand that your human death will be required."

"That isn't a problem for me."

"I had asked Kurotsuchi-taicho to attend for you to have some reassurance that we will be doing everything possible to ensure your soul transitions to Soul Society without loss of power or memory."

Looking at Kurotsuchi, "I trust the 12th and it's captain to handle this. My death is in your hands, Kurotsuchi-taicho."

He was completely taken aback, and perhaps a little pleased. "You understand you will have to be present in your human body for this? And we believe it will be uneventful, but the precautions we must take should not cause you undue discomfort."

"That is considerate of you, and you have my thanks."

_Ha! Take that, everyone who says I don't know what tact means._

"Are you ready to proceed with this in the near future, Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"As soon as you like, sotaicho. My human affairs have been settled."

"Very well. Kurotsuchi-taicho, how long do you need for preparations?"

"I can be ready by this time tomorrow." He looked at me again. "You will need to occupy your body for at least two hours before the procedure."

"Then see it done. You are dismissed."

I stayed, fairly sure that was directed only at the clown.

The old man looked at me again. "Before you depart, explain the change in your zanpakuto."

I shrugged. "I settled things with my inner Hollow. I have a much more clear understanding with my zanpakuto now. The physical changes reflect the new strength of our relationship."

"Then the Hollow has been expelled?"

"No, it is a permanent part of my zanpakuto itself. But it is now an ally and not capable of threatening me or others."

"Intriguing. You may go."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Pretending not to be worried about Ichigo was wearing on my nerves. Since I couldn't focus on paperwork, and since Matsumoto was filing her nails at her desk instead of doing her own work, I invited her to visit the training grounds. It wasn't on the schedule, but unexpected drop-ins kept officers on their toes. We observed and noted some changes that could be made as we prepared to restructure the squads. This was something that had to happen every few years, to work new recruits in and redistribute skills to create solid offense and defense within each squad.

The work cleared my head, and when Ichigo returned earlier than expected he joined us to observe training. He was relaxed and I could feel content radiating from his reiatsu. It went well, then. We left before training was over, and I asked Matsumoto to tidy up her notes from the past several months so we could start the restructure in earnest. I went back to my own paperwork with much improved efficiency.

Ichigo called out from the kitchen that ran between my office and the 3rd-5th seat office. "Don't you guys have any ice?"

Matsumoto laughed and I rolled my eyes. He poked his head into the office "I wanted iced tea."

"Then bring me the glass, idiot." His head disappeared and then he came back with three glasses which I frosted with a touch.

"Cheater." He handed me a glass and gave one to Matsumoto. It was good, a green tea with citrus that I normally wouldn't care for hot.

"So do you want the news now or at lunch?" I raised a brow in expectation.

"I have to train with a captain like you said. I guess 6 recommendations and 3 approvals is too much to ask with only 10 captains. Then I'll get the 5th."

"You'll train with Komamura, then. He's been overseeing the 5th."

While I kept my face calm, I was very pleased and I am sure he felt it. It really was the best fit for him, even if it put me in a difficult position vis-á-vis Momo. Beyond being pleased for him, I was relieved for the Gotei. They simply could not do better than Ichigo, and they had nearly failed to secure him.

"But Ichigo," Matsumoto sounded confused, "how can you be a captain if you are human?" Her face fell as she answered her own question.

"Tomorrow." Ichigo looked me in the eye. "By this time tomorrow I won't have to worry about that anymore. Oh, and I have to spend at least two hours in my body before 1:00 in the afternoon.

Matsumoto stood and came over to hug Ichigo. He just looked calmly at her and patted her on the back. She sighed and kissed his cheek, then went back to her desk and sagged in her chair.

"Matsumoto, clear my day tomorrow after 10. Ichigo, I'm going with you this time."

"Of course you are."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Ichigo caught me up on all of the details of the meeting as we had lunch at home. I had sent Chizuru word so that a fine meal was waiting for us. I made a mental note to increase her pay. Her days had always been very short, but with me spending more time at home and the added burden of Ichigo, she was having to work a bit harder.

Then he asked me what I had been dreading.

"Toshiro, what would you like me to do about Hinamori?"

"I know you have been letting me make some decisions for you, but this cannot be one of them. I don't have any real answer for you. If you keep her on, she may be a great liability, if she is ever able to return to duty at all. I could argue that a capable lieutenant who was a victim should be given a second chance. But the weakness she has shown . . . I cannot even say if I would keep her on if it were up to me, and she was my closest friend."

"Is that all?"

"What else can I say? I haven't had a clear thought about Momo for months. In this, you cannot trust my judgment."

I meant it. Every time I tried to work out how I felt about Momo personally and professionally, I came to a different conclusion. There was too much love, resentment, and blame. As much as I wanted to have her back, I also wanted to wash my hands of her entirely.

He was deep in thought through the rest of our lunch, and we headed for Division 1 together. Ichigo stood with me at the meeting, no other place having been designated for him. Almost every captain made a point of speaking to him before the meeting. My ears perked when Kyoraku approached.

"Interesting, another dual wielder."

"Speaking of which, I was wondering if you would be willing to teach me a few things? I've only ever fought with one blade."

"Certainly! We'll work out some times once you have a better idea what your schedule will be."

Now what? Was that jealousy I was feeling again? And why? Asking Kyoraku to help had been my own idea.

The meeting was almost anticlimactic since Yamamoto had covered everything with Ichigo. Soi-fon looked like she was chewing on a lemon, but otherwise the only hint of dissent was in the sympathetic looks when Ichigo's death was discussed. Most of the captains had already accepted it and moved on.

It was saved from being boring when Yamamoto asked Kuchiki if Abarai would be ready for the Proficiency Exam by the end of the year. I wasn't shocked, Abarai had achieved Bankai some time ago. He was a hothead, but so was Ichigo, who incidentally was almost vibrating with excitement. He and his friend would become captains together, and it was good to see him feeling so positive about the future.

After the fun subjects were addressed, facts and figures, reminders about the importance of timely reports, and an agenda of every kind of meeting available in Seireitei took up over an hour. I could feel Ichigo becoming increasingly irritated, and I smirked at him. He had been warned.

As the meeting broke up he fielded congratulations from several captains. Komamura told Ichigo he looked forward to working with him and Ichigo reciprocated. Kyoraku and Ukitake issued an open invitation to both of us for dinner, not just tea. And even Kuchiki stopped to acknowledge the upstart ryoka. I was just dying to tell Kuchiki that Ichigo was a Shiba. Why was it so much fun to pull the noble's tail?

We departed, but Zaraki was waiting outside the door.

"Yo, Ichigo. You owe me a fight."

"That I do, Kenpachi!" His reaction surprised me and made the battle-crazed captain chuckle.

"Not going to run away this time?"

"I have something kind of important tomorrow, you might have heard. How about the day after?" My fists clenched.

_Ah, that's what is causing the envy._

"Don't stand me up, and bring both your new toys, you'll need them."

As Zaraki walked away happy, I rolled my eyes at Ichigo.

"You really are trying to destroy the Gotei from within, aren't you?"

He grinned widely at me. "What's next?"

"I have to go to a meeting."

"Another one?"

"I happen to have a reputation for tactics, that's why I was sent to scout Hueco Mundo in the first place. I was part of an advisory body working on strategies for the war against Aizen. We'll need to wrap things up."

"They really should just put you in charge and save a lot of time."

I honestly couldn't tell if he was teasing or showing how much he trusted me. Guilt that I was partly lying to him did not help my mood. I did have a short meeting to attend, and then I'd be going to chat with the snake. Ichimaru was still a highly classified subject. I did not have much information, only suspicions. But if I gained important information, there was no doubt I would share it with Ichigo.

"At any rate, I'll be busy for the next 2 or 3 hours. If you don't want to meditate and start learning from the new and hopefully improved Zangetsu, maybe you could go pick a fight. There are plenty of partners to chose from."

"Did I do something to piss you off?"

"Yes. I have to go." And I spun around and went back to a smaller meeting room in Division 1 as he stared after me. I knew I was being unreasonable, but he was right. I was pissed off about something childish . . . again.

I returned to the office just before dinner and headed for the division cafeteria. Matsumoto was sitting with a variety of division members, and I joined them. I made a point of discussing Ichigo's upcoming fight with Kenpachi. Later I would pull Matsumoto aside and ask her to be sure that news reached any division members with close ties to soldiers in the 5th. The 5th respected prowess, and seeing Ichigo in action would whet their appetite. Or scare the shit out of them. Either way worked.

The future captain made his way in soon after and eyed me cautiously as he sat across from me with a tray of food. I had calmed down, and realized how petty I was being, but he was still worried about what he had done to set me off.

After various conversations around the table, everyone turned to stare as Ichigo asked, "Toshiro, I don't suppose you'd feel like a sparring session this evening?"

I could feel every single person within earshot straining closer. "Up to Shikai or Bankai? We'll have to use the main arena for Bankai, the barriers here aren't strong enough."

He smirked, "You know I'm not very good at holding back."

"The main grounds in an hour, then."

The room buzzed and I knew the crowd would be large. With so much attention on us, it might not have been the wisest move for me to slide my foot up his leg, cursing my height since I couldn't reach all of the way. Other than a quickly suppressed look of shock, he did a good job hiding his reaction as my toes slid as far up his thigh as they could. His hand reached under the table and his fingers ran along the bottom of my foot lightly. I masked my yelp as a choking fit and grabbed at some water to hide my face. He smirked and suddenly stood.

"I'd better get ready then. See you soon."

Only after he'd left I noticed the knowing smile on Matsumoto's face.

"Any way you can get word to any gossips in the 5th in time for this?"

"Taicho! Who do you think you are talking to?"

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imma gonna do chapter summaries now. Should have from the beginning . . .
> 
> Chapter 20 - In which Ichigo and Toshiro fight, Toshiro finally 'tops,' and Ichigo dies (which has no connection to aforementioned topping thank you very much).

_How many Shinigami are here, and how did they all find out?_

Toshiro arrived, landing in a crouch at the edge of the arena and looking around for me. A loud cheer went up from the many members of the 10th at his arrival. I made my way down to him and we walked to the center for some small amount of privacy.

"I won't be using Bankai, just so you know. I spent the afternoon with Zangetsu, and I'm not ready for that yet. But I'll use the Hollow. I think that's fair against your Bankai."

"Agreed. Avoid critical injuries if possible, as is standard. Kido?"

"I don't see why not. So, I've been trying to figure out what I did to upset you."

He looked surprised. "I thought you figured it out. I was jealous. I'm not proud of it, and I'm over it."

_Huh?_ "Jealous? Of who?"

"Kyoraku and Kenpachi, if you can believe it. You said you wanted to fight me, and then you lined up duels with everyone but me. I thought you reasoned that out, and offered this to appease."

Toshiro would probably forgive me sleeping with half the Shinigami here without a second thought. But he got jealous of me fighting someone else before him. God, he was perfect for me.

"As if I'd fight anyone else first. Anyone betting on this?"

"You are 3 to 1 favorite. I am surprised that I ranked so well."

"Everyone here that you want here?"

He nodded and bared his teeth, eyes practically glowing in the fading evening light. "Game on."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I didn't take it easy on Toshiro. He didn't let me. We started with just swordplay, hakuda making occasional appearances. I considered using just the longsword, since I wasn't used to this yet. But I settled on using both blades. It gave him an edge, and he didn't waste it.

He was fast. Physical speed wasn't the problem, I was much faster just in getting from place to place. No, his speed was more dangerous. He figured out strategies and readied counters instantly, and every time I hesitated he was already there, knowing before I did where to exploit openings I hadn't even left yet. Several shallow cuts and many, many bruises later I was only starting to get the hang of how to defend against his sneakiness.

Simply put, he outclassed me with sword and hand to hand; I hit harder, but he was too smart to let me hit often. For each time that I managed a hit, he hit back three times with deadly precision. Though I improved against him, I was on the defensive for the better part of 30 minutes. Even then he was kicking my ass. Based on round one, I'm sure the odds were shifting. But as he called on Hyorinmaru, I raised my reiatsu and the fight truly began. Within seconds we were off the ground, and I was using sonido to evade ice, kido and that annoying chain that sneaked in when least expected. More than once I had to break an arm or leg out of ice, and my skin stung in a few places.

I had realized something new, and rather shocking. The wounds were disappearing in seconds, a minute at most for the more serious cuts. I had healed quickly before thanks to Shiro . . . dammit, thanks to Zangetsu. But now it was nearly instant regeneration. Toshiro had noticed, too. I saw him watch a couple of cuts heal over, and the growl that I heard after he deliberately cut me and backed off to watch it heal was proof of the psychological advantage I had gained. I smirked as I stood still, holding the arm up for his observation before I moved to attack.

Sonido seemed a little harder for Shinigami to track, and I was able to get within his guard several times. The wounds started to even out as I scored a few hits. Those ice dragons hit hard, though, and after the second time one caught me I called out my Hollow mask. We stood for a moment mid-air. Toshiro was smiling widely, eyes fierce, completely in his element. I'm sure the crowd below was startled by my Hollow's laughter as the evening sky suddenly grew much darker, clouds swirling above us and mist filling the air.

Talk about psychological advantage! There was something incredibly intimidating when you were surrounded by physical evidence of your enemy's power, the black clouds and the very air electrified all around me.

His Bankai was as beautiful as I remembered. My slight advantage was gone, the ice of his wings and tail making getting close to him much more difficult. After ten minutes of trying and failing, earning several wounds for my efforts, I dropped the tactic and went for raw power.

Toshiro held but had to fall back as I went straight for him, taking him head on, trying to use power and reach against him. But Toshiro was not Renji or Kenpachi. He did not simply answer power for power; if he had I would have defeated him in seconds. The chain was a feint as his tail snaked toward me and I dodged straight into a blast of lightening kido. Barely dodging a wide net of daggers made of ice, I put some distance between us.

He was going to lose, that much was obvious. While he may be keeping me from damaging him too badly, it was costing him. Just keeping up his Bankai used a lot of reiatsu, as the fracturing petals behind him indicated. And each time he pushed me back he had to employ three or four tricks and techniques that ate up more of his power. Really, I could simply run down the clock, with plenty of my own reiatsu left. But I wouldn't resort to that, I'd beat him fair and square while he still had power to spare. It wouldn't be much of a victory otherwise.

I unleashed two Getsuga Tensho in succession, using my speed to slip in close again as he dodged. A miscalculation as I sliced at his dominant arm cost me, and what would have been a light hit on my side was enhanced by a burst of ice that cracked a couple of ribs.

Getting close to Toshiro was a good deal more dangerous than I was used to. He was frankly too smart, and I hadn't figured out his weaknesses. They existed, everyone had them, but they were proving difficult to find. I had fought smart opponents. Halibel, Starrk, Byakuya all came to mind. I had found each one's blind spot, be it compassion, sloth, or overconfidence, and I found them in one battle. If there was one thing that might distract him, it was his own mind.

"Best dodge this one, Toshiro!" I called, and showed off my new Getsuga Jujisho.

He did dodge, and half turned with a startled look to observe the powerful crossed blades of reiatsu, which I had carefully aimed upward so as not to destroy half of Seireitei. I thought he was still watching as I stepped to his side. I had him, my long blade a split second away from touching the back of his neck.

I felt him appear behind and slightly above me. Of course that was a decoy. Curios about a new technique or not, Toshiro would not pause at this stage of a battle. He had gone so far as to nearly drain his reiatsu, leaving power laced in the decoy to fool me. A serious gamble, and it paid off. I whirled just in time to catch Hyorinmaru's blade, the edge opening a thin cut along the side of my neck. My shorter blade was pressed against his chest.

I was my own worst enemy. Trying to trick a trickster, it was a stupid move throwing a flashy technique and expecting such a simple distraction to take him in. And with a perfect touch of irony, he had used an equally simple distraction to get the upper hand. Next time I would not try to fight him on his own terms. If I had stuck to what I knew best, hitting hard and fast, I could have crushed him. It was too tempting, though, to match his style, and I had fallen into the trap very early in the fight, handing him the victory.

The air was so cold this close to him, I wondered how he could breathe to say, "A draw, then?"

"For now, love." I let the Hollow mask go as we both eased our swords away. I smiled in joy and he ducked to kiss my cheek, the movement easily disguised from the eyes below. I flash-stepped to the ground as he soared down, dismissing the breathtaking ice wings when he touched the earth in perfect control.

There was an awful lot of noise as everyone commented on the fight, sorted out bets, argued whether it was draw or Toshiro's victory, and shouted compliments. I sensed at least three captains in the crowd.

I accepted the draw, really a loss, knowing that next time I would soundly beat Toshiro. In a straight swordfight he might always have the advantage. But as soon as power came into the equation I would be able to take him as long as I didn't make any more stupid mistakes. I still had a lot to learn, and that left him with too many chances to take advantage of my inexperience. But today was an honest fight, and my weaknesses were easy for his experience to exploit.

Fighting him was as arousing as foreplay, and I'm sure he felt the lust in my reiatsu before I managed to get it under control. His face was flushed from more than the fight. What I really wanted was to pin him right here on the ground, audience be damned.

"See you at the home, or do you need the 4th?"

"Home. I'll be right behind you. I have to pay up."

"You bet against yourself?" It's the only way he'd owe money. A draw would pay out anyone who supported him.

"Obviously. If you weren't learning something new, I'd never have made it to Bankai."

"My ribs say otherwise."

"Go on then, see you soon."

Time was up anyway, as the crowd had gotten the courage to enter the sparring grounds to press their opinions on us more directly. I was gone before they got there. As soon as I got home, I flipped on some hard rock to suit my mood as I downed a second glass of water. I felt energized and ready for anything, taking the stairs two at a time. I stripped torn clothes, and rinsed off the sweat and blood under the cool spray of the shower, all damage now erased.

Where was Toshiro? My body wanted him badly, and my mind agreed. The music was faded into a pulsing beat, rhythms sometimes familiar were all that reached this far. I flung myself naked on the bed, on my back with feet dangling over the edge, wishing for gold and silver skin. I could almost feel him, closing my eyes and breathing in his scent that clung to everything around me, enveloped by his presence as I had been in the midst of the storm. My craving for him was as strong as ever, a thirst that seemed impossible to quench.

I stretched and couldn't stop myself from reaching for my hardening cock as I replayed the duel in my mind. The feel of his deadly cold reiatsu, the whisper of that fine blade cutting the air, the way his eyes glowed as they tracked my every move. Stroking slowly, I recalled every detail of the ice talons covering his feet, ice curling around his neck and spreading out in graceful feather-like blades. He danced on the air so lightly, but hit as hard as the dragon that he resembled.

"Toshiro . . ." I moaned his name and a smooth voice answered me.

"Oh, you wicked man." I turned my head to see him leaning on the doorframe, eyes fixed on me as I continued to move my hand. He moved, not toward me but toward the bathroom.

"Don't you dare stop," he commanded and I gladly obeyed. I smiled. Was he finally ready to take me? I had to admit, I was surprised he hadn't done so already.

Toshiro took his time shedding his clothing, and wiping off his skin with my damp towel. His eyes stayed on me. My eyes stayed on his, waiting, daring him to take control, practically begging him to.

Though I liked to do this slow, I was starting to move faster as he came closer. His gaze was burning me, and I wanted him to touch me so badly. His head tilted to the side as he stood at the edge of my bed, almost but not quite touching my knees, and he wet his lips with a pink tongue. I started to sit up but stopped when he glared at me.

"No, my darling," he purred, "you stay down. But I will help you out." He reached for the nightstand.

I fell back down with a moan, my mind hazy with lust. He stepped closer, between my knees and I shuddered in anticipation. One cool hand wrapped around mine, slowing the strokes down. His other hand caught my left knee and lifted it to drape it over his shoulder.

Slick fingers warmed as they circled and teased. His hand on mine stopped me from jerking myself when a slender finger pushed inside. He turned his head and kissed the inside of my leg as he slowly, so slowly moved his hands.

Sure, Mr. Do-It-Now would be into slow teasing when it wasn't him on the receiving end. But I didn't mind. I loved it. I'd had quite enough of rough handling. This was all new, as neither of the men who took me were gentle in any way. It was thrilling just to see how Toshiro was completely focused on me and my reactions.

Though his hands were thin, the addition of a second finger definitely made itself known. He kept it slow, just moving in and out until I relaxed and then he started stretching and reaching deeper. When his fingers pressed against that sensitive gland I bucked my hips with a low groan.

His other hand pulled my hand away, and I whimpered. He bent down and took me in his mouth as this hand curled around the base of my cock and the third finger entered and brushed my prostrate again.

"Oh, god, Toshiro!" I pushed up into his mouth. Suddenly quite desperate, my hands gripped his hair, holding him while I pushed up again and he hollowed out his cheeks, sucking lightly as he let me in deeper. His fingers didn't stop moving, and I nearly lost control when I felt him allow the head of my cock all the way into his throat.

Fuck! I didn't even realize how aggressive I was, thrusting while gripping his hair. He didn't stop me, didn't fight me, and that made it all that much more satisfying when I released right into his throat. He pulled back slightly as he swallowed, and held me in his mouth until I settled down.

As my mind cleared I looked down at him and moved my hands from his hair to stroke the sides of his face as he straightened.

"Sorry, love. I was way too rough."

He just grinned widely and turned his head to kiss my palm before leaning all the way down, letting my leg drop, kissing my chest and teasing my nipples in between harsh breaths. His fingers were still inside of me, moving in and out and apart, not pressing or teasing.

His movements were gentle, in stark contrast to the recent aggression. His caresses were deliberate, with all his awareness totally focused on tasting and petting. Every line of him, every look, every lick told me that I was everything, the only thing in his mind and heart. Did it feel this way for him? Did he feel like a god when I worshiped every texture, every flavor of him?

"Ichigo, is this okay?" He was looking up at me seriously. He was worried, given my experiences with the traitors, that being taken would bring back bad memories.

"It's you, my love. It's better than okay."

He believed me and he smiled tenderly, returning to his caresses with more urgency. I was already half hard again and surrendered to the attention he was lavishing on my pleasantly sore muscles, and the ribs that had mended but still throbbed. His lips and tongue lingered everywhere he had cut or bruised, though the marks were long gone.

Soft lips sucked on the skin above my navel while a small hand slid down over my hip and thigh. I pushed against his hand and he nipped my skin lightly and let go. I sighed as his fingers left me. The time in between, as he stopped touching me to coat his length in lube and wipe off his hand, that time was forever. No wonder he always became impatient.

His hands pulled my hips, moving me to the edge of the bed, and I felt the tip of his cock pressing against me as he pushed my knees further apart.

"Look at me, Ichigo," his voice was strained but demanding. I locked my eyes with his darkened teal irises and he pressed forward. He groaned as he entered, lashes shivering as intense pleasure washed over his features, but he didn't look away from my face. Somehow, I had forgotten that this was a first for him. He had never known the tight warmth of another body, my mouth being the closest thing he had ever felt and it was not at all the same as this.

I panted and gave up trying to keep eye contact. My head fell back with a moan as he filled me completely. It was nothing like what I had experienced before. The feeling had no hint of pain, no fear, no shame, just completeness. This was Toshiro, the only person I'd ever truly desired, and the thought of him inside me was maddeningly erotic.

His hands were massaging my hips lightly and I flexed against him to let him know it was time to move. He pulled back half way and pushed back in. I felt his hands shaking with the effort to hold back as he made those gentle movements a few times. I glanced and saw his expression of ecstasy blended with intense concentration. Knowing exactly what he was feeling, I reached for him, my hand making beckoning motions as I called his name.

He pulled all the way back and thrust back in quickly, pausing for a moment as I cried out in appreciation, my head stretching back and pressing into the bed. His head dropped to his chest as he gathered his control, and then he was thrusting again and again, and it felt so good that I could only moan and try not to cry with relief.

I could see now that I had been scared that I would not be able to do this, that I had been damaged by what had been done to me. It would have been such a horrid loss if I couldn't have this with Toshiro.

As I started matching his rhythm, pushing in time with him, he raised both of my knees over his shoulders, lifting me and changing the angle and depth. I shouted and convulsed as he struck just the right spot. I lost the ability to feel anything else as repeated shockwaves of euphoria raced up my spine. This was how it was supposed to feel; this was what I had been denied, what had been twisted and distorted beyond recognition.

His hand wrapped around my cock but he needn't have bothered. I was already gone, only sheer will making it last a few more thrusts before I shouted his name and felt him stiffen as warmth spread inside me.

Even at the peak of his own orgasm his hands were careful, supporting and letting my legs down gently as he moved in me a few more times. Then he was drooping over me with his weight on one arm by my side. His other hand reaching to pet through my hair.

"Ichigo, that was incredible. Thank you."

I was the one who should be thanking him, if I had the breath or ability to speak. It had been the exact opposite of what I had endured before. Brutality changed to tenderness, cruelty changed to absolute dedication to my pleasure, hate turned to love. He leaned down and licked all the drops off my chest and belly, only then pulling out as I lay smiling and content.

I understood now why he was so limp after sex, and what he meant when he said he was the selfish one for being on the receiving end. He leaned toward the nightstand and grabbed a few tissues to clean himself off, always the neat-freak. Then he smirked as he wiped my ass and I snickered at him.

With some effort, I pulled myself all the way up on the bed and reached out my arms. He crawled up my body and lay full length on top of me. He kissed my neck gently, and I held him quietly until we were both relaxed.

Only then I realized. "Toshiro, you're still injured." Just how horny did you have to be to not notice that your lover was covered in bruises?

"Well, I had planned on healing as I cleaned up, but I got rather distracted by the show you were putting on."

I chuckled, "That was a good fight, and an even better ending." My hand pressed his back as I poured reiatsu into healing the cuts and bruises.

"Yes, it was. It's too bad I won't be able to match you when you master the dual blades. Not to mention your Bankai."

"What makes you say that? Yeah, I was clumsy tonight but you didn't show me everything you can do, either. I still can't figure you out, you mix too many styles. If I get better, you just have to hold back less."

"Hmm, we'll see. You would be a good target for some techniques I have a hard time with. It's difficult to practice when you're too worried about killing your opponent. Not to mention any innocent bystanders."

"Sounds fun. I'm starving. Wanna go raid the fridge?"

He got off me and stood, wrinkling his nose as he stretched.

"Go ahead, and make some green tea for me while you're at it. I smell like I've been fighting and fucking all night, I'm going to shower."

I got up and started for the closet, laughing at the crudeness he was starting to show every now and then. He smacked my ass as we parted ways, making me laugh harder as I grabbed a robe and headed downstairs. I toned the music down and started heating the water. Chizuru had restocked, and I found a bowl of chilled watermelon chunks as I munched on an apple. I quickly went out in the garden, placing the bowl and trotting back in.

Toshiro came down as I was scooping tea into the pot. His hair was flat as he rubbed it with a towel. I finished the tea and took the towel from him, massaging his head with both hands. There was a chill tonight, winter finally announcing her approach after that last fall heatwave. I wanted his hair nice and dry.

He didn't protest, just scowled at me as I fluffed his hair, the half-eaten apple clenched between my teeth. I tucked the towel around his shoulders, grabbed the apple and smiled as I chewed. He took the apple from my hand, taking a bite and handing it back to me before going into the kitchen to get his favorite tea mug and one for me.

"Remind me tomorrow, I left some things at Urahara's."

He looked up from pouring tea. "Sure. There are a couple of things I want to pick up, too."

I took my mug and tossed the blanket that was on the couch over my shoulder. I reached for his free hand as he looked at me quizzically. We slipped on the sandals kept by the back door and I pulled him along into the garden.

He chuckled as we rounded a corner of the path and the hammock was revealed. I took his tea and set it on the tall stump strategically placed within reach. I sat and swung my legs up and patted beside me. He hopped on gracefully, and I adjusted a mound of pillows so we could sit slightly up and look up at the stars Through the dark web of bare branches, sides pressed together. I reached for our tea and pulled the blanket over us.

"This was a very good idea."

"I have been known to have them from time to time."

We were quiet for a while, sipping and gazing upward as crickets hummed to the faint music drifting from the house. What odd creatures we were. We lived for war, we had just fought each other like lions, and tomorrow I was going to die. But at this moment, nothing mattered except tender closeness.

When my tea was gone I placed the mug aside and pulled up the bowl. Toshiro looked, and snorted when I plucked out a small chunk of watermelon and held it above his lips. He opened his mouth, and his eyes closed as he bit down on the sweet fruit. He relished it and looked at me as he swallowed.

"How did you know?"

"Rangiku, of course."

I popped a piece in my mouth and then held out another. He let me feed him like that until the bowl was empty. Then he grabbed my hand and sucked my fingers clean while I held my breath. With a sigh, he twisted a little so that he could lay his head upon my shoulder. As I put his empty cup down, I pushed on the stump and the hammock swayed gently as we cuddled under the blanket. Yep, the hammock was one of the best ideas I'd ever had.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

We moved inside after Ichigo began to shiver despite the blanket. We cuddled into bed together for a few more hours of sleep. I was awake early, and carefully unwrapped our limbs so that he could continue to rest. Eating and sleeping, Ichigo excelled at both.

I left him a note on the kitchen counter to join me at the division cafeteria for breakfast if he was up in time. My day was going to be cut short, so I made progress on reports before dawn, then made some black tea for the caffeine boost. The dojo had a high roof with a clear view. I took one annoyingly long report with me and settled in for the sunrise.

Matsumoto surprised me. She was not normally an early riser, and she had a blanket wrapped around her from neck to ankle as she settled next to me.

"Mornin', taicho!" She was perky even when she was sleepy and cold.

"Good morning, Matsumoto."

"That was very impressive last night. I haven't seen you that aggressive in a long time."

I reminded myself that I had fought a duel yesterday and fought down a blush at the double meanings.

"It was . . . fun. Thank you for getting the word out, I saw quite few members of the 5th in the crowd."

"Forget the 5th, the 10th is strutting like a peacock."

"What?"

"You should have seen it, taicho! The two of you really put on a show. It was nothing like when you and I train together. 10 years of recruits had never seen you fight like that. The way they've been acting ever since you'd think each one of them defeated Ichigo."

Seems I kept stumbling on ways to strengthen my bond with my own division lately. Showing a captain's power always helped, but it was usually a display or a planned fight to make sure no one was hurt. A real captain class duel at full strength was very rare. But with Ichigo around, it might not be so rare a thing anymore.

"I'm glad they like it, but I didn't defeat him. He would have run me through as I decapitated him."

"That's a win, taicho. You could have survived. Why, it seems to me a certain orange haired Shinigami just recovered from being run through. But that blow to the neck would have been fatal."

I hid a smile in my cup as I looked at the first hint of the sun on the horizon.

"Guess I should have bet on myself."

"Oh, that would be poor form. But don't worry, I put all the office petty cash on you. We can afford some upgrades now."

I growled as I rubbed at the bridge of my nose. Matsumoto had a gift for instantly destroying every good mood. I swear she had gotten up early just for this.

"Well, better go get started on paperwork!" She could move fast when she wanted to. And she knew I would calm down before I came back to the office.

I finished my tea and my reading as the sun completed its ascent from darkness. As promised I went to breakfast. The cafeteria was crowded and I took the first offer of a seat as several people tried to get my attention to sit with them. I had to field many questions about the duel, and kept my answers brief, with my usual cold demeanor. Eventually they shut up and let me eat, but I still had to deal with more fans on my way to the door.

I walked into the office as Matsumoto and Ichigo laughed about something, chatting together on the couch. Ichigo twisted his head up and around to grin at me over his shoulder.

"Congratulations, Toshiro! I hear you officially killed me, and a day ahead of schedule."

"And you say I have a dark sense of humor." I settled at the desk and signed off on the report I had finished.

Ichigo hopped up to refill my empty mug. Matsumoto watched him, amused at how quickly she was discarded when I walked in the door. I hid another smile by sipping the new cup of tea. Having Ichigo around was hell on my dignity, but he was worth it.

"Anything I can help with?" Perhaps he needed some distraction, given we only had a couple of hours before we would head for his execution.

"Pull up a chair at the end of the desk. I'll pass you anything that doesn't really require my attention. Just tell me if anything stands out, sign and stack."

"Sign my name?"

"Well don't sign mine. You are officially a captain in training. I'm sure no one cares if you authorize the purchase of . . . let's see, two dozen new sets of sheets for the barracks." I handed it to him along with a brush.

He took the form, looked it over and signed with enthusiasm. Oh, to be young again.

It really was a big help, and when I had given him all the basic forms I sent him over to Matsumoto to sign off on drill and patrol reports, much to her delight. The time was eaten away, and I looked up to find Ichigo staring at me. I put my things away, stood and stretched.

"Matsumoto, take care of the deliveries. Solo training is on your schedule, so do it. You can take the rest of the day off. I have that phone with me if there are any emergencies."

"Very good, taicho." She looked sadly between me and Ichigo, and then focused on her paperwork, head down to hide her expression as we retrieved swords and shoes and left.

Today's gate guards put on a braver face, though I'm sure Ichigo and I both looked even more dangerous with our thoughts of what was to come. Word would have already spread, these two would have heard of our fight yesterday. But they didn't tremble like the last fool. I nodded to both, and heard Ichigo snort after we had stepped through the gate. We rushed through, and stepped into crisp autumn sunlight near Urahara's shop. Kuchiki and Abarai were close by and heading toward us with Ichigo's body and the mod soul, having been informed of today's agenda.

Sensing a familiar reiatsu, I put my arm out in front of Ichigo as he started toward the shop. He glanced at me, then his eyes narrowed as he also caught the presence. Out of the door walked Shiba Isshin, former captain of the 10th, in a shihakusho with a tattered haori hanging from his shoulder. My lip curled in a snarl, knowing my insignia would be on that shameful rag.

He looked surprised to see me. I would expect Urahara had informed him of my relationship with Ichigo, but it seemed I was wrong. His reiatsu was weak, definitely not as I remembered it. Would he regain the strength of a captain in time, or had he lost it entirely?

A small pang in my chest reminded me briefly of how I had mourned the loss of my captain. For all his faults, Shiba had been someone I looked up to. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that he was a father figure to me, a teacher, and though I never took it, he always had his hand outstretched, offering honest friendship. But that did not excuse the way he left, the untenable position he abandoned me and Matsumoto in. And it sure as hell didn't excuse what Ichigo had gone through.

"Toshiro?"

My eyes narrowed and I said nothing. Ichigo was calm. His weight shifted into a deceptively relaxed pose, head high and arrogant. This was how he looked when spitting on Espada, and I knew how dangerous he was at this moment. His father, however, didn't have a clue. He had let his son face becoming a Shinigami alone, face a Hollow within alone, and then his son was taken and faced a living hell alone. Ichigo was no longer a boy, and no longer anyone his father knew.

"Son, please hear me out . . . "

"You've had your say, old man. You had your reasons for fucking up my life. They don't matter to me anymore."

"Then for your sisters' sake, come home and let's work this out."

I should not have interfered, but I hissed at him before I could stop myself. "How dare you use your children against one another!"

Ichigo's hand took mine, fingers weaving together. In my head, I started chanting.

"I will try to forgive you, Dad. Let that be enough. But fuck up with Karin and Yuzu, and I'll be there."

He stiffened at that, and glared at our joined hands, glared at me before looking back to Ichigo. Did he blame me for his son's belligerence? I would have laughed at him and explained who exactly was at fault, but it was not my place.

_My captain, your son may forgive you someday. I never will._

"Has it gone so far? Are you actually threatening your own father?"

"If you got the message, please leave. You have no place here today."

"How can you say that to me? I only ever wanted . . ."

I spoke and he collapsed. Ichigo jumped and looked at me, startled.

"Sorry, did you want to hear more of that? I can wake him up."

He chuckled and shook his head, squeezing my hand in thanks before letting go. Kuchiki, Abarai, and Kon arrived and watched as I tore off the tattered haori and stepped over the unconscious  _former_ captain of the 10th. I stalked into the shop, where Urahara hid behind the counter and his fan. I thrust the cloth at him.

"Burn this. And if that filth is here when we return I'll make no apologies or reparations for the damages."

Turning on my heel, I did not listen for a reply as I returned to Ichigo. He was showing his new swords to Abarai, who was fussing over the longsword like a kid. These two were going to be captains soon. I kicked Shiba as I passed.

_Guess we're all a little childish._

Kuchiki stood slightly apart, face composed and eyes nearly closed so he could pretend not to see anything that might offend his sensibilities. Ichigo turned to Kon and I stayed back to give them some semblance of privacy. When Ichigo took the body, he walked awkwardly to me and showed me the small green pill.

"I'm just going to give this to Hat-and-Clogs. He promised to make arrangements for Kon."

When Ichigo had left, Abarai asked, "Is that Ichigo's dad?"

"It's his sperm donor at any rate."

Abarai looked confused, but I heard a muffled snort from Kuchiki. He had known Shiba, but not well enough to have recognized the noble captain in the asinine, disheveled head of the Kurosaki household. And he now knew Ichigo could claim noble blood. Fallen nobles, but still, things like that mattered to him. Ichigo returned as Kuchiki was excusing himself and his lieutenant. They would meet us back here in a little more than 2 hours.

"Did you remember your shopping list, honey?"

I chuckled, "Yes, dear, shall we?"

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Coffee, coffee maker, Belgian chocolate for coco, guitar strings, battery operated alarm clock, batteries, what was I forgetting?

Fountain pens – a compromise. The salesman couldn't see Toshiro, but didn't think it odd that a discerning shopper would try out a few different pens by practicing his signature on paper. Toshiro approved, and liked the broad tipped calligraphy pens that could easily pass for fine brush strokes with a little practice. The salesman did a poor job of hiding his shock that a teenage punk would fuss over pens and then buy two dozen fairly pricey ones and some replacement nibs.

Toshiro guided me to a tea shop he had hunted down for a specific tea he hadn't been able to find in Seireitei. Then we scouted a few used bookstores and he found two rare items to add to the collection. He also had me buy a fine copy of _Kokoro_ , the novel he had been reading in Las Noches. Most of the items were small, but I looked like a pack mule again when we got back to the shop. No sign of the old man this time, but Kurotsuchi's team was hard at work in Urahara's yard while the two mad scientists argued on the porch.

I sighed and considered the 20-story building a few blocks away. I could save everyone some time . . .

As Kurotsuchi stormed away in a snit, Urahara turned to greet us.

"It seems things are going well out here. Why don't you two come in, put that stuff in the storage room and I'll get all your things on the next delivery. Your tea will be included, Hitsugaya-taicho. You can settle the bill any time."

We followed him as he chattered, and found Byakuya, Renji, Unohana and Yoruichi gathered around the table with tea. I didn't ask what Unohana was doing there, I assumed the answer wouldn't be comforting.

"This is just normal tea, Urahara?" Renji looked at his tea suspiciously.

"Yes, yes, Kurosaki-kun. Though if you ask me this crowd could do with something stronger." He set two more cups down and filled them, then went to make another pot.

"We should have had a cake or something." Yoruichi loved her celebrations. I guess it was the date of death that Shinigami used as their birthdays.

"That would have been nice. Now I feel cheated."

Toshiro got up and went to the kitchen, probably to yell at Urahara about something. The two seemed a little tense around each other today.

"Renji, when are you coming back? I'm off medical leave."

"Should be soon. It's gotten pretty boring over here, the Espada don't seem interested in playing."

Byakuya glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and Renji stiffened.

"More secrets. You guys ever think maybe all the secrecy might lead to something bad like, I don't know, captains being able to deceive everyone for decades and pinning the blame on other people?"

Yoruichi snorted. Unohana smiled and I could see a glint of mirth in her eyes. But stick-up-his-ass had to argue.

"Information may be classified for many reasons, Kurosaki Ichigo. You will need to respect military protocol if you expect to become a captain."

Shaking my head, I just stared at him in disbelief. Luckily, Toshiro distracted me before I could say anything that would piss Byakuya off even more. He walked up behind me and set a white cupcake in front of me, a small candle glowing above the chocolate icing. He licked a bit of icing off his thumb as he sat back down.

"Happy Birthday, Ichigo."

I gave Toshiro my widest smile as Renji whispered "Whipped."

Ignoring Renji's teasing and Yoruichi's laughter, I made my wish and blew out the candle. November 20, just a month away from Toshiro's birthday. That would do.

I fought off Renji when he made a grab for my tiny birthday cake, and stuffed the entire thing in my mouth as soon as I could get the wrapper off. Byakuya ran out of tolerance and left. Sitting between his mannerless oaf of a lieutenant and boisterous Yoruichi had him wound tighter than usual, I mean, I was sure it had nothing at all to do with me. Toshiro just propped his chin on one hand, elbow on the table and watched with amusement.

Urahara finally brought more tea, and announced that everything would be ready in five minutes. The table went quiet and I looked at Toshiro with a sigh. He lifted an eyebrow with a slight quirk of his lips, as if to say, ' _Of course they don't understand_.'

Unwilling to sit in the gloomy atmosphere for the last five minutes of my life, I stood quickly, almost losing my balance due to the unfamiliar weight of my body. I offered a hand and pulled Toshiro up. Renji stared. Honestly, how long was it going to take him to realize he'd been wrong about Toshiro for years?

The others trailed us as we walked out to find the front yard just a bit changed. Five metal posts marked the points of a pentagram traced on the grass in black. _Ominous._

An even scarier chunk of equipment set off to one side, Akon and four others in white lab coats fussing around it. Gods of Death we all may be, but did we have to have computers with what looked like intestines as cable and random eyeballs sticking in weird places? _Gross._

Kurotsuchi and his quiet lieutenant stood observing from the other side of the pentagram. Even on the day of my death he was going to make me come to him. He looked me up and down with faint disgust as I approached. I was a lot less intimidating without swords, in slightly baggy cargo pants and a sloppy T-shirt.

_Yeah, thanks, Kon, for making me look respectable. It wasn't like a special occasion or anything._

"What's the plan, Kurotsuchi-taicho?"

I was semi respectful, at least until this was over. If I pissed him off it wouldn't surprise me if he made this ordeal more painful or difficult than it had to be. He extended a white hand, with one unnaturally long nail. In his palm was a large, pale yellow pill. I took it and held it up.

"That's it?"

"It should be painless and nearly instantaneous."

"And all of that," I gestured toward the posts and the freaky equipment, "should keep my soul from disappearing?"

"That shouldn't be a concern. The shielding will help keep your soul here, and act as a barrier if you are consumed by your Hollow. But its main purpose is to hide your death from Hell."

"Hell! Why?"

Toshiro answered since Kurotsuchi seemed bored by the conversation about my imminent death.

"Regardless of any other actions you may have taken in your life, suicide is a touchy subject. Often the gates of Hell appear for suicides who have otherwise led unremarkable lives. But other times there seems to be mercy, such as when someone ends their life due to suffering. It would be easier if your death went unnoticed."

Kurotsuchi walked away, yelling at his subordinates about something technical and waving his hands around. They put up with the verbal abuse as he pushed them away from the console. A barrier glowed white between and above the metal stakes, then vanished after several seconds.

"Step into the center, without touching the lines. Then wait while I calibrate the sensors."

Toshiro gave me a reassuring smile, echoed by most of the other observers. I took a deep breath and walked forward, the barrier lighting up again as I crossed the line.

_Alright, Zangetsu. Stick with me now._

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

_Alright, Hyorinmaru, stop fussing. We're both okay with this, and nothing is going to happen._

Ichigo looked around at the small crowd. What others might mistake as trepidation was, in fact, eagerness. He was ready for this, and so was I. There was a distinct buzzing sound in the air as Kurotsuchi fiddled with buttons and dials. He looked up with an unnerving grin.

"Whenever you are ready."

Ichigo stared into my eyes as he put the pill in his mouth and swallowed. I held my breath for about three seconds. Then he clutched his stomach as he doubled over.

"Fucking liar," he gasped, falling to his knees and then his side.

His eyes shut tightly and his mouth was a grimace of pain. My fists clenched and I stepped forward as his breathing became rapid and erratic. I was about to shout at Kurotsuchi to drop the barrier before I shattered it, but then his face relaxed and I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not.

And that was the end. Ichigo pushed himself up and stood above his body, looking like the fearsome, magnificent Shinigami that he was and I let out the breath I had been holding, relief calming my nerves. He grinned down at his body, then looked serious as he checked the sky. No sign of trouble, no demons coming for him.

Ichigo turned toward Kurotsuchi, who was messing with his equipment again. "Is that it?"

"One moment," he snapped. Both Ichigo and I were suppressing our growing irritation with the 12th Division captain. That had obviously been excruciating, and while quick it certainly wasn't instantaneous. But it was over, and there didn't appear to be any complications.

Time passed, all eyes drifting between Ichigo and Kurotsuchi, who didn't bother to explain what he was doing. The barrier fizzled out with some sad little sparks. I looked at the scientist expectantly.

Finally, he glanced up and flicked a hand at Ichigo dismissively. "Go on, then, I'm done with you."

My glare was wasted as Kurotsuchi became absorbed in studying strips of readouts with his insane cohorts. Ichigo just shrugged and walked out of the design. Unohana cut in front of Yoruichi and Renji to insist on examining Ichigo.

I walked quietly to the discarded body. Kneeling, I smoothed away the lines of pain and stroked the familiar cheek. I stood, lifting the body and carrying it into Urahara's shop as Ichigo and the others watched solemnly. Urahara followed me in and directed me to a side room where I took the time to lay the body out on a futon, making sure it looked peaceful and composed, messy clothes and hair straightened. Kissing the cooling forehead, I silently said my respectful goodbyes, eternally grateful for this brief human existence that gave me the love of my life.

I stood and turned to be wrapped in warm arms. He stroked my back and I rested my cheek on his chest for a while before I started laughing lowly.

"Now you're the one comforting me, after you just died. We're a bit fucked up, Ichigo."

"Dark sense of humor, my love." But he chuckled, too, and his voice was light, nearly carefree.

If Byakuya or Kurotsuchi cared that our hands were full of commercial shopping bags as we walked back out, they didn't mention it. The 6th Division captain and lieutenant went their way. Unohana claimed she wanted to discuss something with Urahara, likely just to let us return to Soul Society on our own. We walked a block away to not interfere with Kurotsuchi's equipment and I opened a gate.

Ichigo couldn't stop smiling as we walked through the gate, and I was in pretty good mood myself. All he had to do now was not die in battle. Otherwise he had just started a very long afterlife, memory and power intact. There were some memories in there that were painful, of his friends, his parents, and his struggles against himself and his captors. But they were part of what made him the man I loved, and I would not give those memories up any more than he would.

"We should invite Matsumoto, Abarai and Kuchiki Rukia for dinner. Tonight, if they can make it, to celebrate. I should have thought of it sooner."

He looked pleased, "That would be nice. Tomorrow I'll have to start training, so I don't know how much time we'll have free after that and I won't want to share you."

Today's guards were treated to two captain class Shinigami laden with bright paper bags chatting about dinner plans. I stopped the hell butterflies that had accompanied us, and sent a quick message to the sotaicho that all was well, and another to carry a message back to Abarai. A third came when I called, and I sent it off to Komamura, and to continue on to Kuchiki Rukia.

"Why haven't you taught me how to do that yet?"

"I just have not thought of it. If you watch carefully you can figure it out. It is easy to learn."

We took off for the 10th, and an anxious redhead who tried to kill Ichigo a second time with her trademark bear hugs. Then she stuck her nose in the shopping bags, and I produced a delicate gold bracelet in a pretty gift box. I knew better than to shop without bringing back something, and the more I bought for myself, the pricier the gift had better be.

As she cooed over the bracelet Ichigo snapped onto her wrist, I realized that I had made a good choice taking a male lover. I really did not need a second wife when I had Matsumoto to please. Then I smacked myself mentally. I worked hard for true equality in the 10th, though the Gotei was years ahead of the living world on at least this one issue.

Ichigo's hand waved in front of my eyes and I frowned at him.

"Admire the damn bracelet, Toshiro."

How long had Matsumoto been holding her wrist under my nose?

"I picked it out, I know what it looks like." Matsumoto huffed and crossed her arms, flouncing away.

Ichigo snickered. "It's a good thing you ended up with me." I blinked as he echoed my sentiments from moments before.

"Whatever. We have the rest of the afternoon free until dinner. Anything you'd like to do for your birthday?"

He smiled widely. And that was how I trapped myself into spending two solid hours letting him do anything he wanted until I passed out on top of him.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Toshiro make Ichigo play dress up and throws a dinner party, Kenpachi tries to kill Ichigo, Toshiro can't keep his pants on, and the boys get very, very dirty.

Birthdays are wonderful things. Not that Toshiro wasn't always willing, but this time he didn't argue when I wanted to go slow the first time. He didn't try to take over, but let me tease and love him any way I wanted, and I took full advantage. Taking him tenderly in my arms, sitting up so that I could suck on his tongue, his ears and neck as we slowly made love was a good start.

Next, I took my time teasing him into a frenzy. Once I had him panting and begging, I took him aggressively, bending his legs almost to his head as I thrust harder, deeper it seemed than ever before. He loved that, and rewarded me with those shouts that were borderline screams. He was tired enough to quit. But I wasn't willing to let this opportunity pass by. I tormented him into cumming once more, leaving not one inch of his body untouched, then wrapped his legs around my waist and took him slowly to a fourth orgasm, and my third.

I had to rest before taking him to the shower, and I set the tub to fill while I cleaned us both. He was exhausted, and had to lean on me throughout. Toshiro loved water, and recovered enough energy in the bath to sit in my lap once more. We let our reiatsu loose, even though the hot water soon turned chilly. The bathroom was as wet as we were before he fell limp against my shoulder. I had some difficulty toweling us off while holding him, and then getting us back to the bed.

I lay in a state of pure bliss. He had stirred only enough to kiss me on the neck as I pulled up the blanket, and then he was out like a light. I tried to stay awake, a little worried that we'd oversleep and wake up to our three friends taking photos. But I drifted off anyway.

Toshiro's infallible internal clock saved us, since we had used up most of our free time. He woke me by nipping my ear, but this time I did not lash out. He kissed my lips lightly, but I slid my hand into his hair and deepened the contact. He seemed willing to continue, but I knew we had to get moving and didn't want to make him feel rushed later. So, I let go and he smiled. He started to lift himself up and groaned, rolling instead to the side, his hand pushing at the small of his back.

"You broke me, Ichigo. Fix it."

"So bossy." I put my hand on his back and he sighed in relief. I kissed his neck and shoulders while the kido did its work. I was pretty worn out myself, but I knew he must feel quite a bit worse.

"Sorry, love. But that was too wonderful for me to regret it."

His scowl disappeared. "Don't think for a second that I regret it either. I'm just glad I am not human."

"Yet another advantage to shuffling off that mortal coil."

His low laughter made me feel better, and I offered him a hand as I stood. He stretched and twisted, making sure his spine was still in one piece. I had to look away. Nothing turned me on quite as much as when he flexed liked that. My legs were a bit shaky, too, as I made my way to the closet and pulled on underwear. I picked out a simple yukata. Toshiro had followed me, knowing I was hopeless when it came to fashion. He shook his head and pointed to the black kimono he had bought for me.

"Really? It's just a casual dinner."

"You claimed birthday rights. The rest of us can dress casual but you need to show off."

He left as I pulled the heavy silk down. It was not as plain as it looked. The silk was layered, with dark red showing underneath the black as the silk moved. The obi was all black, except for a subtle line of lily-of-the-valley down the center, only visible in brighter black as the fabric turned. The flower of the 5th, and he had ordered this as soon as we returned from Hueco Mundo. Too sexy, the way his mind worked.

I laid the kimono out on the bed, and put on a simple robe. Toshiro stepped out in a blue and white yukata, with snowflake patterns that made me smile. He glared at me.

"I'm a klutz, you know this. I'll change after we cook."

I followed him down the stairs.

"You are about as clumsy as a cat. You don't have to work today, I can make dinner."

"I like helping. You just tell me what to do. Music?"

"Please."

Two butterflies were waving their wings on the windowsill. I let them in and they fluttered over to Toshiro. I paid attention this time to how he communicated with them.

"Good, Abarai and Kuchiki can both make it."

I let the pretty messengers back out, smiling at the whimsy of whatever Shinigami had chosen butterflies of all things. Then I selected a lighter playlist, a variety of instrumentals through softer rock and pop but nothing too aggressive.

Toshiro planned out his cooking like it was a battle. I could see a big, traditional meal in the making and my mouth started watering as fine ingredients were carefully arranged.

"Do you know how to clean fish?"

"Yeah, you actually have whole fish?"

He handed me several and I got to work as he started making sauces, mixing something that looked like tempura batter at the same time. It reminded me of Yuzu, and I swallowed my sorrow at the thought. It wasn't like I wouldn't see her again, and I focused on the happy memories associated with Yuzu in the kitchen.

We worked well together, and I liked contributing where I could without getting in his way. When the only things left to do were the finishing touches, I made sure that the spotless living areas were still as clean as usual. Toshiro pointed out fine guest plates, platters, and glasses. He had set out wine, sake and the makings of tea. This was going to be a meal to remember.

"Love, don't take this the wrong way but how do you know how to throw a dinner party?"

"You mean because I am so cold and anti-social?" He smirked. "It's true, I have only had Matsumoto over for dinner a few times, and no one else. But I enjoy a well-set table for myself, and this is just an extension."

He pulled out what looked like a perfect castella cake and set it on the kitchen island.

"Where did you find the time to make that?"

"Chizuru did it for me. For you, actually, just for tonight."

He squawked as I grabbed him in a tight hug, and his hands smacked at my ribs. I buried my face in snowy softness and kissed the top of his head.

"You are the kindest, most thoughtful person I've ever known."

He stilled. "All well and good, but if you don't want burnt fish you will let go now."

I released him after one more kiss. "And go get changed, Matsumoto is already on her way."

As I headed for the stairs I called out, "Don't think I didn't notice the lilies on the sash, you sexy thing."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Rangiku blew in like a sudden storm. As I dressed I could hear her fussing and complimenting loudly. Then her voice dropped only a little as she begged Toshiro to tell her how I was in bed. I perked up my ears, but he evaded the question and put her to work taking plates and bowls to the table as he filled them.

She had dressed up for the occasion, too, I was happy to see when I came down the stairs. At least I wouldn't be the only one. She looked ravishing in a modern dress inspired by traditional kimono, white and gold with a riot of flowers. It was probably worth a fortune and I admired it properly as I welcomed her. She immediately returned the compliment, and her sharp eyes lingered on the lilies.

Toshiro looked at the door and I rolled my eyes. I pulled the door open to reveal Renji, fidgeting nervously with his hand in the air, trying to decide whether to knock. I looked around and behind him.

"Were you waiting for Rukia or something?" He was more nervous than I'd ever seen him and he just stuttered so I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. He kicked off his sandals and looked around wide eyed, then spotted Toshiro behind the counter. He bowed all the way from the waist as I raised my brows. You would think working with Byakuya would break him in a little. But then, Toshiro had always intimidated Renji for some reason .

"Hit – Hitsugaya-taicho, thank you very much for the invitation." He probably would have been crawling on the floor if he realized he was only guest number 4 ever to set foot in this house.

I grabbed the bottle of wine that he almost threw at Toshiro and set it on the counter by him. My darling dragon frowned severely, not helping Renji's nerves, though I knew that was the scowl that meant he was fighting not to laugh.

"I am glad you could come, Abarai. Thank you for the bottle, it's a very fine gift."

Renji was blushing as Matsumoto wrapped her arm around his and started asking silly routine questions to get him calmed down.

Rukia wasn't nearly as nervous, but then as a Kuchiki she was more accustomed to social gatherings. She made me spin around twice as soon as she'd greeted Toshiro.

"That is way too classy for you to have picked it out. Well done, Hitsugaya-taicho."

"Well, I can't be associated with a poorly dressed man."

She snickered. "You don't look so shabby yourself, midget. Owww!" I rubbed my arm. Her yukata was simple, but of the finest cloth with a night sky pattern.

With everyone arrived, Toshiro hurried us to the table while the dinner was still fresh. It didn't take much encouragement; the aromas were enough to make my stomach growl. Toshiro continued to host, pouring drinks as requested.

Then everyone looked at me, and Rukia prompted, "First selection, birthday boy."

I grinned and went straight for the miso-ginger glazed salmon. Ice broken, platters and bowls were passed and plates were filled with plenty of compliments and comments. What seemed like enough food for a division began to vanish.

Renji wanted to know all about the duel, and I was surprised to hear that Rukia had been there. As she told it, she raced across Seireitei when she heard the news, and skidded into the crowd right as Toshiro kicked me 500 feet across the sparring grounds. I rubbed my chest at the memory. The entire sword and hand portion of the duel was full of me getting my ass handed to me.

The first time Toshiro laughed at one of Rukia's more excited outbursts, both she and Renji froze and stared.

Rangiku quickly commented, "Oh, Rukia, get on with it! The ending is the best part!"

Rukia snapped out of it, chuckling awkwardly and continuing the tale. I smiled warmly at Rangiku. She was as happy as I'd ever seen her, smiling back at me as Toshiro stood to provide refills and clear off a few empty platters.

"I can't believe I missed it. Ichigo, you guys have to fight again when I'm around."

"And the cash, Renji! I made two months' pay off of that."

My jaw dropped. "You bet against me?"

"Of course I did. I mean, you're good, but he's Hitsugaya-taicho. And I won, didn't I? I'd trade all the money I won to watch him kick your ass again."

It was worth everyone laughing at me to see Toshiro, Renji, Rangiku and Rukia all relaxed and having a good time together. Eventually even Renji had stopped eating, until Toshiro brought in dessert and fresh tea to go with it. Suddenly we each found a little more room in our stomachs. We talked about little things. I complained about Byakuya's attitude, and Renji asked for help thinking of excuses to get out of work tomorrow for the planned Kurosaki vs. Kenpachi death-match. We all had some very unhelpful ideas for him to use.

"You and Ichigo got matching tattoos to celebrate and yours is all infected and gross."

"You could tell him Hitsugaya-taicho poisoned you at dinner."

"You were too drunk to use a gate so you slept in Byakuya's bed for the night."

"Rangiku took you home and you couldn't move for a day and a half."

"You made a pass at Toshiro and I had to kick your ass."

"You made a pass at Ichigo which he accepted, then I kicked both your asses."

"Ichigo and Hitsugaya-taicho got in another fight and we all ended up in the infirmary."

"You were too worn out from all the sex with his little sister. Owww! Stop that!"

All in all, the night was a huge success. The entire day was one for the history books, and it was late when Rukia and Renji departed, much more at ease than when they arrived. Rangiku kissed my cheek and whispered thanks in my ear, then hugged her captain who barely struggled. Toshiro and I cleaned up the mess slowly, at least getting everything rinsed well when we ran out of energy to wash properly.

"Glad I gave Chizuru a raise."

"Mmhmm. And don't forget I won't be a freeloader much longer. I start earning my keep tomorrow."

"Tomorrow . . . we should be in bed already. Komamura is an early starter, you should be up by dawn and take your meals with the 7th."

"How do you think he'll feel about fountain pens?"

"Try your luck, he's more open-minded than people think."

We finished tidying and I yawned my way up the stairs. I was careful with the kimono, went to wash up, and crawled into bed in just my underwear, collapsing face down into the pillow. Toshiro just couldn't come to bed until he cleaned up the bathroom a bit and then stretched on his side as close as possible. He stroked my back until I fell asleep, just like I often did for him.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

It already felt strange not having Ichigo around. Instead, it was back to normal business. Matsumoto showed up late morning, and playing on her strengths I sent her to check patrols while I continued catching up on paperwork and started the restructuring. After lunch we observed training together, leaving early to meet with officers, review the plans and fill in some details. I had her schedule another officers meeting for tomorrow and started on reports.

I had managed almost the entire workday without once reaching for Ichigo's reiatsu. A butterfly arrived just before I ran out of self-control. Ichigo would have dinner at the 7th. The planned fight with Zaraki had not been banned by the old man, much to my amazement, and would take place at the main sparring grounds. I hurried to finish the day's business. As a captain, I could choose any vantage point, but I wanted to arrive early just the same.

Matsumoto tracked me down at dinner, planning to ride my coattails to get a better view of the fight. There was already a crowd when we arrived, and it was growing quickly. An entire squad of the kido corps was working on strengthening barriers, on top of the already established screens around the combat area. Unohana had claimed ringside seats for two teams of healers. I was relieved that this highly dangerous event was being taken seriously.

There were no nearby structures, so a rooftop wasn't an option. I would prefer to stand back some distance, usually. But Zaraki was likely to keep to the ground, and my height had to be factored in. So, a ringside seat was the best option. My rank made the Shinigami step aside as Matsumoto and I took the best place.

Matsumoto muttered, "No money to be made today, taicho. Odds are holding pretty close to even."

"Put five hundred on Ichigo for me anyway. The odds should spread as more unranked soldiers arrive. They'll value Zaraki's reputation and they haven't seen Ichigo fight." I knew she would take my lead and so would most of the Shinigami within earshot. And I was right, the odds started to stack in Kenpachi's favor as the crowd swelled.

Ichigo dropped right into the center of the arena, Kuchiki Rukia in tow. Ignoring the whistles and mostly sincere cheers, he headed straight for me.

"A crowd like this is no place for a midget. Oww! That's it, I'm dropping you at the back of the line."

"Of course, you can keep me company, Kuchiki." The surrounding Shinigami would have to make way for several arriving captains anyway.

"Good luck, Ichigo!" Matsumoto was as cheerful as always. Without dropping his fierce scowl, Ichigo gave her a little wink and turned as Zaraki arrived, clearing a wide path through the crowd.

Ukitake, Komamura . . . every single captain was here except Kuchiki, and Yamamoto's reiatsu was approaching. I blinked when Yachiru popped in next to Kyoraku on the other side of the arena, grinning up at him and saying something that made him throw back his head in laughter.

Yamamoto and Sasakibe arrived, appearing next to Ichigo and Zaraki. Yamamoto spoke to them for a short time. Ichigo nodded and Zaraki curled his lip in disdain. I assumed the sotaicho was laying down the law – stay within the barrier, avoid fatal blows and grievous injury. Zaraki might not be capable of following that second rule once things got heated, but Ichigo would be fine.

A massive blast of reiatsu pushed against the barrier, and I could see the three powerful men near Yamamoto take a step back. Around me several Shinigami hit their knees and a few even passed out despite the multiple strong barriers. The message had been clear, if they felt that they had no business being so close. Officers began shuffling the weaker Shinigami further away from the barrier.

Interestingly, Kuchiki had barely flinched. I made a mental note to follow up on that, her reiatsu didn't feel that strong but it could just be excellent control. If Matsumoto could complete Bankai within the next few years and there was still an opening for a captain, then I was going to need a lieutenant. It was never too soon to start scouting since my 3rd seat wasn't ready. Of course, I had another strong candidate somewhere in the depths of Hueco Mundo.

After several minutes for the crowd to adjust, any standing too close doing so at their own risk, Zaraki and Ichigo moved to opposite ends and the kido corps braced the barrier. The crowd held its collective breath.

A blur of movement, a pulse of pressure, the clash of metal as sparks flew. Ichigo was using both blades, already moving more confidently than in our duel. Zaraki was a straightforward fighter. He was capable of forming strategies, but favored brute strength and instinct. Ichigo's weakness against me was due to the way I fought, seeking out and creating openings. He was much, much stronger against Zaraki.

That wasn't to say the fight was a guaranteed victory, and the 11th Division captain laughed as he drew first blood with a thin line down Ichigo's left bicep. The two were not holding back, despite Yamamoto's 'pep talk.' Any number of these strikes could be fatal if the other made one mistake.

Ten minutes in, Zaraki was sporting several cuts and one potentially deep wound on his side. But he wasn't slowing down. In fact, he was more aggressive and faster. Ichigo's wounds healed as he went, leaving blood but no obvious damage. It would have been a major psychological advantage against anyone else. It just made Zaraki obsessed with causing enough damage that Ichigo wouldn't be able to recover.

Ichigo used no kido, and kept most of his attacks direct, matching his opponent's style. I would be crushed facing Kenpachi like that. No, I would have pulled every tactic, technique, spell and trick I could think of. My only chance against such a brute would be to catch him from a distance and strike from behind. It didn't matter if the opponent respected your fighting style or not once you were dead.

Zaraki evaded a Getsuga Tensho, and I clenched my teeth. The new cross technique would have got him. I could almost hear the cracking of ribs as Zaraki landed another solid blow, sending Ichigo tumbling across the dirt. But as my eyes followed Ichigo I grinned. He stood up with a full mask on, stretching his neck slowly side to side.

Zaraki called something too muffled by the barrier for me to hear and Ichigo nodded. The eyepatch came off and the barrier rippled. Absently, I felt Matsumoto clutching at my arm and Kuchiki gasped. I didn't look, but I knew that most in the crowd had never seen this from either combatant. Some were probably shaking in fear. None from the 10th, the 5th or the 11th, I was certain.

Ichigo's reiatsu seared the air around him, and the swords picked up their own glow of power. He vanished, but Zaraki had the instincts of a wild animal and a flood of reiatsu to help him predict Ichigo's movements. The fight was faster, nothing but a blur to the less powerful Shinigami. Fewer blows were landed as each countered strikes before they even started. But the attacks that got through were masterpieces of swordplay.

The two swords were a whirlwind, and it seemed he had the edge as he found more and more ways to get through Zaraki's guard, often at the cost of a wound for himself. Somehow, they kept the pace and force for 5 minutes, then 10, almost 15 minutes of unreal exertion with no clear victor in sight.

They skidded apart, both now breathing hard and coated in sweat and blood. He removed his mask and I almost shouted at him to put it back on as Zaraki's reiatsu swelled again. If not for the barrier, even I would have to fight to keep standing under the pressure of Zaraki releasing his full strength. They were both smiling like madmen.

Ichigo held the two swords together. I saw his lips move, a single word I knew well. My heart stopped in shock as his reiatsu completely disappeared, just like it had when he lost control of the Hollow. I flared out my own reiatsu, searching as much as possible through the barrier, and I could feel others doing the same. Yamamoto's eyes were wide open as he, too, succumbed to the impulse to scan for Ichigo's reiatsu.

He held one sword again, the delicate looking black Zangetsu was longer and slightly curved with cruel barbs along the back edge. He actually looked taller, the form fitting black and red coat laced in the front with a high collar. White accented his sleeves, gloves, and the ragged hem. While the mask was gone, his eyes were black and gold.

My beloved looked frighteningly lethal and completely _delectable_. I shifted my weight and tried to control the physical reaction as I devoured him with my eyes.

This time when Ichigo moved I could barely track him. Zaraki managed to block several attacks, but was pushed back and had no chance to counterattack. Ichigo did not use his speed to attack from above or behind, just faced his opponent head-on, literally beating the big captain down with lightning fast strikes that were insanely strong.

Through all of it, I sensed not one shred of reiatsu. It was as if he wasn't even there, and it was impossible for Zaraki to keep up. The fight ended less than 2 minutes after he had called Bankai. Zaraki was on one knee, his head far back with the tip of Zangetsu pressing up where his neck met his jaw. All was silent for a moment as Zaraki's eyes looked down. Then his maniacal laughter broke the floodgates and noise surged all around as the huge crowd exploded at full volume.

My eyes shot to the other captains. Unohana would insist on examining him. Each would have to congratulate him and share their observations. And who knew how long Yamamoto would take questioning him about his reiatsu. No. _No, no_ , they would keep him here for hours. I looked back at him, that fierce and terrifying vision of power and passion. I could not let them take him from me.

Pushing Matsumoto's hands off my arm, and ignoring whatever she was shouting at me to be heard over the crowd, I flash-stepped to Ichigo as his sword moved away from Kenpachi's throat. He didn't even have time to look startled before I'd grabbed his hand and jerked him into shunpo.

Three steps later he pulled against me and I paused on a roof. "Toshiro, where are we going?"

"Somewhere we can't be found. It's a long way, though."

He tilted his head and I wanted to smack him for wasting time. I was probably scaring him, but now was not the time to explain myself. Hell, I wasn't even sure I could explain if I tried. I was running on adrenaline and lust, and I had no desire to control it.

"I know someplace close." He held out his hand and I went with him.

Urahara, it had to be. I had never suspected this place existed, right in Seireitei no less.

"Toshiro, what . . ."

I spun to face him, then leapt into his arms. He responded immediately to my desperate kiss, my teeth hitting his as I attacked his mouth. My arms tightened around his neck as he adjusted his hold, dropping the sword, one arm supporting me so the other was free to cradle the back of my neck.

When he pulled back for air I let go of his neck, trusting my legs and his hands to hold me to him. I bit and licked his lower lip until he kissed me again, as my hands went to the thick straps running up the long jacket. Unable to find a way to unlace them, I growled in frustration and tore the fabric all the way down the front and shoved all that cloth out of my way. He moved one arm at a time to allow the jacket to fall and I peeled off each glove.

I made short work of my own uniform, letting Hyorinmaru and all the clothing I could get off tumble to the ground. He broke the kiss again and I bit his neck in retaliation.

"Hey, easy. Slow down, love."

My fingernails dug into this scalp as I took his head in both hands and forced him to look in my eyes. I wasn't going to let him hide behind his guilt and beg not to hurt me. Not this time.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, if you aren't inside me within two minutes, _you never will be again_."

Brown eyes went wide and his hands tightened as he swallowed hard. He knew I did not lie. My entire body shuddered as his tongue ran down my neck and we started to fall. He went down on his knees and then my back hit the earth hard. He dragged the rest of my uniform off and bunched the cloth of his pants down to his knees.

Long fingers went to his mouth, then rubbed the head of my painful erection roughly, adding droplets of precum to his fingers. When he shoved two inside of me my back arched high off the ground. I held back the yelp that tried to escape, not wanting him to back off. But when he went straight for the prostate, massaging hard, I nearly shouted myself hoarse.

His fingers worked quickly, as his other hand trailed nails down my chest. My legs spread wantonly wider and I growled again as a third finger pushed in. It didn't matter if it hurt. I wanted that demigod with death in his hands, and _I wanted him now_. I had to have him before the greedy world and his own power ripped him away from me.

"Ichi . . . Ichigo! Ah, god!" I clawed at his free arm, pulling and begging as he moved up and his fingers left me.

Bracing my feet on the ground, I pushed my hips up. When I felt the tip of his cock touching me, I whimpered. When he shoved quickly forward with no hesitation, I screamed as my vision went white. Oh, it hurt, it hurt like hell and it was perfect. The shock of the pain chased by absolute, fiery pleasure was enough to drive me mad.

"Fuck! Toshiro! Please, Toshiro, look at me!"

I opened blurry eyes, panting shallow and fast. He had stopped, fully buried inside of me. _Why had he stopped_?

Focusing on him as his shaking hand stroked my cheek, I glared. "Why the fuck did you stop!"

His head dropped with a groan and I could feel his body tremble. When he looked back up, there was a sheen of gold in his eyes. I did not feel the expected alarm at the thought of the violent and unpredictable Hollow. No, my greed and lust latched onto the matching storm of passion in those predatory eyes.

_Oh, fuck yes!_

I grabbed his hair and pressed our lips together as I pressed my body up against his. He dragged himself slowly, so slowly out of me, swallowing my moans as he moved inch by excruciating inch.

Lifting his lips away, his smile was feral as the now fully black and gold eyes stared into mine and he slammed back into me, making me scream again as my eyes squeezed shut. Yes! That was what I wanted, what I had to have. Possession, obsession, all of the most stark and raw emotions stirred up by the violence and beauty of battle, by the power and divinity of my lover at his finest. It all led to this.

"Ah, sweetness, what lovely music you make. Scream for me again, pretty one." That distorted voice made me shiver all over, and I did exactly as he asked when he pulled my hips toward him as he thrust even more forcefully.

A hot tongue lapped up my tears as he repeated the tortuously slow withdrawal and I struggled to suck in air for the next scream before he thrust again. My nails ripped his shoulders as I came hard, pushing up against him while he held himself motionless inside me, leaving me to shake and writhe against him through my orgasm alone.

His lips came to mine, and I tasted the salt of my tears on his tongue. I tried to pull away, needing to breathe. He growled and the tang of copper drown the tears as he bit at my lips, forcing the kiss to continue until I was struggling against him. He laughed as he pulled his head back, not that shrieking laugh, but a low, equally frightening laugh laced with both appreciation and disdain.

He was far from finished, and I whimpered as he moved slowly again. His teeth were nipping sharply along my neck and jaw, then he'd lick again, swiping the tears off my cheeks. I couldn't even scream as he thrust again, hard enough to push me along the ground. And again, deliberately slow, then brutally fast. I had just enough presence of mind to realize that I would pass out if he continued this way.

I gathered my will as he moved slowly out, locked my ankles behind his thighs and I pulled as he thrust in, making him grunt in surprise. My hands raked his back, nails cutting through his skin again, the wounds closing almost instantly. My response broke his control, and he managed only one more slow withdrawal before he was thrusting repeatedly, teeth holding my shoulder and one hand gripping my hair tightly, possessively as he lost himself in me.

Light flashed against the darkness behind my eyelids as he slammed into me, I could feel the second orgasm coming for me quickly. This time he was coming with me if I had anything to say about it.

I pulled his head away from my neck, roughly yanking him by the hair and feeling his teeth tear my skin. His collarbone was in front of me, and I bit down hard. He shouted and lost his rhythm. With three more erratic and rough thrusts, he came inside me with a savage shout as I found a second release.

My vision was black and red and my breath was painful as I gasped for air. I was clinging to his shoulders and his hips, still fully joined. His eyes were shut, both arms braced on the ground and head hanging.

We stayed that way and I lost track of time, totally satisfied, totally focused on sensation. _Forever._ We could stay like this forever.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I should have expected his reaction to the fight. But I had honestly thought I had crossed a line, and he was racing to save me from arrest or execution. When it turned out to be uncontrollable lust, I was relieved and pleased. When he demanded I take him fast and rough, I was frightened. I didn't want to hurt him again, and I didn't want him to see the part of me that had enjoyed it the first time.

He told me clearly what he wanted and I didn't deny him. But that scream, and the tears. He hadn't been ready, I had gone too far. I panicked.

_What is wrong with you? Fuck that gorgeous thing into the ground!_

_No, he's hurt. I did this to him._

_Fucking hell! I know what he wants, why don't you?_

_What are you saying? Look at those tears! He doesn't want this._

_You're hopeless. Let me show you why sweetness is crying._

I fought, but then Toshiro saw the Hollow in my eyes, and he grabbed me anyway. I was stunned and lost my chance to regain control. After that I was as much spectator as participant, and I watched and felt Toshiro come undone twice under me.

My thoughts were a jumble as I hung my head and tried to breathe. This had been consensual and appallingly brutal, and it had been erotic and wonderful. Toshiro knew what he wanted, and it was okay if I complied. These things I could accept. I considered the sting of jealously I had felt when Toshiro embraced the Hollow. But the Hollow was Zangetsu and Zangetsu was me. That I could accept, even if it still confused me at this moment.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, beautiful eyes half closed and eyelids red from tears. He focused on me and sighed, a tired, crooked but genuine smile lifting his swollen, bloodstained lips. A hand slid from my shoulder to my hair, then down to caress my cheek. I kissed his palm, then leaned down to kiss his lips gently as I moved, pulling out of him. He winced, but pushed his lips to mine.

He looked around as I sat up on my knees. We were filthy, covered in dirt, sweat, semen, and blood.

"There is a remarkable hot spring further in the cavern."

He started to push himself up. I staggered to my feet and offered him a hand. His legs shook but steadied as he took a couple of steps. I kicked off my boots and stepped out of the clothing I'd only shoved down. He was still wearing sandals and socks, nothing else.

"I can carry you, love."

"Bring our things instead. I'm perfectly capable of walking." He said this softly, and stretched lightly before walking into the cavern. I did as told, and he turned to stare as I released my Bankai and picked up the swords.

"Did you know that your reiatsu vanishes in Bankai?"

"It doesn't. Well, apparently it does for everyone else, but not for me."

He blinked, and turned to keep walking.

"You could have warned me. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"I didn't know. It feels fine to me. That was only the second time I've tried it since the changes in Zangetsu, and the first time no one was there to tell me. I didn't realize until everyone reacted."

He spotted the steaming pool of water ahead and he tried to speed up, but slowed back down. He was hurting more than he let on. Toshiro stopped at the edge and waited for me to set down the pile of clothes and swords.

"Would you mind?" he gestured at his feet with a small smile. "I don't even want to think what will happen if I try to stand on one foot."

I knelt and he put a hand on my shoulder while I picked up his right foot, tugging off the sandal and sock. As I pulled down the second sock I scraped the tip of my finger along the arch of his foot and he nearly fell as he tried to jump back on one leg. Flinging an arm out to catch at me I pulled him toward me and stood. He should have just let me carry him.

"Ichigo, you bastard." He didn't grab on or wrap his legs around me, just hung there uncooperatively as my arms pressed him to my chest. But he didn't struggle, and he sighed as the water reached up to his knees, then his thighs. I set him down slowly and he winced as the water covered up to the bottom of his sternum.

Finding the underwater ledge, I sagged down until the water was lapping at my neck and waited. Turquoise eyes widened and he stretched, feeling the spring doing its work. He smiled at me, and let his legs slide out from under him to sink to the bottom.

Laughing when his silvery mop popped out of the water a minute later, I stretched my legs out full-length and rested my arms on the edge of the pool. He slid onto the seat close to me, and I let my arm fall across his shoulders. His head tilted back on my arm.

"So, is that vanishing reiatsu an ability of your new Bankai, or something else entirely?"

"I don't know. Like I said, I didn't notice it until everyone else did. I can tell you my reiatsu in Bankai is off the charts, at least 3 times stronger than before."

"That should be impossible. But since it's you I wouldn't presume. You must have access to two power sources now, like the Visored said, and each of them is beyond powerful. Maybe Kurotsuchi could measure it."

We fell silent for a while, Toshiro's eyes closed and he was so relaxed against me that I thought he might have fallen asleep.

"Ichigo, are you okay with what I did? If you hated it, just tell me."

What on Earth? I looked down at him, but he stared down at the water.

"Toshiro, I honestly don't understand. You've never done anything I hate, or anything I'm not okay with."

I wished he would look at me, but I held still. I meant it. Yes, I was confused and even a bit hurt at first. But in the end, it always came back to one fact. What Toshiro wanted, I would provide and count myself the luckiest bastard that ever lived if I could keep him happy.

"Can that be true? You told me you didn't want to do that sort of thing again, and I practically forced you to anyway. You had to let Zangetsu finish for you, for fuck's sake. You had to hate it."

"Oh, my love, that's not right at all. I was panicking because I thought I hurt you, and beating myself up for wanting you that way. Apparently Zangetsu felt the need to set me straight, that's all. It didn't bother you, knowing that the Hollow was there?"

He finally looked up, and I saw no regret, recrimination, or guilt in his eyes. "Of course not. Zangetsu is you. So, we're okay then?"

"Always. And you can always tell me exactly what you want, and kick my ass if I don't please you. It's worked so far."

He chuckled and I felt him relax again against my arm.

"I never even asked how your first day went."

"I noticed. It was okay. Everyone in the 7th is terrified of me except the big dog and shades. But I get the feeling it's more office time than anything for me. It's like being back in school. And boy, you guys have a lot of rules. You'd never guess it with all of the chaos that reigns here."

"If you stop to think about it, you may find that most of that chaos had something to do with an orange-haired idiot."

"Aww, you haven't called me an idiot in days. You missed me today, didn't you?"

"Missed you? I got all my work done on time for the first time since you crashed into my life. But you know what? The new pen was a big help. I would definitely miss that pen."

It was a shame. His hair had only just started to dry when I pushed him back under. I stood to get out while he sputtered curses at me. I looked at our bloody, dusty, gross clothing in dismay. Luckily, I knew where the supply room was.

"Stay in for a minute if you want. I'm going to check for clean clothes."

Toshiro shook like a dog, water spraying from his hair. "Don't bother, just hold them out in the air."

"Huh?"

I gathered all of it, down to the socks and held out my arm. He focused on the clothing for a minute, then spoke just the title of a spell, and everything was clean, and wrinkle free.

"Inanimate objects only. Do that to skin and you'll be clean alright, just like you've been scrubbed raw with sandpaper."

"A kido for dry cleaning. What will they think of next?" And how can I take off a jacket and end up with a kosode? Shinigami were mysterious beings, indeed.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Not surprisingly, a small swarm of butterflies chased us down after we exited the shielded cave. Most were just inquiries to make sure we were both safe, and I sent a reply to all of those at once. Two were from the sotaicho, demanding our presence immediately.

We would get there faster than a reply, so I told Ichigo and we sped off to Division 1. As we walked toward Yamamoto's office I insisted Ichigo be respectful and let me do the talking, though I couldn't imagine what I was going to say. I did have an idea, but it was reckless enough for Ichigo.

Yamamoto and Sasakibe both glared at us as we approached the desk.

"Before you answer for your absence, explain the lack of detectable reiatsu during the duel."

He asked Ichigo directly, so I glanced at him with a small shrug. I couldn't answer a direct question.

"I was not aware that it would happen, sotaicho. My reiatsu feels much stronger due to recent events, but it never disappears as far as I can tell. Hitsugaya-taicho thinks it may be an ability specific to my Bankai. We had planned to ask Kurotsuchi-taicho for more information."

"Humph. I do not believe that is the cause but I will hold my opinion until you consult Kurotsuchi-taicho. Unless requested by myself or Kurotsuchi-taicho, or required to engage an enemy you will not utilize Bankai. Understood?"

"Yes, sotaicho."

He turned toward Toshiro.

"Now, what was the meaning of abducting Kurosaki and not responding to a direct summons?"

"I was not aware that I or Kurosaki were under any orders to remain, sotaicho. And I came as soon as I received the summons."

"It was sent an hour ago."

"We were within a barrier, sotaicho." He would know that anyway. And it was my last effort at a reasonable explanation.

"Why was a barrier required?" He was pissed. He was still and always suspicious, and the captain who was held in Hueco Mundo vanishes with the renegade Shinigami/Espada who just used a very unsettling technique in combat. It didn't look good. I sighed. No getting around what I needed to do to defuse this situation.

"Sex, sotaicho."

Ichigo's hand clapped over his mouth and his face reddened. Sasakibe choked.

Yamamoto should have stayed silent, and he seemed to realize that the moment after he said, "What?"

"That is the truth, sotaicho. I stole Kurosaki away after the duel and locked him behind a barrier for over an hour because I wanted to have sex."

Other than some wheezing from Sasakibe, the office was silent for at least 30 seconds. I waited, calm and cool as ice.

"You are dismissed."

I shoved Ichigo toward the door when he didn't move. His hand was still firmly covering his mouth, and I sincerely hoped it would remain there until we were well away from the 1st. As it happened, he held out all the way to my office. Howling with laughter, he collapsed on the couch. Tears were running down his face and he had to struggle to breathe. Matsumoto came running so fast she nearly ran into the door. She looked from the cackling strawberry to her scowling captain, trying to make sense of what was happening.

I threw my hands in the air and stormed out towards home. I refused to be present when Ichigo gained enough air to tell Matsumoto why he was laughing. Minutes later I nearly spilled the kettle when a high-pitched squeal of laughter pierced the night. I debated brewing some of Urahara's tea, but settled for a relaxing green. I changed into a robe while the tea seeped and set out an extra mug. Why I was being considerate of him, I couldn't say.

Pressing a few buttons the way Ichigo had shown me, I filled the house with music and took my tea to the back porch to enjoy the strengthening breath of winter. My thoughts drifted with the cold wind that rustled the dead leaves.

I was succeeding. The job was nearly done. He needed a little more help, and he'd need me to support him as he became accustomed to his new life. But Ichigo was strong again. He could laugh, and spend time with his friends, and face down powerful captains with perfect control.

_What do I do now, Hyorinmaru?_

The dragon stirred at the edge of my consciousness.

_Now, master, you trust him._

_But is it enough? Have I done enough to keep him with me when he no longer needs me?_

_He loves you, young one, and he will always need you. He would have to be a fool not to realize the strength you give him. Your chosen is no fool._

_And if I am no longer his equal? He is so powerful now. I could be left behind, pushed away to protect me._

_Nonsense. His power is nearing the limits of what any spirit can achieve. Your own power is great and still growing. I should not need to remind you of who we are._

I sighed and chided myself. Hyorinmaru held all the wisdom inside of me from all of our lives, and he was right.

_The war with Aizen was avoided, but something is coming. Can you feel it, Hyorinmaru? Months, years perhaps, and this broken peace will end._

_Do you fear this?_

_No. I am eager for it, and that causes me some small fear._

A rumble like distant thunder echoed in my head.

_You are first and foremost a warrior, my master, a warrior in an age of peace. Do not fear that you yearn to do what you were born and trained to do._

_Hmm, you are eager, as well, old dragon._

_I will welcome the opportunity to spread my wings once again, young one, and to see you spread yours for the first time._

I laughed in delight and anticipation, and heard the answering avalanche of laughter from the dragon.

Back in balance with myself and my purpose, I finished my tea and prepared for sleep. Ichigo and Matsumoto might be talking for hours, so I let myself relax into darkness. When Ichigo slid into bed I woke enough to hum as he kissed my cheek. He curled around me, his front to my back, his arm holding me to him. I wriggled to press myself just right into the contours of his body before sleep took me again.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yamamoto is a fossil, Ichimaru is a slippery snake, Kurotsuchi melts like the wicked witch, Urahara is as honest as a used-car salesman, Komamura can't teach, Ichigo is a god, and Toshiro comes out as sapiosexual.

We must not have moved all night, and Toshiro was trying to get out from under my arm without waking me, unsuccessfully. Yesterday had been our first day off together since I had started training under Komamura. It had only been nearly two weeks now, and it felt like an eternity.

Captain of a military division responsible for maintaining the balance of life and death. Charged with the duty of purifying Hollows, protecting human souls, and if necessary defending Heaven itself. Sounded exciting. But my current reality was anything but. Reading ancient texts on law, traditions, and strategy reminded me of the worst history teacher I had ever had, a dull man who simply sat and enforced quiet while we read endlessly. Working with the Division 7 squads was better, when I had the chance.

I wanted so badly to stay in bed, to hold onto Toshiro for another lazy day. Releasing him, I stretched and rolled onto my back as I blinked myself awake. It was well before dawn, and I could make breakfast before leaving for the 7th if I got up now. Toshiro leaned over me, pulling the blanket up to my shoulders.

"You can sleep a little longer, I'll wake you."

Too sluggish this early, my hand wasn't quick enough to grab him and pull him to me. He eyed me a moment and left me there all alone. While he was in the bathroom I got up and dressed. Another day of studying wasn't the best inspiration for getting out of bed, but it was a step along the path to the 5th.

By the time Toshiro came downstairs I had breakfast set out and ready. We sat and I whined about what I expected the long day to be like. He threatened me, saying Matsumoto needed to learn these things as well so perhaps he should schedule some evening study sessions for the two of us.

"You know, if you'd killed Zaraki you would have automatically been captain of the 11th with that many witnesses."

"Like I'd want to take a division that way, or be captain of a division where they would all be planning to kill me to get promoted. That whole concept is messed up."

"You're right about that. It's barbaric. But then that's the nature of the division until someone with enough authority changes it."

"Someday you'll be sotaicho and then you can change it." He blinked at me, but I wasn't joking. Who better to modernize and lead the Gotei?

"Yamamoto founded the Gotei 13, you realize? He's been sotaicho for around 2000 years."

"Shit. That explains a few things. Now I wonder why you all aren't carving reports on rocks and throwing spears at Hollows."

He laughed, and stood to clean up after our meal. I got up to help, and then we both prepared to leave. Before heading out the door, I held him to me for a slow, sweet kiss. We both started our day with a smile.

As predicted, it was a dull day. Komamura would lecture and discuss, then leave me for up to an hour to read and research the subject at hand. I looked forward to the paperwork portion of the day, since I'd at least be able to accomplish something.

Lunch at the 7th was interesting. The division was as disciplined as the 10th, but slightly stiffer. The easy camaraderie between officers and men that Toshiro had fostered wasn't present. There was a clear-cut line between seated and unseated, and more formality between each rank. But it wasn't so stuffy that conversations or ideas were completely stifled. When I walked in there was a ripple of talk and then a hush. I was getting used to it. My fights with Toshiro and Kenpachi were over a week ago, but still on everyone's minds and tongues, though gossip wasn't encouraged here and no one knew me well enough to get a conversation started about it.

It was expected that I'd sit with the officers, and so far I had. Perhaps today I could try something different. I spotted an unseated Shinigami that I had a pleasant conversation with yesterday when taking a break, and I went to her table instead. Another ripple of talk, another hush as I sat down and greeted her brightly. I made conversation, following up on our talk yesterday about kido, asking how her squad was structured, and dragging the table into the mix.

Perhaps ten minutes passed before an older man got the courage to ask me a question about the duels, and after that all surrounding tables started leaning in to listen as questions flew. By the time I was ready to leave, the tone of the cafeteria had changed, and I felt like I had made a little progress fitting in with the 7th.

After lunch, Komamura announced that he would be leaving for a captain's meeting. Toshiro hadn't mentioned it, but I knew these things could be called any time. I was given a stack of paperwork to review and summarize, and a very large book that gave me a headache as I felt its weight. Shades was working with a few squads on the training grounds, so after I finished paperwork I took the massive tome and sat on the grass where I could give my eyes a rest by watching them work. Here, too, the 7th was more divided than the 10th. But they worked smoothly, and it was obvious that they were capable.

Komamura retrieved me when he returned, discussing my opinions on the training and the individual performances before we headed back to the office. It was hard to tell if he approved of my comments, but I knew he'd speak up if he thought I was flat-out wrong. Very much a clock in/clock out sort of guy, the captain dismissed me promptly at 6 in the afternoon.

I headed to the 10th and could feel Toshiro's agitation well before I made it to the office. Everything looked normal, as he sat at his desk scribbling. But he was tense, his glance up at me could have been mistaken for a furious glare if I didn't know him. Matsumoto was nowhere to be seen, either busy elsewhere or fled for the day to escape the chill of an angry ice dragon.

Rather than question him, I noticed his cup was empty and went to make tea. He didn't even look at the cup as I sat it down, shifting another paper out of his way and taking a new one from the stack with brusque movements.

"Anything I can help with?"

He sat back and narrowed his eyes at me. Anyone else on the receiving end of that look might think he was about to kill them, but again I knew better. Toshiro reached in a drawer and gave me a fountain pen. I smiled at it. He went back to work, turning many of the papers over to me as he went. After nearly an hour without a sound but the whisper of paper and the scratching of pens he looked up.

"We should go to the mess hall before they close. I don't feel like cooking or cleaning tonight."

I tidied my area and passed the pen back to him, moved the chair and waited quietly. He had calmed down a little, and hid the rest behind his well-practiced mask as we walked to dinner. Mask or not, the 10th was well tuned to Toshiro's moods. We weren't bothered as we ate. The light crowd just went about their business and kept their distance without seeming to.

When we got home, he set Hyorinmaru aside and kicked off his sandals, then trudged over to the couch and laid down with a heavy sigh. I took my time, and followed.

I sat and scooted my legs underneath him, massaging his temples as he rested his head in my lap. "What is it, love?"

A few seconds of silence. "Several things. I spent all day in meetings, and none of them delivered good news."

Staying quiet, I continued rubbing his temples, letting my hands run through his hair every now and then. Eventually he opened his eyes.

"This is mostly classified."

"Then you don't need to tell me."

"It has a lot to do with you. I don't give a shit about their red tape when it concerns you directly. You should not be left in the dark on this."

"Okay. What do I need to know?" My hands were buried in his hair now, massaging his scalp slowly.

"It's very likely Ichimaru is going to be pardoned."

My hands had frozen, and I started stroking his hair once more as I got over the small shock. My voice was surprisingly calm considering how my chest tightened in anger.

"The Gotei suddenly learned the meaning of mercy, and they're wasting it on that vile fox. How tragic."

Toshiro saw through me.

"I'm as angry as you are. But I have to admit I have doubts."

My hands left his hair. I didn't trust myself to touch him until I calmed down.

"You remember the day we escaped. Ichimaru attacked me first. You have felt the speed and power of his zanpakuto. He did not strike nearly as hard as he should. He could have had me and Ashido both, but he was deliberately slow enough to give me time to block. He provoked you into losing control, into becoming the Hollow that could stand against Aizen. And once you lost control, he killed Tosen. He left himself completely open to do it, and you nearly killed him.

"It doesn't add up, Ichigo. Unless his motivation was to destroy Aizen, and use you to do it."

"That's not enough, love. He was hedging his bets, or accomplishing some twisted goal of his own. He's still a traitor, and a sick sadist."

He blinked up at me, then sat up and turned to face me, legs tucked under.

"There is more, of course. He claimed that he had been reporting Aizen's activities to Central 46 before Aizen murdered them all. This was corroborated by classified records in the Central Library. He claims that killing Aizen was his goal all along, that he had been setting himself up to play double agent since before he even became a Shinigami. And when he found himself incapable of succeeding, he supported you knowing that you could defeat Aizen.

"Ichigo, he claims that he never had a hand in torturing you in any way."

"Fucking bastard can't lie about that. I'll testify against him, or is what he did to me not a crime here?"

"Ichigo, stop and consider just for a moment. You know what Aizen's zanpakuto was capable of. The memories could be false. Or compared to some of the things he made you believe, disguising himself as Ichimaru would be child's play. What if he's not lying about this? What if it was Aizen all along?"

I was up and pacing before I knew it. He waited, but I wasn't thinking it through. I was simply trying to contain the rage before I did or said something unforgivable.

_Fuck the Gotei, anyway. I'll just kill him myself._

"How could you, Toshiro?"

He winced. "Matsumoto has loved him almost her entire life, Ichigo. I have never been able to reconcile that fact with the monster that he became. And she loves him still. I know that love can blind you to the faults in the one you love, but I cannot believe that Matsumoto would be so dedicated if there was not something more to Ichimaru than I have seen. His response when I asked him if he ever touched you was to state that he would never touch anyone but her. That he was incapable of even thinking of anyone but her."

Pausing, I looked him in the eyes. "And you believe him?"

"No. But I doubt. How can I support a death sentence when I doubt?"

Closing my eyes, I reminded myself of everything that I had decided to believe in. My confidence was returning. But that didn't mean I could trust my memories. Nothing that happened in Las Noches could be taken for truth or for falsehood. And so, I had chosen to place my trust in Toshiro. He had not failed me.

That fox's grin as he made me scream again and again, his laughter as I blacked out from the pain, how could I free myself from that?

"I can't."

"Ichigo?"

This was too much. There was too much emotion and pain involved for me to get a grasp on anything close to a rational thought.

_Don't cut him off entirely. Don't forget who he is._

"Do you run?"

"What?"

"Do you ever just go for a run? I need to. Do you want to come?"

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

We were both dead tired as we slowed to walk the last mile home. The run did what it was supposed to do. As the fury and hurt drained away I was able to think. I couldn't agree. I wasn't ready to see that slimy fox as anything but the torturer and traitor I knew. But I was ready to surrender the decision to Toshiro. If the Gotei pardoned the man or not was not my concern. If Toshiro pardoned him then I would find a way to come to terms with it. If Toshiro did not, then I would tear the son of a bitch apart the second they let him out of the cell.

I told Toshiro exactly that as we cooled down. He accepted it with a nod and we walked in silence for a while. By the time we were home we had relaxed and were chatting about my training. We headed for the shower, and I managed to contain my libido as we washed away the tension and the sweat. Toshiro wanted tea so we went back downstairs and settled on the couch to wind down from the stressful evening. He sat with his legs tucked up on the cushions, leaning heavily into my side.

This could have been our first fight as a couple. I was certainly mad enough to have escalated things. I had been hurt, angry, defensive, and honestly frightened. That fox still haunted my nightmares. Bad enough that he was alive and here in Seireitei. Just the thought of seeing him walking free made me both furious and scared. It wasn't just fear of Ichimaru, of what he did to me. It was terror of losing the stability I had achieved. I nearly blamed Toshiro for supporting Ichimaru over me. Hell, I did blame him. But I knew that was not what he was doing, and I trusted him enough to question my emotions.

This could have been our first fight, but it wasn't. My trust in him stopped me before I betrayed my promise to him. His compassion for me never let him lose his temper in return. And his honesty closed the gap between my fear and his logic. For the hundredth time, I wondered what would happen to me without him, without his support and the unconditional forgiveness he offered as if it was natural, not the astounding miracle that it was.

"You should expect a summons to the 12th sometime tomorrow. Yamamoto wants Kurotsuchi to get some information about your reiatsu and he thinks he has found a way to measure it."

"Do they have any ideas why others can't sense it?"

"Ukitake says that he has experienced reiryoku that could not be detected but was obviously present . . . in the royal family and rarely in the royal guard. Kurotsuchi will try to test if this is what is happening with your Bankai causing your reiatsu to disappear. If it is strong enough, it can become too much for a lesser being to even detect."

"Lesser being?" That was irritating.

"Mmhmm. There seems to be some threshold. Not unlike Shinigami are divided between those who have not achieved Shikai, those that have not achieved Bankai, and those who have. At some unknown level, a divide is crossed and those who have not crossed it can no longer sense those who have the same way. Even incredibly strong individuals like Yamamoto can't sense the Soul King's reiatsu unless he wills it, for example."

There was a lot to think about in that explanation.

"They should have been explaining this to you every step of the way."

"Funny how it's 'we' until you don't agree, then it's 'they' should be doing this or that."

"What? It doesn't bother you that you are practically a captain but you are left in the dark?"

I moved my hand to stroke his cheek softly. "Stop worrying about that, love. There is only so much you can do when dealing with protocol, as I'm busy learning every day."

With an irritated sigh, he pushed into my hand.

"Alright, I will let it go. But I am not going to stop arguing. They will have to bring you into these discussions very soon."

His lips lifted a bit as he thought about what he had just said.

"I really do the _we_ and _they_ thing."

"You really do." I drew him to me and kissed him. His lips parted to let me stroke the roof of his mouth with my tongue, which always earned me a shiver of his skin.

He drew back with a little smile. "I'm going to need to sleep early tonight, I'm exhausted."

I struggled not to let my disappointment show. "Get to bed then, love. I'll be up in a while."

He frowned and turquoise eyes blinked. Then he smirked. "Let me rephrase. I want to sleep early tonight, so take me to bed now. Honestly, we haven't skipped sex a single night except when you were recovering. I'm not about to break tradition."

"Oh, thank god."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

The summons from the 12th came mid-morning. Komamura was obviously expecting it, and I made sure to seem surprised. He seemed pleased when I asked to take the book I had been reviewing, in case Kurotsuchi kept me sitting around for a while.

The 12th was as creepy as its master. Oddities and freakish equipment were everywhere. Shinigami were a strange lot anyway, but the ones running around in lab coats ranged from normal to completely non-human looking. Many of them would blend right in in Las Noches. A few would freak out the average Arrancar. I tried not to look around too much as one division member led me to the lieutenant who led me to the captain.

"Ah, Kurosaki. You certainly are taking up a lot of my time lately."

I debated internally. Nope, I was out of courtesy for now. I just stared with my usual pissed off expression.

"Well, go on, take off the zanpakuto."

My eyes narrowed.

"Can't you even follow simple instructions, you simpleton?"

"Kurotsuchi. You do suspect what I am capable of." I paused to let that sink in. "Why don't you try telling me what I am doing here?"

He crossed his arms and looked away with a huff of anger. "I will be measuring your reiryoku and reiatsu, of course. With and without zanpakuto. With and without Bankai."

"You will be sealing my zanpakuto?" Fuck if I'd let him.

"No. But you will be sealed in a pretty little box. The effect is the same."

"Fine," I took off the swords and propped them on the wall nearby, cooperative now that he understood I wasn't easy to manipulate or insult. I turned and looked at him expectantly.

His lieutenant gestured, "This way, Kurosaki-san." She pointed to a clear box, the size of a big broom closet. Thin colored lines ran through the clear walls, and along the ceiling and floor. I stepped inside and she closed the door.

Immediately I felt the unnerving void where Zangetsu usually was. As seconds passed, the nervous feeling started to become close to panic. How had Toshiro been able to take it?

"Relax, this is painless."

"I've heard that one before."

He ignored me, which was probably for the best.

"Now I want you to raise your reiatsu as high as possible."

_This is going to be fun._

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"You should have seen his face! The plastic box was one big lump on the ground, I had to flash step before it got all over me. He looked like he was going to have a stroke and he wanted to kill me at the same time but was too afraid to try it. And then I got to sit and watch as he blamed subordinates who weren't even in the room for 20 minutes while Nemu put out the fire."

We were both having a good laugh as he described the chaos and destruction that followed him everywhere. I admit, I would have liked to see Kurotsuchi deal with it when he was too scared of Ichigo to take it out on him.

"And between the heat of the fire and his sweat, that makeup was running and sticking to his silly collar. I expected scales or something underneath, but it just looked like skin until he tried to fix it and it smeared all over the place. And he got twice as mad when I started laughing and he rushed out screaming at everyone. He sounded like a kid throwing a fit in public with everyone around him trying to calm him down or running away."

He was wiping tears from the corner of his eyes, and the harder he laughed the harder I laughed. Matsumoto walked in with a stack of papers and just shook her head slowly at the sight of us, leaning against each other on the couch in hysterics.

"Honestly, I don't even recognize this office anymore." She divided the stacks onto our two desks, shooting mock disapproving glares our way as we calmed down between fits of laughter.

Taking a few deep breaths, I got control of myself and went to flip through the papers for anything urgent while Ichigo's chuckles died down.

"Anyway, he had to pretty himself up before he came back in, acting like nothing at all had happened. He had me go in a huge metal room to try again. Apparently, that worked." He wiped his eyes one last time and sagged back on the couch with a happy grin.

Matsumoto sat at her desk, looking back and forth between us with a smile of her own. I knew how happy she was for me, and I loved her for it. She had always tried to pry me out of my little ice fortress, and she never would believe me if I told her she had succeeded. Not to the degree that Ichigo had, but I did care about her. I was easy around her, and trusted her. That was a lot for me. And it couldn't be easy witnessing a happy couple when the man she loved was still imprisoned with an uncertain future.

She gave me a wink when she caught me smiling at her, and I turned away.

"Did they learn anything?"

"Not to underestimate me. No, he wouldn't say, another secret. But I can guess from his reactions that the old man is on the right track."

"Hmm. I'll hear about it soon enough, I suppose."

He stood. "I'd better get back to sensei."

"Haven't changed your mind about becoming a captain, Ichigo?"

"Nope. You should join me, Matsumoto. You'd look good in a haori."

"If Heineko wasn't such a jerk, I'd have one already."

Ichigo laughed again, and kissed my cheek as he walked past, much to Matsumoto's delight. I filled my tea and sat down for the afternoon's chore – paperwork. The humming from across the room made me look up after the third signature. She was working, so I didn't comment and went back to my own business. Minutes passed.

"Taicho?"

I kept working. "What is it, Matsumoto?"

"Will Ichigo move to the 5th when he becomes captain?"

"How is that any of your business, Matsumoto?" I asked suspiciously.

"I just wanted to know, taicho. You've been so happy since he moved in."

I looked at her. "There's a bet, isn't there?" Shinigami gambled like they were made of money. It wasn't just the big-ticket items like duels. There were bets active on everything from how long it would take Abarai to confess to Kuchiki, either one of them by the way, to when the old man would finally kick the bucket.

"Of course not, taicho! And even if there was, it wouldn't be right for me to participate when I might have privileged information."

" _Riiight_."

"20 percent, taicho."

"Who do you think you're talking to? 75, I'm the one with the answer."

"30, and I'll clean the office."

"65, and you'll clean the office anyway if you want to keep your job."

"50/50, final offer."

"There is no requirement for a captain to live within the division. We do not plan on separating."

She gave me a wide smile. "I'm glad to hear it, taicho."

"Now get back to work."

She had been doing very well considering. I had told her all I could of Ichimaru, which wasn't much. That didn't include any of Ichigo's experiences with the man, because I no longer knew those events to be true. I violated classified information rules for her, too. It meant too much to her, and she meant too much to me.

An issue for another day. For now, I wanted to reward Matsumoto for her efforts. The secret to a happy Matsumoto was variety. She could do paperwork for an hour, maybe two. She preferred training or patrol, but not all day. And one thing delighted her above all others. When I announced a trip to Urahara's and invited her along, I made sure the desk was in between us before I said anything. It didn't spare me an eardrum-splitting squeal but it did save me from having to fight my way out of her cleavage.

She ran off to get money for a shopping spree, which I warned her couldn't be more than an hour long. She might be back in two hours that way.

If Urahara was surprised to see me, he hid it as well as always. More likely he wondered what had taken so long. Matsumoto retrieved her gigai and ran off while Urahara and I settled and Tessai brought tea.

"What can I do for you, Hitsugaya-taicho?"

"Right to the point, then. I'm sure you know that the Gotei is investigating Ichigo's new trick of making his reiatsu vanish. Yamamoto's convinced that Ichigo has achieved a level of reiatsu, at least when in Bankai, that makes it impossible for others to detect unless they are equally powerful. I want to know what you know and what you suspect about this."

"Why not just wait for Kurotsuchi's results?"

"Because you, exile, already knew that Kurotsuchi was testing him. This all goes back to your comments on the Hogyoku, so stop evading."

"My, my. You give me too much credit."

"No, I give myself too much credit. I should have been on to you long before now."

"This is going to take a while. Tessai! We're going to need some snacks."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"I could have gotten so much more if I'd known you were going to take so long."

"I would say you got quite enough." I had to set bags and packages down to open a gate, balancing my own boxes in one hand. Her arms were full as well, no doubt she had put quite a dent in her purse on this trip.

"But, taicho, I never get to come go to the world of the living anymore. I had to stock up."

"Yes, yes. Can we hurry along?"

"Anxious to see someone, taicho?"

"Anxious to regain feeling in my arms."

The journey back to the 10th seemed to take forever with Matsumoto chattering away and sticking her nose where it didn't belong. I decided she needed more time on the schedule for Bankai training. Immediately. With relief, I dumped her and all her baggage at her quarters, checked for any important messages at the office, and headed home.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

It was rare for Toshiro to be the first one home. I had skipped dinner at the 7th when he sent a message to come hungry, and my stomach started rumbling as soon as I entered the courtyard in front of the house. I took a deep breath, mouth watering as I identified something unexpected. I hurried the last few steps to the door, and delicious aromas confirmed my suspicions. Yanking off my swords and boots took too long.

"Toshiro, is that what I think it is?"

He was on the couch with a stack of papers in one hand, a mug in the other, reading.

"Depends. If you think it is pizza from that dirty, health hazard hole-in-the-wall by your high school, then congratulations."

"Oh, god, I love you!"

"Then bring me a slice of each."

I took him a plate before piling six slices on a plate for me. He had picked up Coke as well, and I settled happily on the couch. He watched with a mix of horror and amazement as I folded a slice and finished it in five bites.

"Oh, man, that's good! You know, I could stop this whole captain business, open a pizza joint in Seireitei and I'd be rich enough to buy Kuchiki manor in ten years, tops."

"And come home smelling like grease, weighing in at 300 pounds from gorging on your own product."

"You'd love me, anyway."

"You are probably right, I would. But I'd never let you touch me again."

"So where were you all day?"

"Urahara's."

I froze with the second slice hanging out of my mouth.

"Uh-huh."

"Worried? I actually like what I learned, most of it anyway. That man is disagreeable, manipulative, and egotistical. But he is brilliant."

"That sounds familiar. Oh yes, that's exactly what he told me when I asked about you."

I chuckled. That was a pretty accurate description. "I would not doubt it."

"So, what did you learn?"

"Basically, that Yamamoto is right about you, and Kurotsuchi's tests will confirm it. Also that you should have no problem controlling the Hogyoku should the occasion arise. He thinks it would have been answering to you for quite a while if Aizen had not cut your reiatsu in its presence. Yamamoto has it locked away somewhere and I doubt we will ever see it again. But Urahara's going to want it back."

"Hell no. So he can almost kill Rukia to hide it again? He can't protect it, he can't keep it. Can't it be destroyed?"

"I'm not sure on that one, he was not willing to discuss it. But all of this would have to be brought before the sotaicho anyway. It won't be our decision."

"Is that right? If it's answering to me, it seems it is my decision."

He stared at me, waiting for me to realize what I had just said. I had proven that I was stronger than Aizen, though at the expense of surrendering control of my own body. If I faced him now, I was fairly certain I could beat him without the Hollow. Who was stronger than me now? Yamamoto might be the only one in Soul Society that would be a true challenge.

If I had the Hogyoku . . . what? Take over Seireitei? Build my own army in Hueco Mundo? Challenge Heaven? I didn't want any of that, didn't need any of that.

"Careful."

"Right. That's a dark road. Sorry."

"Don't be. And do not shrug that off. You need to think this through, and form a resolve before you face temptation, no matter which direction you chose."

I blinked. And I wondered. If I took off down that dark road, just how far would Toshiro follow?

"Also, it's not likely I'll have to fight off Squad Zero to keep you."

"Huh?"

"I was concerned that once the royals learned of your power, they would come for you. But Urahara tells me they are even more strict than Central 46. He believes there is no chance they will want you with a Hollow. And if they learn of the Quincy part of you, they might even try to kill you off."

"What, a Quincy is worse than a Hollow?"

"Depending who you ask, that answer is most often yes. Hollows are a natural occurrence. Quincies are not only separate from the balance between worlds, their actions could destroy the balance entirely."

I shook my head in disbelief. The words made sense, but I couldn't wrap my head around comparing Ishida to, say, Ulquiorra and saying a Quincy was worse.

"Should I be worried about Ishida?"

"I don't think so. One Quincy is not going to call down the wrath of Heaven or of the Gotei. Their race is nearly extinct."

I decided to let it go for now, no use looking for conflict and no reason not to believe Toshiro was right about this as he was right about everything. He had finished his food and taken his plate to the kitchen, returning with a large laptop and two DVDs. I grinned around my third slice.

"I admit to being clueless on modern movies, so I just asked for the best new action and drama releases they had. Which one?"

I took a look at the options. 'Mystic River,' okay, I'd heard good things. Sounded deep, maybe a good one to watch second and make out through half of it. I chuckled when I saw the second title, 'Kill Bill.' Toshiro and Tarantino, it would be a solid love or hate relationship. Wouldn't know til I tried.

"Action, definitely action."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

It was great night of watching movies, especially watching Toshiro captivated, laughing and gasping in turn at the insane violence of Tarantino at his best. I'd have to get 'Pulp Fiction' and 'Reservoir Dogs' for our next movie night. He was so wrapped up in the story of the second film that I got into it as well, cuddling close on the couch. His hand rubbing up and down my leg led to a fantastic intermission, and he kept his hands to himself afterwards.

The morning, on the other hand, was as dull as any school day I had ever endured. Komamura was busy, so I was set to reading and reviewing for two hours until he returned. Instead of giving another lecture followed by more reading, Komamura sat with me and had tea. My new, serious and responsible side had to kick my old, frivolous and sarcastic side in the teeth. Those huge, clawed paws looked positively ridiculous gently grabbing a small teacup. Why on earth didn't he use a big, heavy mug?

He asked my opinions on various points of the material I had been trying to learn and after a few questions and answers, we began perhaps our first real conversation. Toshiro had told me that Komamura was straightforward and very loyal. I kept that in mind as we talked, trying to give simple answers and avoiding harsh criticism. I knew this was a way of judging me, which was part of his job. Honesty broke through a few times, but rather than be offended at my flashes of arrogance and impatience, he seemed to recognize those moments and gave more serious consideration to my words.

Before I could decide if I wanted to try being more . . . myself, he broke off the talk and handed me one of the books I had slowly been working my way through. At least it was useful, a long-dead captain's treatise on tactics. We would discuss it tomorrow, so I should apply myself tonight. Sigh.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"Oh, no you don't." He reached over the back of the couch and plucked the book from my hands.

"Toshiro, that's my homework."

"I am not letting anyone fill your head with this trash."

"Give it back, Komamura's going to want to discuss it tomorrow."

"Then I will summarize the main points and tell you why this moron is dead. Maybe you can teach your sensei a thing or two."

"Ooo, that sounds like fun. So I get to learn from the great prodigy Hitsugaya after all?"

"If this is what he is teaching you, then you're damn right."

"But won't I be expected to spit out what I'm taught? That's the way it works where I come from."

"Look, there are a couple of ways to approach the exam if they even make you take it. You can try to pass it by giving the answers you think they want. Or you show them who you are. Regurgitate this drivel all you want, it really doesn't matter if you give a textbook answer. It does matter that you give an intelligent and honest answer."

"Then why do I have to read all of this shit?"

"Formality. Everyone knows you could take any division you wanted at swordpoint. But if you don't want that reputation then you have to make up for the fact that you didn't attend the Academy, you did not spend decades working to get a seated position, you did not take 10 or more years to learn Bankai. They did."

"Really? It all comes down to wounded pride?"

"Doesn't everything? There is some value in learning the rules, obviously. Especially given your introduction into Soul Society. But all of the rest is bullshit. Knowing whether extending a patrol requires the approval of the sotaicho or of Central 46 does not make a captain. Anyone who can read can find the answer to that question in five minutes. And that is exactly how you answer if they have the nerve to ask such nonsense."

I looked over at Rangiku, who had made a strange little noise between a squeak and a cough. Her eyes were wide and she was leaning forward at her desk, fascinated. Toshiro had said she was on the road to being captain material, but I knew motivation had been a big challenge. I glanced at Toshiro and saw the same thought I was having.

"Alright then." He went over to the shelves near the door and found two similar looking books with no titles. He handed one to me, and dropped the other on Matsumoto's desk. "That's your new homework. Matsumoto, 2 hours, after dinner, my house."

"Aww, taicho, I was going to go out with the boys tonight."

"Then go. This offer will not be repeated."

Her head thumped down on the desk. He rolled his eyes, but there was a ghost of a smile in them. I chuckled and flopped back down to open my new assignment. There was no author, no title inside or out. I flipped through. The entire thing was hand-written, with ink sketches scattered throughout. The book felt too old and the handwriting was not Toshiro's. I decided to ask later about the author. If Toshiro recommended this, then I would read it.

The next thing I knew Toshiro was calling my name. He had already put his things away and was ready to go to dinner. I pulled my nose out of the book, and noticed Rangiku doing the same. I had expected another boring lesson, but this was like reading a personal journal, the journal of someone who lived and breathed warfare. But there was also a sense of humor, and the ability to admit mistakes.

There was no single topic. There were fights described, mostly against various types and number of Hollows, detailed and often illustrated to show the lessons learned. Various strategies and their results were carefully tested and analyzed. The myriad ways an individual squad could be configured, what types of fighters worked well together, what combinations showed weaknesses, it was all laid out but not like a lecture. It almost felt like I could hear the writer, talk to them, even though no personal details were given.

At one point he or she even went off on a complete tangent. A scouting mission gone wrong led to major injuries and the only squad members with healing expertise were killed or incapacitated. The author went into detail about crafting herbal medications, with more illustrations of various plants and recipes. Toshiro must have read this and any others by this author many times. Or perhaps he was drawn to it because they seemed so alike. When I 'listened' to the author, it was Toshiro's voice I heard.

Just as I had, Rangiku had carried her book with her instead of just leaving it in the office for later. I was fighting the temptation to open it and read while I ate. Reaching across the table, I flipped her book open and confirmed the same writing and drawing style.

"Rangiku, what do you think of that book?"

"I couldn't believe I read for so long. It's really good, almost like a novel."

"Does yours have a name, or any clues who wrote it?"

"I can't even tell if it's a woman or a man. No names, no titles, but she's definitely a squad leader, which means at least a seated officer."

Toshiro had been listening, and turned from his conversation with Chizuru's husband. "Saito Tatsuya was captain of the 5th for only 7 years before being killed in action. Those were written during his time as an officer of the 10th."

"Question asked, question answered."

"Are there more of these, taicho?"

"There are 8, though the final one is incomplete. You are encouraged to borrow as many as you like, but please be careful with them. I have one copy of each, those are the originals."

"They should really make copies for the Academy. I would have learned a lot from these."

"And the beauty is that you still can, Matsumoto." He went back to his conversation. Rangiku made sure to wait until he'd turned away before sticking her tongue out at him.

"So, are you coming over after dinner or skipping out?"

She sighed. "I'll be there, of course."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Learning from Toshiro was entirely different from Komamura. Nothing against the big captain's methods . . . well, maybe a little, but Toshiro was more demanding, more specific and more engaging. He gave us his undivided attention, and the two hours flew by.

Both of us earned scoldings for being flippant or missing obvious facts, but honest mistakes and questions were treated with respect. It wasn't possible for me to learn everything he knew before they decided to test me. In fact, I understood now that there was no way for me to know enough to even make a reasonably good "grade" in such a short time. Instead, I was learning a way to look at situations. If a tactical problem was presented as part of the test, which according to Toshiro there would be several, then it was my thought process that was being examined. It seemed to me that whether the answer was right or wrong would depend heavily on which captains were judging me.

Rangiku had more practical experience, and had been working with Toshiro a very long time. When she applied herself, she was brilliant. He was pleased with her renewed motivation. It didn't matter if it was because of Toshiro and me, or if it was because of a certain fox returning to Soul Society.

Toshiro couldn't tell me what the captains were saying about Ichimaru. But he did tell me that he highly doubted any decisions would be made soon, and likely I'd be a captain myself before his fate was sealed. If it had been solely my decision, I would have immediately ordered his execution. But then I would have stopped and thought. Summary executions and I had a history, and I liked to think that I would have reconsidered acting without some kind of due process.

So I held my tongue and trusted Toshiro on this as much as everything else. I took our cups to the kitchen, and straightened the table as Toshiro showed Rangiku out. The lieutenant didn't even look too put upon when she left, with Toshiro's promise of more study sessions to come.

He closed the door behind her and stood still for a moment. He turned, eyes cast low. Slowly he walked toward me, eyes drifting up my body, full of heat.

"Ichigo."

Holy fuck, his voice was enough to make me hard, quiet and husky, laced with desire.

"Hnnnn?" Turquoise eyes met mine and I could see nothing else, think of nothing else.

"You were right, Ichigo." He stopped in front of me. I lost his eyes as they slowly worked their way back down my body, his head tilting slightly with a small smile.

"R-right? About what, love?" I started to reach for him, but let my hands fall when his lips twitched downward and he leaned back almost imperceptibly.

"Intelligence is very sexy." His own hands reached out, sliding up my front and seeming to push all of the air out of my lungs on their way up. He stretched up as he pulled me down.

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rangiku gets an eyeful of Toshiro's ass, Ichigo gets a haori just to have Toshiro strip it off, and adults keep giving sake to a teenager.

 

 

My precious idiot. I was going to have to find a new term of endearment soon, I couldn't keep calling him idiot at this rate. Pushing his tongue out of my way, I deepened the kiss, tickling his favorite places with the tip of my tongue before sucking his lower lip in between my teeth and then breaking for air. I swatted away the hand trying to grope my ass, and stepped closer, pushing him back.

Distracting him was easy, he was a sucker for eye contact. I kissed him again, locking eyes as I locked tongues, stroking and twining around that talented muscle as he stepped back again. His hands touched my sides tentatively, asking permission.

_Good boy._

When I did not stop him, he let his fingers softly rest on my hips, not gripping or controlling. I purred my approval against his mouth and he groaned in response.

Sex with Ichigo was perfect every time. I enjoyed what people thought of as the submissive role. Hell, I more than enjoyed it, I loved it. I loved the pleasure he gave me, the feel of him inside me, and the way I could surrender control, completely losing all sense of time and place as he pushed me to the limits of endurance.

But I loved this, too, exerting a little will and having him give in. It would have been a serious problem if he had been one of those men who could not yield control.

Almost there, I stepped toward him again and my right hand went down, palm pressing flat against his lower stomach. I pushed up in a swift, firm movement. He was so startled that he took two more steps back and his calves hit the couch. He would not have fallen onto the cushions if I hadn't followed, leaned into him at an angle, guiding his body to fall just the right way, flat on the couch with one leg hanging off the edge.

I stood leaning over him, between his legs. I pressed my knee onto the couch, and into his crotch. While Ichigo was busy gasping, I quickly untied my sash, shrugged off all but my hakama, then went to work to rid him of all those annoying layers of cloth.

My leg pushed more closely against him as I leaned in to taste his skin, lips and tongue running down his breastbone as I pushed clothing aside. His skin was fascinating to me. I loved the sun-kissed color of it, the heat, and the way it seemed a layer of thick, hot silk, barely encasing the steel of muscle and bone.

Ichigo often said I was beautiful, but I was convinced there was nothing more beautiful than this body underneath me, on top of me, beside me. I told him so with my kisses and caresses, and he answered with the rippling of that supple skin.

My hands started to push the cloth down at his waist, and I shifted my weight to stand and drag off the rest of the obstacles separating us. Ichigo watched, his lips parted and chocolate eyes glazed over as he stared.

I lifted his leg and draped it onto the back of the couch. His other leg I pushed further out as I moved back over him, letting our erections press into each other as I lightly bit at his neck and pushed my fingers into his mouth. He sucked and then licked moaning a little around my fingers, and I lifted myself off him a little and moved down.

In anticipation, I placed my left hand against his abs as my fingers circled and then pushed inside my hot, powerful, and gorgeous lover. As expected, his body tightened all over as he moaned, and I moaned back as the feel of his body moving against me overwhelmed my senses for a minute.

Recovering, I began moving my fingers as I spent a little time tracing his abs with my tongue and following the line of muscle to my target. He was straining upward before my lips were even close, and I wasted no time teasing. I took him in my mouth with a little hum of delight, and he shook violently.

I worked a third finger into him as I tried another trick I had read about. Lowering my head, I consciously relaxed the muscles in my mouth and throat, letting him push up and in farther than before. I focused on controlling my impulses, and found it surprisingly easy to take more of his length into my mouth. I heard his strangled groan before moving up and releasing him.

Hmm, I could do this. But he was so close, I thought I might save a more intense blowjob for later. He didn't need much now, especially with my fingers still working to stretch and tease this entire time.

So I curled my tongue around his cock just below the head, and played with him for a while until he was the one writhing and moaning my name. Then I slipped my fingers out while taking him in my mouth again with a firm suction to finish him off as he shouted at the ceiling.

Yes, being the one in control was a fine thing indeed. To be the reason that bronze skin darkened in a flush of pleasure, to hear that rich voice pushed to a higher pitch as he lost control, the rewards were more than worth the effort.

I straightened, nuzzled the skin on the inside of his knee and slowly kissed my way down his thigh as he caught his breath. I licked and nipped the skin alongside his barely reawakening cock, letting it brush against my face as I slowly worked up to his navel and then higher.

His hands were playing in my hair and stroking down to my shoulders. My free hand was caressing his ribs, while the other was busy, my fingers rubbing along the skin between his balls and his ass and then pushing back into that warmth with one goal in mind.

His yelp when my fingers found their target made me bite down on the skin I had been sucking along his ribs. Mercilessly, I rubbed and teased, moving away briefly only to go straight back to his prostate. I scraped my fingertips inside of him.

"AAAH! Tosh . . . Toshiro! Fu - Fuuuck!"

There, my fearsome demigod was begging. Who was I to deny him?

He was leaking already, and I took some of the pearly drops along with my own to provide lubricant. I paused to admire him once more, skin darkened as his body heat soared, legs spread wide and hands clenching whatever parts of the couch he could grab.

He managed to lift his head for just a moment, looking down his body at me with pure lust in his face and eyes. I smiled widely, staring into his eyes as I stroked my straining length.

"See what you do to me, Ichigo? You are absolutely breathtaking." His head went back forcefully a moment later, as I pushed into him with a groan.

Though I had prepared him and I was smaller, I had only taken him once before. I was going slowly, and his foot coming up from the floor was all the warning I had. He tucked his leg around me and pulled, as I had often done to him. We both let out a shout, and I gripped his hips as I leaned over him panting. He was trembling, and I reached for his cheek. I waited until he relaxed enough to raise his head against my hand.

"So, that's why . . . you do that," his breathless words made me smile.

I moved cautiously at first, enjoying the tension of holding back, and the moments of stillness fully embraced by the divine warmth of my Ichigo.

As he responded we moved together, faster and harder. I moved my hands to lift his ass, and the next stroke had him tightening around me. I pulled out and thrust in at the same angle again, making him cry out. My control snapped and I was slamming into him repeatedly, so close to the edge and lost in my own pleasure. With just enough awareness left, I let my reiatsu loose a little, using the pressure to stroke along his body and his lovely cock.

When he came, pushing hard against me, I nearly blacked out from his answering burst of reiatsu and I gasped, unable even to shout as my orgasm tore through me. The final few thrusts into him provided some of the most intense pleasure I had yet felt, and I leaned down to lick his stomach and his heaving chest clean in gratitude.

_Thump, thump, bang!_ "Taicho, did I leave . . . my . . . eeeeek!"

My eyes clenched shut as I started counting down from ten, teeth grinding. For fuck's sake, had she no common sense?

"Uh, Rangiku, you might want to leave . . . and, maybe run." He shivered as the temperature in the living room plummeted.

My breath hissed between my teeth. I heard high pitched giggles barely suppressed as the typhoon known as Matsumoto beat a hasty retreat.

Ichigo was chuckling, and stroking my hair with both hands. I took a few deep breaths and opened my eyes. He didn't look the least bit upset to have our privacy violated so blatantly. As anger retreated, I supposed that I was partly to blame for not locking the damn door.

"Don't let that ruin our fun, my love, no harm done."

"Maybe a bit to your reputation." I traced my hand down his cheek and neck slowly. "Matsumoto is quite the gossip."

"Being fucked by Hitsugaya Toshiro isn't going to do any harm to my reputation. Quite the opposite."

Luckily I was still quite flushed from said fucking, and couldn't blush in response. His leg uncurled from around me and he sighed as I pulled out. I stood and hurriedly started gathering clothes from the floor. My idiot sprawled unabashedly on the couch, one arm propping him up as he watched me.

"What, no staying for a cuddle?"

"You underestimate Matsumoto. I'm going to lock and seal every door and window, then retreat to the relative safety of the bedroom. If you want to stay here and risk having your photo taken by half of the Shinigami Women's Association, be my guest."

"The what association?" He sounded amused.

I did exactly as I said, adding closing any and all curtains to the list, then headed for the stairs. He was still watching from the couch.

"You coming?"

He stood and stretched, smirking at me. "At least twice more, hopefully."

I grinned at the challenge, watching his perfectly shaped and deliciously tanned ass when he passed me and headed upstairs.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"What?"

"You heard me. We have yet another captain's meeting tomorrow. Six captains have turned in recommendations. Four captains remain. Three must agree and then you can stop worrying about that pointless test."

"Three out of four, it won't happen."

"Oh, I don't know. You have continued to impress. Agreeing with what six captains have already recommended isn't as difficult, your reputation isn't on the line. Zaraki has never written a letter of any kind, let alone a recommendation. So there is one. I didn't recommend you, so there's two."

"Toshiro, really?" I was actually a little hurt.

"Of course I didn't. No one told me this was in the works, no one would want to put me in that position. You are my live-in boyfriend, Ichigo, which does not make recommending you impossible, but it would not be the best move for either of us."

He narrowed his eyes. "Do not even think of asking if I support you."

"I wouldn't dream of it. Forgive your live-in boyfriend for being a faithless idiot." I specifically did not grin at him. Toshiro called me his boyfriend. Sure, I had called him that plenty of times, but the word had never passed his soft, stern lips.

"Hmm," was all he added and he turned back to washing the pans from dinner. I did feel ready to take over, to move forward. And if Toshiro said that the meeting would not be a problem, then it wouldn't. And I would be captain of the 5th by this time tomorrow.

The past several days Komamura and I had worked part of each day at the 5th division headquarters. We toured the grounds, met several seated officers, and observed training which continued without a captain or lieutenant. Komamura oversaw the division schedule and Iba spent a good deal of time making sure things continued to function. The third and fifth seats impressed me, both competent and business-like without being too stiff. The sixth seat would have to get a spine or get out. And the fourth and seventh hated my guts.

It was obvious that the 5th knew I was the pick for their new captain. Our visits had been too busy for me to get a really good read on the division as a whole. That many of them feared me was not unexpected, especially the weaker Shinigami among them. But a good quarter of the faces I saw looked interested, from looks of admiration to eagerness, and a few boldly challenging appraisals that I tried to acknowledge with at least a look and a nod.

Toshiro was right, it was a fighting division. Not a lunatic asylum like the 11th, but these men and women held themselves like warriors and I looked forward to seeing what we could do together.

Watching Toshiro move lightly in time with Kaki King's guitar as he washed and dried dishes, I let myself simply enjoy our life. We had studied again with Rangiku every night. Toshiro had resolved any awkward moments at the office and endured a lot of teasing after the couch incident, and she still smirked whenever she glanced into the living room. We made sure that the house was completely secure after she left each night so that I could ravish Toshiro or he could ravish me in peace.

Distracted now by remembrance and the rhythmic swaying of his narrow hips, I stepped up behind him and slid my hands onto those hips. He kept working, but moved more firmly and I swayed with him. _Heaven_.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"What is it?"

A wonderful smell had greeted me after I'd showered and dressed. Ichigo had awoken and made breakfast. At least I thought he had. I sat at the table and poked the unappetizing flat piece of soggy bread with a fork.

"It's called a pancake. Now stop playing with it and just try it."

Cutting off a piece didn't help. There were big dark purple blotches inside. It looked diseased.

"What is that?"

"Blueberries. Jeez, Toshiro, just take a bite. You can always spit it out."

I decided presentation wasn't everything and lifted the fork. It was warm and sweet and squishy. I wasn't sure about it, but I gave it another chance and decided it would do after a few bites.

"So . . . acceptable?"

"A bit sweet for a meal, more like a dessert. But it tastes good. I like the berries."

He smiled and waved a spatula in the air. "I'll put less syrup on the next one."

I looked down and realized I had wiped out almost the entire thing already. Another one appeared, steaming hot, and Ichigo smeared butter and drizzled thick liquid over it. This one was less sweet and I decided I rather liked it.

Since Ichigo moved in, I was eating twice as much as before. Of course, I was burning a lot of calories every night, but it still surprised me sometimes when I actually ate three meals in a single day. I needed to reestablish a routine. I had only gone for one run since he came here, and if it weren't for training , patrols, and sex I would be getting no exercise at all.

Also, was the library still there? I could not recall setting foot in it once since I showed it to him, and I used to spend several hours a week writing or reading. I hadn't been meditating nearly as often as I should. And my hour long yoga sessions had disappeared entirely.

None of that was as important as spending time with Ichigo, but fitting in some of my old activities would be nice. Perhaps I should just ' _cut myself some slack_ ' as Ichigo would say, at least until he became a captain and we adjusted to another big change.

I watched him spin around to grab a handful of blueberries to mix in before pouring more batter into the pan. The smile lingered and I stared at his happy, handsome face as I took another bite. At times like these I could forget. Forget the violent, nearly insane captor that made me fear for my soul. Forget the damaged, sad boy that pulled at my heart. Forget it all and just bask in the warmth, the strength of my Ichigo.

He finished and brought his plate over to join me. He drown the pieces of bread in that syrup. How could he handle that much sugar first thing in the morning, along with that caffeine? It was a good thing he was dead. His eating habits would have killed him by age 40.

"So, need any help this morning? Captain's meeting isn't until 10." He stuffed a huge forkful in his mouth.

"I have a better idea."

After leaving a note for Matsumoto, I took Ichigo to one of the training grounds at the Academy that was small and infrequently used. Drawing Hyorinmaru, I walked away from him and took my time relaxing as he watched, confused. I started with simple, basic forms that would look familiar to him from squad exercises.

He didn't join in at first. Without looking, I knew he would be watching me intently, more interested in my body that the exercises at this point. I did not rush, and my routine became more complicated and interesting in its own time. My awareness sank deeper into what I was doing, but I noticed when he started to copy me several steps to my right. Every set of forms I repeated. To me, this routine was smooth and soothing. It was one I used before meditation, and while it contained many attacks the focus was more on balance and strength.

When I reached the point where I would normally move into Shikai or into a cool down in preparation for meditation, I turned slightly and started from the beginning. I watched him and repeated only the forms he needed to get a better grasp on. I went more slowly than I normally would, and exaggerated certain movements to be sure he caught them.

Ichigo's fighting style wasn't easy to categorize. He often rushed in brazenly, and threw around his strength like Zaraki. But he was also an intuitive fighter and changed his tactics drastically to match his opponent. He had started with basic martial arts training and guts. Within months he was holding his own against centuries old swordsmen.

But there were serious flaws in his technique from a lack of formal training, the flaws that allowed me to hold against him in our duel. In combat he made up for this with raw power, blazing speed, and intellect. He could predict and memorize fighting styles with the insight of a truly gifted fighter. Polish this rough gem, and he would shine on the battlefield even brighter.

A half an hour after he started to mimic me, he was moving with growing confidence. He missed some specifics, and would need time to learn where the strength was supposed to be concentrated for each strike and parry. But he was catching the footwork quite well. An hour in and you could say he was starting to dance. A little awkward by my standards, but he had the spirit of the exercise and was starting to pick up some of the finer points. These were all single sword forms, and I wondered if Kyoraku or Ukitake would share their own routines, or if Ichigo would just develop his own to include the shorter second blade.

We were running out of time, and I started a series of cool down exercises. While this type of workout looked easy when done correctly it was in fact quite intense. The cool down relaxed and stretched the tense muscles, and slowed the mind. By the time I sheathed Hyorinmaru I was completely calm yet hyper aware, in an ideal state of mind for battle or for just about anything else.

Ichigo hadn't achieved quite the same tranquility, since he was distracted trying to learn as he went. I would never have expected any random officer to catch on so quickly. But it was what I expected from Ichigo.

"That was great, Toshiro! Tell me we can do that again."

I busied myself straightening sleeves that didn't need any adjusting, trying not to blush at his enthusiasm and that killer smile, my peaceful state of mind shaken as my heart raced.

"Any time you'd like. We should get going."

He stepped toward me, his hand lifting my chin. I intended to step back, really I did. But five minutes later when we broke for air I didn't know why I would have avoided that kiss.

"Of course, love. Let's go get my haori."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

I stood next to Komamura since he was the one training me. I doubt anyone missed the fact that this put me exactly where the 5th division captain would stand. And I didn't miss the fact that Toshiro and I were on opposite sides. It would have driven me crazy if I was down the line from him, unable to steal the occasional glance.

Thanks to Toshiro I was able to follow most of the news and discussion as they handled the more routine parts of the meeting. I kept my mouth shut, trying to pay attention since I would soon be expected to participate. Each captain took time to report on any interesting facts related to daily activities or, more often, patrols in Soul Society and the living world.

Parts of this were mind-numbing. But hearing about the numbers of Hollows exterminated was definitely interesting. I knew that the living world relied on the Gotei without knowing it. But somehow it had never really sunk in - 7 billion human souls, an unlimited supply of new Hollows and new victims. 13 armies couldn't do more than maintain the balance, and that was a daily struggle.

Toshiro kept his report more brief than average. My pride in him, my admiration grew as I realized more fully than ever just how important he was not only to me, but to the entire world. He caught me staring. It was acceptable since he was speaking, and I was fairly sure my face was schooled into it's usual stern expression. But what I was feeling must have been in my eyes. His sentence stumbled, which simply did not happen to Hitsugaya-taicho, and the lightest flush touched his cheeks. When he finished speaking he shot a glare at me and we both looked anywhere but at each other for the rest of boring portion of the meeting.

The thumping of the old man's staff brought me back to attention and I saw that everyone straightened a bit.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, step forward."

With the briefest glance at Toshiro I left the line and faced the old man.

"Letters have been received from six captains, formally recommending you for the position of captain of the Gotei 13. Unohana-taicho, Kuchiki-taicho, Komamura-taicho, Kyoraku-taicho, Kurotsuchi-taicho, Ukitake-taicho, if any of you wish to withdraw your recommendation, speak now."

I hid my surprise that Kurotsuchi was included, having assumed the old man recommended me. Toshiro was right again, this was a done deal.

"The approval of three additional captains is required. Soi-fon-taicho?"

She gave me a haughty stare, which I returned. I did not know what it would take to win her over, but it wasn't happening today.

"I do not approve." Her jaw clenched as I lifted my eyebrow and looked lazily away.

"Hitsugaya-taicho?"

"I approve."

His voice was strong and proud behind me, countering the animosity radiating from the 2nd division captain.

"Zaraki-taicho?"

"I approve, and about damn time."

"As captain of the 1st Division, I approve. Welcome to the Gotei 13, Kurosaki-taicho."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

"What do you think you are doing?"

He had come to my office when he knew I had only an hour or so to get work done. He was holding his new haori up right beside me as I tried to do paperwork, looking back and forth between it and me.

"Look this way."

I glared at him.

"Nope, it's too light. Do you think they'll let me change it?"

"Change what?"

Matsumoto chimed in from across the office, "The color, of course."

I looked at the turquoise lining of the haori and caught on too late. With an exasperated sigh I turned my attention back to the last reports due tomorrow.

"It's too light, right Rangiku? Just a little darker and it would be a perfect match."

My two orange idiots kept yapping and I shoved the noise into the background.

It was done. My Ichigo was here, he was an accepted member of the elite ranks of the Gotei 13. He was happy. And there was once again peace. I tried not to think of my disappointment about that last blessing. War was a terrible thing, and I should not wish it on anyone including myself. All I had to do was live long enough and I would regret my eagerness when war came for me once more.

_Sign. Stack. Read._

Soon a new normal routine would settle in and I could start focusing on other things. Bankai training was overdue with Hyorinmaru, and with Matsumoto. The woman had been dragging her feet long enough, and I needed to capitalize on her recently increased motivation. She would be an ideal fit for the 9th, but she'd need to get a move on before Abarai stole it from her. I was counting on it taking him some time to take the test, and possibly failing the first time. He was capable, but his nerves would probably get the better of him.

New lieutenants would need to be scouted. My own 3rd seat needed more time, but she would be outstanding when she came into her own. Kuchiki Rukia had been ignored too long, probably due to her brother's interference. And I would drag Kano Ashido out of Hueco Mundo kicking and screaming if I had to.

_Sign. Stack. Read._

Just a few more and I would have nothing pressing for tomorrow morning. I didn't plan to drink or anything, but I was sure Ichigo would and I would be up late with him. It was his party, after all, and I would make sure he had every opportunity to enjoy it. You only make captain once.

And you only had Kyoraku Shunsui host your captaincy party . . . let's see . . . never. How Ichigo cracked that particular shell was still a mystery, to him as much as to me. Ichigo could be abrasive. His rash behavior was tempered a little now, but he could still throw any situation into chaos without any effort. Yet somehow we were all drawn to him like moths to flame, with no sense of self-preservation. Well, most of us. I wondered if Soi-fon would show tonight.

_Sign. Stack. Read._

Absently I noticed Matsumoto leave, no doubt to primp for the party. Ichigo and I would go in uniform, of course, but she would want to doll up a bit. Some officers would have to stay on duty tonight, but there would be quite a crowd. Most or all captains, lieutenants, and higher seats would be there. Plus several unseated Shinigami Ichigo had invited from the 7th and 10th.

Aizen would have been a lot more successful defeating us if he had just waited for a party. The Gotei would be useless tomorrow until at least noon.

"What?" I snapped as Ichigo rapped his knuckles on the desk. He raised a brow as he raised his hand, and slowly extended a finger to point toward the door. I sat back with an apologetic look at Ichigo and waved the courier in.

I took the letter. "Response required?"

"Requested, taicho."

The 4th?

Ichigo took the paper in front of me and the last two reports and went to Matsumoto's desk. I opened the letter and read through the short message from Unohana. I wrote a response and resealed the letter, returning it to the courier with my thanks.

I stood and stretched away the tension. I went to a cabinet where I had stashed my gift earlier and walked over to Ichigo just as he was scrawling his signature on the final page. He blinked at the set of slender volumes I set on the desk, my copies of Saito's journals.

"Expect gifts tonight. They will be practical things selected for a new captain, perhaps a couple of office decorations from those that don't have any better ideas." I pushed the stack a little towards him. "Congratulations, Kurosaki-taicho."

I took the reports, with a quick glance to be sure I was familiar with anything important. Moving the completed stack of work to Matsumoto's desk for sorting and delivery, I tidied up and looked around in satisfaction. All was right in my little world for the moment.

"Toshiro! These are wonderful!" I smiled as I heard pages turning behind me. "Did you copy these yourself? The illustrations, too?"

"I did. I'll make another copy sometime to keep them safe."

I turned as he walked toward me, and wrapped my arms around his neck as he leaned down to kiss me. The world still spun when I tasted him, and I let time stop as I indulged the desire that had been building since he slipped on that white jacket.

"Thank you, my love, for all of the gifts you give me."

I licked my lips and let go of his neck. "Still such a lovesick sap."

"Don't pretend you don't love it. You ready to go celebrate me?"

I scoffed. "You are being very considerate. The news was good, you can stop trying to cheer me up. Momo's therapist wants to see me to talk about a visit. Finally."

"That's good timing. Hopefully I won't have to run without a lieutenant for too long."

"What?" Surely he would pick someone new. As I had told him, I would be likely to replace her myself in this situation, and I was her family.

"Hinamori. If she's ready to talk to you, that's a good sign that she's recovering, right?"

"You want to keep her as your second?"

"If she's willing to work with me, yes. I told the old man as much and the spot will stay open unless she resigns, transfers, or she officially can't return to work."

Amazing. I knew that he had not done this for me. I had left him the choice and it was too important for sentimentality to direct his actions. Momo had shown a serious character flaw, a vulnerability which had led to disastrous events. She had declared Ichigo an enemy, and attempted to kill me.

Now most would see her as useless at best, a deadly liability at worst. But not this man. He knew what Aizen was capable of. He had come through it, and maybe a desire to help another victim heal motivated him. If Ichigo had declared her worthy of a second chance, then he would stand by her through Hell. Only if she clearly betrayed him would he give up on her. My sister, who I could not even help, had unknowingly secured the most reliable and dedicated ally anyone could ask for.

"Toshiro?"

Concentrating for a few moments, I spoke and the office was sealed by a powerful barrier. Ichigo jumped as he felt the kido take effect. I grabbed the front of his new haori and pulled him back down to my lips. He only hesitated an instant. Before I could become too lost to make any decisions, I backed up against my desk and pulled him with me. Time to check off one of my fantasies from the list.

I chuckled against his lips as the day's prize was discarded on the floor. My own haori joined it soon after and we tore at each others' clothing in between intense kisses. He lifted me and my skin shivered all over as he set my bare cheeks on my desk. Office sex, what a silly and mundane little wish. But the memory of this would be there for me every time I sat to sort through endless stacks of boring sheets of paper.

My tongue was busy on his chest when his hand wrapped around both of our erections. I groaned and gripped his ass as I pushed against his hand. I was quickly losing the ability to think. He moved aggressively, and within minutes we were clinging to each other as we both came in his hand.

Leaving me no time to catch my breath, he pushed my chest and I laid back on the desk. That masterful hand moved and his fingers pushed into me as I panted.

He kissed and nibbled at my chest as he slowed down. His breath tickled my skin.

"Toshiro, my beautiful, brilliant Toshiro. Do you know how much I love you?"

I buried my hands in his hair and pulled him close enough to kiss, sucking on his tongue in rhythm with the movements of his fingers until I couldn't breathe. He made me break the kiss with a yelp as he pushed suddenly at the sensitive nerves inside and I squirmed as he flexed his fingers up and down right there.

My head thudded against the desk and my legs wrapped around him, a high pitched whine I couldn't control announcing my distress as he continued to torment me. It was too good, and yet it wasn't enough. He had to stop!

"Ichigo, please!"

I gasped as he stopped, his fingers leaving me. I didn't know whether to be relieved of furious. My vision focused again and that look of worship was worth all of the begging. I lost sight once more as his cock replaced his fingers, and my well trained lover shoved into me in one quick movement.

We both cried out in ecstasy. His hand stroked down my body as he straightened and pulled back. I set no expectations, did not push against him except when my instincts escaped my control. I simply enjoyed and he delivered intense pleasure as I memorized the feeling of fierce thrusts pushing me against the desk, and the waves of sensation when he moved slow and tenderly.

But it could not last, and the tightening of my body drove him to the glorious end just seconds before I shouted his name at the ceiling.

Stroking his shoulders and back as he sagged over me, I locked up this memory to serve me latter. I snickered. My desk would never look the same to me again.

"I'm glad you enjoyed that as much as I did."

I pushed at him playfully, unable to stop grinning. "I'll make you late for your own party if we don't get moving."

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

A round of cheers and raised cups greeted us as we entered the courtyard in front of the 8th division mess hall. Long streamers, flowers and lots of lanterns decorated the interior. The party had started without the guest of honor, with musicians at work and a small dance area in use. Makeshift bars were scattered around with already empty bottles on display.

Shunsui clapped me on the back and ushered me off to introduce me to officers I hadn't yet met, pushing a cup of sake into my hands. Toshiro made a shooing motion with one hand as I glanced back, and turned to go about other business.

The evening started with good intentions. I carefully sipped when encouraged to chug, and spilled as much liquor 'accidentally' as I could. The table of gifts was a surprise despite Toshiro's informing me to expect them. There was just so much, and even if it was standard I was still moved.

An hour maybe into the festivities I was completely forgetting to frown and glare at anyone. It was probably a lot longer than an hour, the stream of well-wishers was keeping me distracted. Ikkaku and Yumichka harassed me for not being in touch. Renji and Rukia teased me for a while and promised to monopolize my time later in the evening.

And one after another the captains each shared a drink with me, which meant a lot of hiding the spills as my cup was refilled again and again. Apparently they all forgot that I was technically underage. That sort of thing just didn't matter here. The captains were all here, even the only one who voted against me. She was stiff but polite, so it seemed she accepted the fact that she would have to put up with me being around. She and the old man both stayed just long enough to satisfy courtesy.

Finally, Toshiro reappeared to make his official congratulations, captain to captain. I was surprised when he lifted a bottle and filled my empty cup along with his. He winked as he drank, and I sniffed as I lifted my cup to him. Plain water, of course, and he left me with the bottle to use as a cover.

By the time I was free of well-wishers I was hungry and tired, and more than a little drunk despite the tricks I'd employed to cut down the alcohol. A feast still flowed from the kitchens, so I found Renji and Rukia, a plate, and plenty of food before settling at a table. More drinks were pushed toward me, more strangers and acquaintances pushed to become friends.

Rangiku dragging me onto the dance floor after I flat out refused her prodding to find Toshiro and ask him to dance was one of the last things I remembered. After that only flashes of memories remained. Dancing, talking, arguing with Renji and Ikkaku, glimpses of Toshiro who seemed to keep his distance most of the night. Then suddenly nothing until the recollection of a cool, gentle hand on my forehead and having blankets pulled over me.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo

Knowing it would be some time before Ichigo was awake, I checked on the division early. It was a quiet morning. Ichigo had been familiar with the 10th for some time, and quite a few of the officers and unseated Shinigami that weren't on duty last night had attended the party. So training was not scheduled for the morning, and the grounds were peaceful.

Leaving a covered tray of easily heated food on the table in case he woke, I decided to spend some time in my neglected library. My journal was sadly out of date, and I grimaced as I reviewed the last entries.

Matsumoto and I had been preparing for the expedition into Hueco Mundo. I had coldly mentioned her progress recovering from the betrayal of Ichimaru Gin, and noted my loss of Momo in an unfeeling tone. Both of those events had hurt, had torn my heart out. But there was no hint of that feeling. The writing seemed flat and colorless to me in retrospect, reflecting the monotonous pain of my loneliness.

I considered scrapping the journal altogether. It seemed to belong to a stranger, as if I had found another record of a past self I would never feel connected to.

Flipping back through the memories, I found the first mention of Ichigo in my record of the ryoka invasion. I had no contact with him, being busy failing to track down the truth of the coming betrayal. I had seen him twice, once running down a street, once sitting quietly in a courtyard. As I recalled, he had smiled at me that day, but I didn't mention it in writing. I had logged what I learned of the humans and their allies, my outrage at their methods but admiration of their apparent goals.

Not many pages later I ranted about the rude, uncontrollable teenager flaunting his power in the living world. My admiration turned to scorn immediately after our first meeting, and no hint of kindness or understanding tinged my scathing review. I laughed at myself for not writing about the physical attraction I had felt for the brash teenager. I remembered feeling distinctly like a dirty old man at the time.

No, I would not throw this away. Perhaps today I would die, though I had no intention of letting that happen. Thus far I had failed to achieve immortality so I had to go with the odds. My future self would be vastly amused. The contrast between my life before Ichigo and now would be a source of enlightenment and entertainment.

I picked up an elegant silver and green fountain pen I had set aside for my personal use and stared at the blank page for a few moments. Where to start this tale? How could I possibly explain the journey that had ended a war, saved the strongest Shinigami in existence, and thawed the heart of the ice dragon?

A smile spread across my face as I let myself sink into the joy and warmth brought to me by my beloved Ichigo. The dark day we came together as prisoners of a tyrant, the speed of my heart's fall for a sweet, violent, brave, and broken boy . . . where to start the story of our redemption?

I lifted the pen, thinking back to that day when I faced three Espada, one after the other, each more powerful than the last.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear reader!
> 
> If you stuck with me this far, perhaps you'll join me for the sequel 'To Be By Your Side.' It is not finished, but quite close, and LONGER than this story! It also contains a background story for Toshiro that I am very fond of and I hope you enjoy. I will start posting the completed chapters very soon.
> 
> And, if you read this far you maybe didn't hate my story. Thank you if you left kudos. If you didn't, you have no idea how much it makes a writer smile when they get that 'you've got kudos' message . . . cause it really does make my day :3


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